Alternative Christmas present guide (2018) **AD**

Hey readers,

This guide is to help people who don't want something traditional but a little bit different to get excited about this Christmas.

DNA testing Kit.

I will kick off with this interesting idea called Find my past DNA sampling kit. If someone that you know is interested in learning about your past history and relatives then this is the present for them.

It is basically you will receive a kit that includes activation code to set up an online account and this will be where you find out about your results. In the kit that will be sent directly via post in a box and inside, there is a testing kit. 

You can't drink for one hour after that time you swipe your mouth with the swab around anti-clockwise for about 45 seconds giving that enough time to collect some check cells. This then gets closed up ceiled in a bag and then you place it into the prepaid envelope to get your details tested.

Once the test sample is received you will be given details on your online account about information about past relatives, where they are from, what parts of the country they are from. Great if you want to find more about your family tree.

 Really simple to do and clear instructions on each step. The kits themselves are dispatched between 5-7 working days.

What the sampling kit looks like when received in the post.

Inside the kit instructions, sealed envelope, swab, and pre-paid envelope.

Taking a swab of my inside cell checks to send off to get tested.

This is what the sealed envelope looks like.

Mystery box.

Next on the list is the very popular trend that has occurred on Youtube and that is a mystery box.

 You get to send a box of random items through on Firebox you can select the kind of items you want such as gadget, unusual, foodie etc. 

It is great fun because there is that thrill of not knowing what to expect and opening up is a big surprise. It can either go two ways - really amazing stuff or absolutely pants. But hey the surprise and not knowing is what it is about.

Frefall Abseil at The ArcelorMittal Orbit.

 

This idea is for the person in your life who is an adrenaline junkie and gets their kicks out of risking their own life. I present you freefall abseil at the ArcelorMittal Orbit in London. You can buy this experience from Red Letter Days. 

You can't say this is not unique. What it comprises of abseiling down the tallest sculpture in the United Kingdom. It is located in Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park and showcases a stunning 115 metres in height. You can see iconic places such as the London Olympics. 

It is also a freefall abseil. Ascend to a platform on 80 metres up and take in the sky-high views of London. whilst being attached to the specially-designed safety system by expert Wire and Sky staff.

 Then take a deep breath, lean back and abseil down without touching anything until the ground is reached. Relish the scary yet exhilarating feeling of being mid-air and marvel at views of the Gherkin, St. Paul's, the O2 Arena and more on the way down. The duration of the experience lasts for two hours of pure excitement.

Cheers for reading X

This is an advertisement feature. I was given a Living DNA kit for free in exchange for a review. All opinions expressed are entirely my own.

Sensory Overload

Hey readers,

Today is a wet and miserable Saturday. I took the boys to go and see Santa because it was the best day for us with everything else that's happening in the run-up to Christmas. Also, like to mention husband was here as well so I had that support him.

I thought it would be a good time to take my eldest who is potentially autistic though we are in the process of getting him assessed.

I thought if he has a less busy day he may be able to manage better. However, that did not seem to be the case. He struggled with the experience. I don't know why but husband commented on the fact that his heart was racing and he was asking million and one questions. Overall, he was just generally really anxious and agitated.

Anyway, we decided to go to Sainsbury's which is just across the road from where we have been to see Santa in town. I wish I could stay outside with the boys because I hate going to the supermarket with other people, especially at a really busy supermarket.

 Of course, it was absolutely pouring it down. Why is it when it pours down and you feel meh it just makes it feel much worse.

I haven't been to a supermarket on a Saturday for a very long time and safe to say I still hate it with a passion, now I understand why I avoid it at all costs.

Not only was I struggles but also both boys were too. I don't think it helped that they were tired after walking about and with all the excitement of seeing Santa.

My eldest who decided to kick off in the supermarket and just say no to everything, however, we did give him a toy to help keep his mind occupied rather than focus on the anxiety.

 At this point, I was slowly beginning to crack up because I was really struggling with so many different factors I was on the brink of having a meltdown.

