From the Mouth of Babes 21/12/2015

Hey Readers,

1. My ds1 is obsessed about talking about winter and why it is dark so early. We have explained to him about the way the earth tilts and that it is further away from the sun at this time of year. But I love his sweet explanation of why it is dark, "because the satellite in space pushes the earth and that is why it is dark".
2. My son keeps going around saying, " I'm electricity and I'm going kill you". This is because he is fascinated with the electrictry warning labels and loves to be active in his descriptions.
3. My eldest has informed me, "we have a holiday home in Wales which is £10 and it has blue walls and orange carpet". Oh, son if life was only that cheap we would be living the high life ;)
4.  I suppose a lot of children go through this phase but my eldest is constantly taking about poo. He loves declaring after he has been to the toilet, " I have done a really big smelly poo, I'm looking at the poo, you are a poo/I'm poo, poo, poo,poo". Which is all fine until your in a isle at the supermarket. Awks!
5. My youngest is so sweet at the moment as he has learnt FAST that if he wants something he will smile at you very sweetly and say, "plea" his way of saying please!
6. When my husband told my eldest in the supermarket that he had a really bad headache he emphasised and said, " daddy, I will cut your head open and take your brain out". Love the simplicity of this ideas.
7. Recently when asking my DS1 a question, he replies by saying, "my brain needs time to think".
8. My DS1 goes swimming with his friend and during  November the friend went to see relatives in India for 3 weeks. Then today my son said to to me, " mummy, I want to go to a normal house (as aposed to a holiday home) to India on Wednesday so we will need  the TomTom and need to go on a reallllllllllllllllly big aeroplane". 

Cheers for reading X

Relatives

Hey readers,

 

My word of the week is:

Relatives

 

 

We went over to visit my the inlaws in Wales and my boys two uncles that live there as well. Boy was it tiring and fun driving down with two excitable boys. But to be fair they were really good and patient waiting. When we got through to Wales is was non stop raining. My boys don't often see hubby's parents much so they were full of energy and mischief. They loved spending time with someone different had lots of fun just generally playing and just getting undivided attention.
We also went over to my hubby's brother in Cardiff which was mental but fun. With their uncle has five children plus my two boys meant a lot of noise and laughter. It was a late finish and has left me exhausted mentally for the week. There for I have been resting a lot over the week to make up for it. I made sure I had plenty of rest for yet more noise and fun woth my mum (who is a little bit on the eccentric side shall we say). We are venturing into the doom of soft play area. I decided to go during the week rather then a Saturday to protect my delicate little ears, haha.

Cheers for reading X

Christmas

Hey readers,

 

Christmas

 

I chose my word because we have been getting festive and on friday we headed to our local Christmas market. We don't often go out in the evening so was a pleasant change. Also we went on a ferris wheel which was rather fast which my eldest found hilarious. Don't kids have warped up sense of humour, or is it just mine because they mine and mummy does too, haha!
We also found our new christmas tree in TJhughes which is fuller and has glitter, very pretty! I will retract what I said last week about me and my husband planing on put up our tree on the 13th. That has changed due to finding this new christmas tree and my husband wanting to put it up straight away. Therefore we have put up our trese earlier then anticipated.
For about three years now in our home we put our Christmas tree in the hallway with a guard around the christmas tree to protect from little pinkies. This year husband decided to put it in the living room, which worried me as in wasn't sure how well behavioued my youngest would be. Well I am pleasantly surprised with only a handful of times with the boys pulling off the decorations they have been really excellent with it. Which is really good as it really is cosy especially at night in the living room.

Cheers for reading X

Preparation

Hey readers,

My word this week is:

 

 

I have been getting motivated this week (last few weeks I haven't been arsed as I would start to think about it and  lose interest).  However, soon as it is the first of December I gone bit mental. This is probably because I am hoping to get as much done as soon as possible due to seeing the cues and how busy shops are getting. I am starting to find thr choas difficult so I want to get it done and dusted then I can relax and try and stay away from the shops.
It definitely feels like Christmas is nearly here, we have our adverts up and even though my eldest is desperate to eat ALL his chocolate he has been really good at stucking to the rules!
I have put up some decorations up but need to buy a tree. Me and my husband agree to put up our tree on the 13th as my hubby used to put it up on the 24th and I used to put it up on the 1st. Therefore as we all know relationships are about compromise so we have met in the middle at 13th.

