Ways to deal with anger.

Hey readers,

Life can be tough and at times you can feel angry and lash out. In this post, I have written about ways to use that angry in a constructive manner so that people don't get hurt but you can deal with the angry positively.

Sometimes having a distraction can help you stop from focusing on the anger. One good tip would be is to count up to 10 or down or if you are super angry 100. This will allow time to cool down as such and give you that break to think.

Do something to use up the rage, maybe go for a run, rip paper or like me clean kitchen floor and get that frustration out of your system. I always better after cleaning up and I have the added bonus of a tidy kitchen, whoop!

I know this can be hard but if you are in a situation that is causing that angry it is better to hold your tongue and walk away in the long term.

 We all have said things in the heat of the moment and when you are angry you can't think straight. That is why it is better to walk away and postpone what you want to say at a later date when you are thinking rational and calm. 

This also reduces the risk of saying something harmful just because at the time you wanted to hurt someone because you yourself were actually hurting. 

Speak to someone
 about how you are feeling. This can help if it is anger that is a long-term problem. I problem shared is a problem halved, especially if is someone that you can trust and may be able to offer some answers to your problems.

 However, sometimes or we want to do is vent and that is ok too because it is better to let it out then keep it bubbling away inside.

Find a solution - maybe not instantly but read on the internet or ask someone for advice on how to deal with your situation that you are in.

When I am angry I am just not in the mood for anything. I simply need to do is go to bed and sleep before making a big decision. 

I feel much calmer after having a rest and it gives me a better think more clearly.

Sometimes, I can not always express myself verbally so I grab a pen and pad and write it down. It feels fantastic after because it is much clearer to see the problem rather than going over and over things in my head.

You know what I love? a good cry and that is all you need to do sometimes is to have that moment to breakdown in my room and get it out of my system. After a cry, I feel tons better and I love calming feeling after.

Hope this helps.

Thank you for reading X

Positives about lockdown and autism.

Hey readers, 

So I was thinking about the Coronavirus and the whole situation of lockdown in terms of the benefits of the restrictions we currently have to face regarding being autistic like myself.

 Of course, there are lots of elements that heighten my anxiety regarding lockdown. However, this post is focusing on the positive aspects of the lockdown and autism. 

Whilst walking on my daily walk (for mental health cause I need that fresh air) how lovely it was that there was fewer cars and people about.

There feels like a relaxed atmosphere whereby people aren't rushing around in a chaotic manner like pre-Corona times.

 It feels calm even though yes it is totally uncertain and it sucks being told to stay at home under certain conditions. However, I believe there is always good and bad elements in any situation. 

So, I think lockdown can be helpful for people who are autistic like myself. For one reason fewer people are going out meaning quieter times, less noise and more ability to think without loads of busyness occurring around me. 

Going shopping (because there is no chance of getting a shopping slot where I live) therefore I have to go out. However,  I do aim to go out in quieter times so that means fewer people in the shop anyway, therefore, meaning I can focus more on what I need to do. 

Let's not forget the 2-meter rule in the shop which means that people are keeping their distance. It is much better for me as there is a space between people which pleases me because I like my space.

 I don't get as anxious because there are fewer people about in the shop which makes it is so much easier to handle doing the task of getting food when needed. 

If I have to get a bus it is often empty and my God is it something I hardly ever before experienced especially during the day. 

It is so much more relaxing because people don't get in your personal space or try and sit next to you on the bus. With the social distancing makes me feel less dread going on public transport because I get my personal space and people keep their distance. 

Therefore, I don't need to worry about social distancing as I don't like closeness like that anyway so for me I don't need to change my behaviour in regards to that. 

I feel more relaxed going out and when I come home I don't feel as tired because there is fewer things in the outside environment that are triggering for me. 

Before the current situation we are living in at the moment I would have to have some time alone after going out to bring back my anxiety levels down.

I am not as anxious going out because I know it is a lot quieter with fewer people around. I don't have to feel so paranoid when it comes to catching someone's expression because no one is around or people don't like making eye contact during this Corona period I have noticed.  

As I am more relaxed, I am able to do shopping correctly without forgetful or dropping items on the floor because of my shaking hands.

I can focus without my mind chattering 90 miles an hour to the dozen because of the heightened anxiety. 

So as you can see due to the quietness of the impact of the Coronavirus lockdown this means in some situations it can actually help me with my autism. 

