Hibernating

Hey readers,

 

My word of the week is:

Hibernating

This is because I am just so tired this week due to the weather being meh and sucking all my energy out. It's so dark and grey that I just can't muster the motivation to get a single thing done. If it weren't for the responsibilities of having children I would spend my time drinking copious amounts of tea and reading the kindle in bed. One can dream though hey, but in reality I am mere a bouncing trampoline for my sons!

On a more positive note I have finally worked out how to use the reward chart properly for the boys albeit with help form a professional. Now it is a lot more cleared to understand and better to manage. I definately have seen an improvement in the boys behaviour since we have introduced the reward chart.  More so in my eldest but that is understandable as my youngest is not fully aware what the heck is happening other then shinny stickers!  Luckily however my youngest likes to copy my eldest so he is pretty much well behaved in the grand scheme of things.

Now on to more pressing matters in my household: POTTY TRAINING!!!

We have started to do some potty training in a relaxed way so that my youngest gets used it the whole idea. He is now aware when he needs a wee and loves washing his hands. That is his favourite thing to do at nursery, haha! He also promptly tells me when he has done a poo, announcing ewwwww and then points to his bottom!

He did his first poo in his potty this week which we all celebrated and danced to. I never thought that I would ever get so excited about poo. My youngest does love to explore his potty. I am very proud of him as he is so good and helpful which  makes the job a lot easier to tackle.

 

Cheers for reading X

fool

I'm stood like a fool,

the outcast that I am,

no one knows

the mask I hold.

forever trying to be

something I am not.

I never will reach,

I am just not good,

I wish was

then maybe life

would be much better.

instead I am stuck,

with my brain fu*ked.

Singing

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

This is because my eldest has been practising all his new songs and singing every night. He has a Christmas performance next week and is really authentic about it. 

He is super excited to be performing so I have to spend a lot of my evenings hearing him singing away at a very high pitch ;)

In other news, we got our tree up and that was fun decorating it with the boys. Although, shhh, me and hubby later in the evening re-arranged the decorations or else it would look somewhat uneven. Which is fine but at top looks so bare, haha!

I have also nearly done all the Christmas present shopping, whoop. We need to get the main present which is a doll's house from Asda. Which I am super excited as hubby finally caved in and we are going to be getting it. It is massive but luckily we have found a suitable for it to live.

Cheers for reading X

FTMOB - November

Hey readers,

My five year old son never stops rabbiting. Seriously, I mean am not an outgoing and suffer with social anxiety. His dad is friendly and can talk to random people. My son however is on another level. 

He is non-stop chat from the moment he wakes till he hits his head on the pillow. He get's very exhausted and just don't know how he hasn't suffered from jaw ache yet! 

Anyone lets get cracking on some conversations shall we:

I live on sixteen floor tower block and my ds1 said to me today, "mummy, we live in a really tall tower block today". 

I can't really capture it through words but just the relavation and astonishment really cracked me up.

Yesterday we went out to a local cafe for some lunch and my youngest has been poorly from a sickness bug. It has resulted in him losing his appetite and suffering from constipation. 

Which is very usual for him as a regular poo deliver. Daddy earlier said to my ds1 we needed to get some orange juice to help make his brother feel better. So when my ds1 was choosing a drink he said, "I gave him orange juice because I know he is not well and it would help me feel better". 

Seriously my son can really push my buttons and we do clash as we are so alike.  However, ds1 is so caring and thoughtful it really does melt your heart.

Close by near our home there is a single tree with a box around it  but it has gaps where the kids walk into it. My eldest loves calling it 'jail'.

On the bus today I and my eldest were discussing Father Christmas. This is how the conversation unravelled so funny and logical really. Him - "Father Christmas on Christmas Eve travels all AROUND the world to deliver presents to EVERYONE. When he has finished he is so tired that he needs to rest all day". 

Honestly, I pissed myself laughing, it was such a brilliant thought.

Finally, my youngest earlier was playing with our cat with the cat teaser stick. He was bending round to see him and calling him,'Monty, Monty'. Which I think is just adorable.

Cheers for reading X

Wet

Hey readers,

My word of the week is :

WET

This is because this weather we have been experiencing recently has been wet and dame right miserable.

I hate leaving the house when it is bitterly cold but still I have to do the school run, boo. I  look like a drowned rat, I am so cold after getting drenched in the wet.

