Food

​Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

FOOD

Because it has been full of festivity and full of feasts. I have indulgenced in chocolate, cake, sweets and rich food. It has been lovely to let go and just relax the best I can.  

The boys loved having the special treat of having chocolate for breakfast on Christmas day if you can't do it at Christmas when can you do it.

The boys have loved playing with their new toys and we have piles of toys and having them everywhere. I will be honest I am not very good at things not in order but trying to let it pass as it is Christmas. 

So basically Christmas is all about disruption and letting the routines go out of the Weekend. But it has been nice to catch something decent on the telly for once. Loving outnumbered. Though, slightly weird seeing the children all grown up.

Happy new year to you all.

Cheers for reading X 

Christmas

Hey readers,

Obviously, my word of the week is:

I can't believe it is only two more sleeps until the big day. This week we have rung Santa on the old tablet, visited Santa and went on a sleigh ride and decorated some cards to get the boys in the festive mood.

It also is half term and it has been mental, toys everywhere and a lot of, 'play nicely' or 'gently' or simple, 'mummmmmmmmy'. But it has been lovely to watch the boys play together most of the time nicely and on their own a large amount of time in their bedroom. 

I suspect that they are probably planning on taking over the world.

I have finally done all the sodding Christmas wrapping, what a pain in the arse it is. Maybe because I feel like I need to get it or want it all sorted so I can relax because nothing I hate worse is rushing around like a headless chicken.

I just want to wish you a very merry Christmas, whatever happens, I hope it is not too manic but enjoyable too.

Cheers for reading X

Why, why, why?

Hey readers,

I am sitting here by myself because it is half-term and my eldest has been a terror to put it politely. Sometimes I end of the day feeling so frustrated that I just wished to be let free in a room full of China. 

I am not sure how I am going to cope through the two weeks without the break, I am sure we get through it but at the beginning of the holiday, I dread it.

Why is it I try my best to do something with the sprog and then all he does is pushes mine and hubby's buttons. It fucks me off, I try and it results in fights and mayhem. 

He encourages the youngest to throw pens and then the youngest get boisterous and rips the paper.

 Then pulls of as many Christmas decorations as possible from the Christmas tree on purpose and the eldest thinks the most hilarious thing to do is pull his trousers and pants down, he is laughing his head off and no one is laughing, fml!

Today just feels like my eldest is in a destructive mood and will go out of his way to be a pain in the arse. No matter how much time I give him or get things to do, he is having none of it.

 I don't know whether he is not getting warn out like the days he is at school where he can get overstimulated. Almost like an uneven balance of stimulation.

 Right now I am so pissed off with it all. I am pissed off with myself for getting so emotional about such stuff. 

I know it is a cliche but you do the worst thing and compare yourself to all the perfect parents on the internet. Why can't my children be so chilled like other people's children without turning it into a scene and making me feel totally deflated and a crap parent?

I am sat here writing this close to tears with rage. I have come on adult time out if you will because if I don't then I will literally blow my top off. 

Seriously, today I am just struggling with parenting and knowing where to reach that balance. It doesn't matter how many threats or putting on time out, my son is in that 'mood' where he is just not playing ball.

This may make me sound an awful parent but that the thoughts that cross my mind are why do I bother with all this stress when I may be as well not bother. 

It could so simpler for me to not care, not to be engaging and just stick the TV on 24/7 and be done with it.  At least I wouldn't have to deal with the challenging behaviour.

All I can say is some days being a parent is shit, I know awful but true. I am not perfect and sometimes dread it and can't wake till the end of the day when I have break and my brain gets given a chance to think about anything.

Cheers for reading X

Festive

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

FESTIVE

Because it is all about finishing of all the presents to get ready without the children around. On Friday both boys will break up for the Christmas period and it is amazing how extra long it takes to do anything with a kid in tow. So, I am making the most of my childfree time.

In other news, we finally got out lovely glittery Christmas tree up that covers everything in glitter, joy! 

To help me get Christmassy I listened to a bit of Frank Sinatra Christmas songs whilst decorating the tree. I am so glad I didn't buy any more cards, as when the box of Christmas stuff came down I forgot all the purchases during January sales I got, all I say I love a good bargain!

