Autistic Parenting.

Hey readers,

Since my son goes to school and one of the problems I struggle with being an autistic mum is socialising with other parents.

The dreaded waiting at the school gates with the deafening noise makes my head spin. I physically shake and want to stim so badly that I need to control myself in order to mask these problems I deal with.

I know you ask why, why don't I just be me. But it is not just me, it is my son as well. I am part of him and what I do influences him. Maybe not obviously but in the subtle ways with speaking to parents and getting that invite to a friend's birthday. People judge sadly and what I do can include or isolate him, as sad as society is.

The hard thing for me as a parent is to appear shy/enigma in order to not let people see the real me as I am hyperactive/spontaneous, and might not say the right thing. Laugh and be childish and not click with others.

No one ever prepares you for this and how it will influence your son's confidence. Will, I further fuck him up if I am me, should I hide away in order to make my son blend in better. Or should I be authentic as it provides my son with an understanding of disability and difference-making him more accepting of others that are different (not necessarily autistic)? Just one mould fit it appears in this modern culture I feel and that all problems should be hideaway as it still a taboo, to be honest with children without some professional having a fit and pretending that everything is fluffy and cosy in life.

These are the kind of decisions I have to make. I am currently taking a step back from school duties as the anxiety is so high and paranoia is kicking in.

They say life is too short and you should just do what the fear wants you not to do. But to what extent is this not a good idea anymore.

Baby steps are hard for me as it is grey, I am all or nothing and I find it hard once I have an idea in my head to stop myself from committing to it fully. Alternatively, I just shut down and have no interest in participating in the demotivated situation I have to face. All I want to close off, cry my eyes out, and feel is the point in doing it all. Should I have been a parent? do I have that right? and similar thoughts take over my thinking.

Nothing is ever clear, no right or wrong answers which for my autistic brain feels overwhelmed and can trigger a meltdown in order to try and regulate how I feel.

Autism is selfish or is it people don't see I am trying to work my ass off that little bit more as every day is a struggle and I have to make decisions fast.

it is frustrating when people think oh she doesn't look autistic she can walk down the road or she can communicate. When really most of it is planned, scheduled, and played out like a script. Most of the time I am blagging it with the information I hold from past experiences/observing or reading how others deal with this as a parent.

Don't judge me when you see me, I am scared because I don't know what I am doing.

I am not good with emotions, they are messy and I don't do messy.

I like order and structure, I like steps that have a sequence. When it is spontaneous and in no order I am scared and my anxiety reaches new heights.

SO this is what I am currently trying to work my way through and yeah I can do a course and have some rules. But then things change, situation/environmental/age, etc influence the shit I have to deal with. As we all know change is the enemy of an autistic person.

It is all very well having short stints of parenting courses to guild you but for an autistic person we need continuous support and sadly it is always because of the funds and people like to group everything in one category.

I always find it ironic that autistic people like logical order but that disability is so grey and complex it is unreal.

That is it that is one of the many battles I undergo as an autistic parent and we haven't even reached pubescent years.....oh what joy!

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday Photo 26/06/2022

Checking out the local exhibition: Be Yourself; Everyone Else is Already Taken by Daniel Lismore at the Lady Herbert Art Gallery in Coventry.

Reasons to love summer

Hey readers,

We have had a couple of days so naturally can’t help but get excited for the arrival of summer, I am British it is a thing and the fact that it properly me majority wet. That won’t stop me from celebrating all things summer.

1. sunshine. 

2. going to the beach. 

3. Ice cream. 

4. BBQs.

5. The light nights. 

6. Sandals. 

7. Ice cold drinks.

8. Tan lines. 

9. Warm sand. 

10. Looking at the stars. 

11. The sea. 

12. Swimming in the sea. 

13. Road trips.

14. Writing in the sand. 

15. Summer thunderstorms. 

16. Outdoor fun time. 

17. Long walks. 

18. Daisies everywhere. 

19. Sunsets. 

20. Fly a kite.

21. Hang out the washing. 

22. No homework.

23. Picnics. 

24. Eating alfresco. 

25. Blue skies.

26. Open windows. 

27. The summer breeze. 

28. Water fights. 

29. Hot tub. 

30. Go pick your own strawberries. 

31. Wild swimming. 

32. Having a coffee outside. 

33. People watching. 

34. Boost your mood. 

35. Slush puppies. 

36. Flowers in full bloom. 

37. Trees full of greenness. 

38. Don't have to wear a coat. 

39. Lighter meals. 

40. Salads.

 

41. Picky teas.

 

42. Not having to wear socks. 

43. The fact that everything feels more hopeful and better. 

44. Not having to wear loads of layers. 

45. Having more energy.

 

46. More time outdoors in the evening. 

What do you love about the summer? love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X 

5 Ways to get rid of hiccups.

 Hey readers, 

Now and again we have all experienced the annoyance of hiccups. They can be really hard to get rid of so I have found some simple solutions that are effective ways to get rid f hiccups successfully so the next time you have a bout of hiccups you can quickly eliminate them. 

