Monday, 1 April 2019

5 Ways to stop over apologising.

Hey readers, 

I think it is a British problem where I myself often apologise even though I have done nothing wrong. It is like I am in autopilot and I want to keep the peace even though the other person doesn't care, it's hard-wired in my head. So, trying to learn how to get out of this habit which I have been doing for a number of years I have got some ideas on trying to overcome this problem. I thought I would share them as someone else may find this useful if they are in the same boat as me with over apologising. 


1. Pause.

When you feel the need to apologise for a good habit to get into is passing before you apologise. Allowing yourself time to think before acting can maybe kick in other ideas and make you think whether apologising is worthwhile. 

2. Triggers. 

Sometimes, it is good to reflect and think why you feel the need to apologise, is it because you have anxiety and you are worried about what people think? or you don't like confrontation. A task you can do is write out some situations where you feel you apologise and instead write out a different outcome such as, instead of saying, sorry you could swap it with can you please help me understand better? This allows you to communicate and be direct but being assertive with your words.

3. Silence. 

I think one of the reasons that I feel the need to apologise is because of that awkward silence when you really not sure what to do after an incident. I have learned to embrace the silence and yes at times it is uncomfortable but pushing myself in the comfort zone teaches me to accept and stand tall. 

4. Swap. 

Often we say sorry when someone gives us a compliment but instead of brushing that compliment under the carpet accepting it and saying thank you is a much better way of dealing with the situation, You are expressing gratitude and it is ok to be happy when something good is talked about you, your not big headed but allowing the compliment to happen and taking it on board.

5. Empathy. 

Instead of opting to say sorry for a response to show empathy why not swap with an empathetic response because it is giving the person the feeling that you want to understand. You could say something like, 'that sounds really difficult for you'. Not only does it give the individual sense that you are listening but it allows the conversation to be opened up and explored more instead of sorry which is a closed off reply to a conversation. 

5. Feedback. 

It can be convenient to just apologise in a situation but this can give you low self-esteem or make you feel anxious. It is far better if you ask for feedback from the person such as, 'can you tell me a way I can make this situation better?' this then can make you feel more positive and take control over the situation as you are coming with ideas to improve and wanting to change. 

Have you overcome over apologising? What ways help you to stop saying sorry? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below. 

Cheers for reading X 

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