Cheers for reading X

Challengi

Hey readers,

Hope you are well. My word of the week would be:

 

Challenging

 

This is because I have been challenged with getting out of my comfort zone and practising positive steps to become more confident and help improve my behaviour. I have autism (as you probably well aware) but one of my downfalls is communication particularly when asking for help such as asking on the bus where such and such stops at. Or when I am in a shop asking if they have a certain thing in stock.
Also, building my confidence by going in public areas where my social anxiety is heightened. I have a key worker now who helps try and progress with goals that I made to achieve.
However, my anxiety has been high due to the start of this intervention which I accept is natural but it has an affect on my patience and parenting. And sometimes I struggle when say my son had a meltdown when he is overly tired. But hopefully with time I can be a better mummy and be a bit more relaxed.
Thanks for reading XX

Rain

Hey readers,

 

My word of the week is:

 

Rain

 

 

I don't know what has happened this week but this wet weather has been a right royal pain in the arse!
It is so much more hard work when you cooped up indoors trying to entertain two toddlers. Especially as I feel terrible in saying no to my DS1 every time he asks to go to the park. Our local park as been redeveloped therefore he is obsessed. But so far we have only been once as it ridiculously wet to go.

 I would love to just fall asleep whilst watching a movie snuggled under the blanket Fat change of that! Instead got caught up in the rain looking a drowned rat whilst trying to tame my two year old troublesome toddler who really is testing his boundaries at the moment.

But at least I get to use up some of the arts crafts I have stocked up on in an emergency.

Another bonus of it being a November is the fact all new comedy dvds are out. Meaning that I have something decent to watch and help destress. I can not recommend Alan Carr Yap Yap Yap tour, so funny had mecin stitches!

Hope you have a  good week.

 

Cheers for reading X

 

Noise

Hey readers,
My word of the week is:

 

Noise

I chose the word noise as I have a lot of.internal chatter going on. However, I feel so good not having to run around like a headless chicken this week with not having to drop and pick up my son from nursery. It is lovely to see my son not so tired from nursery and not going to speech therapy this week. It gave my son the time to spend with his brother and just generally chill out.
The downfall of not being so structured and having less time is falling back on blog admin. I am the type of person to feel  guilty with not catching up on comments, commenting on linkies and so for. I don't know why I just think I am too conscientious at times and put too much pressure on myself. I am like that with everything though, if someone wants me to do something I immediately jump up like lightening to do it.  So, I feel guilty when I have been a bit slow, but it is silly really. I am sure I am not alone but I tend to over analyse like I am now and I really hate that about my personality. But sometimes it can come in handy, so really swings in roundabouts.
Anyhow I will be looking forward to carving our pumpkins as I love arts and craft type stuff with the sproglets. So happy Halloween readers and hope you have some spooktacular fun ;)

Cheers for reading X

First Child Vs Second Child

Hey readers,

I am writing this post to tell you my experience of what it is like to have a first and second baby and the differences between them. Trust me no child is the same but also you are neither the same. As experience and life shape, you and we are always moving forward whether we like it or not it, fact!

I digress, Here is my top ten list of the differences of having a first and second child.

 

1. When I first had my baby boy I was a nervous wreck about everything. My anxiety was flying off the radar. The change was so overwhelming and the feeling of not being in control because I have never done this whole parent business before emerged. I wanted to be perfect but I learnt fast that was an unrealistic expectation and unreachable! The second baby was a bit more relaxed (I always have anxiety) but felt more aware and knowledgeable second time round. Didn't fear labour as most of my fear first time round was based around the unknown.