Thanks for reading X 

What Mindfulness Can Do For You

Hey readers, 

You may very well have heard of mindfulness before. The word alone might make it sound like just another wellness fad that sounds good but has no real effects. 

That couldn’t be further from the truth, however. It’s more a tool than anything else, one that can be used in a variety of different ways. 

It helps you become much more aware of what’s happening at the moment, including what’s going on around you but also your own immediate reaction to it and the kind of actions that certain situations encourage you to take.

 Here, we’re going to look at how this can really help you.

How do you use it?

As a state of being or a cognitive tool, mindfulness isn’t easy to simply “switch on” whenever you need to. At least, not a first.

 There are different ways to help yourself achieve. Taking part in a repetitive activity that focuses on concentration, whether it be yoga or colouring, can help you get to a mental state where you’re much more aware of the body and the world around you.

 Meditation can help you become much more mindful of your thoughts and your past responses to certain situations.

 Even physically, breathing exercises and focusing on the part of your body causing you pain can help you control your mental response to that pain, making it feel much less unbearable.

Reduce your distractions.

We all have distractions that get in the way when we’re trying to be productive. Whether we’re at work, trying to relax, or focusing on a hobby at home, our mind can be pretty cluttered. 

Mindfulness can help you grow more aware of what issues are plaguing your mind. Deep breathing exercises can help you remove mental chatter by taking a short break to become much more focused on one thing and ignoring the background noise.

Improves cognition.

Mindfulness can even potentially make you smarter. As you become more used to meditation and achieving mindfulness at the moment, it can have much stronger long-term effects.

 This includes the ability to use that sense of distance from a problem in real-time. 

Rather than stress in response to a difficult question or situation, you’re more likely to take a mental step back, look at it from afar, and try to gain a new perspective on it in order to find a solution. 

In scientific terms, mindfulness meditation has been known to show serious growth in grey matter, particularly in the hippocampus region which plays an important role in learning and memory. 

You’re more likely to be able to focus at the moment, think creatively, learn new skills, and recall information much more easily.

Changing your most destructive habits.

One of the reasons mindfulness is most often used in therapy is that it can help you become much more aware of what causes you to engage in self-destructive habits. 

From self-harm to dependency on substances such as alcohol or drugs, you can become more aware of the mental processes that lead you to engage in such dangerous behaviours. 

 Beyond helping to separate you from the temptation of those habits, you might want to ensure that is cognitive or mindfulness therapy that can help you identify the steps leading to them.

Learning why you do what you do.

Whether it’s engaging in the destructive coping mechanisms mentioned above or simply learning why you might have an emotional overreaction as a response where it isn’t warranted, mindfulness can help you become much more aware of why you do what you do.

These are becoming much more widely known as emotional triggers. By practising meditation, therapy, breathing exercises, or other mindfulness methods, you are likely to become more mindful in real-time. 

This can help you work backwards, whenever you feel a craving for a certain habit or a strong emotional response, you can identify and start to recognise the triggers.

 This can help you avoid said triggers as well as learning to anticipate them and to have much more control over your immediate response.

Taking yourself out of your emotions.

When you’re looking to quickly relax, having practised mindfulness in the past can help you get out of your own emotions and take a much calmer look at a situation.

 One of the reasons that deep breathing is so effective in helping you calm down isn’t just that it slows your heart rate and physically relaxes the body. 

It encourages you to take a mental step back. You can gain some perspective on the feelings of stress or anxiety you’re having, including what triggered them in the first place. 

Instead of being in a “doing” mode where you are focusing on your immediate response to stress, you are in a “being” state of mind, where the inactivity can help you better manage your emotions.

Look back with a new perspective.

As mentioned, mindfulness isn’t just good for managing your emotional responses at the moment. 

It encourages you to take a relaxed step back in time to better study your own behaviour and responses. Often, dwelling on the past can come with a sense of regret of unease, because we have the urge to “correct” the mistake.

 Using mindfulness, whether through meditation or through apps, allows you to take a more objective look with the aim of simply better understanding yourself rather than trying to actively do something about it. This helps you respond a little better the next time you face a similar situation.

Mindfulness encourages you not only to become more in control of yourself but also to recognise why sometimes you might engage in behaviour that you know isn’t healthy.

It’s become much more widely used in the world of medicine and therapy, but you can take steps to make your own personal life more mindful, too.