It has dampened my mood, I feel a bit meh, maybe because it a time of the month to boot.

Right now, I have no motivation, other than to snuggle down in a blanket and close all the blinds and forget about the world.

One thing I do love when it is so grim outside is comfort food. We have a pork joint and I am overly excited about that being cooked in the oven. I can't wait to have gravy and mash. 

To me, that is the ultimate in-home comforts. Well, and fluffy socks is the second winner.

Cheers for reading X

Unknown Territory

Hey readers,

One of the big issues with my Autism is anxiety particularly when I go to a new place. So I shall tell you about such an incident so you can get a feel want it is like for me personally.

I took my boys to the zoo this week and as much as I love the outdoors/wildlife the new situation caused me to feel very anxious.

When we went to the zoo it was half term so it was super busy. Also, I had not been out as a family for a while to somewhere new therefore contributing to making me feel even more anxious.

I get overwhelmed with being in new places because I have to take in all my environment.

I feel powerless as I don't know what to expect as it is a new place.

The zoo that day was very loud and busy causing me to get stressed very quickly especially when I have also got to look after my boys.

Another factor causing me to feel anxious was getting caught up in a crowded area. This can make me feel very claustrophobic causing me to feel like running away and hiding.

The noise levels cause my ears to ring.

I can only cope with so many people touching me. Not in a perverse way you must understand but just the sensation of other people touching my skin by brushing past. It makes my skin crawl and itchy.

Having to deal with my son screaming with tantrums and dealing with paranoia due to not having the skills to read facial expressions correctly. Because I have low self-confidence I feel very negative and worry about what others are thinking of me when they stare at me.

Having to deal with negotiating and calming my son down when I am anxious is something I have to work really hard at. It is very draining for me when I am out that it affects me the next day and I feel dead to the world.

Getting lost and disorientated not knowing where I am in the zoo does not help and makes me panicky.

I find not knowing when the event will end is a struggle for me because it being ambiguous and not having a plan heightens my anxiety.

In the beginning, I enjoyed the animals however I did have a mild meltdown due to the overwhelming. This is a result of all the factors I explained previously adding up and turning into a high anxiety situation. So much so that I could not communicate clearly and needed to leave due to a lack of skills to cope with the situation.

However, when I did calm down and my husband discussed what we could have done to make the situation better.

1) Take diazepam.

2) come back during a weekday and not in half term when it is busy.

3) should have got a map to work out where we are going.

4 Planning more structure with getting a plan online and working out where we are going and incorporating lunch.

5) Include a coffee break so we can have a drink and refresh.

If anyone has any other suggestions please feel to share as we are returning in a couple weeks again as we have a free return ticket.

Cheers for reading X

 

Battle

I am so tired,

Can someone take it away,

I don't feel like fighting,

This battle inside.

Light

Hey readers,

 

My word of the week is:

 

 Light

 

This is because I have had a hell of a year emotionally especially impacting on my family big time. I learnt to move on and let things go. I have been judged, tested and challenged but all in all I am still hear. I have made progress with moving forward. I have found hope and my days are starting to look bright. I an now starting to look forward to the future. I still have depression I won't lie but I an getting to grips with managing it. There will still be shit days, but I take things day by day.
I still will have meltdowns but I can control my life a lot better. I didn't know how this year would end but slowly as a family we are moving into a much happier place. I feel I have had a really interesting and reflective week hence devaluation of year. However, talking about the past and has made me feel positive, motivated and determined to be a better person and a mother. Most of all though I feel that I can now finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Cheers for reading X

Fireworks

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

FIREWORKS

No surprises why, but it was lovely this year to watch the fireworks with the family.  I live on the 16th floor so can stay at home and watch it all from my balcony.  

Last year, there was hardly any for some strange reason. But this year it seemed quite spectacular. It was particularly good now that my youngest is a little bit older to appreciate them.

Both my boys loved the way the fireworks lit up in the sky with all the different colours.  We also had hot dogs and it has turned into a bit of tradition here so it was a great way to end the evening. 

I am so glad that we can see them at our home because how cold was it on Saturday night, blimey the heating was working overtime that night. I have to really motivate myself to leave the home as I much prefer to be at home all warm and snugly.

Cheers for reading X

Social anxiety kicks in!

Hey readers,

Today I attempted to a volunteer place but totally failed at it and now I feel like a fool. 