On Tuesday hubby, ds2 and I got to see my eldest perform as a snowman in his Christmas performance at school. Was so lovely to see him dance and sing. He looked adorable in his snowman suit.

Cheers for reading X

Hibernating

Hey readers,

 

My word of the week is:

Hibernating

This is because I am just so tired this week due to the weather being meh and sucking all my energy out. It's so dark and grey that I just can't muster the motivation to get a single thing done. If it weren't for the responsibilities of having children I would spend my time drinking copious amounts of tea and reading the kindle in bed. One can dream though hey, but in reality I am mere a bouncing trampoline for my sons!

On a more positive note I have finally worked out how to use the reward chart properly for the boys albeit with help form a professional. Now it is a lot more cleared to understand and better to manage. I definately have seen an improvement in the boys behaviour since we have introduced the reward chart.  More so in my eldest but that is understandable as my youngest is not fully aware what the heck is happening other then shinny stickers!  Luckily however my youngest likes to copy my eldest so he is pretty much well behaved in the grand scheme of things.

Now on to more pressing matters in my household: POTTY TRAINING!!!

We have started to do some potty training in a relaxed way so that my youngest gets used it the whole idea. He is now aware when he needs a wee and loves washing his hands. That is his favourite thing to do at nursery, haha! He also promptly tells me when he has done a poo, announcing ewwwww and then points to his bottom!

He did his first poo in his potty this week which we all celebrated and danced to. I never thought that I would ever get so excited about poo. My youngest does love to explore his potty. I am very proud of him as he is so good and helpful which  makes the job a lot easier to tackle.

 

Cheers for reading X

fool

I'm stood like a fool,

the outcast that I am,

no one knows

the mask I hold.

forever trying to be

something I am not.

I never will reach,

I am just not good,

I wish was

then maybe life

would be much better.

instead I am stuck,

with my brain fu*ked.

Singing

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

This is because my eldest has been practising all his new songs and singing every night. He has a Christmas performance next week and is really authentic about it. 

He is super excited to be performing so I have to spend a lot of my evenings hearing him singing away at a very high pitch ;)

In other news, we got our tree up and that was fun decorating it with the boys. Although, shhh, me and hubby later in the evening re-arranged the decorations or else it would look somewhat uneven. Which is fine but at top looks so bare, haha!

I have also nearly done all the Christmas present shopping, whoop. We need to get the main present which is a doll's house from Asda. Which I am super excited as hubby finally caved in and we are going to be getting it. It is massive but luckily we have found a suitable for it to live.

Cheers for reading X

Wet

Hey readers,

My word of the week is :

WET

This is because this weather we have been experiencing recently has been wet and dame right miserable.

I hate leaving the house when it is bitterly cold but still I have to do the school run, boo. I  look like a drowned rat, I am so cold after getting drenched in the wet.

It has dampened my mood, I feel a bit meh, maybe because it a time of the month to boot.

Right now, I have no motivation, other than to snuggle down in a blanket and close all the blinds and forget about the world.

One thing I do love when it is so grim outside is comfort food. We have a pork joint and I am overly excited about that being cooked in the oven. I can't wait to have gravy and mash. 

To me, that is the ultimate in-home comforts. Well, and fluffy socks is the second winner.

Cheers for reading X

Unknown Territory

Hey readers,

One of the big issues with my Autism is anxiety particularly when I go to a new place. So I shall tell you about such an incident so you can get a feel want it is like for me personally.

I took my boys to the zoo this week and as much as I love the outdoors/wildlife the new situation caused me to feel very anxious.

When we went to the zoo it was half term so it was super busy. Also, I had not been out as a family for a while to somewhere new therefore contributing to making me feel even more anxious.

I get overwhelmed with being in new places because I have to take in all my environment.

I feel powerless as I don't know what to expect as it is a new place.

The zoo that day was very loud and busy causing me to get stressed very quickly especially when I have also got to look after my boys.

Another factor causing me to feel anxious was getting caught up in a crowded area. This can make me feel very claustrophobic causing me to feel like running away and hiding.

The noise levels cause my ears to ring.