I generally forgot how bright the lights in the ceiling really affects my vision. Not to mention the noise was so loud, people were here and there with no order. My boys were arguing and demanding for this and that.

I had anxiety already as I knew my son could potentially kick off at any minute.

I needed to get out and I did I think at the right time. I feel a failure now because I just can't cope. Why did I have children? these type of questions circler my head because I am rubbish and still can't believe my husband allowed me to have children.

Yes, this is in the moment but these feelings are strong and they are hard to leave them behind. I am feeling yet again like an inadequate parent. I know that is the difficult part of having autism as a parent with having to face many a challenge. 

Somedays I can manage where others all I want to do is break down in a crumble and hideaway. So, I decided to write down my feelings in this blog post to help me accept the situation and not let it eat away internally.

Cheers for reading X

Seeing Santa at Coventry Transport museum.

Hey readers,

On Saturday I took both my boys to see the big man (Santa) locally to where we live. The Santa's grotto is held in Coventry Transport Museum which is in a perfect location to travel to as it is in the city centre - so very well easy to get to if you live locally or want to come and visit Coventry.

Going to visit is not like any other typical Santa's grotto - oh no you start of entering the room full of Christmas decorations, twinkly lights and Christmas songs blasting out of the speakers. It is great visual festive decor to get you feeling reading for Christmas.

Once you have gone through the line to the reception at the front you pay for tickets at the desk. You then depending on who is before you go through the door where you go take a seat on the sleigh.

The price of tickets and times. 

• The Santa vintage sleigh ride is open right up to Sunday 23 December. However, I would recommend going early as it gets very popular closer to Christmas and you could be waiting a long time in the queues.

• Monday - Friday - 11am till 5pm (last ride 4:30pm).

• Weekends - 9 am till 5 pm (Lat right at 4:30 pm).

• Children £6 / accompanying adult (up to three adults per child) £1.50. Entry fee includes a gift per child.

• Adult £5 (Individuals or where groups of adults exceed the three adults per child limit).

The sleigh is a mechanical moving transporter - it has a beautiful decoration with reindeers at the front, sparkling twinkly lights on the ceiling and Christmas decorations with tinsel etc. 

It is dark so bear that in mind but you can see with the low lights and the violet lighting that glows the reindeers of nicely.

Once you have reached the North Pole, takes approximately maybe three or four minutes. The sleigh door is open at the back for you and your family to step out into the festive corridor. You probably have to wait may a couple of minutes. That is ok as they have activities such as finding the words in the word search on the chalk walk. Plenty of things to see whilst waiting to meet Father Christmas.

When it is your turn you hand your ticket to the Elf and then you can go into the room to see Santa. Bear in mind it will be just family that are in the room with Elf and Santa and it is private as the door frame has a fabric sheet that closes you off t others. Therefore, if you do have a shy child then they only have to worry about Santa.

Now Santa is sitting on the chair waiting to hear about whether your child has been good this year. He is very friendly and makes you feel welcome. Both my boys were fine talking to him and Santa asked the odd question such as whether you are going to leave a mince pie out on Christmas Eve. 

Then they give out a present to each child which is wrapped in a bag so they have fun with the surprise of guesses what they get. The presents are what you can Santa grotto will have, both my boys received a dinosaur which is good because then there is no squabbling about the other one getting something different.

The meeting lasted a max of 5 minutes. We were then lead over to the exit door by the Elf which takes you back to the beginning in the waiting area. You just go out to the door on the right and you are right back at Coventry Transport museum entrance. So, there is no panics about getting lost if you are unfamiliar with where you are going.

Overall, it is a good experience as you get the sleigh ride as well. I am quite attached to it personally because I did the same thing as a child bar the fact that Santa grotto was in a completely different location.

It is a lovely festive treat if you're into that then do go check it out.

Cheers for reading X

Sensory Overload

Hey readers,

Today is a wet and miserable Saturday. I took the boys to go and see Santa because it was the best day for us with everything else that's happening in the run-up to Christmas. Also, like to mention husband was here as well so I had that support him.

