My Sunday photo 05/07/2020

Reading and mental health.

Hey readers,

I have found reading to be beneficial for me and my mental health. Even though I have some really crappy days I still try to read because I find it helps in a small way, it might not be much but it is powerful. 

So in this post, I am going to get explore some reasons why reading can help with improving your mental health.

1. Escapism.

There is nothing worse than the feeling of not being able to escape your own thoughts that are constantly blasting at you. 

It can be easy to focus on them because they are so loud for attention but sometimes what I find helpful is a distraction and in this case reading. 

Reading for me is escapism from my thoughts because I am focusing on something else therefore not giving my thoughts the attention but focusing on reading can give me a break for a bit. 

 I read psychological thrillers and the escapism from the ‘real world’ is what is appealing. I like to get into the mind of someone else's story, this helps a lot when I am feeling particularly down and need something to give my mind a break from my life stresses.

2.  Reduces stress.

Reading can reduce stress because when you read for fun it is pleasurable and something that you enjoy.

 There is nothing better to read a good book where you can’t put it down and that is real enjoyment that is a positive effect on your mind. 

The story capturing your attention therefore you reduce stress levels by relaxing your tensed muscles, giving yourself that feel good chemicals when pleasure is activated in the brain.

3. Mental stimulation.

Reading can help with giving our brain some stimulation by keeping it working through reading and creating scenarios in our head of the plot of the story. These are great to keep your mind active and functioning and engaging in areas of the mind.

4. Memory.

Reading helps with your memory because for example with a story you need to remember each character what they are like and key events that has happened to make sense of the future story that you are reading. 

Again it comes back to the point about having to focus on something other than your own thoughts. This is refreshing because it gives you that break for the distress which can help reduce mental stress in the long term.

5. Sleep.

Reading before bed is a perfect ritual you should master as it helps increase the quality of your sleep. Reading before sleep allows yourself to relax your body and get it in sleep mode. 

Reading can also help you switch off from your own thoughts allowing quicker time to get to sleep. 

Overall with reading at night focusing on the book reduces the negative thoughts because you’re focusing on the reading meaningless likely to wake up if you are relaxed.

Have you found reading has helped you with your mental health? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below.

Cheers for reading X

8 Things not to say to someone who is dealing with anxiety.

Hey readers,

As an individual who suffers from anxiety for a number of years, I have had my fair share of experiences involving people saying things to me that is not really helpful when you're trying to deal with anxiety.

So here is my 10 popular comments people have said that should not be said to someone who is suffering from anxiety.

1. Trendy.

Social media is a great tool in raising awareness of mental health. The downside is that some people may not be genuine in saying they have a mental health condition. 

They may say they have mental health issues to help with social media engagement or as an excuse for behaviour. Sadly the genuine people who suffer from anxiety get tarnished with the same brush.  

I know people use Google to self-diagnosis and in some cases the may be genuine. It is OK to talk about anxiety because how else are we going to raise awareness.

I think most people who say they suffer from anxiety are genuine suffers but sadly only takes a bad apple to affect a community. I didn't talk about my mental health for a long time to anyone or the odd person who I trusted.

 It takes a lot of courage for people who genuinely suffer from mental health. Trust me I do not see it as trendy. It is an ongoing battle and something if I could wave a magic wand make it disappear.

Sadly I can't make my anxiety vanish away and therefore have to focus on managing it rather than focus on a way of getting rid of it. 

I still get feelings at times of being ashamed if I am honest maybe because of past experiences of people turning a blind eye or not willing to talk about it has had an influence on me.

I am learning like everyone that talking helps and if you do suffer from mental health conditions then do be afraid of speaking up snout how it affects you.

2. Get over it. 

The amount of times I have been told to simply just get over it is unreal. Yeah sure mate I'll just click my fingers and get over it. It takes a lot of hard work to manage anxiety and you don't really know what is going on so don't assume that someone can just get over it!

3. Everything will be fine.

I know when people say this they mean it with good intention. However, anxiety is a devious little bugger and can really make you believe what you are feeling is real. Sometimes just listening to the anxieties helps a lot more helpful to say.

4. Calm down.

There is nothing more infuriating than someone telling you to calm down when you're in the grips of anxiety. 

It almost feels like when someone says calm down like they are not taking your feelings seriously. If anything saying calm down just triggers me and makes me angry which is not good either.

5. It's all in your head.

Of course, it is in my head, anxiety occurs in the mind right? One thing is for sure it is real, though some of the thoughts are maybe questionable in regards to the truth in relation to how the anxiety makes me feel.

