What now.

I'm frustrated,

angry l,

and not in control.

the dread keeps me awake.

my eyes pinged,

on edge, I stay,

not knowing

but just waiting.

More harm then good.

There are times when I want to walk out the door, run away and vanish.

I don't have the strength and it hurts is not good enough.

I suck at living and sometimes I don't want to be here.

I want to hide away somewhere dark,

 quiet where no one can reach me.

It feels like an ongoing battle which constantly I need to fight.

It tires me out and I feel so alone and feel like I the only one.

This is my reality I have to live day in day out and it is exhausting.

Sometimes, I just want to die because I cause more harm than good.

Tiring!

Hey readers,

My word of the week is :

This is because my eldest has been really pushing mine and my husband's buttons. 

Something about the weekend and he goes ballistic and one of the reasons could be that he has been suppressing a lot of how he feels from school. 

He mentioned early this week that he had a headache all the time from the top down to the bottom of his head. He said he feels scared all the time and I think it is down to anxiety that is causing it. Not sure if he is saying that because at the moment his emotions are high or if this is actually 100 % true. 

Of course, the school are pretty useless and any time they see my son after school have a meltdown they turn the other way because they don't want to acknowledge it because let's face it getting help = money.

Anyhow enough politics there I had my flu jab this week and my arm has a cracking brush, fingers crossed it protects me through the winter.

Hope hope you have had a good week.

cheers for reading X

Rollercoster

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

because my emotions have been very up-down. I have felt frustrated with the school regarding my son and feeling like I am fighting a battle. I have been struggling with depression (but won't depress you with that).

 I have also had some happy moments because depression is not always a straight line and mental health is very messy.

I was proud of my son this week as he received marvellous reader award from school. He hadn't needed to be asked to read this week because he has been really loving Roald Dhal Revolting rhymes, he was hooked. I also dug out Dirty Beasts by Roald Dhal this week and he was hooked. He loves the funny dark side of tales, which is a very good choice in my opinion....lol.

Also, this week I and hubby had a checky date night during a school night, haha. We went to see Simon Evans at Loughborough. It was a good night and just h tonic needed for both of us.

Hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

My Sunsay Photo 07/10/2018