I can only cope with so many people touching me. Not in a perverse way you must understand but just the sensation of other people touching my skin by brushing past. It makes my skin crawl and itchy.

Having to deal with my son screaming with tantrums and dealing with paranoia due to not having the skills to read facial expressions correctly. Because I have low self-confidence I feel very negative and worry about what others are thinking of me when they stare at me.

Having to deal with negotiating and calming my son down when I am anxious is something I have to work really hard at. It is very draining for me when I am out that it affects me the next day and I feel dead to the world.

Getting lost and disorientated not knowing where I am in the zoo does not help and makes me panicky.

I find not knowing when the event will end is a struggle for me because it being ambiguous and not having a plan heightens my anxiety.

In the beginning, I enjoyed the animals however I did have a mild meltdown due to the overwhelming. This is a result of all the factors I explained previously adding up and turning into a high anxiety situation. So much so that I could not communicate clearly and needed to leave due to a lack of skills to cope with the situation.

However, when I did calm down and my husband discussed what we could have done to make the situation better.

1) Take diazepam.

2) come back during a weekday and not in half term when it is busy.

3) should have got a map to work out where we are going.

4 Planning more structure with getting a plan online and working out where we are going and incorporating lunch.

5) Include a coffee break so we can have a drink and refresh.

If anyone has any other suggestions please feel to share as we are returning in a couple weeks again as we have a free return ticket.

Cheers for reading X

 

Battle

I am so tired,

Can someone take it away,

I don't feel like fighting,

This battle inside.

Light

Hey readers,

 

My word of the week is:

 

 Light

 

This is because I have had a hell of a year emotionally especially impacting on my family big time. I learnt to move on and let things go. I have been judged, tested and challenged but all in all I am still hear. I have made progress with moving forward. I have found hope and my days are starting to look bright. I an now starting to look forward to the future. I still have depression I won't lie but I an getting to grips with managing it. There will still be shit days, but I take things day by day.
I still will have meltdowns but I can control my life a lot better. I didn't know how this year would end but slowly as a family we are moving into a much happier place. I feel I have had a really interesting and reflective week hence devaluation of year. However, talking about the past and has made me feel positive, motivated and determined to be a better person and a mother. Most of all though I feel that I can now finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Cheers for reading X

Fireworks

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

FIREWORKS

No surprises why, but it was lovely this year to watch the fireworks with the family.  I live on the 16th floor so can stay at home and watch it all from my balcony.  

Last year, there was hardly any for some strange reason. But this year it seemed quite spectacular. It was particularly good now that my youngest is a little bit older to appreciate them.

Both my boys loved the way the fireworks lit up in the sky with all the different colours.  We also had hot dogs and it has turned into a bit of tradition here so it was a great way to end the evening. 

I am so glad that we can see them at our home because how cold was it on Saturday night, blimey the heating was working overtime that night. I have to really motivate myself to leave the home as I much prefer to be at home all warm and snugly.

Cheers for reading X

Social anxiety kicks in!

Hey readers,

Today I attempted to a volunteer place but totally failed at it and now I feel like a fool. 

It was an admin role but it was in an open arena with different people at different desks etc. and I just felt overwhelmed, uncomfortable paranoid and anxious. 

I was so anxious that I had a panic attack. I felt so claustrophobic in that room. Like a fish in a glass bowl and everyone was staring at me. It is the most horrendous and intense feeling ever. 

I just could not handle it mentally. I don't do small talk and the things I think about talking about are not appropriate. I think it is anxiety that does that. 

I just could not handle it and just went into flight or fight response. I forgot how bad my social anxiety can be, I have not been in this type of social situation for a long time.

I hate myself and now I am beating myself up about it. I know when I have cooled down and talked sense to myself I will see it from a different perspective but right now, at this moment, I am really down and emotional.

I feel that my response and lack of ability make me a bad person, incapable and a failure. For a brief second, I was tempted to jump in front of a train. Don't worry I won't but I want to be frank and real. This is real life going through the motions. You have a warped view of yourself and what you ' believe' others think. 

I feel I am less of a person because I can’t do this role because I view success on whether I have a job or not and feel that what society views as a good person or parent. This message feels even more present currently through the media when we are heading towards the general elections. 