How to get rid of hiccups. 

1. Breathing.

Breathe in and hold your breath 3-to 4 times in a row. Slowly inhale to fill your lungs with air. Hold your breath for 10 seconds, then exhale slowly to release the breath. Repeat 3-4 times, holding your breath for 10 seconds each time.

2. Bite on a lemon or taste some vinegar.

Biting on something bitter like lemon targets the vagus nerve, which runs from the brain to the stomach. This sends signals to the brain, telling it to switch its focus from hiccups to the sharp taste instead. This tip also works if you use vinegar or anything as strong-tasting.

3. Place sugar on the tongue.

Take about half a teaspoon of sugar and keep it at the far end of the back of the tongue, Hold this for two minutes and then swallow the sugar. Applying pressure along with the tongue aids in eliminating the tightness in diaphragm muscles. 

4. Drinking cold water. 

Drink the cold water through a straw. No one knows exactly why it works, but it could be down to controlling your breathing. 

5.  Pressure Points.

Some of the stranger home remedies that say they stop hiccups relate to pressure. In fact, some people have success with acupressure.

Try pulling the tip of your tongue, or gently pressing on your eyeballs, in an effort to stimulate and distract the vagus nerve. Some doctors suggest putting your fingers (carefully and not too far, obviously) in your ears to stop the hiccups. The branches of ... wait for it ... the vagus nerve, reach into the auditory system, too. You could also try gentle apply pressure on both sides of your nose while swallowing.

How to reduce the risks of getting hiccups. 

When eating try to slow down if you eat fast and make sure that you are chewing your food thoroughly as fast eating can cause air to get trapped in the food which may set off the vagus nerve. Making sure small bites and taking frequent sips of water can help reduce the risk of getting hiccups. 

Some scientists believe that hiccups are a way of telling your body to stop if your eating too much, it is important not to pig out because your body needs time to process and break down the food. The extra stomach acid can bring on hiccups. 

Some spices can irritate the lining of the oesophagus and stomach. At the same time, they can also cause acid from the stomach to leak into the oesophagus. The extra acid can bring on hiccups.

Like spices, alcoholic beverages can cause a simultaneous irritation of the oesophagus and the stomach. And over time, excessive drinking can damage the lining of the food pipe. Parties, like the kind some college students attend, where people consume a lot of alcohol as quickly as possible, can lead to acute ingestion.

 The digestive system not only becomes irritated by the alcohol, but big gulps of it cause the oesophagus to expand rapidly, resulting in hiccups. 

Needless to say, the vagus nerve is not a fan of over-imbibing in food or drink.

But most of the time with hiccups they will disappear with time however if they do last longer than 48hours probably best to speak to your GP as this could interfere with eating, breathing, and sleeping.

Are there any methods that I have missed that have helped you with getting rid of hiccups? love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday Photo 19/06/2022

I and the boys checked at spitfire play that was on display yesterday ✈ 

Why daddy you rock!

Hey readers,

On Sunday it will be Father's day so I want to celebrate the daddy to my sons in this post. I have jotted down some reasons why daddy rocks and why we are so glad you are in our lives.

1. You break down things simple and easy to understand. Partly because of your nature and the mere fact you live with an autistic person. This has helped my boys learn and communicate well with you. It has also taught me how to talk better with the boys as I make things far too complicated.

2.  You are always there 100% for the boys and take an active role in fathering them. I think you are a really good role model and teach our boys that both mummy and daddy have skills that they can both teach you.

3.  You listen to the boys and are honest with the answers. This has provided trust and security for the boys. They know that they can come to you with any worries and no fear of any judgement.

4. You just want your sons to do their best. It is hard especially once you get into the environment of the school where there is pressure coming from different angles. You have also let the boys decide what they like as long as it is suitable for example not allowing my eldest to watch Deadpool even when he is so desperate to watch him as he thinks he is funny in the mobile adverts!

5. You don't put expectations on the boys as long as they are happy you will support them. If they don't like football that is fine, if they like pink that is fine for example.

