Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Monday, 27 April 2020

23 signs your a fully fledged adult.

Hey readers,

Do you ever wonder whether you are a fully-fledged adult? 

Before we start exploring let's take a look at what the definition of daunting is:

Adulting (noun) defined by the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks. 

So now you know what an adult means check out my list of 23 signs that predict that you have reached adulthood?

1. You pay your bills on time and know what is coming out every month of your bank account. 

2. You learn that being an adult isn't all that it is cracked up to be and responsibilities suck.

3. You know how to manage money and don't end up skint after a couple of days of getting payment into your bank.

4. You save up for different things that are important such as a new washing machine as opposed to some new shoes which you deem as the least important. 

5. You learn how to tightly manage your money at the end of the month.

6. You daydream about the times when you were young and carefree with no responsibilities, they seem like a distant memory now. 

7. You don't give a s**t what is in the music chart and you look at your children baffled to what the hell they are listening too. 

8. You haven't the foggiest idea who is number one in the music chart and you do not own any modern albums and you know what? that is absolutely fine.

9. You listen to podcasts and enjoy listening to adults have conversations. Sometimes even enjoy discussions on deep stuff such as morals. 

10. You have a backache.

11. You don't mind having nothing to do, in fact, it is something you enjoy.

12. You go to bed at a reasonable time without being asked and sometimes you go to bed early because it is now pleasurable for you.

13. You have to google new trend terms because you have no idea of what this language the yoof speak in. 

14. You can successfully do the laundry all by yourself and keep up with it without letting the laundry container overflow. 

15. You stand up for what you believe in and more confident in yourself and your believes. 

16. You can't be arsed to do all-nighters anymore, who has the time for that? surely sleep is a much better prioritisation?

17. You love your bed, at times even fantasy about it during the day.

18. You don't care really what is cool anymore because you have become accepting of who you are. That is ok to like whatever tickles your pickle rather then like what is popular at the moment. 

19. You enjoy choosing things for your enjoyment such as music, fashion, movies rather than whether everyone else likes them. You do you not what the majority thinks. 

20. Your life didn't turn out the way you wanted it to but that is ok because you learn life is actually not linear but dame right messy.

21. You enjoy the mornings because you get stuff done. Note when I say mornings I mean 4AM with no kids about, haha!

22. You accept feedback without wanting to rip someones head off because they dare to think differently to you.

23. You learn to express yourself clearly.

Do you identify with these 23 characteristics of being an adult? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below.

Cheers for reading X

Wednesday, 22 April 2020

An open letter to my TV.

Dear TV,

I am writing this open letter to tell you how much I am forever grateful to you and the service you provide for me and my family.

You are the backbone of our home, no joke of a lie especially during these hard times at staying at home during the Corona Virus. 

I don't think I needed anyone quite like you in my life especially now that I am a mother, you are basically another member of my family right now. You bring me so much joy along with my husband and children. 

You are central to our family, I class you as a helping hand. When I am in need you are always around to be available in my hour of need and help keep me calm before I lose my rag.

TV you're so important because without you we would feel lost. You allow me to have that break to do things without the need to think about how I am going to entertain children. 

If I feel my kids need education you still provide with having the subtitles on the box for my little darlings to read, that means they are learning right?!

I can get s**t done such as doing my cleaning like the washing or do the vacuuming without interruption from the kids. 

This may seem like a bad thing for a parent to do but you know what things need to be done or else the Social Services will come knocking on our door asking me why my home such a pigsty.

Not only do you help me in my hour of need but you bring us together as a family. When we watch movies when it's cold outside and we're cuddling on the sofa munching on popcorn. 

During this hard time with the broken world we live in with the Coronavirus, therefore, you have been a useful tool to help escape when life seems pretty stressful. I can wind down, close the curtains forget life for a while, which is much needed right now. 

What is really good about your TV is the variety of shows so that means everyone gets to enjoy your services at some point in time. Your variety is what makes you glorious from serious news updates right through to silly videos on You Been Framed, you got it covered for all of us to enjoy you at some point.

At times life can feel lonely but watching TV and talking to others about shows gives us connectivity where common ground can be met. It can be challenging or funny but the most important thing is it makes us think about the ideas your project which can only be a good thing. 

The TV gives us time as a family to bond which we enjoy watching Dr Who and being together as a family. This is a simple pleasure and probably may end up being a cherished one years later for my sons. 

Therefore, from the bottom of my heart, I love you my little 42-inch tv you will always have a spot in the middle of my living room and be part of my family.

