How to deal with the feelings of FOMO.

Hey readers,

As a person who has experienced feelings of FOMO due to the increasing social media presence of this idea of a perfect mother, I know how tough it can be. Of course, there is no perfect life but when you are bombarded with constant images of happy families constantly doing something and you’re at home not doing a great deal you can feel like you are missing out.

I know the FOMO (feelings of missing out) is a common problem with the internet generation as there is always something going on and it natural to compare but where do we draw the line.

The dictionary definition of FOMO is:

Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.

Here are some ways have helped me come to accept my life and know it is ok not to be perfect.

Be kind to yourself.

I think there is this need in society to have the next best thing, to constantly be doing amazing things on social media but sometimes you know what it is good to stay in and do nothing. Don't beat yourself up for this, your allow to not do anything or go anywhere doesn't mean you are not living, embrace and actually let go and enjoy it. I now do this and I cut that pressure off and it feels amazing. I slow down and just unwind and it really does the world of good for your mental health.

You’re not alone.

This may sound obvious but believe me when you are engrossed in the feelings of FOMO you lose your ability to rationalise, you assume everyone is doing something other than you. You get intrusive thoughts that you should be doing what everyone is doing and that social pressure feels very strong and the urge to comply is there. I found that actually not looking at some of the individuals who for whatever reason have much cooler life than I helps. 

I remind myself I am not alone and I also look around on the old social media to see that others doing similar stuff to me and that it is ok to be that. It is all about putting things into perspective realising that most people that you check out on Instagram are just one-sided and you don't see all their lives. Try to unfollow people that make you feel inferior - ignorance is bliss. Find other accounts that are similar to you and you can relate to. It will make you feel so much better and also contribute in helping come to accept your life in a more positive way.

Distractions.

Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed with all the online information that is out there. The constant notifications that sometimes the best thing to do is mute the distractions, turn your phone on aeroplane mode or even better still turning your phone completely off. Even if it is just for an hour you will be amazed at how much better you will feel.

What things have helped you deal with FOMO?

Cheers for reading X

Twist

I see the light, 

you thought 

you owned me,

turns out

I am smarter than you 

think. 

You forget 

I have a brain,

you try,

twist it around, 

controller, 

not now, 

I have seen the light 

for what you are. 

I am not worthy

I feel I am not worthy, 

I ask myself how,

I ended up here,

Doing this,

When I am clearly 

I am not enough. 

I am a fake!

I am a fraud!

Hide me,

I am not worthy.

The fear

I hear it,

I feel it,

It's coming

To get me,

The fear,

So real,

Haunting my every move. 

I awake with that 

Familiar feeling,

It creeps up, 

Till I am 

Scared to death. 

Being an autistic mum at school.

Hey readers,

Today I feel defeated once again. Once again I feel like I have let my children down in the fact that I can't perform as good as the other parents. I have decided to say no to going to school assembly because it is too much for me and my autism. 

I will confess that I hate my children's assembly which is held every Friday morning. I have done it for over two years and now I admit defeat. It is getting more crowded with classes and my senses are getting worked up. 

I get sensory overload as a result of being autistic. I get it really bad and sadly attending assembly is just unbearable. I feel rubbish because I wanted to be this perfect parent but I am not. It is making me feel physically sick from being exposed to the bright lights, the noise, the anxiety and the general chaos of kids coming and going. 

It appears I suffer from motion sickness, only recently has been bothering me. Therefore when kids run to take a sit and go past to go back to their class my head is in a spin. Don't get me wrong nothing personal, I think kids are great and much prefer them to adults - simple and you know what you are getting. 

Sadly, I don't mix well and occasional can be found to put my foot in it. I notice now that parents in cliches and chat. It hurts me because I feel rejected and the black sheep. Ok, my husband is here but I full well know next week when I am not he will be one of them. Yes, I am envious that he can jel and be a normal person, where I will always struggle. 

With having a disability that affects my parenting and stops me from doing things I am constantly trying to compensate for this as a way to balance it out. I don't know why because to be honest my kids love me, they understand and we discuss my autism. 

My eldest completely emphasises and never says a bad word. He has potential autism and that is the one good thing in a way is that with my autism I have inside knowledge and can help him in some areas. Just don't expect me to deal with emotions and relationships because that is not my area of expertise. I am practical-minded, I can come up with things to do that can distract him but if it is grey then I fail yet again. 

It is non stop guilt for me not being good enough. I know it is only me and I put this pressure on, maybe I care too much and have high expectations. I just wish I could drop them because I love my children and I am very proud of them with whatever they do. But we all have our limits and I am designed differently to most parents. Maybe one day I will find a way to drop this horrible guilt when I can't do something. 

Cheers for reading X 

How to deal with an autistic burnout.