It was an admin role but it was in an open arena with different people at different desks etc. and I just felt overwhelmed, uncomfortable paranoid and anxious. 

I was so anxious that I had a panic attack. I felt so claustrophobic in that room. Like a fish in a glass bowl and everyone was staring at me. It is the most horrendous and intense feeling ever. 

I just could not handle it mentally. I don't do small talk and the things I think about talking about are not appropriate. I think it is anxiety that does that. 

I just could not handle it and just went into flight or fight response. I forgot how bad my social anxiety can be, I have not been in this type of social situation for a long time.

I hate myself and now I am beating myself up about it. I know when I have cooled down and talked sense to myself I will see it from a different perspective but right now, at this moment, I am really down and emotional.

I feel that my response and lack of ability make me a bad person, incapable and a failure. For a brief second, I was tempted to jump in front of a train. Don't worry I won't but I want to be frank and real. This is real life going through the motions. You have a warped view of yourself and what you ' believe' others think. 

I feel I am less of a person because I can’t do this role because I view success on whether I have a job or not and feel that what society views as a good person or parent. This message feels even more present currently through the media when we are heading towards the general elections. 

I feel I have let myself down and my children. Why can't I accept that I am autistic and some things are hard? I would never, ever expect a person who is confined in a wheelchair to just get up and walk.  That does not stop me from being so hard on myself because the stigma is still prevalent and I don’t in normal life discuss really autism because to be perfectly honest I am embarrassed and ashamed. I feel guilty and let down.

 I know you’re going to say I shouldn’t feel like this but I do and I have experienced people judging me so it is hard to change. Though on a positive note it is something I am working on, it takes time especially when it damages you so emotionally. The treatment is still discriminator out there, people see mental illness or invisibility as a negative and something that makes you less of a person.

I think I am also scared with regards to autism as it was reported in the news that NHS are diagnosis fewer children with less severe autism. What next I feel like autism is misunderstood and I am scared for myself and others about what the fortune holds. 

Cheers for reading X

 

 

Running

​Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

RUNNING

Because for the last four weeks I have been running. I have decided to run as a form of exercise. I downloaded the c25k app and it is the best thing I have ever done!

I love running outside in the fresh air, it is free and good to clear your head. I like the fact I am getting fitter and building stamina. I definitely can say I have caught the running bug. If I can do it then anyone can do, lol!

In other news, it is the week the boys return to school and nursery. I love having them at home but by God, it is lovely to have some 'me time' and peace to think for a bit. 

Talking of school, it means the return of so many letters. I have had FIVE letters in the space of four days, seriously why can't we just let kids play like the happy people of Denmark do, tsk! Rant over!

Cheers for reading X 

Wales

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

WALES

Because we have had a lovely few days in Wales seeing the inlaws and making memories away with the kiddos!

We went to the beach, walked around woodlands and saw some waterfalls. Not to mention fish and chips and ice-cream because otherwise, it wouldn't be a holiday 😂 !

I so needed a break though and it has been so refreshing to get away and step back from normal life.

Though tomorrow normal service will resume with doing a ton of washing/drying/putting away. standard mum life really but at least I get to catch up on my programmes and chill in my home again.

Cheers for reading X

Ftmob - October

Hey readers,

Hubby shared a chat he had with my eldest early, "I wish mummy didn't have autism. Can't Dr's give her medication to make it go away". How to feel shit in fice seconds. It breaks my heart that I am now getting noticed by my son with being different, I suppose this is the start of things to come.

My eldest asking," why do so many people get cremated it's silly!". 

My DS1 saying, "I wish we could live in Wales forever and never come back". Yep me too son I wish I could totally run away from it all at times :|.

I attempted to make a joke to my DS1 saying I would leave him in the car all by himself. His response was that it is illegal to leave children alone in the car and the police will put you in jail mummy.

As we were driving past the graveyard the other day way DS2 comments, "boo". this is because he thinks the tear ghosts there, 😂 

Cheers for reading X

Knackered

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

KNACKERED

This is because I have been sleeping badly due to my son going through a horrible period waking up several times a night and overtime really dampens everything.

However, we did get to go to the pumpkin farm and have fun picking our own one. We have a massive one, even though cheeky hubby told me it was the same as last years, it was clearly not! Still, the boys are going to have fun carving the pumpkin on Saturday.

