Observations from having two children

Hey readers,

I am lucky enough to be blessed with two boys. I remember in the earlier days of having my second child how completely different my world turned, compared to just having one bundle of joy.

Firstly, when having two children you need to have skills in multi-tasking and making sure each child has their own needs met. For example, when it comes to playing having suitable aged toys available to them. 

An example of this would be a playmat for the baby but for the toddler more advanced toys such as stacking blocks.

Online shopping or having the opportunity to take one child out is a blessing. 

I found it so hard trying to navigate a child and a pushchair. I am really lucky enough to get my hubby to look after one child whilst I went shopping with the other child.

 This situation really good for me right now as my eldest needs a lot of one-to-one attention when it comes to practicing writing. Therefore, I don't feel as guilty. But I am slowly learning for everyone's sanity is it is ok to ask for help.

Make sure if you have two children of close age to make sure that whenever you chose something for them make sure that the item is exactly the same. 

Even if it is the same colour beaker, trust me the arguments over silly minor things like having a different colour cup are shocking. It keeps things calm and it protects your hearing from all the squabbling, win-win!

If you have electronic devices make sure there are two. I will one day persuade hubby to get another tablet because really it gives us all peace. Currently, I dread when one child asks can they have the tablet, it is a nightmare. Sod the art of learning when it comes to technology, I opt for peace if I could. Until that day I am very much miffed at hubby, 😉.

A good thing about having two children is that the second time around you kinda know generally what to expect. I felt more relaxed and confident as a parent with things like potty training and weaning.

Having a second child close in age is fantastic as my boys have such a strong bond and have a play partner. Not saying that they always get on as Pickering often happens but I know they care and love one another. I don't think you can ask for much more than that as a parent of two children.

Cheers for reading X

 

Constructive ways to manage parental burnout

Hey readers,

This week I have been really burnout and depressed. I feel alone and somewhat embarrassed even scared to talk to my partner about worries I constantly have failure at being a mother.

 It does not help that I am being judged by external services with being autistic that over time paranoia and anxiety have built up causing it to interference with my day to day life.

I will be honest it scares me to be open about this but one thing that I found helpful was reading other people's accounts and getting that sense of solidarity.

 I have got social anxiety therefore naturally inclined to worry a lot about people's judgements and fear of failure in front of others. It does not help that we live in a society where mental illness is frowned upon. I've experienced it myself which makes you even more scared and you get caught in a trap. 

So all the blogs and information out there on the internet I am so glad that people are brave to talk about mental health issues.

Anyhow, I am concentrating on ways to help me and thought I would share some of the tools that have helped ease the pressure and reduce the risk. Not saying that it will cure but it might help reduce the 'burnout' that you're experiencing.

1. 1. Get in the mode of being good enough, setting a lower benchmark makes you feel more relaxed, less pressured and from my own personal experience, you then get to enjoy the experience rather than worry and get in a state about meeting this unrealistic ideal.
   2. Perfectionism is something I struggle with especially in terms of my image of parents. It is about being realistic and knowing what is achievable. Also learning about moderation and not going from one extreme to the next but being aware that it is OK for instance if the telly is on. Plus the telly has actually helped with my son's speech development and made improvements.
   3. Learn to relax is one of the hardest things to do. I am one of those catastrophic thinkers and find anything to get anxious about. I have found that not reading newspapers, articles or the news relating to childhood. I found it hard as it is not black and white and so many variables that influence behaviour. That does not me from focusing on just one element rather than looking at the whole situation. It has resulted in me getting obsessive to an unnatural amount. Sometimes ignorance is bliss and if I am that worried I speak to the health visitor. I have found to focus my time on reading books or trashy magazines, colouring to grow up adult books (cause I'm cool) and focus on walking. All these distraction techniques have helped me relax and not be so obsessive ability my parental anxieties. It is good to have something other than parent-related activities in your life as it gives you a chance to think about others and reduce stress.
   4. Identify the positives as it just makes you feel good. It is so important to make sure you are aware of the good in life. It can be hard to do as you can get caught up in the spiral of negative thinking. I have brought a line a day diary that is kept next to my bed so that I can write something positive. Even if it is just one word that is a starting point.
   5. Know you're not alone, parenting can be very isolating especially with mental health issues. Just reading blogs or looking on specific websites knowing you're not alone and other people have experienced what you have gone through.
   6. Make time for you even if it is just 10 minutes a day, it will do you the world of good as you are doing something for yourself and not anyone We all need a break from time to time.
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Thanks for reading X

My Sunday Photo 07/03/2021

My Sunday photo 28/01/2021

My Sunday photo 21/02/2021

My Sunday photo 31/01/2021

The many facades of a parent

Hey readers,

You never really understand what it is like to be a parent until one day you become a parent. I know cliche but so, so true. 