2. First-time child  I could pay attention wholly on my darling and was a lot easier to have a focus on one child. Second time round was intense and very difficult for me as I am not good at multi-tasking. I am autistic I Iike to pay attention to one thing at one time. Trust me with an inquisitive and excitable toddler that ain't going happen. My two year old was mental with energy and was bouncing all over the place therefore found it very challenging. I think for both of us in reflection was a difficult transactional period. Now two years on I love it more as my boys are friends sometimes and my youngest can copy my eldest. His speech is better and faster and picks up on things from his brother.

3. My eldest had one cold in a two year period. Then he attended school and has a several cold/flu type illnesses. Whereas my second has had several illnesses pre school years old due to my eldest sharing his lovely germs.

4. With the first baby time was a lot more readily available therefore it was easier going out shopping and the like. Soon as the second one came along it was very, very stressful and struggle for me to manage when out and about. OK, lot easier now my son has kissed goodbye to the buggy for good. I don't have to worry about crashing the double buggy everywhere and running over peoples as much now! It is more manageable now though still don't do it frequently with two together as I get meltdowns due to being autistic. Luckily I am in a place where I don't have to worry too much about having to take them both out at the time. Like I said previously I really struggle to multi-task and then add social situations I am diabolical. Second time round I have less time to focus on each boy. However, I have to manage a routine after time and have adapted within my means. I am very lucky that my eldest picked up potty training in a week and that includes at night. So when it is nappy changing I just focus on including my son as a little helper so he doesn't feel left out.

5. With my first child I learnt the hard way with to make sure that everything was out of reach as soon as he could walk. In contrast, the second child is a breeze with safety as I had prior experience with it and already got a lot of safety features in the home.

6. When I was weaning my first child I was advised to baby-led weaning which as typical me I took as Gospel. I went to the group and followed the rules to the book. The downfall was I took everything literal therefore when they said the child had to use their hand I did just that. I didn't use any utensils as they said they had to experiment and learn for themselves. Being autistic common sense lacks and finding a medium ground is something that I fail badly with. No one explains instructions clearly therefore I find these periods of learning extremely stressful and it can really get me down. 

Second time around with weaning  I said fuck the rules and the stress. With weaning the first time round taught me to do with what I wanted to do. OK, the child was more compliant which made it a hell of a lot easier but I was more relaxed and I believe that influences parenting experience for all. 

7. When I had my first child I sterilised everything and had a panic attack if the lid of the bottle fell on the fall. Compare this to the second where the three-second rule applies right?! My thoughts are germs will help build his immune system and playing in mud is part of sensory play right ;)

8. As a new mum you want to try EVERYthing and get so absorbed in trying to be a perfect mother so therefore.o attended the dreaded baby group. The most boring thing in the world was attended by the groups. They nearly killed me with the stress of it and the social situations. I just found them so boring and the chat well was beyond tedious. I am just not one of the mums and certainly prefer structure play and not to be around small talk. Second time round I attended the baby groups and decided enough was enough. I am going to go to a dance group and the library group as I enjoy them as they are structured and love stories and songs over messy play ;) the pressure is not on so much and feels much more laidback about the issues around making sure my baby interacts properly. He has an older sibling so he is not going miss out. lol. 

9. When settling my eldest to sleep we cuddled him to sleep and then put him into his cot. where he would sleep soundly most through the night. In sharp contrast with having two children we put them together in their own bed in the same room and often leave them to get on with it. As they share a bedroom this impacted on them. Once we dropped the side of the cot for my youngest he would not settle at first. This impacted both my boys sleep settling as my youngest found it at first a novelty. So we had to stay there sitting with both boys fell asleep. However, one would wake up and crawl into the others bed. Normally my youngest as he is very affectionate and they would most of the time sleep together in one bed cramped together. Now, though it is more of a morning ritual for the boys to cuddle in bed at least us parents can have five minutes of peace before the mayhem begins.

10. When documenting baby's development you covered it and monitored intensely compared to the second child and you have some prints hitten away. But at least with the second time around you are not on tenterhooks as you know roughly what to expect. The major valuable lesson is that each child is different and will do what they want in their own time. Even if it is not what you expected most time you will find a way of muddling through.

