Monday, 20 July 2020

In the evening light

Hey readers,

I am sat here all alone with no noise bar me typing away on the laptop. I like this time as it is my time, quite with no need to think or understand silly little rules.

 It is time to wind down and relax before I panic again how am I going to get through the next day.
One thing for sure is that I have made it through the day and nothing particularly bad has happened.

Both my boys are happily snoring their little heads off without any worry so I take that as a good day.
My body feels relaxed as I am watching the sunset and the colour of the sky brightens my eyes. I feel safe without any threat, which I am forever grateful.

There have been times when I have been really scared of the unknown, decisions that were out of control. Lies and deceit form people who were meant to be honest.

But all that does not matter now as we have moved on, like the earth continuing to spin on regardless of what life throws at us.

I suppose my favourite thing about the evening is getting the opportunity to slip into bed where it is warm and safe. Knowing that I may not have everything but what I do have is love from my husband and children. 

You can get so bogged down and confused with all the messages everywhere that you can forget what is in front of you. I am no means perfect for starters

 I am autistic but am grateful right now and feel blessed for what I do have. I have been knowing to moan and even cry myself to sleep with feelings of self dealt, confusion and hurt with life.

 Some days I feel absolutely terrified to get up in the morning, I put so much thought into the detail that you forget the basics of putting one foot in front of the next.

 Today is a different story, I take how to feel and to own it. I am learning more about myself through motherhood and just plodding along like the rest of us.

Cheers for reading X


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