We also got a green pumpkin as it is the best one for making pumpkin tart, so hopefully, that is something fun we can do in the half term.

Which as it is half-term coming up looking forward to a break from the constant letters/homework etc that seems to be continuous, jeez it's hardcore now they are at school.

Cheers for reading X

ftmob

Hey readers,
Joining in with some clippets of conversation with the boys.
My ds1 joke, "How do you make bacon? By killing a piggy 🐷!" 
"If all children die together becuase of gun shooting in America then they can have a funeral together". My eldest son comment after taking about gin crime originally around police carrying guns. Jeez it is a web of questions how the heck you got here.
"Mummy more Octonauts please", ny you youngest asks me a million times aday. But at least now he is getting.more words in a sentence.
My eldest had a new catchphrase and constantly says to me, "everything going to be alright".
Everytime the internet video is loading my eldest says, ' circle of doom". Which is a phase he learnt of his daddy!
Cheers for reading X

Slow moving

Hey readers,

My word of the week is :

SLOW MOVING

because we have mainly plodded on and have the busy week last week, it feels like a comedown from all the chaos.

My DS1 had a day off on Monday due to teacher training day so was nice to spend time with me and his daddy. We did nothing spectacular, I had to go doctors and get blood done. 

But for him, he was excited to one watch mummy get the flu jab and then if that was not enough I had to get my bloods done as part of a routine check. He loves understanding the way things work out so to watch the needle go in my arm and the blood get sucked up, he was fascinated.

We have also finally started to make

 improvements to our flat but it is slow-moving but each step is positive to complete the work.

Hope you had a good week,

Cheers for reading  X

Flawed

I'm flawed,

I'm raw,

My eyes are raw

Going through the emotions,

Change is a big deal,

Something that can't be gone.

embrace it

embrace it

own it,

it's yours,

acknowledge it

don't reject it,

celebrate the flaws,

because it's yours.

Adventure

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

ADVENTURE

Because we have had some fun with having a picnic and watching the Flying Scotsman and the volcano which was lovely to be in the open air. I also had a playdate so had five kids in my home which for me is a very anxious time. 

This is new territory for me as  I was the one who arranged it even though I was very anxious about it because of my autism. But went well and my son loved playing with his friends so it was worth all the anxieties to see his face.

On Tuesday I started a course for a bit of me-time in the evening all about watercolours and drawing l. It is great to try something new for myself and my wellbeing.  I am not sure if I will be any good at it but it is getting me out there challenging myself.

The rest of the time in between I have been flat out with a cold. It so frustrating as my energy is very low. Hopefully, I will shift it soon as such an unconvinced when I am a mum ;)

Cheers for reading X 

Darker

​Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

DARKER

This is because it has slowly been getting that bit by bit darker, which I have been enjoying as it is my favourite time of the year.

I have loved cooler evenings, watching more films, reading more, snuggles under the throws and pillows.

Anyway, I shall also mention my eldest who has started to really enjoy reading his books and learning to write his name. He loves reading his book from school to us and his brother. 

There are as no words in the book and he just loves chatting away in great detail about all the things that are happening in the picture.

 As someone who learnt to read and write at the age of 10, I know how important it is and you could say I am a little more encouraging then to help enjoy it.

 Though to be fair to the boy doesn't really need much encouragement at all as he has such much love for learning that I don't have to worry! 

Cheers for reading X 

Starting School

Hey readers,
My eldest starts a new chapter in his life in September. He starts school and here is when it is a turning point, where I worry about what will happen when social pressure rears it's ugly head.
I have already seen the impact of my sons decisions he has made based on the influence of his nursery friends. Small things but noticeable things. Such as he randomly wanting a England football t-shirt because his friend had one. He wanted it right down to the same number on the back of the top. I am fine with him having choice and pleased that he knows what he wants.  But I also know the power of peer pressure and the need we may have to want to fit in. I worry how it will impact on my son. I would love him to have the confidence to be his own person. I would love him not to be swayed by others but sadly we are reaching that point that you lose a tiny bit of your child and now we now simply have to adjust to the ever changing direction of my son's journey through childhood.
It is scary and I do worry whether my son will get bullied or he will bully others. That being said he might not be either of this, which would be brilliant.
You think you know  your child until you have an opportunity to secretly watch them out of sight and you realise that they are slowly becoming their own person. What you think you know of your child can be totally wrong especially in a different environment such as nursery. I have witnessed some behaviour in my son that I would not see in is home environment.
I just hope me and my husband can teach our son that he can be his own person and that if he does not want to do something that he can say no. I want him to know he can always trust myself and his dad and we are always there  to talk if at all he feels anxious or needs advice.
It is awful to let go of being primary carer and allow other people to come along and be my son's life to influence. I can not now at the tender age of five wrap him in cotton wool all the time though I can give hot chocolate and cuddles when needed. Lets face it one day my son won't be a  child, he will grow into his own person where he will have to stand on his own two feet. All I can do is trust and hope that he turns out not too damaged. regardless of whatever path my son takes he knows that he is loved and accepted for who he is.
I suppose it is not just  a turning point in his life but a new chapter for me as a parent when my son slowly grows further in to independence and I am not needed as much as a guidance but just a warm hand of support.
cheers for reading X

