Mummy will you play with me?

Hey readers, 

Them words.... "mummy, will you play with me?" I dread.

I. HATE. PLAY.

Specifically, imaginary play, the thought of it gives me the shudders. Even after 8 years of being a mother, I hate it. I get so on edge thinking will my child ask me. 

Now I suppose one the struggles is I am not good at thinking outside of the box as it were. I am autistic and just coming up with random ideas is a big bloody struggle truth be told. 

I don't enjoy this type of play. I think the worst bit of it all is the guilt that I have created myself inside my own head that I must be good at imaginary play if I want to be a good mother. 

I know it sounds ridiculous but when you have been observed in playing with your children from professionals you get a bit paranoid. 

Now I am good at constructive play such as colouring in, writing on windows with window pens, reading books etc. 

My kids can come to me and talk to me about anything and I will listen and answer, no problems there. 

I just can't deal with doing things without order or structure and this falls back to being autistic. I walked out once a couple of times when I have been to live performances when they are improvising. 

The thought of being on the spot and having to come up with something is really tricky. It's like my mind goes blank the moment I am under pressure, I just can not think of what to do or say at that moment.

So coming back to play I am trying to be accepting of what I can and can not do. Opening up on this platform makes me feel scared of the judgement I guess but I am going to tell my husband as well.

 I'm scared of being open and saying look I struggle, I don't like it and it fills me with dread. There are some days when I am so anxious about it I will stay up so I am too tired the next day to feel anything. 

I think I am more conscious of my own behaviour due to the intensity of staying at home more. It is tough, really tough. I know I am not alone but it is almost a taboo topic saying you hate the imaginary play. 

I think if I was to accept it more it would relax me better and have a better time. 

I know my boys are looked after and are fine. It is just dealing with the intrusive thoughts in my mind. 

Let's focus a little bit of the positives about not playing imaginary play and letting my little darlings be free to play. 

It teaches them to be independent which isn't a bad thing, it means there more creative when they are bored because they are looking for ways to entertain themselves. 

So in the grand schemes of things not that bad really. Just need to be kinder to myself because we are different and we can't all be good at everything right?

Cheers for reading X 

Time

Hey readers,

my word of the week is:

TIME

What I mean to say about this is lack of time due to the fact that it is half term. As lovely as half term is it leaves me lacking time. I feel like I don't have enough of it this week and feel a bit tired. It is exhausting work trying to entertain children whilst trying desperately holding on to your sanity.

I attempt to do a fun activity such as playing with Plasticine, a nice little relaxing activity for my boys. Don't be silly, I have never been so God dame frustrated in my life. I have to supervise to make sure everyone has got an equal amount, the same colours and sit in the middle making sure that it does not kick-off. 

I don't need to say anymore then my patience can run very thin.

This has what most of it has been like, seriously sometimes I question why I bother. Sometimes, it is much to turn the telly on and deal with the crippling guilt of being the 'slummy mummy'.

Roll on Monday where I can breathe and enjoy the silence without thinking that boys are next door planning on taking over the world.

Cheers for reading X

8 ways to help your child sleep during a heatwave

Hey readers,

We are in the midst of a heatwave and it so hot in the evenings. It can be a real struggle for kids to settle and get to sleep. 

There is nothing worse than a miserable child that has not had a good night sleep. There are ways to help cool your child and make it a more of a breeze to settle them for the night.

Below I have come up with some suggestions to help keep kids cool and to sleep at night during a heatwave.

1. Clothing. 

Get rid of all the layers and just have pants or nappies - whatever is appropriate for the age of the child.

2. Bedding. 

Make sure you use the right bedding - either a light tog quilt or what I do with my boys simply uses a thin sheet. They enjoy the comfort but the sheet won't be heavy to make them, even more, hot then they need to be.

3. Bath.

Giving a cold lukewarm shower or bath before bed can help reduce temperature but it is important to make the time in the shower or bath quick because you don't want them to get too cold. I have found that covering your child in talc is a good way to keep the child cool.

4. Blinds. 

I find blackout blinds brilliant at keeping the light out as we are now getting dark nights a lot later. 

With having the windows open before bedtime can keep the room cool and if you can keeping them open during the night helps keep the temperature low. 

5. Fan.

Also, if your child is not distracted by the noise then it might be worth considering a fan to add that extra coolness in the room. 

During the day you can also keep the whole of your home ventilated by having doors and windows open to keep the air following and making the rooms cool. 

Another trick to keep rooms cool is to have the curtains pulled two thirds away to keep that sun from making the room boiling hot.

6. Thermometer. 

If you are like me having a temperature thermometer that accurately measures the room temperature is useful as it gives me that peace of mind to know I can get the room right.

7. Drink. 

Before putting your child to bed a good suggestion is swapping the usual hot milky drink that they have before bed and swapping it for a cold milk drink. 

This way then they will help keep your child's body temperature cool. In addition, you could consider putting the bottle or cup into the fridge to keep it at a cool temperature.

8. Chillout. 

It is important to keep the child calm before bed because if they get too excitable that can also increase the child's temperature.

 Making sure you do activities that are calming for the child such as watching a relaxing tv show, having some quiet time and reading a book can all help keep things calm and settled.

What things help you keep your child cool during the night of a heatwave? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Thank you for reading. X

My Sunday photo 31/05/2020

Periods after pregnancy.

Hey readers,

I am on my period and it sucks physically and mentally every single month. It feels like hell! I know it is like this for a lot of women.

 However, since I gave birth something happened to my biology I think. I have noticed that post-postnatal changes have occurred and one thing that has happened is changing in my periods which has impacted me emotionally each month when I have my period.

I feel like it is a battle mentally. I am washed with dread a few days before my period arrives. I am terrified and on edge. I feel like I am literally on eggshells, I break down at the slightest thing. I feel fragile and terrified.

