With or without anxiety

Hey readers,

I am struggling with my anxiety at the moment. One moment I feel like I am doing alright with life and then the next thing bang the darkness appears. I swear at times anxiety hates me, it is on 24-hour alert to catch me, especially when I am most venerable. 

It hates the fact that I am doing OK and hates to see me managing and getting on with life. My brain needs anxiety I feel, I can't relax and that is the biggest downfall. 

As I have experienced anxiety for so long where it is not there I worry about worrying if you know what I mean.

I have this inability to relax. I like the adrenaline at times, feeling alert and it almost feels like a way to clarify that I am alive and living.

I have had anxiety for most of my life that when I am not having anxiety I think it is my problem adapting to change. It feels weird to not have the anxiety around.

I am learning to try and let go, allow that anxiety to come and to try not to shy away from it. it is what it is, fear brings it on and that's not healthy either.

 I think being present at the moment with the anxiety is one of my biggest challenges. I can't believe how hard it is to just be and face the anxiety head-on.

 I am on alert, my body is tight, my muscles and mind hurt. Every night I have a splitting headache due to fighting this anxiety.

It feels like I am doing a mental workout, it is exhausting but with being anxiety warrior you can't deny resilience is there. 

Good or bad resilience it is in me and I keep on fighting when at times I just want to hide under a fort, but sadly I need to get up and go, with or without anxiety.

However, that being said I have spent years trying to get rid of this anxiety. Now, I am trying a new approach where I allow it to come, greet it with open arms. 

I don't want to be scared of anxiety anymore. I have autism as well and anxiety is a common trait for a lot of people on the spectrum including me. So, instead of trying to change it, I am going to acknowledge the anxiety.

 Sometimes the anxiety can be good, it might make me think twice about what I am doing. it may be anxiety cause let's face it not all anxiety is bad. 

I think the media portray it with negative connotations but you can use to your advantage.

The main line of this anxiety post is that I am trying to learn to live with the anxiety, accept it for what it is.

I don't put everything I have one then anxiety and know that it is the only sort of me. it doesn't define me and that actually in control of my life.

Cheers for reading X

How to save money as a parent during summer holidays.

Hey readers,

My boys have split up for summer holiday gulp! So do some planning I thought I would come up some ideas on how to save money during that long holiday of six weeks!

1. Boxes.

Kids love boxes and drawing on them. They are so easy to get from your local supermarket costing nothing and just giving your child some paint or colouring pens. You will guarantee to have lots of fun. 

2. Food shopping.

Meal planning will save you loads of money and if you do struggle with going shopping with children then my advice would be to order online. 

Then you won't have arguing and stress of shopping with kids. Plus the chances of impulse buying are nil and you can do it from the comfort of your home with a cuppa, win-win!

3. Play-Doh.

Make your own playdoh so simple to do and you only need three ingredients (flour, salt, water, vegetable oil) and if you want to go fancy you can add food colouring to give that twist. 

4. Gloop. 

If your feeling brave then making gloop is lots of fun, though I would advise making sure you have a table cloth on the floor so doesn't go everywhere.

 Kids love gloop because of it is messy fun. All you need to is place some cornflour into a tub and gradually add water. You can put colouring as well to make it more vivid. It is brilliant sensory fun and fine motor skills as well.

5. Park. 

You can't go wrong with going to the park and bringing a picnic also makes it a fun day out for all. 

6. Libraries. 

Libraries are brilliant, they are free and so many books to chose from. Going to the library is fab in getting kids into reading. 

They can also take part in the reading challenge during the summer and if completed your child gets a certificate and medal.

7. Boredom Jar. 

A great little activity is to write activities or things to do, such as washing the car or reading a book or watching a film for example on a piece of paper cut them out and put them in a jar. 

When your child complains that they are bored during the summer holiday, tell them to take out a piece of paper and do that activity. 

8. Museums. 

Check out your local museum as they have fun centred children's activities on during the summer. There will be often a free museum somewhere so just google and go to your local free one. 

9. Walks. 

Woodland trust has brilliant information on their website of woodlands near you which make a great family nature walk and get away from the four walls for a bit. 

Though you don't have to go to woodlands for a walk, where I live there are some large feeds that my boys love to raise others around and have a kick about with a football. 

10. Kids Run Free. 

Some places offer a thing called Kids Run free where they offer sessions in local parks for children under 16 years of age. 

It is free and parents can come along and it just encourages kids to run with their peers. It is a great way of burning their energy and your getting out of the house. 