Cheers for reading X 

Ways to find axiety relief.

Hey readers.

If you are a regular you will know that I suffer from anxiety and depression for a number of years. 

I have explored many ways to help reduce the mental distress that these conditions cause me. I thought I would share some of the successful ways that have helped reduce my anxiety.

Laugh - such a fun and easy way to make you feel good. I love a good stand up DVD or someone funny that you can get off  Youtube really put me in good spirits.

Have a bath - it can help you relax and soothe your pains away. If you are like me then with my anxiety I tense my body, so much so at the end of the day, my muscles are aching.

 I love a hot bath and something soothing in it to help relax me. It is perfect to help with getting a good night sleep.

Sleep - sometimes life can get too much with all the worry that anxiety brings. I just take myself to bed early, close the curtains and just put some relaxing music on to help make me drift away. I feel so much better in the morning because I have allowed myself to switch off and just relax.

Talk to someone - it doesn't have to be someone you know could be a helpline or talking anonymously to someone on a forum. It is a massive relief just getting things off your chest even if you find no solution.

If in doubt at all go to your doctors and seek professional help. Don't be ashamed as you are not alone, many people suffer from mental health issues.

Sometimes, I don't always have the vocal skills to express what is on my mind so a good way that has helped me is to write down how I am feeling. 

I feel that once it is down it stops getting messy in my mind. With my thoughts been written down on it feels more concrete and a lot easier to understand.

A brilliant anxiety technique to do is try deep breathes. At first, it feels funny but the more you practice the more it will feel natural to you.

 It is brilliant for getting more air into your lungs and using them to your full compacity rather than just doing quick and fast rapid breathing.

 Breathing more oxygen exchange meaning release of the hormone cortisol which helps with destresses. There are plenty of videos of guided how-to videos o it on youtube.

Sometimes we can feel that whatever we are thinking must be true, but reminding ourselves that actually, not all feelings are facts. 

They can be illogical and biased. We chose what we want to believe in, there are so many thoughts that we produce but we get stuck on all the negatives one that we let slide the other side of the argument.

Finally, one that I do regularly as I find it so beneficial but it is the most difficult and that is a change of scenery. It can be so easy to just stay indoors when it feels safe.

Cheers for reading X

6 ways to keep sane during a lockdown.

Hey readers,

We are in the mists of the Corona Virus outbreak impacting on everyone's life resulting in having to spend more time at home. 

But it can be tough especially when the boredom kicks in so here are my top 6 tips on how to keep sane during the lockdown.

1. Walk.

As the government have stated it is ok to go out once a day for a walk or bike ride. 

Fresh air can do the world of good (just make sure that you keep your 2 metres distance from people and avoid busy areas). 

Not only does this help with physical health but mental health too which is equally as important. When going outside it can help to break up the scenery of the day so you're not stuck 24 hours inside the four walls.

2. Exercise.

Exercise is so good for you, it can relief frustration and increase the number of positive hormones being secreted such as serotonin (associated with happiness) and reduce negative ones like cortisol (which relates to stress).

There are so many choices online via Youtube and virtual gyms that you don’t have to feel stuck in what you do. 

You don’t even have to do gym type exercise there are kitchen discos you can join in via Tic Tok or take part in Yoga.

Of course, if you have children you can join in with PE with Joe Wicks. 

Therefore as you can still load of positive ways to incorporate exercise in the home.

3. Organisation.

Now is a great opportunity with the spare time on your hands to sort out your home and put some organisation whether it is cleaning out your make draw or sorting out the kitchen this time is fantastic to get stuff done.

4. Reach out.

Just because we are self-isolating doesn't mean you have to stop all forms of communication.

 We are blessed with technology with the likes of House Party, Face Time and What's App to name a few where you can still speak to people at a distance.

Some people set up groups where you can hold a virtual book group for instance with friends. Where you can get time to read and connect with others with what you have read. 

This can make you feel less isolated and get social contact all within your home.

5. Escapism.

Dig into a boxset whether it is a comedy or a thriller say take that time out. 

This is the time to enjoy something on the box that takes your mind of the current situation we are living in at the moment for a while.

It is good to have a rest and watch something that gives you enjoyment.

6. News.

Don’t focus on the news 24/7 because that will send you quackers. Setting a certain amount of time watching the news such as the 6pm news headlines or the daily conference the government holds. Putting up barriers on how much news coverage will help keep you sane.