Cheers for reading  x

Monday, 18 November 2019

51 Signs that you are british

Hey readers, 

Ever wondered what Britsh meant well here are top 51 signs that mean you're British, its law and I said so ;)

1. Queuing.

2. Accidentally dropping your biscuit into your cup of tea.

3. A cooked a roast dinner.

4. Saying sorry when it isn't your fault.

5. Having a stiff upper lip.

6. Having a dry sense of humour.

7. Eating a fry up for breakfast.

8. Having a beer at the airport even though it is before 8am when going on holiday abroad. 

9. Shouting "wahey' when someone accidentally drops or breaks something.

10. Eating cucumber sandwiches.

11. Moaning if it is too hot.

12. Moaning if it is too cold. 

13. Enjoy the sales when it is boxing day.

14. Having meals based on what day it is - like Fishy Friday.

15. Not correcting someone when they pronounce your name wrong.

16. Feeling appreciative that the person in front put the 'next customer' barrier on the conveyor belt.

17. Wearing summer clothes when you see the first sight of the sun. 

18. You go outside to take the sunshine in when there is a tiny bit of sunshine shining.

19. You can recognise the theme tune to Eastenders.

20. You fancy eating fish and chips on a cold evening.

21. If you leave the house and have to return because you have forgotten something if someone is in the home they say that was quick.

 22. Holding the door open for someone when they’re unnecessarily far away so they end up running for the door.

23. Finding the American forwardness way a bit too much. 

24. Being skilled at writing a letter of complaint. 

25. Having good manners.

26.Going to the pub. 

27. Moaning about the daily commute to work. 

28. Saying 'right' before you do something. 

29. Uttering ‘Aaaah’ after taking the first sip of a cold beer.

30. Family holidays always start at 5 am in the morning to miss traffic jams.

31. You know the best item for the beach is a bucket and spade.

32. You have a strong opinion on marmite.

33. Got sunburnt in spring.

34. Avoiding eye contact on the tube. 

35. Finding nothing better than a bacon sarnie. 

36. Had a cheeky Nandos.

37. You are polite to the people you hate and insult the people you like.

38. When someone asks how are things and you instantly reply with ok thanks when deep down you are dying inside.

39. When you go abroad and you complain that you can't get a decent cup of tea.

40. Sarcasm.

41. Making a cup of tea in response to a crisis. 

42. Insisting the person in front goes first through the door. 

43. Owning a picnic basket but only using it once a year. 

44. Doing anything possible for a light tan. 

45. Searching your pockets when asked for spare change.

 46. Grumbling throughout a meal, but not telling the staff so as not to cause a fuss.

47. Mistaking brightness for warmth.

48. Feeling extreme excitement over a Sunday roast dinner.

49. The ultimate crime has to be someone queue jumping. 

50. Apologising automatically. 

51. Giggling at innuendos.

Do you associate with any of these sighs? What is your view od being British? I love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

Cheers for reading X 

Tuesday, 3 September 2019

How to tell if you are a hipster!

Hey readers,

Today I saw a colouring-in book in Poundland and the theme of the pictures was all about a hipster's lifestyle. I have heard of this term hipster quite a few times over the past couple of years.  So, I thought I would draw together some key characteristics to identify a hipster.

I just thought I would start off with the definition of what a Hipster is: It is someone who follows the trends/fashion that is outside the cultural mainstream.

**Please note it is just a bit fun, nothing serious.**

1) Firstly, I think one of the main identifiable features of a hipster is their beard or mustache. I am not talking about the dirty biker type but you know the clean and groomed variety. The hipster beard/ mustache looks pristine and full of beard oil or mustache wax which is taken care of regularly. A lot of time and effort has gone into making the hipster beard look perfect.

2) The hipster hates anything associated with mainstream, they are on their own level and only enjoy the love of indie film and (that tend to have a small budget in making them) tend to be underground and unheard of.

3) To be a true hipster they don’t like any well-named bands such as BeyoncĂ© but go for the more unusual tastes. They love bands such as Death Cab for Cutie, Radiohead or Archaide of Fire as their chose preference in music.

4) The hipster can be found hanging out with other fellow hipsters in artsy-fartsy coffee shops and post their arty coffee on Instagram. Or unusual places that no other person has heard about.

person pouring hot water in mug with ground coffee

5) The hipster normally travels by riding a bicycle as their chose preference to travel and look down on people who drive a car.

6) The hipster has a love for old technology and when the hipster is out walking outside they flash their old Walkman whilst listening to their indie music of course. They appreciate graffiti not as a nuisance but art so they are probably walking around looking for some thought-provoking pieces.

black and silver film camera on brown wooden surface

6) The hipster craves  ‘vintage’ and they get all their clobber from flea markets or raided from their parents and grandparents wardrobe.