I thought it would be a good time to take my eldest who is potentially autistic though we are in the process of getting him assessed.

I thought if he has a less busy day he may be able to manage better. However, that did not seem to be the case. He struggled with the experience. I don't know why but husband commented on the fact that his heart was racing and he was asking million and one questions. Overall, he was just generally really anxious and agitated.

Anyway, we decided to go to Sainsbury's which is just across the road from where we have been to see Santa in town. I wish I could stay outside with the boys because I hate going to the supermarket with other people, especially at a really busy supermarket. Of course, it was absolutely pouring it down. Why is it when it pours down and you feel meh it just makes it feel much worse.

I haven't been in a supermarket on a Saturday for a very long time and safe to say I still hate it with a passion, now I understand why I avoid it at all costs.

Not only was I struggles but also both boys were too. I don't think it helped that they were tired after walking about and with all the excitement of seeing Santa.

My eldest who decided to kick off in the supermarket and just say no to everything, however, we did give him a toy to help keep his mind occupied rather than focus on the anxiety. At this point, I was slowly beginning to crack up because I was really struggling with so many different factors I was on the brink of having a meltdown.

I generally forgot how bright the lights in the ceiling really affects my vision. Not to mention the noise was so loud, people were here and there with no order. My boys were arguing and demanding for this and that.

I had anxiety already as I knew my son could potentially kick off at any minute.

I needed to get out and I did I think at the right time. I feel a failure now because I just can't cope. Why did I have children? these type of questions circler my head because I am rubbish and still can't believe my husband allowed me to have children.

Yes, this is in the moment but these feelings are strong and they are hard to leave them behind. I am feeling yet again like an inadequate parent. I know that is the difficult part of having autism as a parent with having to face many a challenge. Somedays I can manage where others all I want to do is break down in a crumble and hideaway. So, I decided to write down my feelings in this blog post to help me accept the situation and not let it eat away internally.

Cheers for reading X

Hey readers,

This week's word of the week is:

As you are aware my son goes to beavers and each week one of the beavers gets to take home the cuddly beaver for a week. Well, this week it was my eldest turn, though it could have been my youngest as he too is a beaver now. So, at the weekend we have been carrying him about and on Saturday we took the beaver on a nature work to get some photos in. The beaver was so lucky he even got to go down the slide....Haha!

My boys share a bed together and of course, beaver had been taking part in a sleepover. I went into the bedroom the other night to see beaver the beaver tucked right in the middle between my two boys, cuteness overload.

I think the hardest part of having beaver is that my son gets very attached to him, so when we have to return the beaver he gets distraught. We have been telling him that he need let other children have a go because it is important to share and that if he is good then he may come back another week. This has helped him understand and feel a bit calmer.

Hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday photo 18/11/2018

Emotional

Hey readers,

This week has been

Because I have had a nasty cold and cough and that allows makes you feel ugh. 

I just haven't got the energy and there is always something you need to be doing. I did manage to go on a family walk on Saturday with the family, which I really enjoyed. 

I am glad I pushed myself to go out as I really didn't want to. The fresh air and taking photographs are two of my favourite things to do, so doing that really helped lift my mood.

I have also been on my period this week as ladies we all know what a pain and emotional wreck that can be. My anxiety is through the roof because of it. At least it is done now for another month, silver linings and all that.

I hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday Photo 11/11/2018

Hey readers,

My word is:

I don't know why but every year I get worked up about Christmas and I have to get all the presents sorted out. I tend to get very stressed because it is a chance and that stresses me out.

It doesn't help that things have gone wrong and you need to find the money to replace them, sod's law and all that. I wish I had savings but too poor for that. So, you worry about it all. Anyhow that has been sorted and is a huge relief. But the other night I spend writing and rewriting lists as it calms me. I just go into panic mode because I gotta kind of thing outside of the box and try to budget. 

I think because everywhere Christmas is being pushed now after Halloween has been done and dusted. anyhow, I got it all planned and feel back in control.