Letter to my son about school and things!

​Dearest son,

Right now you are embarking on your newest adventure primary school. Oh boy were you overjoyed at this prospect and love it to the moon and back.

Well, where do I start all them years ago when I was overjoyed to feel you wriggle and jiggle inside of me? I have never felt more alive when I fell pregnant with you. 

I have seen you grow from a little blob to a happy independent little boy who I am so proud to call my son.

Your such a quizzical boy and you want to soak up everything around you. You love learning and finding out why things work the way they do. So I am sure you are going to be OK during school. 

You have so much lust for life and start every day with a spring in your step. Of course, in some cases you are poor but that is a rarity. You are hard work at times but that is only because you are so excited and have so much processing away up in your brain. 

There are times when I think will you ever stop to just enjoy the moment but maybe that is how you get your kicks by exploring.

Over the last year, you have developed a wicked sense of humour and mischievous laugh which I so enjoy. You make mummy laugh (but I know secretly some of it is down to my making shhhh).

You also have a caring side, especially towards your brother. When anyone cries you worry and do your best to make them happy. 

You love babies and every time you pass one you say hello. I am sure you will make friends as you are a ball of energy and such fun.

It has been over a week and already every single day you can not wait to go back. You can't wait to play and get creative. 

I feel this is a big step where you will evolve intellectually and grow more mature. I'm going to embrace the fact you will have fun and be happy.

The only downside is your speech but you are already getting there and it is a challenge we will face together.

I know at times it is frustrating when you don't feel heard or the difficulty of expressing yourself to others.  Never forget though that you will ALWAYS  have the support of mummy and daddy. 

Finally, I just want to say how proud we both are of you. We have watched you, in the beginning, staring at lights all day in the first few months of your life to watching far top many ' how to ' videos on YouTube. 

I love you as your own person and even though it is frustrating when you are so you stubborn it is merely I sign of how determined and motivated you are. I know that you will achieve because you have the drive.

Regardless of what path you take in life, always know that mummy and daddy love you dearly.

Love always Mummy X

Routine

Hey Readers,

My word of the week is:

This is because my son on Monday started full days at nursery. I have learnt to adapt this week to the changes of times when collecting and dropping off my boy. 

I also have to get the other child in my life goes to nursery

.

As my son eats a main meal at school I have also had to change the meal times which is a bit frustrating when you have to adapt.

 Especially when going out shopping then trying to rush an about in the kitchen like a crazy woman.

In other news my youngest this week he seems to be having the most awful tantrums that can last for like 10-15 mins. It is unusual as he normally doesn't last three minutes usually. Oh boy, do they hurt your ears as they are frequent causing me to be so tired having to deal with the drama? 

When we picked up my eldest he decided to have a fit because I would not get him an ice-cream from the shop. 

So all the way back from the school to the home he whaled and screeched. I hope this is a short period and hope it is linked just from tiredness at the return of going to nursery.

Hope you enjoyed your week.

Cheers for reading X

Brrrr

Hey Readers,

My word of the week is:

because oh my word it is bloody freezing at night and I am terribly British and love to moan about all things weather-related, why the hell not. Though, I am still refusing to turn the heating on until November, unless it is awful then I may be weakened to do it. I am so tight...haha!

But I have enjoyed fluffy socks, cosy pjs and dressing gowns. Cuddling under the throws and not really wanting to leave the home because it is so horribly cold with that eastly wind. I do quite like the feeling of being safe inside whilst looking out of the window at the grey clouds hovering around aimlessly.