7) The hipster wears spectacles not because of poor vision but for a fashion statement.

8) The hipster tends to be a vegan and more than likely have a specific Instagram account for all their foodie pictures which happen to be taken from their old style camera such as a Fuji X.

9) A hipster is found to have on their YouTube channel videos full of live music.

10) The hipster wears a  lumber jacket, skinny jeans and converse…you know what am talking about, this is a common uniform for a hipster.

autumn close up color daylight

11) For a hipster, a tattoo or earring is so very important to their image. The hipster tends to opt for triangles, arrows or some sort of quote on their arms. The earrings that the hipster are one in the nose and big bloody holes. if you're going to be a hipster you need to make an impression!

Cheers for reading X

Friday, 29 March 2019

10 thoughts whilst standing in the queue.

Hey readers,

I am terribly British as I love a good moan and I have a hatred for queues.

So here are some of my thoughts that have entered my mind whilst moving my feet about and admiring the sweet section near the tills in a massive queue.

1) How dare anyone other than I be here. They have a f*cking check.

2) Seriously, I have just lost half an hour of my life when I could be spending that time at home stalking on Facebook.

3) Why did I just not simply use Amazon, FFS!

4) Should I or should I not buy some chocolate when I reach the till.

5) Life sucks.

6) At least while I am here I don't need to bother with housework or anyone nagging at me. I can just get sore feet from standing around doing sweet F.A.

7) Do I really need this stuff, yes, of course, my life depends on having some cheap emoji socks to brighten my mood?

8) I curse my husband, how dare he request me to buy stuff from the shop. He will pay, mwahahahahaha.

9) Why the f*ck is there no signal, I am so not shopping in Sainsbury's anymore, take that!

10) OMG, I can not believe this shop does not have WiFi. Don't you know it is a human right and now I am cut from human existence even though I am surrounded by people? It is SO totally different? I need to know what is going on in the social world, what coffee people are photographing or the brilliant cat gifs that are emerging on the web.

 I think I may need to go to the hospital as my arm feels cut off from not accessing the internet for 20 minutes, I am getting serious bad withdrawals.

Cheers for reading X

Tuesday, 12 March 2019

10 signs of a mombie

Hey readers,

Even heard of the term mombie or do you think you may be one yourself, well I have 10 telltale tales below. 

1. Caffeine. 

You only function when you have coffee in the morning and let's face it has to be about three cups of stone cold coffee. 

2 Bedtime.

Never has the thought about going to bed been so sexy. It appears that the mombies fantasize about bedtime rather frequently during the day and she doesn't care about getting the latest trendy clothing oh no sleep rules fact. 

3. Dishes.

You thought as you sat on the sofa half dead that evening that, sod it! I don't need to wash the dishes this evening because I am too tired. The dishes can be done in the morning. Turns at the following morning you are extremely miffed about the idea of doing the dishes in the morning. *Doh, hand me my cold cofffee*. 

4. Forgetfulness.

Due to suffering from mombie, it appears that you are forgetful 90% of the day. Many times has the mombie walked into a room and just completely forgot what the hell she is doing in here. 

5. Tip.

Looking at your home it is a tip because let's face it mombies are too tired at this point to even give a sh*t what Kim and Aggie would make of it, that is what cupboards are for hiding the mess ;). 

6. Fashion. 

The ultimate conundrum is whether it's worth getting changed or just hang out in your pj's with no bra on all day long looking like Waynette Slob and actually not giving a f*ck.

7. Sleepyhead. 

When a mombie looks in the mirror she will resemble a panda with your dark black circles around your eyes, hell she could fit right in at the zoo.

8. Zone out. 

When you see a mombie she will look vacant in the face as almost as if mentally she is not here and you would be right. Zoning out is an art form that a mombie will have perfected during her time being a mum. 

9. Snooze. 

Mombies where ever possible will seek the opportunity to have some shut eye. One competition a mombie has to face is being stealth mode in trying to not get the child to see the mombie shut her eyes. She loves kids telly for only one reason and that is for her to get the change to have a snooze when the child is not looking. 

10. Emotional.

With a mombie you get exhaustion which causes havoc on the old emotion. One minute the mombie maybe in a jolly mood the next she may be rocking in the corner as she has only realised that it is only 9 am in the sodding morning.

 Also, mombie has a predator 'the husband' who can not be tamed with passive aggressive comments to attack the target with, unless he supplies mombie with a hot coffee then all is forgiven. 

Do you identify with a mombie? love to hear your thoughts below. 