Hey readers,

Some people may not be aware but I am autistic (I was diagnosed as a child with Asperger Syndrome). One of the things that a person like myself experiences is a thing called burnout. An autistic burnout can be short - as an experience of totally, exhaustion every week as I have two boys who go to school and that for me with all the social interactions is mentally exhausting. Short term burnout is what it says on the tin, I feel tired and very exhausting.

Tend not to get very motivated and just collapse on the sofa for a few hours or sleep to recover from all the mental processes because when you are autistic a lot of things are scripted (rehearsed or memories to help deal with a social situation) probably hence why can't cope with a new situation as I haven't got a coping strategy for it. I digress.

Long-term burnout is more severe in the sense of that it last longer and it can have long-term impacts such as regressing. For me sometimes when I have long-term burnout I regress, I can't cook, communicate probably or leave my home by myself (these are a few examples). It is basically I believe where I just had enough of constantly doing something over a long period and I just shut down because it is exhausting, to say the least.

So, how do I cope with burnout, well here are some ways that have helped me?

I suppose the most obvious one to help reduce the burnout feelings in to rest and you would be right. Rest is so important just to have that break to breathe and not focus on too many stimuli has really helped me. Also, keeping things simple and do things that help me relax like reading a book or listening to music.

When you have suffered a burnout you can beat yourself up especially when you have you have commitments like being a parent, you want to do your best so your build self up when you don't meet the expectations. No one is perfect and something that even now I still learning and that is it to be kind to myself.

This may help some people, it does for me but after a period after resting from burnout as I generally struggle to put my thoughts into words after the immediate event. It is ok to take your time and speak to someone if it helps you.

Like I have said previously to help rebuild your strength you have to start slowly and build from that. I have in the past wanted to go and too much which actually just sets you back further. Taking my time and doing things at a slower pace is fine. I used to be also on the go and feel that is what I had to do but mindfulness and allowing a slower pace has made a tremendous impact on my health.

Finally, writing down triggers to find out ways that help reduce or eliminate the triggering behaviour works for me. I am a bit of a sucker for a solution, sometimes we don't have a solution and that is ok, just focus on managing the situation the best you can.

Cheers for reading X

Why does laughing help with depression.

Hey readers,

I have suffered from depression for a number of years and one of the ways to reduce the pain I guess could call it that would be to turn to humour. I have a dark sense of humour so laughing and relatable situations really do help me.

So, why are the reasons that humour helps depression, well let's get exploring shall we?

First, of when you laugh, it releases the natural feel-good chemicals like dopamine which help your brain feel happy. Whilst the brain is receiving the message that you feel good it has a knock on response to the physiological responses in your body; where you breath slower and your muscles relax making you feel instantly much better at that moment in time. 

When you laugh your whole body relaxes - which releases tension and stress. Not only that but after the release of tension the muscles can feel relaxed for up to 45 minutes apparently. 

When you are caught up in laughter you are not focusing on the depression, because you can only deal with one emotion at one time. The more you focus on happy thoughts the better change it is to trick your mind into believing in them feelings. 

When you feel more relaxed through laughter via humour it can help clear your mind and think better. It can help stop worrying and give your mind that much-needed rest. 

Research has found people who watch funny videos are more like to have an increase in cortisol, dopamine and other hormones that are increased and causing pathways (the communication messages to the brain to relax and generally feel good). 

What is even better about laughter at the moment there is no negative response and that it is a habit that can enhance your overall well being.

Cheers for reading X 

4 ways to help Seasonal Affective Disorder

Hey readers,

The days are so gloomy and dark that they can really influence your mood and impact your day. During the winter months, a lot of people experience a seasonal condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder.

What is a Seasonal Affective Disorder?

It is a condition that happens during the dark, cold short days and the long nights during Winter. When you experience not a lot of light it can really suck all your energy out of you. Suffers have also expressed feels of lethargic, low libido and restless sleep.

There is a theory to support Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) when the light goes into the eyes it can react to the hormones in your body which affects your mood. Hence why people feel much more cheerful when the sun comes out to play.
Another theory is that suffers from SAD when experiencing lack of daylight and shorter days will produce higher levels of melatonin which makes them feel lethargic

One in 15 people in the UK is known to suffer from SAD.

Of course, if you are feeling depressed then the first port of call would be to go and speak to your GP to get the right professional support needed to tackling SAD.

Tips to help SAD.

1. SAD lamps.

You probably have seen Sad lamps that specialise in producing a lamp that mimics daylight. 

Apparently having the light that feels like outdoor light has been able to help suffers from SAD feel better.

These light boxes are aimed to help with light therapy were the individual sitting in front of the light for 30 minutes say will help them feel better in their body and mind with having exposure to light during the winter months.

There is a variety of light boxes now on the market and there are even ones that can work with your alarm clock that gradually build light into the room making it much more manageable to get up in the dark winter mornings.

2. Diet.

Food is energy and it is important to have the right food for keeping your energy levels high. Reduce the amount of sugar in your diet and opt for fish, fruit and vegetables.