I have also enjoyed recently buying a few bits and bobs for Halloween, it is so fun and the boys have loved wearing their Halloween dressing up outfits. My eldest has decided he is called 'Bone Man' as he wears his Halloween outfit with all the bones every night.

 It also glows in the dark so we have had fun running around crazy but at least it has kept them entertained for a little while.

Cheers for reading X

Ftmob - September

Hey readers,
It us that time to record them special moments with your little ones.
Both my boys were playing lovely together on mummy and daddy's bed. U was in the next room and I overheard this conversation. DS1 says to DS2, "you be mummy I be daddy"  you then can hear movement. DS1 announces, "Mummy it's ten o'clock time to get up". I wish I could lay in till ten haha!
After watching Power Rangers DS1 declares to me that, "Mummy if I take your backbone out you will go all wobble like they did in the power rangers".what a lovely thought 💭
DS1 when shocked or surprised he says ever so sweetly, "oh my goodness".
We went to our local museum recently where they were showing an exhibition all about Lego. My DS1 commented, "were at Lego Land". I thought this was cute. i don't mind because it is free and feel guilty because he keeps seeing the ads on TV for Lego Land and he so desperately wants to go. But sadly we can't afford it but coming here today he was overjoyed and contended.
When my DS1 is thinking or sees something slightly different he comments by saying, hang on a minute".
Thanks for reading X

compassion

I am here,

With my listening ear,

I know how it feels

The hurt and upset,

I understand,

I want to help,

Even if it is to just listen.

Walking

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

WALKING

This is because the sun has been shining and the boys have mainly requesting to visit the park. I took advance now as we all know that rain will eventually greet us!

I have been forcing myself out when sometimes like to hide away because you know people are scary ;)! 

I digress I have been upping up my walking and pushing myself that little more. We went out as a family for a walk for two-three hours and it has been fun. Where we live locally there is a Plantasia and a maze world. 

There is a cute little farm and we even got to see the little baby chicken which was super cute!

In other news, I don't whether it is a phase or not but my eldest has really been pushing my buttons the past two weeks. he has proper got an attitude and speaking back. 

I struggle to keep calm and not get wound up. So I had a couple of times take myself away as I am learning to with new challenge. Parenting never-ending challenges that we have to deal 

with and adapt, joy!

Hope you had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

Preparation

Hey readers,

Well my word of the week is:

This is because we have been slowly buying the items of the LONG list of stuff to get my boy for school for  September. 

He got his plimsolls which are needed for P.E. this week and he was super excited when trying them on that I don't think he wanted to take them off. Brings backs so many memories of me wearing the ghastly things at school way back when...

We are umming and arring when to get his school shoes from Clarke's. I know they cost more but we think it is important to get comfy and well-fitted shoes especially being in school for such a long period of time. 

But we don't want to get them too early in case he grows out of them!

We also checked out a new park locally to us this week. It is not a massive park but it is a new one that we have not explored before. I think it is a lovely place, especially as there is a big green space to have picnics.

I must try harder in looking at venturing out and seeing more of what my city has to offer. My son really enjoyed it when we went as I was brave in letting him take his scooter. 

Especially on the bus, as for me makes me feel a bit anxious with space etc. However, it went well so that was all good and it gives me a boost in my self-esteem.

Hope you had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

Pokemon

Hey readers,

my word of the week is:

POKEMON

This is because the game has dominated my life at the moment,  ok I enjoy it but my eldest loves it too and it is a great way to bond together too.  

Plus it is such a great way of getting outside and not spending a fortune. 

Now I have learnt about Pokemon stops. I know I am a bit slow but since I have mastered the main idea it is a lot more fun to go out and hunt pokeballs with the boy. 

There is lovely feeling about escaping into virtual relativity, especially as now I am a parent I spend most my time adulting. Therefore, it is great to have time to switch off. It is fun to recreate that excitement I got when I played Sonic as a child on the mega drive!

A highlight of the week is going to visit Burton Dassett Country Park which has stunning views on top of hills looking over Warwickshire and Oxfordshire. It is lovely to be out in the fresh air and just take in the scenery in. Plus it fantastic spot to do a bit of kiting, check the pictures out below.

Cheers for reading X

Burnout

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

it must be the end term thing where I feel absolutely exhausted and overwhelmed. My list of things to do seems to be getting longer and longer. My motivation, on the other hand, seems to have vanished.