Cheers for  reading X 

Tuesday, 5 March 2019

Reasons why I love Come Dine With Me

Hey readers,

Can you believe that come dine with me has been on our screens for over  13  years? I for one still one it and it is one of my favourite programmes.

 Come Dine With Me is a programme where five or four contestants compete with one another to get the £1000 reward. each contestant gets a night to host a dinner party at their home. they have to serve a starter, main and pudding. each guest then rates the host on the whole night a number out of ten. the person with the highest score win.

However, this is not just a cooking completion and there so many more reasons to love the show. let me share the reason below.

1. House tour.

 I love it when you see the guest going around people's houses, I am naturally nosey (I blinking love through the keyhole as well for that very reason). I  like seeing how people put their homes together.

2. Narrative.

One of the main elements of the show that makes it so successful is, of course, the legend that is Dave Lamb. He is the abrasive of the show and it is full of beautiful sarcasm and times so well.

3. The contestants.

Well, where do we go with this one, of course, the contestants are great especially hats off to the people that chose who goes on the episode? The variety is really good especially when you know they are going to be a clash. to be fair though it can also be good when getting along. I think the element of surprise is something that helps viewers wanting to come back for more.

4. On-screen drama.

If you have watched come dine with then you ahem to admit it is hilarious when some sort of drama d happens. whether it is a drunk host letting their snake on the table to then poo or the host kicking our the guests because they have had enough it makes great entertainment.

5. Food.

I also like seeing what people come up and seeing it going bear-shaped. Not to mention when you question what the F is that. A couple of my favourites is when a self-confessed barbie wannabe decides to serve a pudding of truffle with the secret ingredients a sausage, I kid you not, lol! Or there was this other person who decided it would be a great idea to layout sushi for her guests on a person layer on the table. the guest would have to take the food off from the naked body, I mean you can't make this sh*t up.

Do you love to watch Come Dine With Me?  love to hear your comments below.

Cheers for reading. X

Sunday, 27 January 2019

The A to Z of Valentines

Hey readers,

Love is in the air....well it is in the shops with all the Valentines paraphilia everywhere. So, for a little light-hearted read. I thought I would breakdown Valentines with an A to Z of everything you need to know about the love event and how I view Valentine's day, not everyone will agree, but hey ho it is all a bit of fun right.

A - admirer you say?  no change of any admiration around here just my boys waking me at God forseen hour of the day to get up and make breakfast. Let's get this day rolling. 

B - ballons apparently, red and bright and that pop in your face.

C - chocolate is not something I would put my nose up, chocolate for days, chocolate saves lives. Chocolate is love. 

D - dear you look so sexy when you fall to sleep and dribble like that it gets me so excited. Keeping it real is key to a happy and long term relationship.

E - embrace the fact that we don't bother now after 10  years, love is now when husband sprays air freshener when he has had a poo, who needs flowers and cards to waste money on.

F - fourteenth February for some, just standard day may even push the boat and hubby makes me a tea, ooo the luxury.

G - gifts are apparently a thing for Valentines, the only gifts I want is a lie in, please.

H - handsome devil yes you are.

I - I hate you, is so underrated.

J - jokes about the last one.

K - kiss not when you burp in my face.

L - laughing is the key to my heart.

M - morning because it is a normal day in this household.

N - nob I say under my breathe as hubby flicks through the channels while watching one thing and then watching something else.

O - opportunity to give a passive aggressive comment because I like to keep my love real as we know relationships are tough and are not just for one day to make it all magical. 

P - perfect is something unattainable.

Q - questionable is my sanity, who needs love when your mind is intact.

R - roses are so red, I am mad, everything is messed, let me go to bed.

S - sorry I forgot to empty the washing machine, but it is Valentine's day and I still love you.

T - tulips are my preferred flower of the day.

U - unreal for thinking valentines is about love, let's face it all this valentines stuff is commercialism at its finest.

V - My view of my family is perfect. I am so lucky to have all the love I need.

W - work harder to hide the remote, to stop you from flicking through channels, grrr.

Xxxx please empty the bin.

Y - yours truly who has to clean your pants up from the bedroom floor. 

Z - zzzz darling, I may kick you in the pack for snoring.

Lots of love to you and don't get too bogged down in the love, just remember to be happy. 

Cheers for reading X 

Sunday, 20 January 2019

Why the 90s was epic!

Hey readers,

Remember the 90s... it feels like ages ago! They were ace, didn't really think much at the time but hindsight is a valuable thing. So, here are some of the things that rocked about the 90s and not just having no responsibility for small humans and doing whatever I felt like. 