 

Cheers for reading X

Happy

Hey readers,

My word of the week is

Happy

Knowing that we are coming to a half term and a breakis well needed here. I break from the mayhem of getting the my little boy to nursery is making me want to punch the air . I didn't think it be so tiring picking up and dropping off.but then for someone who struggles socially and the fact that their is no social order with people wondering everywhere Inn the building causes me to panic. Put anxiety is very high knowing I have to go in the building each day and face the chaos to not have to think about it for a week sounds amazingly blissful.
 I think that I am not the exception everyone in our household could do with a break and chill out. Everyone seems a bit more tired especially me and I  am not looking forward to the clocks going back. Though I do like the darkness and candle light. God I feel old when all I think about is sleep.I have two important meetings next week and so a break just to get through them would help my autistic mind.l and.my aching bones.
I am finding it difficult with lots of new things happening that this October break with less pressure will do me the world.

Cheers for reading X

Energetic

Hey reader,

My word of the week is:-

 

 

 Energetic

 

I chose this word because I feel I have loads of energy this week. I don't know why, maybe it was because I have been relaxing the week before due to poorlyness. But I feel really motivated right now and actually feel inspired to do them jobs that you but off because you just can't be arsed.
Also, I hace signed up for a music class which has taken me awhile to have the courage to do due to slef dealting. But I took the pulge and signed up this week we shall see on the day how that goes.
I feel more motivated and good in myself which will always be a battle with my depression as I am always swinging that arrow from one mood to the next. The lesson I have leant when living with depression is that you appreciate the good days when I feel good and not so self doubting as a parent.
I've been calmer around the kiddos too and being more patient. I have been really working hard on my communication skills. I have had some good news with having a date set for a specialist parenting class as i have some difficults due to my autism. So I am feeling a bit more optimistic and when you finally see some good it makes you feel more positive to face the days. Lets hope it stays this way.

Cheers for reading X

Migraine

Hey readers,

Hope you are keeping well!

My word of the week is:

 

 

Migraine 

 

I chose mirgraine as my word as it had dominated my week and a huge influence in my mood. It has stopped me from doing my normal days and been a general pain in the arse! But then again it is a excuse to do sod all so every silver lining!
I was dubious to write this as I feel really paranoid about what I write at the moment. I don't know why I just really conscious of what I write about. I don't know if I am the only one who feels like this. Obviously I don't write about personal stuff to me. However, I do try to be authentic even though sometimes I sound like a d**k!
I worry I moan too much but on the other hand this is my space and it is good to moan on here and use as a vent rather then maybe more.negative ways like eating chocolate, haha.
Anyhow sorry about the ramble. I just tend to write  about the first things that pop into my brain.
Thank you for reading and hope you have a good week X

Outdoors

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

 

 

Outdoors

 

 

 

 

This is because we have been out.and about and just generally having fun with my boys.
As you are probably aware we have been blessed with a few days of sunshine and warmth. Obviously, being British weather you have to cease the moment.
Therefore we have been exploring local parks, including a new one which was refreshing to have new scenery. We also had lovely crisp walks crunching the leaves and  even having the odd ice cream.

We also ventured out to Button Dassett country park which is brillant for little kids as it allows them to be free to walk about without worrying about cars. We also got to watch the sunset setting on top of a hill which was lovely do as a family.

That pretty sums up my week, hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

 

 

 

Upheaval

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:-

 

 

 

 Upheaval

 

I have chosen upheaval for my word as I feel so much change happening right now in my life.
My boy had his birthday and just feel like time is going to fast.  I want to stop it but I need to accept that is.the nature of life.  I keep reminding myself that it is what it is and that somethings  are out of my control and that what is important to mu health is tocalm down and just enjoy the moment. This is always probably going to be a big challenge to me. It is so hard to relax as a parent especially when there is so much noise goqong on in your head.
Some days I don't know whether I am coming or going and other days run smoothly. It is hard work being a parent and trying to get it right and not screw it up too much. Argh.
Anyhow, I feel hormonal tight now so that makes a bit more tricky. Hopefully with some quiet time at the weekend things will pan out more better for me. Sorry for the chaoticness in my writing but this is how I have been feeling this week. Fingers crossed next week I will be a bit more calmer.