 I have a crippling headache (which I am frequent suffer off, it runs in my family) making it even harder to focus on stuff. I also have had the youngest be poorly with vomiting and struggling to cope with any energy. 

So been doing a lot of washing that is constantly needing doing. It just the all the little bits adding up and creating such a big mountain to climb up at the moment.

On a more positive note, I signed my eldest son up to some free swimming lessons for one week only (he normally has swimming lessons once a week anyway). 

He loves it and it is lovely to watch how confident he is getting at swimming. It is funny though as it is in the same pool that I used to swim when I was pregnant with him. 

So that has been the highlight of my week to see him grow.

Hopefully next week I won't sound such a miserable cow, but this is my blog and this is where I will vent. God, I love blogging it is such a great therapy tool.

Hope you have a lovely week,

cheers for reading X

Summer holidays

Hey readers,

My word of the week is

 SUMMER HOLIDAYS

Well, it's finally here, summer hols! Both my boys broke up from nursery on Tuesday albeit the youngest didn't go in this week as he was poorly. Over the weekend the youngest had a temperature over 41.5 and he kept getting really cold and hot. He was very wingy and tired due to this bug he caught.

Saturday we did go out but he was so bad that I had to come home and get him comfy on the sofa with his quilt whilst watching a marathon of Octonauts. He was motionless on the sofa which is very, very unusual for my DS2. If you ever met him he would be really bouncy and have bucketfuls of energy. Clearly needed the rest on Saturday afternoon.

 He then started developing a rash with red spots. So, we did take him to the out of hours doctors in the evening as we rang up for advice and got told to bring him down to the clinic. The dr said it was some sort of virus and advised us to give him paracetamol and ibuprofen to help with his temperature. Strangely it went down but then on Sunday evening, his temperature spiked again into the forties.

We decided Monday morning to not take him into the nursery as his rash was so bad all over his face, legs and chest. 

We got an appointment with the dr that morning. They confirmed that it was a virus and gave him a prescription for some antibiotics. I am pleased to inform you on Wednesday evening the rash has reduced and so has his temperature. Just in time for the holidays ;)

In other news, boy is it hot. I feel slightly dread of lack of child-free time to get stuff during the summer. I think it is more the anxiety of change. Give it a week I will get into the swing of things. I can't complain having lie-ins and not getting flustered trying to get two children for nursery.

Thanks for reading X

anniversary

​Hey readers,
Well my word of the week is:
Anniversary
This is because at the weekend marked my fifth wedding anniversary of five years. Eek, this might seem a small milestone to a lot of you but for me as an autistic, the odds against the likelihood of me ever getting married. Followed by the statics against getting divorced is high if you are an autistic person. To be honest with you I never imagined getting married or having children and that was reinforced by the "specialists". Which is now know to be utter bollocks! So yeah quite proud even though it has not been plain slaying as I am not the easiest person to live with, we are still going strong as a unit. So today I feel happy about how far I  have come. So Cheers 🍻
To celebrate our anniversary we watched Grimsby and I can confirm it is bloody hilarious if you have immature humour. You will not be disappointed. Nothing beats a good laugh and we don't get to often sit together and watch an adult movie. So it was nice to enjoy it together as a couple.
Hope you have had a great week.
Cheers for reading X

ftmob July

1) DS1 loves Danger Mouse on CBBC and said to me, "mummy, I want to got to London to see Danger Mouse. You will find him as he is a mouse that has two legs and he is around danger". That is pretty much spot on.
2) My youngest was sick with a tummy bug and used his sick bucket (clean I like to add) as a game to pour sick over mummy because that is the funniest thing ever to a two year old. He pretend to pick it up and come to me and throw it over the top and announce, "sick" laughing his little head off along with his brother. Kids don't half love the disgusting things especially when mummy over reacts making it even more funny.
3) I was out with the youngest and the eldest was with daddy at home. He was going to go out with daddy to the shops. He was talking to daddy about, daddy said to him, "we need to put the water pistols away as you brother may get hold of them and squirt water on the tv. We don't want him to squirt water as it is dangerous" In response, my son replied, "Daddy I am worried as I don't want him to die as I love him". Which is so melting. We try to teach him that playing with water near electrical is really dangerous  so he is very aware of this now!
4) While my eldest was playing with my hair, I said to him, "Do you want to shave all my hair off?". He replied, "No mummy, I want to make you a princess and style your hair like Elsa". Secretly I would prefer my hair shaved off over being a princess but whatever makes you happy son.
5) Whilst we were having a picnic outside this week my ds2 said to me whilst shuffling a chop into his mouth,  "mummmm, yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm".
Cheers for reading X

FTMOB - 11/07/2016

Hey readers,

Hope you are well and enjoying the last week of academic term. Here I have gathered some chat from the boys, check it out.