6. Your such a weirdo.

There is nothing more encouraging than someone knocking you for suffering from anxiety. Just because it is different from the way you think or act does not make it OK calling someone a weirdo.

7. Have a drink you will feel better.

OK having a drink can be a relaxant however, we all know too much alcohol is a depressant. If drinking alcohol becomes a regular coping mechanism for dealing with anxiety it can actually hinder your mental health. 

Once the effects of feeling relaxed and letting go wear off alcohol tend to cause more anxiety which defeats the point anyway.

8. Other people are suffering much worse conditions then you are. 

This does not really help to compare a person to another person. We are all different and on our own journeys. Comments like this make you feel rubbish and reduce the likelihood of wanting to talk to you again about how you feel.

Have you experienced any of these observations? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below.

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday photo 28/06/2020

My mummy pet hates

Hey readers,

 With parenthood, nothing runs smoothly and somethings can quite frankly get on your goat. Nothing is perfect in parenthood it comes with its challenges so here are most irritating pet hates that annoy the crap out of me.

1. Repetition of questions.

I know it is lovely when your little one speaks and has an inquisitive mind showing that your little darling is into things. 

But let's face it there is only so many times you can answer the same question again and again and again and again before you secretly fantasy about quietness just for time to think without being smothered with the demand for answers!

2. Hearing my own voice.

What can I say my children as soon as they learnt the skill of selective hearing they get smart and used it to their advantage.

 It is so dame annoying hearing your own voice and trying to stay calm. For example, getting your children to school and encouraging them to get dressed when they so can't be arsed so they chose to ignore you instead. 

Not to mention if you have more then one child and hearing you say time and time again play nicely, stop jumping on your brother, for God sake just share the plastic jelly baby pot.

It is a totally minded field for me to understand the social rules of parenting and what to say or how much to say to other parents. What to get your sons to friend from school etc. 

 My son has not even started school yet and then it will even more social rules to deal with.

When having a baby you were entitled to watch several hours of crap TV in peace with hot teas.

 Now moving forward to the child age you may as well kiss goodbye to watching anything of your own during the day. 

With our home now with two children and their noise and demands, you miss your programme anyway so you may as well just watch another God dame episode of Talking Tom.

Songs that get stuck in your head - from the telly whether that Mighty Mike or Fireman Sam theme tune you will be stuck with it going round in your head all day long and find yourself humming along.

3. Getting under your feet.

I love my kids but at times they can get so frustrating as they have this ability to get under your feet when trying to do something. 

Alternatively, my eldest loves to try and block you from entering a room just for laugh. It doesn't matter whether your rushing around cleaning the flat to make it look half decent for visits it is more fun to stop mummy, yeah right!

4. Lego pieces.

 Lego pieces get everywhere and kill when standing on them. They are so painful and so small that they really should come with insurance.

5. Throwing food. 

Why, why, why do children have to  throw food about everywhere in places that are imaginable and find months later vom!

6. Meltdowns.

 I find it stressful in public to deal with meltdowns. Yes, this is typical child behaviour but so hard to deal with especially when your child is tired. 

There is no rational stance with your child when they hit meltdown mode so it can be really stressful to try to get them to calm down and then you need to calm down, just a nightmare really.

With both my sons trying to get them to share the tablet, drink felt tips, stickers you name it I guarantee there will be a squabble between my boys.

 It is so bloody hard work at times to constantly break up the battles but luckily the good outweigh the bad or else I would be locked up in the psychiatric ward.

What is your mummy pet hates? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X 

9 ways to wind down

Hey readers,

As a person who struggles to wind down, it is always good to find ways to help me switch off. 

I am quite an anxious person naturally, so therefore, at times I can neglect myself especially when the anxiety is getting to me. 

So here are my top 9 ways that have helped me destress in times of need. 

1. Technology.

Turn off the technology allows you that time to help switch off from all the noise that is going on. 

It gives you time to turn off the thoughts and help get your body naturally tired and not constantly wired.

2. Caffeine.

 Don't drink caffeine an hour before bed as caffeine is a known to stimulate your mind and the chances are you won't want to go to bed. Therefore resulting in reduced sleep which will impact your day. 

3. Temperature.

 Make sure you get the right temperature for your bedroom as this will help you feel more comfortable and ready to settle down for the night.

4. Reading. 

 Reading before bed is a fantastic way to help get you tired but also feel more relaxed.

5. Television.

In the evening before bed, if you are watching TV watch something that is calming. 