 My adrenalin is so high and I can't sleep which doesn't add to the mix because we all know lack of sleep can cause you to be irritable.

I am raging and want someone to give me concrete answers to such grey questions. I feel like I will always be like this and I get so angry because I want to run away from myself but I am stuck with me. 

I hate it and I get so jealous of the husband who is so carefree and relaxed. I hate anxiety, the way it torments me and makes my thoughts go into a fast racing mode. Why do I have to be like this, every fucking month?

 I hate it and I feel rubbish. I am non-stop shaking inside and out. I know the mood swings have gotten worse since I entered motherhood. Every month I am like this, there are times when I wish I could just rip out of my womb!

If the emotional side of having a period was enough to deal with there is the pain that comes along with it too and again it is considerably worse. Before my first pregnancy, I would suffer mild cramps that I could manage with some paracetamol.

 Now, I want to cry from the pain in my stomach. I feel like someone has punched me in the vagina and every time I have a poo it reminds me of being in labour and pushing out a baby. 

I can't lift my sons up as my back during the time of the month is so achy and feels like I have spent all day bending over when in reality I have done sod all.

I just needed to rant as I have had these for years and it sucks being female sometimes.

Have you experienced differences after giving birth in terms of changes associated with your period? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below.

Cheers for reading X

Why social media is good.

Hey readers,

We all get bogged down in the negative side of social media. So lets for today celebrate all the good aspects of social media because I am a firm believer that there is bad and good in everything if you look close enough.

The internet is a good way to express yourself. I know for me I find verbal communication really, really difficult due to being autistic. Therefore, writing things down on my blog has really helped and it is a therapeutic process in getting my thoughts in order. 

There is also a great autistic community on twitter for example where you can openly discuss topics, it is great to get responses back. It can help other people understand you and help get more personal awareness out on specific topics.

As a parent and someone who struggles with mental health, loneliness is a feeling that has occurred over the years. I find the internet fantastic to connect with other similar people, whether it be through blogging, reading other people's experience, tweeting or even discussing worries/feelings in forums.

 Also,the internet can be a useful way to distract yourself from focusing on negativity. It really has helped me get out of that funk.

The internet can be used to speak to people far away or even close which is vital in helping with mental health. An example of this would be the current situation we are dealing with regarding coronavirus and social distancing. Using communicational platforms such as Facebook messenger and WhatsApp helps us connect to people where otherwise it is difficult. Not to mention it is much cheaper compared to phoning someone up. 

The internet is a splendid place if you want to get lost. With so much information out there, it is great to enhance your learning. You can even find scholarly type materials on google or good old YouTube.

The internet is definitely one way to get free entertainment and to do stuff without breaking the bank balance.  There is so many options, some examples are; watching YouTube videos, listening to radio, using social media and evening writing blogs ;)

If we look at recent events from this year especially in politics it demonstrates that the internet has a powerful voice. The cyber-world can influence for the good and make positive changes.

 A example of this would be with the way the internet has evolved politics with such matters of politicians being more transparency, though it is a slow process, it is something that is being taken seriously, especially with the way that majority of people get their information from the internet. 

Gone were the days when it was a two leadership battle, with having the internet it opens doors for more choice. Therefore, politicians have to work harder to get them likes and ultimately the power to change the lives of the ordinary public.

The internet is a great source of information where you can educate on all sorts of stuff. Whether be learning a new skill or finding some information for your child's homework there is a wealth of knowledge on the net that can be beneficial with helping your learn. 

What positives do you find in social media? Love to hear your comments in the comment section below.

Cheers for reading X

Getting kids out the front door.

Hey readers,

Why are children super fast when they want to be but as soon as a parent is desperate to get out the front door the same child does not comply with the urgency.

Here are some thoughts and conversations I have when trying to get kids ready and out the sodding door which you may or may nor relate to but keeping it real nonetheless.

1. Please get ready, we need to get to school on time before the gates closed. This comment generally occurs four times out of five on a school week *sigh*!

2. I hate you hubby for giving me the task of getting the boys ready, you absolute tool especially on a school day where the task of the little darlings to get there shoes on leaves me flustered and red-faced. 

3. If you don't get ready fast then I am going to turn off the TV. However soon after you need to turn the TV to get the kid's hair done without tears and tantrums. Not to mention that it gets the job done quicker and means that we get out of the door quicker

4. If you don't get ready I will phone your dad and you will be in serious trouble. (Let's face it no one wants to hear your daddy yell at you, even mummy gets scared with the decibels used).

5. When it gets close to birthday/Christmas or any special event that is important to your little darlings, it is the ultimate blackmail to get them ready and out the door promote. If parenting gets so bad it will be threatening every single day.

6. Shall I ask your teacher if you are like this at school? seems my son fears this one because he is so angelic he doesn't want the illusion to vanish from the teacher's eyes. Works a treat to kick his bottom into gear.

7. Threats about no pudding go down a treat (yes pun intended). Because it is common knowledge in the parent world that bribes are key to keeping everything nice and calm *wink, wink*!

8. If in doubt and you desperate bribes can be used to keep your own sanity intact. If ANYONE disagrees then they could bloody well come round at 7am and deal with the problem for me, no problem with that I tell you.

9) Stare at your child, it gives them the willies that the arguments must stop or mummy is going to lose her sh*t big time. This normally occurs when on a Friday because we all tired and about had enough of having to go through this drama for the fifth time this week.

10. If your child loves school as much as mine threatens that if they don't get dressed won't go to the school that day and do nothing all day at home. 

11. Now is not the time to look for that Fungus and Mungus as we need to be somewhere in ten minutes. 

Amazing how effective that is and they comply with your need of them getting their socks on.

Cheers for reading X