I feel I have let myself down and my children. Why can't I accept that I am autistic and some things are hard? I would never, ever expect a person who is confined in a wheelchair to just get up and walk.  That does not stop me from being so hard on myself because the stigma is still prevalent and I don’t in normal life discuss really autism because to be perfectly honest I am embarrassed and ashamed. I feel guilty and let down.

 I know you’re going to say I shouldn’t feel like this but I do and I have experienced people judging me so it is hard to change. Though on a positive note it is something I am working on, it takes time especially when it damages you so emotionally. The treatment is still discriminator out there, people see mental illness or invisibility as a negative and something that makes you less of a person.

I think I am also scared with regards to autism as it was reported in the news that NHS are diagnosis fewer children with less severe autism. What next I feel like autism is misunderstood and I am scared for myself and others about what the fortune holds. 

Cheers for reading X

 

 

Running

​Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

RUNNING

Because for the last four weeks I have been running. I have decided to run as a form of exercise. I downloaded the c25k app and it is the best thing I have ever done!

I love running outside in the fresh air, it is free and good to clear your head. I like the fact I am getting fitter and building stamina. I definitely can say I have caught the running bug. If I can do it then anyone can do, lol!

In other news, it is the week the boys return to school and nursery. I love having them at home but by God, it is lovely to have some 'me time' and peace to think for a bit. 

Talking of school, it means the return of so many letters. I have had FIVE letters in the space of four days, seriously why can't we just let kids play like the happy people of Denmark do, tsk! Rant over!

Cheers for reading X 

Wales

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

WALES

Because we have had a lovely few days in Wales seeing the inlaws and making memories away with the kiddos!

We went to the beach, walked around woodlands and saw some waterfalls. Not to mention fish and chips and ice-cream because otherwise, it wouldn't be a holiday 😂 !

I so needed a break though and it has been so refreshing to get away and step back from normal life.

Though tomorrow normal service will resume with doing a ton of washing/drying/putting away. standard mum life really but at least I get to catch up on my programmes and chill in my home again.

Cheers for reading X

Knackered

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

KNACKERED

This is because I have been sleeping badly due to my son going through a horrible period waking up several times a night and overtime really dampens everything.

However, we did get to go to the pumpkin farm and have fun picking our own one. We have a massive one, even though cheeky hubby told me it was the same as last years, it was clearly not! Still, the boys are going to have fun carving the pumpkin on Saturday.

We also got a green pumpkin as it is the best one for making pumpkin tart, so hopefully, that is something fun we can do in the half term.

Which as it is half-term coming up looking forward to a break from the constant letters/homework etc that seems to be continuous, jeez it's hardcore now they are at school.

Cheers for reading X

Flawed

I'm flawed,

I'm raw,

My eyes are raw

Going through the emotions,

Change is a big deal,

Something that can't be gone.

embrace it

embrace it

own it,

it's yours,

acknowledge it

don't reject it,

celebrate the flaws,

because it's yours.

Adventure

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

ADVENTURE

Because we have had some fun with having a picnic and watching the Flying Scotsman and the volcano which was lovely to be in the open air. I also had a playdate so had five kids in my home which for me is a very anxious time. 

This is new territory for me as  I was the one who arranged it even though I was very anxious about it because of my autism. But went well and my son loved playing with his friends so it was worth all the anxieties to see his face.

On Tuesday I started a course for a bit of me-time in the evening all about watercolours and drawing l. It is great to try something new for myself and my wellbeing.  I am not sure if I will be any good at it but it is getting me out there challenging myself.

The rest of the time in between I have been flat out with a cold. It so frustrating as my energy is very low. Hopefully, I will shift it soon as such an unconvinced when I am a mum ;)

Cheers for reading X 

Darker

​Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

DARKER

This is because it has slowly been getting that bit by bit darker, which I have been enjoying as it is my favourite time of the year.

I have loved cooler evenings, watching more films, reading more, snuggles under the throws and pillows.

Anyway, I shall also mention my eldest who has started to really enjoy reading his books and learning to write his name. He loves reading his book from school to us and his brother. 

There are as no words in the book and he just loves chatting away in great detail about all the things that are happening in the picture.