6.  I am so glad you are not macho and have a passion for equality and fairness for everyone.

7.  You are the glue that keeps us all sane in our home. You are a great delegate and can come up with solutions to problems whilst mummy has a wobble.

8.  You are the one to teach them all the intelligence stuff while mummy dances around being a silly billy.

9. You work around the family and put us first.

10.  When daddy does something he puts his whole heart in and never cuts corners. He is very talented with design and ideas. 

Cheers for reading X

Costa Too Good To Go Magic Bag Review.

Hey readers, 

I have purchased Too Good To Go bags before and have blogged about them before here and here. 

If you didn't know how Too Good To Go is an app where you can purchase magic bags from stores such as Morrisons and Greggs for a reduced price and you get food that would typically be thrown away.

This is my first Costa Too Good To Go magic bag. I got it on Saturday and the collection time was 3-5 pm. 

It cost me £3.00 and I paid on the app using the bank card details I had saved on my card. 

Contents of my magic bag.

x2 Bakewell tarts - £2.50 each.

x2 Ham and cheese toastie - £3.50 each.

Feta cheese slow-roasted tomato pasta salad - £3.50.

The total for all the food would have cost me £15.05.

What is also great is you can freeze sandwiches and pasta meals so save money as they won't get through away if they have a short sell-by date.

Have you tried the Too Good To Go App? What are your thoughts? Love to hear in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading x

My Sunday Photo 12/06/2022

 

My youngest went away this weekend on first water weekend with cubs (scouts) he is super excited. 

         

40 conversation starters for kids

 Hey readers, 

It can be hard to get your child to open up to you therefore a prompt can sometimes really help give them the encouragement to talk to you. It doesn't have to be anything serious the idea is to help with your child communicate and engage in conversation with you. 

Below I have got 40 different types of conversation starters for kids as it can be hard to sometimes think of what to talk so we all need some inspiration from time to time. 

40 conversation starters for kids. 

1. Tell me about the best and worst parts of your day.

2. What’s your favourite game to play?

3. If you could be any animal what would you be and why?

4. What’s your favourite thing to do in the car?

5. If you could be anywhere right now where would you be? What would you be doing?

6. What’s your favourite cereal? Why?

7. What’s the silliest face that you can make?

8. What’s your favourite song? Why do you like it?

9. What was the best holiday you ever had?

10. Where do you like to go in the car?

11. Who is your best friend and what do you like about that person?

12. Did you learn anything new in school today?

13. If you could wish for three things, what would they be?

14. What’s your favourite holiday?

15. If you were an animal, which one do you think you’d be?

16. What three words do you think to describe your personality best?

17. What’s your favourite subject?

18. If you could have any job, what would it be?

19. What’s something that cheers you up when you’re sad?

20. How does it make you feel when you see someone getting picked on?

21. If you could travel back in time, what decade would you choose to live in?

22. What’s the best thing you’ve ever bought off Amazon?

23. What was the last concert you went to?

24. What is one thing you can’t live without?

25. What’s the strangest dream you’ve had recently?

26. What is your favourite book of all time?

27. How many countries have you been to?

28. What’s your favourite city you’ve visited?

29. Would you rather travel via plane or boat?

30. would you be really really hot or really really cold? 

31. Can you remember a time when you made someone smile? 

32. Hold were you when you learned to tie your shoes?

33. Do you think you could go an entire day without talking?

34. If you could turn one room of your house into a giant trampoline which one would it be?

35.  Have you ever told a small fib so as not to hurt someone’s feelings?

36. Are you good at tongue twisters?

37. Do you have the same first name as anyone else at your school? Do you like that?

38. Do you like to look at a clock or do you prefer not to know the time?

39. What’s your favourite joke?

40. Who do you talk to the most on the phone?

What do you think about my conversation starters for kids? Have I missed any off that you think are good ones? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X 

5 ways to save money on travelling.

 Hey readers, 

You might be thinking of going on holiday in the next couple of months and looking for ways to save money. You can even save even landed in a foreign country just look at my five tips to save a small fortune and all it takes is a little bit of planning. 

5 ways to save money on travelling. 

1. Use flight comparison sights. 

An excellent way to save some money on your aeroplane ticket is to search on flight comparison sites, which will save you time and money. You can get to compare the different times and cheapest prices so you can work out the best deal for you.

 There are many great websites, for example, Skyscanner and Kayak to name just two of the popular ones but there are many more on the market so it is worth putting in the time to do the research as it will save you money in the long run. 

2. Keep within the luggage allowance. 

Make sure that you are aware of how much luggage you can take with you on a plane. Luggage allowance is divided up into hand luggage which you take with you onto the plane which is usually two small bags.