Daria was my icon during the 90s. Daria was a cartoon about an American school girl and the focus was on her life at school. She is not popular but different shall we say, she was crippled with low self-esteem and a popular sister. I loved Daria not just for sarcasm which to be fair was tremendously glorious.

Image result for daria

MTV channel was the bomb, it was incredible unlike now where it is crap!  Of course, there were some great shows like my darling Daria, who could forget Bevis and Butthead and the amazing and slightly addictive deathmatch. That at the time was what I was hooked on watching, I am not surprised I didn't have square eyes but hey ho, I am still standing!

Image result for beavis and buttered laughing

Of course, the 90s would not be the 90s if you haven't played the wonderful Sonic the Hedgehog on the old Sega Mega drive. I miss the carefree days when all you needed to worry about was when it was your turn to have a go and collect the golden coins.

Image result for sonic sega mega drive
On telly when I was in the 90s there was a brilliant game show called Supermarket sweep and it involved Dale Winton as the host. The contestants had to answer questions to earn time to dash around the supermarket. Then the contestants had to run around and get as many high-value products into their shopping trolley within the time frame given wins.
I am now officially old because I can say this, if you are a youngster then you may not have heard of a thing called a cassette tape. A cassette tape according to
Also called cassette tapecompact case containing a length of magnetic tape that runs between two small reels: used for recording or playback of audio or video in a tape recorder, cassette deck, video camera, or VCR, and for storage of data by some small computer systems.

You can get music already on the tape but you can also record it. In the 90s I spent a large portion of a Sunday afternoon recording the certain songs I liked whilst listening to Radio 1 top 40. It turned into a mixtape of my favorite hits. I put so much work into making them start and stop within the time, such beautiful concentration was made.
Related image
Reflecting back from the 90s I vividly remember glaring into a Where's Walley book and trying to find this random man dressed in a red and white striped hat and t-shirt lost in a picture full of themes such as on the beach, it provided hours of entertainment for me.
Image result for where's wally

When I was a youth in the 90s the best place to get clobber was from a store called Tammy Girl with such items as a skirt over trousers or peddle pushers.

Image result for tammy girl
After you had been shopping at Tammy Girl the place to hit was the pick n mix in Woolworths where there was so much choice it took a good half an hour to make your selections.
Image result for woolworths pick n mix

Flip out pencil case was my whole life when I was a child at school. It was amazing and the best piece of stationary that I have ever and I mean EVER owned. If you have not been fortunate to experience a flip out pencil case then you are missing out.

Image result for flip out pencil case 90s

Cheers for reading X

Sunday, 6 January 2019

my biggest pet peeves

Hey readers,

This post is going to be a rant about all the little things that niggle me and that wish I could just ban them from happening.

Loud cheers.

chips close colors crisps
My biggest pet peeve ever is when people eat loudly, especially with food like crisps on a bus where I can not escape. Or if I am at the library on a computer writing blog posts and all I can hear is the loudly chomping, it infuriates me beyond belief.

Husband snoring.

When my husband snores so frigging loudly and even if I push him in the back he seems to be unresponsive. It is SO loud and I literally just stare at the ceiling causing my husband under my breathe.

Being late.

I hate being late it sets off my anxiety. I would rather be early and wait then fear of being on the spot and the attention on me. I have social anxiety and it is one of my biggest fears. Ironically my husband is much more laid back then me and happens to 99.9% cutting it fine to get to places.

Slow walkers.

You know them types the people that walk ridiculously slow in front of you and then they have the check to move about when you try to pass them and hurry alone. It is like they have eyes in the pack of their heads or something.

Line cutters.

germany kiosk line lunch

You know the people that think the rules don't apply to them and feel that they can do as they please and skin in the line regardless of anyone else who has taken ages waiting.

Kids talking over you.

Bloody kids talking over you when you are mid-sentence and then they shout so no one knows what is happening or what to do next as you lose your train of thought.

Car indicators.

Why do we have indicators in cars to show others what they are planning to do on the road not only for car drivers but also pedestrians who want to cross the road say? We may as well get rid of them and live in chaos.


When people take a handful of napkins from an eatery and they intend to use only one. What a waste and why did they need to take a handful why not one.

Dog poop.

You are walking somewhere and you spot a dog having a poo and the owner than with no care in the world not bother to clean up after them, absolutely disgusting and no respect for others at all.

Car park spaces.

mercedes benz parked in a row

When people take up to car spaces when they clearly use one but are just selfish and don't think of others.

Loud noise.

When people purposely whack up the volume of the phone and blast their music on public transport and don't bother to even have headphones. They just don't care for the fact that maybe not everyone wants to listen to your rubbish music.

What pet peeves rile you up the wrong way?

Cheers for reading X