 As someone who learnt to read and write at the age of 10, I know how important it is and you could say I am a little more encouraging then to help enjoy it.

 Though to be fair to the boy doesn't really need much encouragement at all as he has such much love for learning that I don't have to worry! 

Cheers for reading X 

Starting School

Hey readers,
My eldest starts a new chapter in his life in September. He starts school and here is when it is a turning point, where I worry about what will happen when social pressure rears it's ugly head.
I have already seen the impact of my sons decisions he has made based on the influence of his nursery friends. Small things but noticeable things. Such as he randomly wanting a England football t-shirt because his friend had one. He wanted it right down to the same number on the back of the top. I am fine with him having choice and pleased that he knows what he wants.  But I also know the power of peer pressure and the need we may have to want to fit in. I worry how it will impact on my son. I would love him to have the confidence to be his own person. I would love him not to be swayed by others but sadly we are reaching that point that you lose a tiny bit of your child and now we now simply have to adjust to the ever changing direction of my son's journey through childhood.
It is scary and I do worry whether my son will get bullied or he will bully others. That being said he might not be either of this, which would be brilliant.
You think you know  your child until you have an opportunity to secretly watch them out of sight and you realise that they are slowly becoming their own person. What you think you know of your child can be totally wrong especially in a different environment such as nursery. I have witnessed some behaviour in my son that I would not see in is home environment.
I just hope me and my husband can teach our son that he can be his own person and that if he does not want to do something that he can say no. I want him to know he can always trust myself and his dad and we are always there  to talk if at all he feels anxious or needs advice.
It is awful to let go of being primary carer and allow other people to come along and be my son's life to influence. I can not now at the tender age of five wrap him in cotton wool all the time though I can give hot chocolate and cuddles when needed. Lets face it one day my son won't be a  child, he will grow into his own person where he will have to stand on his own two feet. All I can do is trust and hope that he turns out not too damaged. regardless of whatever path my son takes he knows that he is loved and accepted for who he is.
I suppose it is not just  a turning point in his life but a new chapter for me as a parent when my son slowly grows further in to independence and I am not needed as much as a guidance but just a warm hand of support.
cheers for reading X

Routine

Hey Readers,

My word of the week is:

This is because my son on Monday started full days at nursery. I have learnt to adapt this week to the changes of times when collecting and dropping off my boy. 

I also have to get the other child in my life goes to nursery

.

As my son eats a main meal at school I have also had to change the meal times which is a bit frustrating when you have to adapt.

 Especially when going out shopping then trying to rush an about in the kitchen like a crazy woman.

In other news my youngest this week he seems to be having the most awful tantrums that can last for like 10-15 mins. It is unusual as he normally doesn't last three minutes usually. Oh boy, do they hurt your ears as they are frequent causing me to be so tired having to deal with the drama? 

When we picked up my eldest he decided to have a fit because I would not get him an ice-cream from the shop. 

So all the way back from the school to the home he whaled and screeched. I hope this is a short period and hope it is linked just from tiredness at the return of going to nursery.

Hope you enjoyed your week.

Cheers for reading X

Brrrr

Hey Readers,

My word of the week is:

because oh my word it is bloody freezing at night and I am terribly British and love to moan about all things weather-related, why the hell not. Though, I am still refusing to turn the heating on until November, unless it is awful then I may be weakened to do it. I am so tight...haha!

But I have enjoyed fluffy socks, cosy pjs and dressing gowns. Cuddling under the throws and not really wanting to leave the home because it is so horribly cold with that eastly wind. I do quite like the feeling of being safe inside whilst looking out of the window at the grey clouds hovering around aimlessly.

I have also enjoyed recently buying a few bits and bobs for Halloween, it is so fun and the boys have loved wearing their Halloween dressing up outfits. My eldest has decided he is called 'Bone Man' as he wears his Halloween outfit with all the bones every night.

 It also glows in the dark so we have had fun running around crazy but at least it has kept them entertained for a little while.

Cheers for reading X

compassion

I am here,

With my listening ear,

I know how it feels

The hurt and upset,

I understand,

I want to help,

Even if it is to just listen.