Cheers for reading X

Restore

Hey readers,

My word or the week is:

as it is the return school and the non-stop letters and now double the number of letters I receive as I have two kids that go to school now.

Of course, I had to mention Halloween. We decorated the home and looks awesome. Both boys went to a Halloween party and loved every minute of it especially when they had to try and eat a doughnut hanging up.

 They got suited and booted as well with their outfits - a witch and a Skelton. There was a disco and my eldest has really gotten into recently dancing so definitely in his element with that.

I am loving the early dark nights. I just feel more relaxed maybe because there are fewer people knocking around haha. I was also impressed with how well the boys managed with the clocks going back.

Cheers for Reading X

Lovely

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

This week has been fun having not the stress of raving our in the morning and relaxing. We went out for the day to Birmingham National sea life centre which the boys loved seeing all the fishes and penguins. Hubby and I were really impressed with how well the day turned out with no meltdowns which are a refreshing change.

We also had picnics and spent time outdoors in parks this week as we could be more flexible with time therefore not having to stress about time and have options to go to different places.

Overall this week has been lovely for my boys and myself as we have all really benefited from some downtime. Although not shew the will be happy next week with being introduced with the getting up early in the morning.

Hope you had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

What now.

I'm frustrated,

angry l,

and not in control.

the dread keeps me awake.

my eyes pinged,

on edge, I stay,

not knowing

but just waiting.

More harm then good.

There are times when I want to walk out the door, run away and vanish.

I don't have the strength and it hurts is not good enough.

I suck at living and sometimes I don't want to be here.

I want to hide away somewhere dark,

 quiet where no one can reach me.

It feels like an ongoing battle which constantly I need to fight.

It tires me out and I feel so alone and feel like I the only one.

This is my reality I have to live day in day out and it is exhausting.

Sometimes, I just want to die because I cause more harm than good.

Frustrated

Hey readers

My word of the week is:

I just had one of them weeks when things have been testing me and make me think what is the whole point of it all really.

I went the other day to a place further afield from where I live so had to get the bus which is stressful for me in its self. When I get to the place this was on a Wednesday morning post 9 am and oh my gosh the place was heaving full of oaps. 

I am not used to this environment so really struggled to navigate and manage the noise.  Typical I picked the busiest day of the week. 

Then I go do a bit shopping for odds and sods and then get to the till and find I have not got my bank card it is at home. I then panic at the to and have a panic attack. So that was frustrating because it took time to go there and come back.

The next thing that annoyed me was instructions and people making them clear meaning that was is expected is not being reached.

Anyway, it's a half-term holiday so we can have a jolly good rest from it all.

I hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

Tiring!

Hey readers,

My word of the week is :

This is because my eldest has been really pushing mine and my husband's buttons. 

Something about the weekend and he goes ballistic and one of the reasons could be that he has been suppressing a lot of how he feels from school. 

He mentioned early this week that he had a headache all the time from the top down to the bottom of his head. He said he feels scared all the time and I think it is down to anxiety that is causing it. Not sure if he is saying that because at the moment his emotions are high or if this is actually 100 % true. 

Of course, the school are pretty useless and any time they see my son after school have a meltdown they turn the other way because they don't want to acknowledge it because let's face it getting help = money.

Anyhow enough politics there I had my flu jab this week and my arm has a cracking brush, fingers crossed it protects me through the winter.

Hope hope you have had a good week.

cheers for reading X

Rollercoster

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

because my emotions have been very up-down. I have felt frustrated with the school regarding my son and feeling like I am fighting a battle. I have been struggling with depression (but won't depress you with that).

 I have also had some happy moments because depression is not always a straight line and mental health is very messy.

I was proud of my son this week as he received marvellous reader award from school. He hadn't needed to be asked to read this week because he has been really loving Roald Dhal Revolting rhymes, he was hooked. I also dug out Dirty Beasts by Roald Dhal this week and he was hooked. He loves the funny dark side of tales, which is a very good choice in my opinion....lol.