 The other type of luggage is called hold luggage which goes in the plane's hold. Normally you tend to get about 23kg free and then you would have to pay additional costs for extra luggage weight.

 This is where people get caught out and this can be a hefty fine. It depends on the travel company as to how much so it is vital to check these details beforehand and double-check that you are within the limits of luggage weight. 

3. Avoid extra flight costs. 

When I am talking about extra flight costs this could include things like having to pay for a seat that you can definitely get next to the person you want to sit with. It could be for things like earplugs, drinks and food. It might be best before jetting off that you eat and drink beforehand to save some money on eating up in the sky. 

4. Travel by train or coach instead. 

If you travelling to a European country you may want to consider catching the train or a coach. Although it does take extra time instead of flying it can save you some cash. Companies such as Mega Bus and National Express offer good value coach tickets to different countries from the UK so worth checking them out. The Trainline also offer some good ticket prices if you book in advance. 

5. Book low-cost accommodation.

Instead of staying in fancy hotels to cut costs but still be comfortable check out low cost alternatives such as Airbnb, as in “Air Bed and Breakfast,” which is a service that lets property owners rent out their spaces to travellers looking for a place to stay. Travellers can rent a space for multiple people to share, a shared space with private rooms, or the entire property for themselves. 

Alternatively, there is the option of hostels which are clean and safe places and you get to meet other like-minded people. If you don't like the idea of that in a room with a stranger then there is always to option of getting a private bedroom. There are two good hostel websites that can tell you more information and they are Hostel World and Youth Hostel Association. 

Cheers for reading X 

My Sunday Photo 05/06/2022

Half term holiday all hail the tree to give us much needed fun :)

         

Supermarkets and autism.

Hey readers,
 
When going to the supermarket I can only handle short periods of time being in the store due to getting sensory overload.

I am autistic and normal things like shopping overwhelm me for a number of reasons.
 
There was a time as an autistic adult when I would shop at 6-7am in the morning because I just couldn't handle it. 

 Often when my husband takes me to the supermarket can be busy and it can get overwhelming trying to navigate around people.
 
Obviously now I am married with kids and things are different for me.
 
However, that doesn't stop it from still being a struggle.
 
Over the years I have had professional help to help me get a bit better at the whole process of shopping.
 
At one point I never used to touch the shopkeeper's hands when exchanging money and simply place it on the counter.  Apparently, this is not the thing so I had to learn that you meant to place money into the assistant's hands. 

I have been able to do that, I still hate touching people I don't know but it is something I can do. Of course with modern technology you can use contactless however going to the corner shop is different.

 Plus I am not paying extra for the privilege of using my money card. I've learned to talk myself into placing money into my hands and focus on detail in the shop so I am not getting too anxious.
 
That is one difficulty I have had but still struggle with, it never probably will get easier but I can manage it.
 
Now my husband likes me to accompany him going to the supermarket. Of course, I do it because I want him to feel needed. I worry I get selfish and at times I have been. So this is a gesture to show I care that being said it is really difficult for me too.
 
I think because we go down each aisle and the more time I spend in the shop I get overloaded because I need to look at the detail of stuff regardless of whether I am buying it or not.
 
The noise of the shop is hard, especially near the buzzing of the refrigerators. Or when the fire alarm is set off as a part of the store testing out the fire alarm. Then there are the random loud announcements on the speakers that can be triggering because they are loud and stop your brain from thinking sending it into a panic.
 
Then there is me not very good at forwarding planning with moving about. At times I respond the way I should such as waiting for a person to come through in the isle and I go through. 

This tends to happen near the end as I am exhausted and just don't have the mental capacity to think about how to act. Bear in mind when I am being outside a lot of my behaviour is not natural, it is learned from experience and what has told me over the years on how to act.
 
My husband also likes to go out to a big store which I struggle with. The size of the store and high ceilings with lots of noise can trigger me.
 
I really hate touching people I don't know and accidentally touching people if they brush past me ups my anxiety.
 
I think another part of my problem with shopping with others is the fact o am not in control. When I shop alone I have a list and just go on, get what I need and get out. My husband likes to look around and just feels endless. 

We spend well over an hour in the store and the content concentration of trying to remember to do all the things correctly takes a lot of brainpower.
 
I am exhausted at the end. Sometimes I have a break as I just need quiet time o go to the toilet, close my ears, and just breathe. I feel really dizzy and disorientated by the end. Get home and I just need time to myself to rebalance my head and bring it back down to a calm.
 
Cheers for reading X