Walking

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

WALKING

This is because the sun has been shining and the boys have mainly requesting to visit the park. I took advance now as we all know that rain will eventually greet us!

I have been forcing myself out when sometimes like to hide away because you know people are scary ;)! 

I digress I have been upping up my walking and pushing myself that little more. We went out as a family for a walk for two-three hours and it has been fun. Where we live locally there is a Plantasia and a maze world. 

There is a cute little farm and we even got to see the little baby chicken which was super cute!

In other news, I don't whether it is a phase or not but my eldest has really been pushing my buttons the past two weeks. he has proper got an attitude and speaking back. 

I struggle to keep calm and not get wound up. So I had a couple of times take myself away as I am learning to with new challenge. Parenting never-ending challenges that we have to deal 

with and adapt, joy!

Hope you had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

Preparation

Hey readers,

Well my word of the week is:

This is because we have been slowly buying the items of the LONG list of stuff to get my boy for school for  September. 

He got his plimsolls which are needed for P.E. this week and he was super excited when trying them on that I don't think he wanted to take them off. Brings backs so many memories of me wearing the ghastly things at school way back when...

We are umming and arring when to get his school shoes from Clarke's. I know they cost more but we think it is important to get comfy and well-fitted shoes especially being in school for such a long period of time. 

But we don't want to get them too early in case he grows out of them!

We also checked out a new park locally to us this week. It is not a massive park but it is a new one that we have not explored before. I think it is a lovely place, especially as there is a big green space to have picnics.

I must try harder in looking at venturing out and seeing more of what my city has to offer. My son really enjoyed it when we went as I was brave in letting him take his scooter. 

Especially on the bus, as for me makes me feel a bit anxious with space etc. However, it went well so that was all good and it gives me a boost in my self-esteem.

Hope you had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

Pokemon

Hey readers,

my word of the week is:

POKEMON

This is because the game has dominated my life at the moment,  ok I enjoy it but my eldest loves it too and it is a great way to bond together too.  

Plus it is such a great way of getting outside and not spending a fortune. 

Now I have learnt about Pokemon stops. I know I am a bit slow but since I have mastered the main idea it is a lot more fun to go out and hunt pokeballs with the boy. 

There is lovely feeling about escaping into virtual relativity, especially as now I am a parent I spend most my time adulting. Therefore, it is great to have time to switch off. It is fun to recreate that excitement I got when I played Sonic as a child on the mega drive!

A highlight of the week is going to visit Burton Dassett Country Park which has stunning views on top of hills looking over Warwickshire and Oxfordshire. It is lovely to be out in the fresh air and just take in the scenery in. Plus it fantastic spot to do a bit of kiting, check the pictures out below.

Cheers for reading X

Burnout

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

it must be the end term thing where I feel absolutely exhausted and overwhelmed. My list of things to do seems to be getting longer and longer. My motivation, on the other hand, seems to have vanished.

 I have a crippling headache (which I am frequent suffer off, it runs in my family) making it even harder to focus on stuff. I also have had the youngest be poorly with vomiting and struggling to cope with any energy. 

So been doing a lot of washing that is constantly needing doing. It just the all the little bits adding up and creating such a big mountain to climb up at the moment.

On a more positive note, I signed my eldest son up to some free swimming lessons for one week only (he normally has swimming lessons once a week anyway). 

He loves it and it is lovely to watch how confident he is getting at swimming. It is funny though as it is in the same pool that I used to swim when I was pregnant with him. 

So that has been the highlight of my week to see him grow.

Hopefully next week I won't sound such a miserable cow, but this is my blog and this is where I will vent. God, I love blogging it is such a great therapy tool.

Hope you have a lovely week,

cheers for reading X

Summer holidays

Hey readers,

My word of the week is

 SUMMER HOLIDAYS

Well, it's finally here, summer hols! Both my boys broke up from nursery on Tuesday albeit the youngest didn't go in this week as he was poorly. Over the weekend the youngest had a temperature over 41.5 and he kept getting really cold and hot. He was very wingy and tired due to this bug he caught.

Saturday we did go out but he was so bad that I had to come home and get him comfy on the sofa with his quilt whilst watching a marathon of Octonauts. He was motionless on the sofa which is very, very unusual for my DS2. If you ever met him he would be really bouncy and have bucketfuls of energy. Clearly needed the rest on Saturday afternoon.