When I am thinking about my role as a parent there are so many different roles that make up a parent. There is more than just the practical side of just keeping the child alive and well.

 So I am going to uncover some of the roles that I do when I am playing the role of a parent.

Entertainer: of course trying your best to keep your little ones entertained, thank goodness for the likes of Pinterest to get you feeling motivated.

Cleaner: Yep you clean them, bath them, do all the washing, cleaning, and cooking. Never would I imagine being one of those people that say that there is never enough hours in the day. 

Jeez, I am a fully-fledged parent now doomed to get pleasure from reaching the end of the washing basket for all the length of two minutes ;)

Counsellor: you will be there to comfort your little ones through the great pains of life. You will hold there hand and try to find the words that are suitable.

 You will try to listen to the irrational ideas and try to think like a child which for me is pretty dame hard. But a skill that you develop, some more than others, *ahem*.

Debator: as soon as your little joy learns to talk you will find that you have to learn the skill of saying the right thing and thinking on your feet for them tricky questions like why can't I be a woman? what is love?  why do people die young? 

Also, you need to have the right amount of information for suitability for the child. I personally find this tricky as you can easily get into a tangled web without even thinking about it.

Educator: You are responsible for educating your child, making sure that they know how to use the toilet, learn to speak, communicate, read, write, develop some sort of emotional intelligence. 

You don't realise how big this responsibility is. It feels like a never-ending journey, as soon as you smash one milestone another challenge emerges.

Negotiator: this is challenging especially if the child does not like the word no. It can be tricky during the time when they are two but let's face it they don't like being told what to do at any age. 

Sometimes you have to meet in the middle where both child and parent are happy. If you have two children you have to teach them that they have to share and they will soon learn the harsh reality that life is a bitch and you can't always get what you want. Although, sometimes you can and that is good enough.

Referee: this is aimed at if you have two children or more. All-day long I am constantly having to break up arguments, stopping the rough and tumble that gets out of hand and try d generally to stop World War Three from kicking over both of them wanting the blue sodding plate. 

The best advice I can give you if you have two children is ALWAYS to make sure that if you buy them something that is exactly the same for the other child.

 It doesn't matter whether it be a sweet or a 99p balloon, they will argue over it and moan about why they haven't got the same thing as the other child.

Are you a parent? Do you think there is more than one facade in being a parent? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X

Why I hate being a woman.

Hey readers,

Sometimes as a female it is hard, it sucks and frustrating. Here are my top 10 reasons why I hate being a woman (sometimes).

1. Period.

Of course, the period is the first thought when it comes to being a woman. 

You have to have a period every month and not only is physical matter but it messes you up mentally as well. 

Then when you are pregnant you think you can miss this oh no wait until after you are cursed with a period for 28 days,  full-on heavy with a newborn, joy!

It is absolutely knackering and your emotions are all over the place from being ecstatic one minute to being really sad the next. Periods are a lot of work for us, women, to have to manage every. single. month. 

2. Social pressure.

I find in this modern world with so many noisy messages whether on tv or social media a lot of pressure to be a certain way. 

If that wasn't bad enough then there is a lot of judgement from the outside about the way we are as women and how we behave. 

3. Bitchiness. 

Being around women is definitely not all smelling of roses and the idea that you are part of sisterhood is something that I don't believe in. 

It can be brutal and women can go behind your back and be very bitchy. You have to have your wits on you and be careful who you trust.

4. Bras. 

Bras are a pain. Yes, they provide support for your boobies but they are uncomfortable after a period of time. 

One of the best feelings I think for a woman is after being out all day and that feeling of relief after taking your bra off!

5. Childbirth.

Childbirth is hell and painful. Just image a watermelon coming out of your fufu.

6. Hot weather.

Can't take your top off in the hot weather, unlike the other species.

7. Hormones.

Hormones are hard to deal with especially after childbirth and definitely I feel my hormones are worse during my time of the month.

8. Mood.

 If you kick off or in a bad mood people put it straight down to 'time of the month'. People instantly think it is your period that effects your mood. 

Actually, there could be something else other than periods that have triggered your bad mood. 

9. Stereotypes. 

Social stereotypical pressures, just because I am female does not make me automatically good at something like parenting or cooking. 

Let's be radical maybe see the person rather than the gender that plays out what they are good at. 

10. Running.

Running with a bigger chest is annoying especially if your late for a bus and need to run to catch it. It is annoying when your bangers bouncing about. Seriously, if I could chop them off I would they are merely an inconvenience.

Can you relate to any of these observations about being a woman? What do you think about being a woman love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below? 

Cheers for reading X

Barbie is a k**b!

