My Sunday photo 07/04/2019

I told the boys to shake their tic tacs. Their face makes me laugh so much. :) 

9 ways to help a child be resilient.

Hey readers,

How can we help make our children resilient when faced with stress and adversity, below are my top tips. 

1. Independent Learning.

It is easy to give in to a child but sometimes allowing the child to be independent. However, allowing a child to do things for themselves, without first jumping in is a great way to build their confidence and learn. 

2. Support. 

Give the child support when they need but let them come to you rather than the other way around. Believe me, they will as long as they know the support is there without judgement. 

3. Self-Discovery. 

Don't constantly answer the questions that the child asks you, get the child to explore for themselves. It is easy to take the quick root and answer but actually the best way sometimes to grow as an individual is to test out and learn through your own self-discovery. 

4. Mistakes. 

Teach your child that mistakes happen and not everyone gets it right. Let's face it no one is perfect and we can't be good at everything as that would be boring. We need diversity and it is important to focus on the strengths that the person can bring to the table. 

5.Risk Taking.

It is important to not get in the mindset of trying to cotton wool our children as sometimes you need to allow risks so that they can learn and understand the boundaries. The more you child to shield a child, the temptation for them to do that thing will be greater. 

6. Delayed Gratification. 

Teach a child delayed gratification - where you have to wait before you can enjoy the rewards you have reaped. This will make them appreciate the reward much more than getting the reward straight away. 

7. Problem-Solving. 

Let your child learn to problem solve, don't just go for the easy answer but allow them to explore the problem and find their own solutions, they will be thankful in the long run. 

8. Catastrophic Thinking. 

Don't go down the catastrophic root with a problem a child is facing. It can be easy to think about all the gloom but it is important to get a well-balanced view of the situation and think positive about something new. Your child wants to explore, instead of being negative with saying that is ok if you can't do that but instead opt for a positive approach with saying how fun it will be and you can make friends say if you go on a camp trip as an example of being positive. 

9. Selective.

Don't give your child everything they ask for (toys, trips etc) even though everyone else has it. They need to learn that they don't need everything and that you can enjoy the things you do have even though you don't have everything because at the end of the day it is just materialistic item. It is much better to be a good person in my eyes anyway. 

What techniques have you used to help a child to be resilient? 

Cheers for reading X 

March favourites

Hey readers,

It is now the fourth month of the year that we are in. So, I am going to reflect over the past month (March) of things that I have been loving. 

1. Fleabag. 

Regarding television programmes that I have been watching in March, I have been really enjoying Fleabag on BBC one. It is the second series and still carrying on brilliantly. It is about the life of a woman called Claire living in London dealing with the tragedy of losing her friend. It is dark, it is funny and really well timed as well with the observations and comments. 

2. Blossom.

Now that the horrific wind from storm Gareth has left, the sunshine has been shining high and allowing growth in nature. There is blossom growing everywhere on trees and it is just a breath of fresh air to see the new season working its magic. 

3. Clocks. 

Of course, only the other day the clocks went forward an hour which though on the day we lost an hours sleep *boo** means that the days are getting brighter and more change of warmer weather and opportunities for going outside and soaking in the sunshine. 

4. Selling on Facebook. 

I have been really enjoying selling odd bits of stuff that we don't really need any more on Facebook. Not only is someone getting a bargain and we are getting some cash back but also means more space, less clutter about. 

5. Hot showers. 

Only recently hubby treated us to out rainfall type shower head and I can confirm it absolutely bliss to have a hot shower with the rainfall head above you. My boys love the new shower and love the idea of the fact it feels like rain. 

What have you been loving over the past month of March? Love to hear your comments down below. 

Cheers for reading X 

How to deal with the feelings of FOMO.

Hey readers,

As a person who has experienced feelings of FOMO due to the increasing social media presence of this idea of a perfect mother, I know how tough it can be. Of course, there is no perfect life but when you are bombarded with constant images of happy families constantly doing something and you’re at home not doing a great deal you can feel like you are missing out.

I know the FOMO (feelings of missing out) is a common problem with the internet generation as there is always something going on and it natural to compare but where do we draw the line.

The dictionary definition of FOMO is:

Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.

Here are some ways have helped me come to accept my life and know it is ok not to be perfect.

Be kind to yourself.

I think there is this need in society to have the next best thing, to constantly be doing amazing things on social media but sometimes you know what it is good to stay in and do nothing. Don't beat yourself up for this, your allow to not do anything or go anywhere doesn't mean you are not living, embrace and actually let go and enjoy it. I now do this and I cut that pressure off and it feels amazing. I slow down and just unwind and it really does the world of good for your mental health.

You’re not alone.

