Friday, 30 October 2015

First Child Vs Second Child

Hey readers,

I am writing this post to tell you my experience of what it is like to have a first and second baby and the differences between them. Trust me no child is the same but also you are neither the same. As experience and life shape, you and we are always moving forward whether we like it or not it, fact!
I digress, Here is my top ten list of the differences of having a first and second child.

1. When I first had my baby boy I was a nervous wreck about everything. My anxiety was flying off the radar. The change was so overwhelming and the feeling of not being in control because I have never done this whole parent business before emerged. I wanted to be perfect but I learnt fast that was an unrealistic expectation and unreachable! The second baby was a bit more relaxed (I always have anxiety) but felt more aware and knowledgeable second time round. Didn't fear labour as most of my fear first time round was based around the unknown.

2. First-time child  I could pay attention wholly on my darling and was a lot easier to have a focus on one child. Second time round was intense and very difficult for me as I am not good at multi-tasking. I am autistic I Iike to pay attention to one thing at one time. Trust me with an inquisitive and excitable toddler that ain't going happen. My two year old was mental with energy and was bouncing all over the place therefore found it very challenging. I think for both of us in reflection was a difficult transactional period. Now two years on I love it more as my boys are friends sometimes and my youngest can copy my eldest. His speech is better and faster and picks up on things from his brother.

3. My eldest had one cold in a two year period. Then he attended school and has a several cold/flu type illnesses. Whereas my second has had several illnesses pre school years old due to my eldest sharing his lovely germs.

4. With the first baby time was a lot more readily available therefore it was easier going out shopping and the like. Soon as the second one came along it was very, very stressful and struggle for me to manage when out and about. OK, lot easier now my son has kissed goodbye to the buggy for good. I don't have to worry about crashing the double buggy everywhere and running over peoples as much now! It is more manageable now though still don't do it frequently with two together as I get meltdowns due to being autistic. Luckily I am in a place where I don't have to worry too much about having to take them both out at the time. Like I said previously I really struggle to multi-task and then add social situations I am diabolical. Second time round I have less time to focus on each boy. However, I have to manage a routine after time and have adapted within my means. I am very lucky that my eldest picked up potty training in a week and that includes at night. So when it is nappy changing I just focus on including my son as a little helper so he doesn't feel left out.

5. With my first child I learnt the hard way with to make sure that everything was out of reach as soon as he could walk. In contrast, the second child is a breeze with safety as I had prior experience with it and already got a lot of safety features in the home.

6. When I was weaning my first child I was advised to baby-led weaning which as typical me I took as Gospel. I went to the group and followed the rules to the book. The downfall was I took everything literal therefore when they said the child had to use their hand I did just that. I didn't use any utensils as they said they had to experiment and learn for themselves. Being autistic common sense lacks and finding a medium ground is something that I fail badly with. No one explains instructions clearly therefore I find these periods of learning extremely stressful and it can really get me down. 

Second time around with weaning  I said fuck the rules and the stress. With weaning the first time round taught me to do with what I wanted to do. OK, the child was more compliant which made it a hell of a lot easier but I was more relaxed and I believe that influences parenting experience for all. 

7. When I had my first child I sterilised everything and had a panic attack if the lid of the bottle fell on the fall. Compare this to the second where the three-second rule applies right?! My thoughts are germs will help build his immune system and playing in mud is part of sensory play right ;)

8. As a new mum you want to try EVERYthing and get so absorbed in trying to be a perfect mother so therefore.o attended the dreaded baby group. The most boring thing in the world was attended by the groups. They nearly killed me with the stress of it and the social situations. I just found them so boring and the chat well was beyond tedious. I am just not one of the mums and certainly prefer structure play and not to be around small talk. Second time round I attended the baby groups and decided enough was enough. I am going to go to a dance group and the library group as I enjoy them as they are structured and love stories and songs over messy play ;) the pressure is not on so much and feels much more laidback about the issues around making sure my baby interacts properly. He has an older sibling so he is not going miss out. lol. 

9. When settling my eldest to sleep we cuddled him to sleep and then put him into his cot. where he would sleep soundly most through the night. In sharp contrast with having two children we put them together in their own bed in the same room and often leave them to get on with it. As they share a bedroom this impacted on them. Once we dropped the side of the cot for my youngest he would not settle at first. This impacted both my boys sleep settling as my youngest found it at first a novelty. So we had to stay there sitting with both boys fell asleep. However, one would wake up and crawl into the others bed. Normally my youngest as he is very affectionate and they would most of the time sleep together in one bed cramped together. Now, though it is more of a morning ritual for the boys to cuddle in bed at least us parents can have five minutes of peace before the mayhem begins.

10. When documenting baby's development you covered it and monitored intensely compared to the second child and you have some prints hitten away. But at least with the second time around you are not on tenterhooks as you know roughly what to expect. The major valuable lesson is that each child is different and will do what they want in their own time. Even if it is not what you expected most time you will find a way of muddling through.
Cheers for reading X


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