 He then started developing a rash with red spots. So, we did take him to the out of hours doctors in the evening as we rang up for advice and got told to bring him down to the clinic. The dr said it was some sort of virus and advised us to give him paracetamol and ibuprofen to help with his temperature. Strangely it went down but then on Sunday evening, his temperature spiked again into the forties.

We decided Monday morning to not take him into the nursery as his rash was so bad all over his face, legs and chest. 

We got an appointment with the dr that morning. They confirmed that it was a virus and gave him a prescription for some antibiotics. I am pleased to inform you on Wednesday evening the rash has reduced and so has his temperature. Just in time for the holidays ;)

In other news, boy is it hot. I feel slightly dread of lack of child-free time to get stuff during the summer. I think it is more the anxiety of change. Give it a week I will get into the swing of things. I can't complain having lie-ins and not getting flustered trying to get two children for nursery.

Thanks for reading X

anniversary

​Hey readers,
Well my word of the week is:
Anniversary
This is because at the weekend marked my fifth wedding anniversary of five years. Eek, this might seem a small milestone to a lot of you but for me as an autistic, the odds against the likelihood of me ever getting married. Followed by the statics against getting divorced is high if you are an autistic person. To be honest with you I never imagined getting married or having children and that was reinforced by the "specialists". Which is now know to be utter bollocks! So yeah quite proud even though it has not been plain slaying as I am not the easiest person to live with, we are still going strong as a unit. So today I feel happy about how far I  have come. So Cheers 🍻
To celebrate our anniversary we watched Grimsby and I can confirm it is bloody hilarious if you have immature humour. You will not be disappointed. Nothing beats a good laugh and we don't get to often sit together and watch an adult movie. So it was nice to enjoy it together as a couple.
Hope you have had a great week.
Cheers for reading X

School

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

This is because my eldest child went for a taster session at his new school that he will start in September. He is beyond excited and can not wait. He is desperate for me to buy the school uniform unlike me who is not so excited to leave a massive hole in my pocket😞.

I don't know if am normal or not but I am not sad about this transaction. It is part of the process nor am I upset that he is not a baby. But I am pleased that he is turning into such a lovely little boy. I am happy as he is and I accept the situation.

 I read a lot about parents getting upset about this big change. I do worry that I am not emotionally attached. But then again I never get upset about the past I just take it in the chin. Maybe because I get more neurotic about things in the future that have not happened. It is just the way I am. God parenting is so tough and constantly doubting yourself.

Still, he is a super excited and can't wait to start big school in September.

Cheers for reading X

Pennies

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

PENNIES

This is because I have been spending so much money on shite. I want to cut back and monitor the money I spend.

The things that I have tried to adopt this week is to make meals at home on Sunday as before I would do the quick and easy and buy the meal deal from Sainsbury's after swimming because it was easy and I am lazy! I save £6 just by making that change.

Secondly, I  have downloaded two apps  Shopizze and topcashback, brilliant websites to help save money. I have already saved £5 so far this week!

Thirdly I have got a designated notepad just to write down all my outgoings. So over the next couple of weeks, I can see my pitfalls and areas where can adopt new changes.

Hopefully, this will help me feel a bit better around my finances because I seem to be panicking a lot which then entails random impulses because I have given up and felt defeated! We shall see but feeling much more positive about the situation.

Thanks for reading X 

hot

Hey readers,
my word of the week is:
hot
As lovely as the sunshine is I am not the best for hot humid. I like it warm but with a breeze. I have also had a horrid cough and flu causing me to have a fever. It has been hell at night. One minute I am absolutely freezing then I am roasting. Still at least it is better conditions to diet with, haha. I have been loving drinking more and eating fresh salad. However, I know now at the later end of the week it is wet but still hot. I have enjoyed watching the thunderstorms. We are on 16th floor so have spectacular viewing of the sky.
On Thursday I went to my eldest sons first parenting meeting at his school that he will be starting September. We were told what the main routine is and the different forms etc. Also my son was super excited about having a uniform and a water bottle which to him is incredible. He is now super excited to start school.