Also, this week I and hubby had a checky date night during a school night, haha. We went to see Simon Evans at Loughborough. It was a good night and just h tonic needed for both of us.

Hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

My Sunsay Photo 07/10/2018

Review of the Biscuit Baron *AD*

Hey readers,

ADVERTORIAL.

There are so many different subscriptions to chose from if want to see something exciting in the post every month. However, have you heard of The Biscuit Baron, well if not let me tell you it is something little bit different.

The biscuit Baron is a subscription box that provides biscuits from different countries every month. The company knows that biscuits are a love for British people and they want to explore further with how different countries like their biscuits.

What does the subscription box contain?

* 5-8 full-size packets of biscuits (with one savoury option included).

* A score chart to rate each biscuit on a scale from 1-10, a great activity to do with family or friends.

* A fact sheet with information from the country and a little bit of history.

Pricing.

There are several opinions you can just from a one-off plan with no renewal to 1,3,6 or 12-month subscription plan. Subscription boxes start from £15 per box, coming down to £13.33 for long-term plans and that includes the delivery in that price as well.

My verdict.

At first, I thought it was a bit expensive but then I thought of other subscription boxes and what you get in them (some of the miniature items) this was good value. I received five items and them full size as well so I thought it was a great way to try out new foods from different countries with a twist.

I like the fact that you get some new information from the country and I really had great fun scoring the biscuits on the chart with the family.

I liked the different varieties so you got a mix including savoury. My children got to try something new and learn something about the country of Italia.

They would make a fun Christmas present and something different for someone to try.

This is what the box looks like with all the items included in the Italian box.

Ringo Cookies.

A cookie that is a two-toned biscuit with a creamy filling that is packed full of energy but not too heavy. Brilliant texture for dunking and would make a great afternoon snack after school.

 

Testing out the duckability and get 100% Perfetto!

Tenerezze.

I think these biscuits were popular, the taste was beautiful with the lemon flavour and the texture was soft and crumbly, beautiful!

Biscuit galore!

Pan Di Stelle.

These biscuits are a cute design. Pan Di Stelle translates to Starry Bread. They go really well with a glass of milk because they taste of cocoa and hazelnut and a chocolate pastry.

Milllefoglie.

Millefoglie is a multilayered pastry with a sweet topping, funny enough it works really well dunking in a glass of milk and when dunked keeps the firmness without breaking apart.

Taralli Pizza Style.

These are the savoury item. They are small ring-shaped products with twisted ends typical for the southern regions.

 They had a lovely herby flavour though for me personally a bit too salty for my tastes. That being said my boys absolutely loved them.

Amaretti.

These biscuits are beautiful in flavour with the almond and have a lovely firm texture to them. They go perfectly with a perfect with a coffee.

Finally here is what the rating card for the biscuits below.

Cheers for reading X

I have gifted a subscription box in exchange for a review. However, all opinions expressed are entirely my own

My Sunday Photo 30/09/2018

My Sunday photo 23/09/2018

My Sunday Photo 16/09/2018

Adjusting

Hey readers,

My word of the week is

because my youngest has started full days at school this week and to say he is tired after school is an understatement. 

I was ambitious one day this week and took him to the library after school thinking he might enjoy it. Turns out nothing but winching and eventually a full down meltdown, joy I certainly learned from that experience. He is defiantly not used to full days like he does now.

I have been to the dentist which I hate but I had to have a filling which sucks, but it is done now. My dentist is social as well when he has fingers in my mouth, why. I can't answer him coherently.

I have been loving also the darker nights. It feels so much cosy to sit and wrap up with a throw.

I hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

Proud

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

This is because my youngest has coped so well with starting school and he's even got, special person. This is where two people in the class are a special person of the day and are chosen for good behaviour. 

Funny enough on the same day my eldest also got a special person of the day so they both met each other when they handed the registration as that is their job to do.

My youngest has now started to bring books home which I know he will absolutely love because he loves reading so much. I love reading to them as well because it's a way for me to connect. I'm not always good with social and play so reading gives me that change to connect with my children.