This may sound obvious but believe me when you are engrossed in the feelings of FOMO you lose your ability to rationalise, you assume everyone is doing something other than you. You get intrusive thoughts that you should be doing what everyone is doing and that social pressure feels very strong and the urge to comply is there. I found that actually not looking at some of the individuals who for whatever reason have much cooler life than I helps. 

I remind myself I am not alone and I also look around on the old social media to see that others doing similar stuff to me and that it is ok to be that. It is all about putting things into perspective realising that most people that you check out on Instagram are just one-sided and you don't see all their lives. Try to unfollow people that make you feel inferior - ignorance is bliss. Find other accounts that are similar to you and you can relate to. It will make you feel so much better and also contribute in helping come to accept your life in a more positive way.

Distractions.

Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed with all the online information that is out there. The constant notifications that sometimes the best thing to do is mute the distractions, turn your phone on aeroplane mode or even better still turning your phone completely off. Even if it is just for an hour you will be amazed at how much better you will feel.

What things have helped you deal with FOMO?

Cheers for reading X

5 Ways to stop over apologising.

Hey readers, 

I think it is a British problem where I myself often apologise even though I have done nothing wrong. It is like I am in autopilot and I want to keep the peace even though the other person doesn't care, it's hard-wired in my head. So, trying to learn how to get out of this habit which I have been doing for a number of years I have got some ideas on trying to overcome this problem. I thought I would share them as someone else may find this useful if they are in the same boat as me with over apologising. 

1. Pause.

When you feel the need to apologise for a good habit to get into is passing before you apologise. Allowing yourself time to think before acting can maybe kick in other ideas and make you think whether apologising is worthwhile. 

2. Triggers. 

Sometimes, it is good to reflect and think why you feel the need to apologise, is it because you have anxiety and you are worried about what people think? or you don't like confrontation. A task you can do is write out some situations where you feel you apologise and instead write out a different outcome such as, instead of saying, sorry you could swap it with can you please help me understand better? This allows you to communicate and be direct but being assertive with your words.

3. Silence. 

I think one of the reasons that I feel the need to apologise is because of that awkward silence when you really not sure what to do after an incident. I have learned to embrace the silence and yes at times it is uncomfortable but pushing myself in the comfort zone teaches me to accept and stand tall. 

4. Swap. 

Often we say sorry when someone gives us a compliment but instead of brushing that compliment under the carpet accepting it and saying thank you is a much better way of dealing with the situation, You are expressing gratitude and it is ok to be happy when something good is talked about you, your not big headed but allowing the compliment to happen and taking it on board.

5. Empathy. 

Instead of opting to say sorry for a response to show empathy why not swap with an empathetic response because it is giving the person the feeling that you want to understand. You could say something like, 'that sounds really difficult for you'. Not only does it give the individual sense that you are listening but it allows the conversation to be opened up and explored more instead of sorry which is a closed off reply to a conversation. 

5. Feedback. 

It can be convenient to just apologise in a situation but this can give you low self-esteem or make you feel anxious. It is far better if you ask for feedback from the person such as, 'can you tell me a way I can make this situation better?' this then can make you feel more positive and take control over the situation as you are coming with ideas to improve and wanting to change. 

Have you overcome over apologising? What ways help you to stop saying sorry? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below. 

Cheers for reading X 

My Sunday photo 31/03/3019

  

      

     

10 thoughts whilst standing in the queue.

Hey readers,

I am terribly British as I love a good moan and I have a hatred for queues.

So here are some of my thoughts that have entered my mind whilst moving my feet about and admiring the sweet section near the tills in a massive queue.

1) How dare anyone other than I be here. They have a f*cking check.

2) Seriously, I have just lost half an hour of my life when I could be spending that time at home stalking on Facebook.

3) Why did I just not simply use Amazon, FFS!

4) Should I or should I not buy some chocolate when I reach the till.

5) Life sucks.

6) At least while I am here I don't need to bother with housework or anyone nagging at me. I can just get sore feet from standing around doing sweet F.A.

7) Do I really need this stuff, yes, of course, my life depends on having some cheap emoji socks to brighten my mood?

8) I curse my husband, how dare he request me to buy stuff from the shop. He will pay, mwahahahahaha.

9) Why the f*ck is there no signal, I am so not shopping in Sainsbury's anymore, take that!

10) OMG, I can not believe this shop does not have WiFi. Don't you know it is a human right and now I am cut from human existence even though I am surrounded by people? It is SO totally different? I need to know what is going on in the social world, what coffee people are photographing or the brilliant cat gifs that are emerging on the web.

 I think I may need to go to the hospital as my arm feels cut off from not accessing the internet for 20 minutes, I am getting serious bad withdrawals.

Cheers for reading X