Have a good week and thank you for reading X

Change

Hey readers,

My word of the week is

 

 Change

 

 

 

A lot has happened over the past few months that can only be described as testing. At times I really felt that I won not be able to manage but lucky I have had so much support from my husband. Though it has been rocky for all my family we are still hear and shown the world that we can do it.  I know I am not perfect and have disabilities that effect me as a person and a parent but with the correct support we have moved forward. Finally it feels like we have seen a light at the end of the tunnel.Though I have lost things on the way I will always be committed to my children. So I am celebrating a new direction and change  in my  life and feel so much more positive.

Thank you for reading and sorry it is so cryptic but don't want to air my laundry in public as it is very personal.  But this event has had a huge impact mentally and physically this week that it was only right to include it this Week!

Nursery

Hey readers,

The word that sums up my week is:

 Nursery

 

This week has seen the return of my eldest going back to nursery after the half term. Boy has it really affected him with tiredness. I have found a bit.difficult to handle as he has been beyond tired and very emotional.
I am currently on a parentimg course to help mange the way I parent better. So I have incorporated a few changes such as putting less stimuli available for my eldest. This is because he finds it hard to wind down and therefore needs fewer distractions at night when he struggles the worst.
I have started with putting calming music on, toys away at a certain time, speaking whispers etc. We shall see how that goes as it is early days and I've honest it is hard work changing and trying to improve a situation especially have cognitive imparenments myself. Some days I wish there was a manual as it can be quite overwhelming for me.
I could not forget a big event happening in my life this week with my youngest going to nursery this week. He previously went to a different nursery before the summer hoildays but did not get the funding. This time we have found some funding which is great. He absolutely loves it and has settled in really well with no tears or anything. He used to the building as brother goes there and has already been in a similar setting which is a Bonus.   I just caught him today without his knowledge and it is lovely to watch and see how independent and how happy he is.
Cheers for reading X

Greedy

why you so greedy?

All you do is

Take and want,

One day

You will lose,

And have nothing,

To show.

Half term

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

half term

This is because it is half term and I love good old cliché ;)

It has been lovely not to rush around in the morning but we have also been decorating the boy's bedroom. 

So long days and chaos. It will be worth in the end however it is currently solid work. Plus trying to entertain children has made me a bit worn out.

Though I did enjoy rythme time this week with the boys. We have not done it for so long as the boys are both in the nursery now. 

The boys enjoyed the library with singing and having the opportunity to choose a book. It really is the simple things that can give you so much pleasure. I have learnt so much recently in watching children and their perspective.

 You always think you will be the teacher when you become a parent. That is not always the case as children teach you things too.

Anyhow enough of the emotional crap I had a day out child-free this week also. I so needed a break and I went to Birmingham. I went on the tram as I am a bit of a geek like that. I love it, it is so ace and easy to get to places. I now have to take my boy which I know he will love it so much!

Also while I was in Birmingham I treated myself to some gorgeous multi-coloured pens from Paperchase.

Cheers for reading X

Relaxing

My word of the week is:-

 

 

Relaxing

 

 

 

After having a week away in Norfolk with the family it has really helped relax me and feel motivated. Nothing better then getting away from it all from the daily grin of day to day stuff. 

One aspect of hoildaying that I enjoyed is seeing different scenes and being able to relax without having to have the typical thoughts at home of how.am I am going to fit everything all in.

The hoilday has also given me time to be a more relaxed mummy to the boys and have some fun creating memories.

It is not all about being chilled though as  the week also was challenging for me. The holiday helped me face up to some of the mental challenges I face. Particularly the intrusive and ritualistic thoughts that I experience due to my OCD. It has helped me deal with the thoughts face on. Because when I am at home I can get easily distracted by life at home. Though the thoughts are not pleasant it has helped me feel more on control and show me that thoughts are simply thoughts and they can not get me!

But the best bit has to be returning home and sinking deep into your own bed. Nothing beats it really?!