Cheers for reading X 

My Sunday photo 21/07/2019

Final

Hey readers,

My word of the week is: 

This week is the final week of school for both boys which means six weeks of no school. Kinda happy I don't have to deal with the social aspect. I know both boys will be more relaxed and let's hope not too much squabbling before I end up turning into my mother 

My eldest after growing his hair for two and a half years got it cute. So strange seeing it so short and can, see his head haha. He loves it because he really struggles with the sensory aspect of brushing his hair so I am hoping for less screaming in the morning.

My youngest has moved upon his book band which makes me so proud and he has worked so hard with his reading. 

We are planning to do the reading challenge at the library so that should help with continuing with his progress. 

Hope you have had a good week. 

 Cheers for reading X 

Fed is best

Hey readers,

So you probably heard of the news story today regarding midwives been told to respect the decision by the mother if she decides not to breastfeed her baby.

This is such good news to hear because when I could not breastfeed my baby I was devasted and thought that was it I am officially the world's sh*test parent. Even though I tried my hardest I just didn't have the co-ordination due to my spatial awareness difficulties due to being autistic.

I remember going to a breastfeeding group pre-baby and the sheer pressure from the group was scary. I felt like if I didn't do this then I would be such a bad person.

After my eldest was born I tried for two/three days to breastfeed. I was in the hospital for the two days due to complications. Every single time I needed help. I could not do it myself. Even after when I returned home I had my husband do it for me. Again it made me feel like a massive failure and it stopped me bonding with my son. I felt so angry with myself and feel that I was not adequate in being a mum.

I think the guilt of not being able to breastfeed was one of the things that triggered postnatal depression sadly.

Luckily, however, I saw a brilliant midwife who told me to just bottle feed, I was baffled but then I thought well actually yeah why not. She told me she bottle-fed her children and it made me feel so much better knowing that it was OK to formula feed. Having that support was a big deal. Just knowing it was OK to do so and nothing bad was going to happen helped make me feel relief like I have never felt before.

So to hear the changes is such a positive step forward. I am not knocking breastfeeding but I think it is important to be mindful that not every woman can do it and that is OK. As long as the baby is the feed that is much more important.

Cheers for reading X

5 things to use with vinegar and baking soda.

Hey readers, 

You don't have to spend a lot on branded cleaning products to make your home clean. There are so many good ways to clean and you only need in some cases white vinegar, baking soda or both combined (which is a really cheap way to clean). Here are 10 ways you can use this natural, green and eco-friendly cleaning products. 

1. Pans. 

Pour a small layer of equal amounts of water and white vinegar at the bottom of your pan, Next heat the dilated water on the hob so that the liquid in the pan boils. After boiling for a minute remove the pan from the hob and drain the fluid down the sink. Then allow about five minutes cool down and scrub with a normal washing pad to remove the stains, voila.  

2. Washing machine. 

Add two spoons of baking soda into the determinate draw and 1/2 a cup of white vinegar add to the drum where the washing goes in. Run a normal warm wash but don't make it hot. 

Keep an eye on the washing machine as there may be build up residue that can cause high levels of soap suds. (However, if you regularly clean your washing machine the less change of this will happen. 

It is recommended that you clean your washing machine every 2/3 months). 

This cleaning method will help break down the residue and also give a clean smell afterwards, win-win. 

3. Microwave.

Fill a microwave bowl with two cups of water and add 2 tablespoons of white vinegar. Putting in a toothpick into the bowl will help stop the water from overflowing.

 You can also add a drop of essential oil to make the vinegar smell more pleasant. Then after be mindful that the bowl is hot so be cautious and use oven clothes and place the content down the sink carefully. Next, get a cloth and wipe over the microwave there you have a clean microwave and smells lovely as well. 

4. Unblocking your drains. 

Pour a pot of boiling hot water down the drain.

 Next, add a half a cup of baking soda down the drain. 

Leave the mixture to settle for a few minutes then add a mixture of hot water and white vinegar down the drain.

 Leave the plug on the drain for 10 minutes then flush the drain with water to get rid of the mixture. 

5. The Toilet. 

Sprinkle one cup of baking soda into the toilet. 

Next, get a bowl of white vinegar and pour that into the toilet.

 Put the toilet lid down on the toilet and allow 30 minutes for the magic to happen.

 After the time is uplift the lit and clean the toilet with the cleaning brush. 

Finally, flush the toilet and don't worry about the plumbing as vinegar and baking soda will not harm it!

Do you use vinegar or baking soda for cleaning? Have I not mentioned anything that really uses the cleaning products to clean with? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below. 

Cheers for reading X 

My Sunday photo 14/07/2019

Who needs toys when you can have boxes.