However, my eldest seems to be having problems with sleep again which I think it's to do with anxiety. Therefore it is all fun and games when you got two ratty children to deal with. Hopefully, it is just a phase and my eldest sleep pattern will return back to normal.

cheers for reading X

My Sunday Photo 09/09/2018

School

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

This is because it is the return of school and my eldest is going into Year 2 and my youngest started reception.

My youngest was super excited to start school and he absolutely loves it. Although he's only been doing half days this week until next week and it will be the whole day.

I think one of the reasons why my youngest is so excited because he just loves to be just like his eldest brother. I am pleased to report that he has adapted well and we've had no tears which are really good.

For me, it's slightly strange as it's so quiet but it is nice to go back to the routine and get things done without having children to entertain. I am amazed at how much easy is to do chores without children about and getting them done in half the time.

I'm not used to the alarm clocks mind and getting up so early so we will slightly tired by the end of the week.

Hope you have had a good week

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday Photo 02/09/2018

Mental

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

because we have crammed so much in for the last week. We started with going on a day out on the Severn Valley stream train followed by fish and chips, perfect!

We then needed to sort out buying uniform for my youngest who will be started reception on Monday, eek. What a drag it was to get a uniform mind. We had to go to several different supermarkets to get all the bits and bobs. That was not fun and then we still ended up ordering online anyway. I am glad that it is all done now.

Still, not all doom and gloom we did treat the boys after weeks of begging from the youngest we took the boys to see The Incredibles 2. It is a brilliant film and was not disappointed, because I thought being the second one might be a bit rubbish but no was a bit disappointed.

Hope you had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday Photo 26/08/2018

Wales

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

This is because we have been to Wales for a few days this week to see my husband relatives and a little mini-break as well.

I am so glad a few days off normal life because I just felt a bit monotonous.

We have visited the beach, which nothing beats good old fresh sea air. Lovely walks around the Welsh countryside and just a general change of scenery.

 The boys have loved going away and to them, it feels like an adventure. Seeing new things and doing something different is always fun for my boys.

We went to visit a copper mine so that was a something different and a good experience to see how things have changed over time.

Let's not forget to mention my boys love of getting to stay for at a Premier Inn which to them is the ultimate treat.

Hope you have had a good week.

cheers for reading X

Organised

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

Because that is how I have been feeling. It has been a productive week with getting things up on eBay. Which is easy but finding the time and energy to it is a totally different game.

It feels good to start getting on top of all the stuff, the boys have moved into a normal bed so need to sell their cot bed, end of an era. but so good to have a clear space and have more room for them to play. I can confirm they have which been thoroughly been enjoying.

It is so good to have a cooler week but we still got a couple of picnics in. so, much more enjoyable when you are not sweating and feeling uncomfortable. Everyone is less frustrated and ratty which is a breath of fresh air *excuse the pub*.

hope you have had a good week.

cheers for reading X

My Sunday Photo 12/08/2018

Routine

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

This week I have felt settled. It normally accrues during this time during the summer holiday when I have got used to the new routine. The boys have been a lot calmer this week too and we have restored normal service.

The eldest is super happy as he is now entered stage 5 of swimming and now he can be at the same level as his friend.

On Saturday my husband had a Beaver day at the local scouts and he got invested so now is an officially a beaver leader. I placed a bet that he would be the end of the year and guess what? I was right haha. The boys also enjoyed the Bbq and bouncy castle.

We have also been taking part in the summer challenge at the local library which has helped encourage my son to read.

So overall a rather pleasant week has been had.

I hope to have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

Peaceful

Hey readers,

This week my word of the week is:

As I haven't done a lot but it is just wan I needed for me to rest as I was totally exhausted mentally and physically. 

I have been to the park, scooting and checking out museums close by home. It has been pleasant and I have just rested which I believe has helped my soul. I think I just needed time to shut down.

 I have to take it slow, which I have been doing with pottered about, reading and just generally taking it easy.