Thanks for reading X

Hey readers,

My word for the week is September as it is September and it feels like a new start.

 

 

 September

 

 

 I associate September with the start of the new academic year. It.is also my son's final year at nursery then he will start school. It feels like a final chapter for my son though I don't get sad about it but clebrate my son's achievement. My son has come such a long way and makes me very proud.
This week was the return for my son to nursery and at first he was really down. This is because it is kinda new for him as he is in a new room with different children and workers. However. that did not last long as when I went to collect him he found his spring which I don't think it was influenced by being able to do tons of painting ;)
I love September as I feel this time of year has a sense of calm maybe because it is cooler time of year, people feel more relaxed. Alternatively, I may just associate these feelings with my childhood or maybe I don't have to completely intensively have to look after my child. Not that don't love my child but it is bloody hard work when they are young and don't get a break

I do love the cooler air, darker nights and the colours that are found at this time of year.

Thanks for reading X

Cold

Hey readers,
My word of the week is:

Cold

It just seems to be me but in my household I am freezing even when the sunshine is out. Though can't moan too much as it has been beautiful and I have enjoyed getting out and snapping some beautiful sunsets. Which is probably good as hubby is rearranging wires and moving furniture around . The kitchen and living room is chaos. I hate mess and disruption. I dont know how other people copy with it but it leaves me feeling irritated and powerless. I think I am a control freak and like order. I hate it when things are not in order and a mess. Though I have been colouring more as a result to help distress me and take my mind away from the sawdust floor. On a positive note we had a Chinese and oh my word have not had one for a long time but it was amazing and thr added benefit of not having to worry about cooking. 
I have also joined a course to teach me the skills to be mindfu. I can't promise I will be chilled and less anxious . still I am willing to learn anything that might help me be more  relaxed.
Hope you have a good week!
Cheers for reading X

Under my nose

Why I do feel so angry,

At the injustice,

Hearing them speak,

Why can't they be human,

Instead of turning a blind eye.

Sleepy

Hey readers,

My word of the week is sleepy.

I think this because of returning from holiday and being blessed with a cold, boo!
I find it so hard to get back into a routine especially when you have double the amount of washing. Not to mention having to prepare dinners. How irritating and I already miss being on holiday. As when we were away we went out most of the time or opted for really easy meals. God I hate cooking when it is something I have to do. The rebel inside me says Nooooo and feel.so confined with it feeling like a chore!
Still at least I got to catch up on admin with my blog, which is always blessing.
Another celebration is getting through the fifth week of summer holidays. Can you believe it, it has gone so fast. Reflecting back just before my sons broke up from nursery I dreaded how I was going to get through the intense period. But some how you just get into the routine and things juss fly past.
I am a bit sad though as just found found out today my son will not be returning to nursery. This is because they could not have the funding for my youngest nursery placement but I am not dwelling on it too much as he will start in January as he will be.entitled to his two year funding.  However, part of me is happy as I get to spend more one on one time with my boy. This gives me a change to explore different places with him without being restricted to getting him to nursery and collecting him.
Now all I can think of is my bed and sleep: D

Thanks for reading X

swollen

My throat hurts

No more pain,

Please leave

My body is done.

Light

The responsibility has gone,

I feel lighter,

Knowing it is out,

 now I weight,

With nothing else,

To do.

Leave me

Don't leave me,

I'm scared

I don't know nothing,

Life to scary,

With no instructions

slow

Hey readers,
My word of the week is slow.

 This heat is making me go sloooooow but been enjoying my relaxed state of mood. I have just been really happy sitting on the balcony catching sone rays whilst the boys argue over who's turn it is to go on the scooter, teehee. And generally not having lot of energy to much other then lick a couple!e of twisters!
This sunshine has made me walk that little bit slower and just take in the moment around me and even though I live in the city of concrete I am surrounded by beauty, yes I did say that. It is good to not be a hurry from to time and just be one with ambience which has been much more chilled amoungst the hustle and hustle of city life!
I havs also enjoyed the cooler evenings as I get to spend time with my hubby and try to use the internet less and not get stuck in a cycle. I will reduce that now as I have just got my new phone in in the post, whoop. Meaning I can spread my useage out during the day and not so much rushing around in the evening.

