Friday 15 May 2020

hair pulling and autism

Hey readers,

Pulling hair out is one of my issues because of my autism and depression.

 I relate it to my senses because there are moments when I want to hurt myself or feel something. 

I have been knowing to pull and yank my hair when I am very distressed. 

When I am having a meltdown or am extremely angry, I have torn out large clumps of hair because I do not always have the communication skills to express myself. 

I sometimes think that because I am a bad parent, I should punish myself.

 Because I am disabled and can not always give my kids the opportunities other parents can, I despise myself and worry that I am ruining my kids for life.

I am aware that this is not the "normal" method of self-harm that has gained popularity over time.

 Because of my low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy brought on by my autism, I get really frustrated and hurt myself.

  I realise this is a depressing situation, but it is what it is.

I have always had difficulty with my autism, most likely as a result of previous reactions from parents or carers when I was younger, who either said I was not good enough or rejected my diagnosis as an adult. I still struggle with the thoughts a lot to this day.

I have discussed in a vlog before about skin picking but I haven't mentioned hair pulling because I was in a bit of denial. 

I feel through the autism community is good online in accepting and promoting praise for the disability. 

I feel that if you were to pipe up and say actually sometimes I don't like being autistic, that you might get abuse and people won't like you. 

I guess I am not yet that strong to always speak out and be honest about how I am feeling. 

I think it is something with time and with my confidence in blogging writing it will come out.

Cheers for reading X


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