I like repetition!

Hey readers,

I like repetition (unless I'm in an ADHD one where I am being reckless), but I would say my kind is more autistic, or it is currently.

As we know, though, life is not linear, it is messy, and things change... Boo!!!

I was thinking in bed one night as I often do that; omg, soon my eldest, who is 11, will quickly hit puberty, and I will have to deal with changes in hormones etc. I'm scared because, once again, it is not under my control. 

It is something that I will have to wait until the time comes. I can somewhat prepare, but no need for definite because I won't know how my son will react to puberty plus, add to the mix, he has autism, so this shall be fun (I jest).

I have lost my train of thought and don't know what I am getting at. I want to write about repetition and being autistic. 

I like repetition most of the time unless I get hit with boredom due to god dame adhd.

Repetition, to me, is comfort. I know what to expect from the situation as I have gone through it over and over again. 

It is not new that we have to guess how to behave. Repetition comes with less anxiety as I know how to respond and what to get compared to the latter, which filled me with dread. 

I will admit I am a control freak, and I am on edge when not knowing what is to come because I have to guess or do something wrong. 

I also like to get it right, and if I don't, I torture myself with hatred because, once again, I have failed.

Failure is my old friend, and I experience it often, being autistic and getting the cues or not saying the right thing or not saying anything at all.

I like repetition because I know I have done it before and know what to expect.

It is emotionally draining when you constantly fail, time and time again. 

You lie awake in bed and dread getting up the following day, not knowing what to do or what is happening.

Repetition is comforting because, though at times tedious, you know what to expect and are less likely to fail because you're more prone to practice masking how to perform.

The problem with being an autistic parent has to deal with new situations and developments. 

Luckily, I have my husband, who is good with the social side, as I am terrible. I dread thinking of the next instalment thinking. 

Yes, I got through one stage of development, which is a good thing, and then the fest comes as it is all new, and I wonder once again how the hell you will get through it...

Cheers for reading X