3. Vitamin supplements.

People who suffer from SAD have reported that taking vitamin B12 and vitamin D has also helped with their mood.

4. Outdoors.

Sometimes going outdoors even though it is cold can do wonders for your mood.

It is a great way of getting some exercise in and blowing the cobwebs off.

Wrap up warm and see the beauty that nature has to offer. 

Incorporating 30 minutes exercise a day can help produce the feel-good chemicals such as serotonin so it will enhance your mood. Going outdoors will also allow you to get the natural outdoor light as well as an added benefit for exercising outdoors.

What things help you beat the winter blues?

Cheers for reading X

how to deal with Impostor Syndrome

Hey readers,

Do you feel a fraud by your achievements? that you somehow you are not worthy of the work that you have achieved? Well, this phenomenon is called Impostor syndrome and it is very common indeed. But how do you deal with this? well, let me give you some ways to help deal with imposter syndrome below.

Awareness.

Like everything I guess the starter point would be to acknowledge how you are feeling and that these feelings are a result of Impostor Syndrome. Awareness is a valuable skill in recognising the way you respond to your achievements, so the first step in dealing with Impostor Syndrome.

Open.

Being open and upfront about how you feel towards your achievements with others can be valuable because you can connect with other people who feel similar. You can also seek out help and knowledge from others who have experienced Impostor syndrome and how they have overcome the feelings that they once felt.

Accepting.

One way of facing Impostor Syndrome is accepting the achievements you have achieved and appreciate the work that you have put in. Challenge the thoughts even writing down the original thought and replacing it with a positive can help change that faulty thinking pattern.

Focus on yourself.

With Impostor Syndrome comes low confidence in yourself and one of the worst things you can do is compare yourself to others. You need to let go of thinking why you couldn't reach the level of success that so and so has achieved. Acknowledging that your success is good enough, no one is perfect and you worked dame hard to get where you have reached. Let's face it we are all on our own journey.

Feedback.

One of the things that I have noticed through my own experience of Impostor Syndrome is that I downplay any positive praise that I receive. I instantly reply with a negative and the one way to help grow your confidence and kick Impostor Syndrome is to accept praise for what it is. You don't justify it but say thank you. You don't need to deny the feedback, own it, it is yours.

Mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a way to train your brain to appreciate the moment and not focus on what you do not have. It is kind of like focusing on the positives as it can be very easy to notice the negatives that have occurred.

Choice.

Remember you have the power to choose what you want to listen to and take it on board. It is only relevant if you put that importance on to it. You can choose to take it or leave it, you are in control of your thoughts.

Encouragement.

Get into the habit of praising yourself - be your own personal supporter, write down the positives. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel good about your achievements. It is ok to feel good about the work you have achieved it doesn't make you big headed because at the end of the day you worked hard to achieve your success so why not celebrate it.

Cheers for reading X

i have accepted I am on anti-depressants for the rest of my life.

Hey readers,

Let me tell you a little secret about me, I take anti-depressants. I have on and off them for years. I have been on my present pills since 2010.

I have to accept the fact that I am going to be on them for the rest of my life and that is ok, I have no shame. It is ok to be on anti-depressants if you want them, don't feel bad because they are viewed as a quick exit. Of course, they don't cure my mental health problems but they give me a breather to think more clearly and make better decisions which impact my life on a whole for the better.

I have tried to come off them because I was better but wasn't turned out to be more crippling and forgot what them nasty feelings were like. I don't like them, I don't want to live and I go to a very dark place, which is horrible to experience. I don't want that in my life and if there is something that can help then I will grab it happily now with two hands.

Let's be frank anti-depressants don't remove the mental health. They are a quick solution because they in a short space of time have an impact and you can see improvement. Of course, tablets aren't the be-all and end-all but they help.

Talking also helps and all the other therapies that you can access. That too is ok to do and you have to do what is right for you. People are quick to judge if you dare say you are on anti-depressants, you can often get the mentality of some people who assume you are a drama queen and just taking them because they are trendy. Maybe more people take them and be honest about it means that people actually do suffer from mental health problems and not just physical health. I don't see anyone having a go out a person with cancer taking their medication - if anything more sympathy and understanding.

I think some people assume that if you take antidepressants somehow you are weak because you can't sort out your life and you rely on something other then yourself to get out of the situation. This is not true, having the courage to step up, go to the doctors and seek help is much braver then most people think.

I felt ashamed for years and forced myself off medication when really I should have been on it. It would have improved my quality of life. I fell down the hole of despair of feeling rubbish to take some pills to help my state of mind

Not any more, I now lucky have to come to the realisation that doesn't matter what people think about pills. My happiness is more important and doing the best to help me should be a priority. Accepting tablets are absolutely fine and if I have to take them the rest of my life so be it, no biggy it is ok to take medication to help improve your health.

Cheers for reading X