Try to avoid programmes which are thought-provoking and not a programme that will make you think or cause an emotional reaction because you don't want racing thoughts as it can prevent you from sleeping. 

This will likely waste timing thinking where you could have been sleeping.

6. Write it down.

 If you have any thoughts that seem to be repeating and stopping you from getting sleep a good technique is to have a notebook by your bed and write down your thoughts. 

If there are written down the thoughts this can help give you a clearer perspective. This will help settle you knowing that you have written down all your thoughts as a posed to keeping them in your head racing around and getting messy.

7. Bedtime routine.

 Having a bedtime routine can help settle you down ready for sleep as it trains your brain. Therefore making your body get in a rhythm so that will time it will naturally go into sleepy mode and wanting bed.

8. Music. 

Put some relaxing music on in your bedroom as this can create a calming environment and get you in the mood to chill out. 

9. Bath. 

 Having a bath is a great way to relax and soak the muscles after a long day.

What ways help you relax before bed? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X

A Boy Made Of Blocks by Keith Stuart (Review)

Hey readers,

Today I am sharing a review of A Boy Made Of Blocks by Keith Stuart. It is losing based on the author's relationship with his autistic son.

This book has a main theme of Alex who is the dad of his son, called Sam. Sam is a child who is diagnosed with high functioning autism so, he can communicate but to what extend no one is really sure.

Alex has been the main breadwinner, whilst his wife had to leave her job to cater to Sam's needs 24/7. 

Naturally, this seems to have caused a rift between Alex and Jody due to pressure, stress, confusion etc when raising an autistic child.

As we have found out further along in the book that communication between Alex and Jody was broken down, therefore, causing Jody to call time on their marriage, for now, it was deemed a trial separation.

On that Sunday Alex left the family home feeling devastated, so he moved into a friend's apartment which was a typical bachelor pad with all the mod cons including an Xbox.

Alex gets into a more depressing situation when the mangers at his job have changed and decided that they no longer need Alex as a mortgage adviser. Therefore Alex decided to take three-month redundancy deal that the company offered as an incentive.

This causes Alex to spirals into depression.

A new arrangement between Jody and Alex where on a Saturday Alex would look after Sam.

 Normally Alex and Sam would go to the park but this worried Alex particularly as Sam was hostile to other children and very scared of dogs. 

Their relationship is very basic and it is all new for both Sam and Alex where they are at the beginning of a journey if you will in finding out about one another.

Jody buys Sam an Xbox and then gets into the game Minecraft. Sam desperately wants his dad to join in. At first, Alex sees this of pain especially as Sam is constantly calling Alex to check every small development in the game.

There were issues that were concerning Alex around technology and whether it was good for Sam to spend such a long time on the Xbox. 

However, this game was a great distraction for Sam as he could totally escape all his worries, especially as he was getting bullied at school for being different. 

We find out later on in the book that it is quite clear that when dad does get involved playing Minecraft with Sam it sort of strengths communication and building a stronger relationship between father and son.

When Sam is not the centre of attention he is more open and thinks clearer without having to worry about talking and what to have to say. Rather, the communication flow is more natural between Sam and Alex. 

This has helped Alex understand his son better through the game and can be less jumping to ideas bur more empathetic to why Sam does the things he does. 

I find this such a  brilliant insight into knowing about Autism. Sometimes, you need to have some sort of physical activity that is about order and structure to help ease the anxiety for a person with autism and help the communication between two people.

There are obviously other branches of 'drama' if you will regarding Alex's brother who died due to a car incident when Alex was young. The theme around guilt, running away and facing up to things is a big topic at the end. 

His sister, mum and Alex all learn to face up to doubts and thoughts. With the main notion of communicating their worries can break down the tension and built back relationships instead of hiding for fear of the outcome. 

This can help the process of grief and move forward in all the individual's lives.

There are little nuggets of wisdom from Sam and we can learn a lot from Sam with making things simple outlook of the human race. Seeing them as objects and colours that need to fit together.

Overall, it is a heartwarming story and tells the tale of strangers almost rebuilding and strengthening the relationship between families. I love the fact that it is a personal account and feels real rather than just listening again and again to the rubbish of the professionals.

There is a new book after this one which I will definitely be reading in the future be as it would be lovely to hear the new developments of what has bee happening in Sam's life.

 Especially, as at the end of this book, Sam has moved to a new school that specialises in autism.

This book is definitely a must if your interested in autism or wants to hear about an autistic parent's point of view.

Cheers for reading X