1. My eldest had some few pennies when he went shopping with me yesterday and the plan was to put them in the piggy bank. He asked, "mummy, I need a bank card like you and daddy so I can put my money in the bank". Haha, this made me chuckle as he knows sometimes daddy puts money in his bank so is aware about the system with the card.
2. After explaining to my eldest the fact the card is only allowed for 16s and over,  he replied, "ok, I will keep the money and go to the shop tomorrow and buy a new toy tomorrow. Such a  cheeky monkey ;)
3. My youngest loves cake and screams, #lenon tart mummy". I just think it is so cute how young ones can muddle up there words.
4. A conversation I had with my eldest earlier went like this. "mummy, why is my willy above my testicles and why is my willy not on my head?" Oh yes the joys of getting my son ready for nursery whilst debating the deep questions of the day, lol!
5. The other day I asked my son as he stood there like a statue pulling a rather strange expression on his face. "What are you doing?". His response goes, "I am getting a smelly toot out". Why how lovely are you my little darling ;)

Cheers for reading X

School

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

This is because my eldest child went for a taster session at his new school that he will start in September. He is beyond excited and can not wait. He is desperate for me to buy the school uniform unlike me who is not so excited to leave a massive hole in my pocket😞.

I don't know if am normal or not but I am not sad about this transaction. It is part of the process nor am I upset that he is not a baby. But I am pleased that he is turning into such a lovely little boy. I am happy as he is and I accept the situation.

 I read a lot about parents getting upset about this big change. I do worry that I am not emotionally attached. But then again I never get upset about the past I just take it in the chin. Maybe because I get more neurotic about things in the future that have not happened. It is just the way I am. God parenting is so tough and constantly doubting yourself.

Still, he is a super excited and can't wait to start big school in September.

Cheers for reading X

FTMOB 23/05/2016

Hey readers,
My eldest is proper getting into conversations which has blown me over with laughter recently.
1) We were walking in town recently and walked past a pub where to women were lightening up a cigarette. My DS1 says, ' that women is smoking, she is going to die". Omg don't know whether to laugh or die. He is currently still fixated on death put particularly has an interest in why people smoke even if it kills them. He also now every time he sees a no smoking sign tells me. He then wants to go in great detail aboutit.
2) DS2 is non stop churning words out from his vast vocabulary. Loves sheep, rabbit (his cuddly toy), Alan (his dad) and the list goes on.
3) DS1 wants to talk a lot about Lady Godiva as we have the big statue in town. "why is she died mummy,where is she". My response, "people don't live six hundred odd years and if they did someone would be very rich indeed!".
4) My eldest the other morning said to me, "I want a bicycle, skateboard, cake, remote controlled car and football figures (the ones from Lidl you get free if you spend X amount). Which I can guarantee he has seen all from adverts of the telly. Including the cake seen on Ceebeeies during the birthday announcements.
5) in the lift with a stranger stuck all the way up ten flights my DS1 loudly announces," Mummy that man smells". Cue the embarrassment and I have nowhere to hide!
Cheers for reading X

Pennies

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

PENNIES

This is because I have been spending so much money on shite. I want to cut back and monitor the money I spend.

The things that I have tried to adopt this week is to make meals at home on Sunday as before I would do the quick and easy and buy the meal deal from Sainsbury's after swimming because it was easy and I am lazy! I save £6 just by making that change.

Secondly, I  have downloaded two apps  Shopizze and topcashback, brilliant websites to help save money. I have already saved £5 so far this week!

Thirdly I have got a designated notepad just to write down all my outgoings. So over the next couple of weeks, I can see my pitfalls and areas where can adopt new changes.

Hopefully, this will help me feel a bit better around my finances because I seem to be panicking a lot which then entails random impulses because I have given up and felt defeated! We shall see but feeling much more positive about the situation.

Thanks for reading X