cheers for reading X

Warmth

Hey readers,
My word of the week is:

Am I the only one who struggles picking a word, so I just pick one that instantly pops into my head. So hence why warmth as currently the sun is shinning and it is a lovely temperature. We have enjoyed a good few days of sunshine which really lifts your mood. Not to mention the speed it takes to reduce the washing load. I know yawn but I can't help it I am a mum and it is socially acceptable now to talk about suck exciting stuff, 😂.
We have had a blast the other day with the boys and playing in the local foundations in our city. It was lovely to just sit back and watch my boys play so nicely and lovely. Their bond seems to be getting stronger and stronger each day.

Cheers for reading X

quality

Hey readers,
My word of the week is:
quality
This is because my eldest has been off with a bug for a couple days. Therefore I have spend a lot of quality time with him.
Yesterday me and my DS1 went out on a mum and son date to do something fun. Well I know my eldest is desperate to fly a kit so got a mini one for now as the big ones freak me out a bit. I have never done a kite before but thought fot to start someone. So, to see how my son gets on and to help me learn we went to a fairly breezy area a bus trip away. I can confirm it so much fun and both of us had success with flying the kite. I absolutely loved it and so did my son. Surprisingly so relaxing and a fun outdoor activity to do. Not to mention how fit you get. Below is a picture of my son flying the kite 😁
Cheers for reading X

Quiet

It's silent,

Peaceful,

No one makes a peek,

The clock carries on,

Tick tock.

Go with the wind

Sometimes you have to go with the wind,

to learn a lesson,

to grow

and move forward.

Cold

Hey readers,
My word of the week is

Cold

This weather qt the begining of the week has been poo. I am so cold and feel it on my bones. I have even had to put on the heating a couple of times this week. It doesn't feel like May. Though I won't feel defeated as I did plan a family walk in our local woodlands. I love trees to an obsessional level and I find being round so calming. Maybe because I have found memories of a child if getting lost in the beautiful settings. I want my boys to have similar memories. I want them to feel free and run around. I love it and they love it. I can't believe that this woodlands is situated in university of Warwick. It is absolutely stunning and easy to get to.
On to a different matter we have finally got a table for the first time ever! It makes a huge difference and feel that it is important to have meals with the family socially at the table. Plus it is so much easier to play board games and what not.
Cheers for reading X

Easter

Hey readers,
My word of the week is:
Easter

I know cliché but so true! It has been a lovely to have some time off. I feel we all needed a break from doing the nursery run and getting there on time. It has been great to take a slower pace. We have enjoyed seeing the  Easter Bunny on Friday which was a great family day out. In between the random rain showers we have enjoyed trips to the museum (mainly for my appreciation), the park and library. I am blessed that both my boys enjoy reading, I know how important it is. I was 10 when I started to learn to read so really know the benefits on a personal level. They love visiting our  local library with rythme time and the access to the books. I am a big fan of librarys and so hope they remain strong.
On a random note how much mucus can one child create. It is streaming out from both my boys noses. The amount of tissues we are using this week I need shares in Kleenex.
One final note to end with my ds1 is really struggling with the change of increase light due to the recent hour going forward on Sunday. He is now on the assumption that if it is still light we don't go to bed, sod!
Hope your enjoying your Easter break.
Cheers for reading X

Testing

Hey readers,

I would say that my word of the week is:

TESTING

This is because I feel that at times that I have tested myself, pushed outside of my comfort zone. First would be going to a coffee shop by myself and ordering a drink.

 I have had really bad anxiety the past few weeks and regressed with my social anxiety. This has been a positive step forward and though some people may think that this is no biggie for me it is like running the marathon mentally.

I don't know whether it is just my kids or not but by the end of the term they are super tired and need a break. I really struggle to communicate with them when they go full meltdown and I did walk out the home as I just couldn't cope.

 Luckily my husband is also my carer whether that is a good thing or not I don't know. But I needed to escape. It is hard when dealing with children and tiredness at times. So it is nice to have some time along for me to get away from it. It had really helped me for the rest of the week being much more positive and manageable.

Hope you all have a good Easter and don't eat too much chocolate ;)

Cheers for reading X