I know these times are scary and there is a lot of uncertainty in the world at the moment. However, like always the press love to scaremonger and with how big Corona Virus is they are going to use that a lot in the media.

 Yes, it is serious but you can’t just sit in the corner scared, use common sense and protect both your physical and mental health.

Cheers for reading X 

If you get tired learn to rest, not to quit.

Hey readers,

Sometimes life can be hard right?! Sometimes trying to keep up with the momentum is challenging and you just not getting that buzz to continue. In actual fact, it is damn right hard to keep motivated and it can be quite draining.

It can be so easy to quit because then you don't have to deal with it or need to continue thinking of how you can overcome the obstacle that is so challenging. 

I think back to many a time that I have been in this situation but there is one vital lesson I have learned and that it is ok to have a break, you don't need to quit. 

The most important thing is to have a rest and not think about the situation.

It can help to have that break as it allows you time to rest and give a chance for creativity to come back to the issue at a later time with a  clearer head.

An example of times where I have struggled to overcome obstacles is when I am faced with having the confidence to keep writing or trying to find something new to write for my blog. 

This is because  I have found during these periods having a break has been really beneficial. I have also found it effective because I can stop trying to think of ideas, therefore, giving my mind a rest. 

Sometimes, I have learned that just taking the time to live can give me the inspiration needed to come up with new content for my blog.

So, as you can see having a break can give you a chance to reconnect with that spark of why you wanted to do the thing before you got demotivated.

 It can help give you back that focus, so the best thing to do if you want to quit is to have a break first and come back later to see if things change.

What do you think? Do breaks help you?

Cheers for reading X

Ways to improve your mental health

Hey readers,

I have spent a large proportion of my life living and battling mental health problems.

 I have experienced anxiety, depression, and OCD. 

So, I for one know how hard it is to manage and get on with living your life when you have hurdles to overcome.

 Here are some of the ways in which I try to help improve my mental health and as I am writing this may be helpful to you the reader.

Learn to be kinder to yourself.

This one is an ongoing problem that I struggle with putting into place, as over the years I have learnt to put myself down therefore it is much harder job to be nice to myself. I understand that this takes time so stick with it! 

 It is easy to batter yourself with the negativity especially when you're dealing with trauma. 

That said one of the ways you can do something positive in your life is to learn to be kinder to yourself. 

I bet if the situation was turned to a loved one I bet you wouldn't speak to them the way you speak to yourself. 

You can change behaviour though it takes time but needs to be practising to do so.

Take time out.

One of the best things for me when I am struggling is having time out to myself. 

 For me, I like to go for a walk with my headphones on. It makes me switch off from what is happening and just go somewhere else other than the situation I am in.

Set realistic goals. 

Goals are brilliant - they help give focus and something to aim for. 

However, the one thing that can occur for people is making goals that are too unrealistic and less likely over time to struggle to stay focused and reach their goal.

 So, when you do consider making goals have a big goal but then make micro-goals to help along the way to achieve that big goal.

 Another thing to take on board to reward yourself with something when you have reached a small goal.

 This will make you feel good and make you want to continue to the next level of achieving that goal.

See the positives. 

As a person who sees the world with an empty cup of water, it can be so hard to see the positives, sometimes you got to wing it until you make it.

 What I mean by that statement is that you have to force yourself to see the positives, write them down and find something even if it is getting out of the bed in the morning, that is progress.

 Habits are hard to break so get into forcing yourself to write down three positives a day, over time this will become easier to do.

Break up the monotony. 

Life can be boring at times so that is why it is important to do something now again that breaks that samey samey up. 

You don't have to spend a fortune you could go to the local park and have a picnic. 

It is refreshing to do something different now and again as it allows you to have something to look forward to.

What things have helped improve your mental health?

Cheers for reading X

paranoia and autism

Hey readers, 

Paranoia it seems like a close friend all of these years lurking in the background of murky mind that comes out when I feel scared, threatened or vulnerable.

I suppose you could say it is partially due to past trauma from emotional abuse where I was told every day by the perpetrator that they are watching you and they know everything.

 It left me on tenterhooks, always worried whether I am doing the right thing. This was pretty hard to achieve when you have autism and screw up so often that I may as well give up achieving this the expectation of me when it is never going to be in reach.