Hey readers,

I will be honest with you here I think Barbie is a k**b and she is not a very good role model for youngsters. I have stated my reasons below  

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1. She is so vain, all she seems to care about is what she looks like. Given girls, this warped up the sense that to get anywhere in life in order to be popular you have to be pretty.

2. Barbie has unrealistic expectations around body image. She makes out that you can be or do anything you want as long as you are blonde, tall and skinny.  To me, this sends out a negative message and can cause anxiety. Let's not forget the dodgy ratio which us so ridiculous it is laughable.

3. She is so sexualised and it is about looking sexy with the short clothing, heals and tits out, come on let girls be girls, childhood is short-lived so let them just have fun and be innocent.

 4. Barbie does not look her age, she is 57 years old people and in real life properly would have some serious surgery to keep her youthful looks.

5. Her feet are not designed for heels 👠 which is a bit weird anyway. Let's face it flat shoes rule, fuck you beauty standards.

6. Barbie dolls make out they are thick and have little intelligence. Let's look at an example; Mattel brought out a book which features Barbie in it called I Can Be A Computer Engineer. Which portrayed Barbie as lacking the skills to know what the hell is happening and a need to constantly rely on male classmates for help.

7. She thinks she is perfect in everything but this bollocks as we all know that perfection is NEVER going to happen as it does not exist!

8. She is materialistic and all she cares about is buying clothes, cars and having a good time. Shouldn't we be teaching kids deeper stuff instead of money makes the world go round?

9. She has weird body ratios that are mind-boggling. Her neck is super long. Her legs are longer than her arms by 50% compared to normal average women only being 20%.  Her 16-inch waist would leave only room for the liver and a few inches of intestines. You get the idea of just a few examples I provided.

So yeah, Barbie sucks and OK dolls are for imaginary play so, therefore, some leeway. But there is a Barbie programme now sadly which I have sat through. 

All I get from this programme is how pretty I am and look at me. This clearer is being televised for young viewers to watch which as they are clearly venerable at that cage with getting sucked in the message of these stupid ideas. 

It can have psychological effects with anxiety and self-consciousness with who you. So, even though Barbie may come across as an innocent toy be very careful of the subtle messages she sends out.

What do you think about Barbie? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below.

Cheers for reading X

5 things I have learnt about motherhood

Hey readers,

This mother role is hard work, don't get me wrong sometimes it can be fun, lovely, honourable. On the flip side, you can feel anxious, scared or even dread at times.

 

It is so hard to get it right but sometimes just going along and being there in that you learn a lot more then any manual will tell you. Here are some of the things I have learnt going through the journey of motherhood.

1. Sometimes being a mum feels like a constant treadmill that you have to keep running to keep the balance right. It feels constant and repetitive. Sometimes I get this feeling of restlessness that will never end. 

For example the never-ending pile of washing. Just when you think you have completed all the washing within half an hour there is another load appeared.  But you know what it is OK to stop, have a break from it and do something different. Have a day off because you know what you deserve it regardless of what the media say!

2. Sometimes you mess up spectacular and you know what I have learnt that it is OK. Nobody provides that perfect parenting book.  Sometimes you just winging and learning as you go. Knowledge may be powerful but the experience is also up there with understanding in my opinion.

3. You know sometimes your child may act aggressively towards you. At that moment you just want to shout, "WILL YOU JUST STOP". What really they need is your attention and affection even if they are being little shits, sometimes there may be an underlying reason. 

This was one of my biggest challenges as I have Asperger syndrome which makes it really, really difficult to understand body language etc so I really had to work my butt off to understand and put myself in someone elses shoes. 

I don't always get it right because saying and doing ate two different things. But practice and working at it all you can do and remembering that no one is perfect.

4. Learn the art of negotiation and you will find that both child and parent will win. It is tough but gives it time and it gets better and your relationship changes. 

I definitely notice a change between me and my children's relationships. Sometimes it is hard to listen to your child especially if you have a million and one things to do. 

You just instant behaviours sadly we won't always get it. Listening is a valuable skill that will help strengthen your relationship. It does take time however I can verify that it has rewards in the long term. When I take a step back and listen my child is more willing and responsive. 

Over time it gets easier, not always of course because life is not like that. I can confirm though that there are significant changes in a  more harmonious environment. Which makes parenting a hell of a lot easier.

5. One of the major things I have learnt through raising my children is patience and dedication. I sometimes have to hold back/ put on a mask or stay quiet. 

I have found this helps as I can't always deal with immediate emotional responses due to my disability. I need time to digest and reflect before decisions. 

I have learnt to wait before I react as I am better mentally prepared to deal with that situation. Sometimes us parents just need to have five minutes away from the child to cool down the situation. It helps to break down the negativity and coming back to the situation at a later date with fresher eyes to deal with it.

Cheers for reading X