Beauty is everywhere all you have to  look....

 

Thank you for reading X

Busy

Hey readers,

 

 So thinking of a word that sums up my week it would be busy.

Got a couple meetings and though they are only an hour or two coubbled with dealing with dropping off and collecting toddlers (both go to nursery but a different times and different nursery's) it soon eats away at your time. It does not help that it is my hubbys and mum's birthday along with the in-laws coming from Wales which will be lovely for the boys. But sometimes it can all feel a bit raggh and hopefully wishing for more hours in the day. On boy do I sound old and a cliché!

With being a parent I sometimes think it is so hard to get a balance with stuff going on and managing time. At times for me it is uber busy and I don't have a minute to myself and then on the other end of the scale I am suffering from cabin fever (tends to normally occur when it is raining, FFS!) and desperately want to go out somewhere.

At least on the positive side we are creating memories and I am not all the time having to be the 24-7 entertainer so that kinda gives me a break. Anyhow, I digress but primarily I hope there is some sunshine as I am most looking forward to cake. Did I mention that I suggested the idea on the impulse to make the cake and the fact that I am s**t at cooking, well not rubbish just not very good with measurements and instructions. Lol

Hope you have a lovely week and thank you for reading X

Pain

Hey readers,

 

Well the word I thought was best fitting for me to write about this week is pain. I know it is associated with negative images/meanings but I try thing my self as honest and this week has been a big struggle as I have had a throat infection and been in so much pain.

I won't lie I love  moan within reason and thing out is good to let out your feelings and can really be helpful when an illness makes you feel like hojhr4not so energetic self.

My throat has made me feel in so much paint6that it has been hard to motivate myself to do a lot and the main thing I struggle with is cooking. I'm not a massive fan of cooking when it something that I have to do so it was a real tester to get my act together and cook. Urgh! Pain!

Now I know this is a Wingy post (I haven't got time to wings anywhere else what with two active tots) so I am going write it here. I'm in bloddy pain and I feel I am haulsknbating about my bed and sleep, oh the thought!

OK back to reality, yes my throat has caused a lot I'd pain and really brought me to tears but also in an perverse sort of way it has slowed me down which is a positive. As my mind is very, very, very, very active and the sort of person to sit down for 5 so though I have had pasin it has also given me time to recharge my batteries. It has also stopped or not focused ass much my OCD thoughts (suffer with odd for years) and it has been bad recently it has helped me reflect and think about sim;me things. Not just that but stopping my casthropic and ritualistic habits gave really helped reduce my anxiety. So, there is pro's and con's with everything and you just got to taskje what you can from thee sitiasdyion.

So there you have it. Enjoy your week X

Autumn

The times are changing,

Everything is moving,

The temperature dips,

Whilst colours evolve.

The craving for home

Is a strong game,

To the shut the door,

Hideaway,

Safe from any danger.

heart ache

My heart aches,

I wish I could stop the anger,

The confusion,

I can handle my own disability,

But now my child has it,

I feel angry at myself,

Giving the guilty genes,

Making him feel anxious,

Knowing soon there will be,

A time when he knows,

Others see him differently

And slowly hate himself.

I'm wide awake.

I'm wide awake now,

Looking back over

What happened.

What is the meaning,

Is there more to this

And how do you accept

The fate that lies.

who am I?

Who am I?

I don't know who I am anymore,

I have lost sight,

Of the person who I once was.

Waiting

The waiting is the hardest,

Not knowing,

No answers,

Just holding on.

I have no control,

I am left stranded,

My future is in their hands.

checking

The constant checking,

to find a formula,

that appears to calculate,

my need for answers,

but instead

End up in a tangled up mess.

my heart aches

My heart aches,

I'm reminded of my failures,

My mind is holding on

To not knowing,

I have lost the will,

My energy is low,

I can't think,

I just feel the ache,

Of not being good enough