This abuse happened a long time and it left a lasting effect on my self-esteem and the way I view people. 

I don’t trust maybe people. Again in my adulthood, I was let down by my best friend with untrue claims that nearly broke my family up. Sadly, her claims were flawed and with time I rebuild my family unit. However, it once again left me feeling vulnerable and a struggle to trust people.

I fear that I am often judged because of my autism, I don’t actually, tell most people about my autism, I still struggle with my disability even after all these years.

 I have been judged so much over my life that it is hard to be open plus I hate my autism, it stops me from being something that I will never achieve.

If you are wondering who knows about my autism well it is more the fact that my husband tells people. 

He thinks people should know but I don’t want people to know, I want to put my barrier up and put myself in a vulnerable situation. However, I know he is right but when I am feeling scared I want to hideaway.

My husband is what would call an advocate about being open and honest telling people about autism.

 He talks to other parents about it and it makes me unhappy, it makes me very paranoia that people are talking about me and it stems back to the original trauma. 

My mind can't deal with it as I am not in control and my thoughts go into overdrive. They are intrusive and when I am having a bad day I am so emotional by the end I don’t even know how I have made it that day. 

The thoughts are so rapid and intense that it leaves me washed out, I am emotionally drained and that is when the paranoia creeps up and attacks my vulnerability. 

I will be honest it scary because it feels so real and I don’t have the confidence in myself to stand up to the intrusive thoughts. As the thoughts feel so real, that they cannot possibly be untrue.

I don’t really know the point of this post, I am going through this episode now and just feels therapeutic to get the words down. It gives me some sort of focus to write that it stops the repetitiveness and gives my mind a much-earned rest from the intense ideas that float about endlessly.

Cheers for reading X

Social Anxiety.

Why do I screw it up,

Words are there.

But they don't come out.

Now I am left with doubt,

Paranoia to the max,

Over analysing,

All the things I could say,

But the anxiety cripes me,

Now I am sad,

Because yet again I have messed up.

Depression and parenting.

Hey readers,

Sometimes I feel that on my blog I should not discuss depression as I am so ashamed because that is what society makes me feel like at times. I have always been embarrassed to say that I take anti-depressants and that in turn makes me feel weak. 

But deep down I know that my depression is a genetic and chemical reaction, it doesn’t make me a bad person because of it.

Truth be told as a parent with depression there are days when I hardly do anything, the only thing I attempt is to the bare minimum for my children. Once the children have gone to bed it allows me time to cry from all the build-up sadness and frustration from the day.

Some days are better than others, but now again I get dips and need that extra hand from my husband. For instance, I struggle to deal with the social side of taking my children to nursery or school. 

It is not always just the socialising but the physical environment is so hard for me to manage. I literally feel so suffocated and overwhelmed by the sensory stimulation that is happening in the room. 

I am autistic on top of all this and usually, I can find that it interacts with the depression.

Therefore heightened social situations can make me feel rubbish and can contribute towards me beating myself up for not being a good enough at being a parent because I am not like all the parents.

 It tends to result in me coming home and breaking down. I feel rubbish and tend to just want to sleep in order to escape the reminder of my shortfalls as a parent and person.

Other times, I struggle with dealing with the temperament of my children or talking about topics such as death, as this can trigger my OCD. No one teaches you how to communicate to your child and some days I just have to admit to defeat as it is too tough for me to deal with and hubby would have to take over.

When I am going through a dip in my mood I can spend the whole day dragging myself down, I physically feel on edge and know that after all this there is going to be a massive panic attack. 

I hide away from my husband, as I am not good at communicating at that moment, I don’t instantly have the words to say. I feel therefore this risks the chances of irritability between me and my husband. 

I don’t like being touched for a cuddle, I just need the time for me to mope and allow the emotions to pass. I don’t want solutions, I try lots of things but at that moment I just need to be. I don’t run form it anymore, at the end of it, I kind of feel better out of my system.

It helps me feel calmer and my body feels like it is being heard.

Sometimes, the best thing is to accept it at that moment, don’t find solutions because at the end of the day it is something that you can deal with at a later date when your mind is in a clearer state.

 I have learned when you are that emotional, nothing makes sense and I tend to make the wrong decisions so it is better for me to not make any decisions at all during my 'meltdowns'.

 I feel now that I have learned how I react and what is best for me is less painful and it allows me to feel more in control ironically.

Cheers for reading X