Also, the boys have been kept busy with accessing free swimming lessons (they also have their normal ones) so that is one of knackering them out, #mumhack.

My eldest has also gone to the occupational therapist to help with hand control. We have had issues as he is left-handed but won't write with his left hand. 

This is because he believes that because I am autistic and left-handed that will mean he will be the same. I try to tell him that really doesn't matter what hand you write with there will always be autistics who either write in their left or right hand. It has been a struggle so hope these sessions will help.

Hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

I am a slug!

Hey readers,

I promised to write more positive posts but then I would not be true to myself. I don't want to give the impression my life is all lovely and full of flowers when really it can be pretty crap being autistic and trying to cope.

My brain is dead!

One of the things I seem to struggle is finding my mojo....whereever you are please come back soon, I miss the buzz of the get-up and go!

I feel meh....I know it is only a feeling and that too shall pass. But right now it is hard work to get up and go. I wish I had motivation but having quite an emotional week with downers and feeling well suicidal at one point. 

I kept thinking life would be much better if I wasn't here, I f*ck up too much. Don't worry it was a brief moment when I was right down low and I wanted me to take me.

 I am still here fighting. I am always fighting and you know what it is bloody tiring. I have to battle my thoughts and try to get on with it and during the summer holiday, it is more intense.

I am sure I will feel better soon, emotions are exhausting and you need time to heal. I sure do, I am exhausting, I just want to stop thinking for a bit. I am constantly planning and preparing because if I don't then I stumble, badly. 

Communication, as I have said previously in posts, is something I struggle with, even if it is with people I know. I tend to have a catalogue or format in my head on how to speak. 

Sometimes, I am too exhausted. You could call me anti-social - which would be true. However, space is a big thing for me, I am an introvert by heart and I have come to accept that. I need calm and quiet to move forward.

I suppose writing this out, it has helped clear my thoughts and made me realise that the one thing I need is rest. I need time to heal. It is important to me and it will help greatly.

  I used to be embarrassed by the fact that the social aspect of life makes me so tired and frequently need that rest. 

I think because of a lot of mental energy and that soon saps away especially if I am working harder as I don't have the correct natural skills to do the communicating so many people so automatic and they don't have to even think about.

Sometimes, we have to stop and have a break. It just feels that everywhere there is this notion that you have to be on the go 24-7 but that isn't the case? 

I suppose that is why the slow movement has been come popular and a lot of people like myself are getting tired of this fast pace called life.

I think one of the hardest things for me as an autistic is to accept that some things will always be a struggle and that they do tire me.

 I need to learn to rest and not see myself as a failure because of this. I am sure people don't look at people with a broken leg or whatever and view them as not thriving. 

I just have to work around my limitations and do what can do. At least I can say I have tried.

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday Photo 29/07/2018

Change

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

First of to kick start the summer hols on day son decides to run in the kitchen with the tablet and accidentally drop it on the floor. Restyling in leaving a wonderful massive crack on the tablet, excellent stuff.

We decided to try out the camping for one night this week and sadly I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't cope with the whole situation due to my autism. SO now I feel pretty crappy about myself about the whole situation that I am not good parent again because I cannot do what normal people do. 

I had a meltdown because of all the stresses and I worry that my husband thinks I'm a right diva but I'm not I just can't cope with the situation. I am useless with change and dealing with new environments especially when it involves waiting around. It just a big massive trigger for me.

Cheers for reading X

End

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

because it is finally the end of the summer term and glad for a break because both I and the boys are shattered. why is it at the end of the year I just feel washed out.

Hubby has benefits sorting out camping as we are doing it again this year. I struggle with spending days away with my autism so we are going to have to small holidays in the UK, making it more manageable for me and my health. I am blessed that my eldest is so understanding with me and how I am.

I can not believe also that now both my boys will be going to school in September, eek! Also means having to pay for two sets of school shoes, joy!

Husband has been helping at my son's beaver class and he is now an official leader. I predicted he would by the end of the year, I love it when. I am right haha.

Cheers for reading X