Never Alone by Elizabeth Haynes (book review)

Hey readers,

Today I am going to do a book review of Never Alone by Elizabeth Haynes. It is an adult thriller fiction book.

The main plot is about a woman called Sarah who was married to Jim but he died in a car crash.

Sarah is struggling with debt in her home up in the Yorkshire Dales. She had a visit from a university friend of Sarah and Jim’s called Aiden. 

He needs a place to stay and Sarah offers him a room her home. He insists on paying rent which is an incentive as she really needs the money and the fact that she is struggling with loneliness.

Sarah and Aiden get friendly and after getting close after a night out at the local pub and the end of the night having sex together.

Over time feelings between Sarah and Aiden grow for each other.

There is one problem with the situation between Sarah and Aiden is that everyone other than Sarah knows that Aiden is a masseur and provides organisms for women as a job.

They have fallen out and it progresses that it is purely a job for him. He has been honest with every question Sarah says. However, over time Sarah accepts this and trusts him.

There is another friend called Sophie who is having relationship problems with her husband and gets to know a friend of Sarah's called Will.

Sophie and Will have a fling but Sophie wants to continue it further. However, this point will I'd obsessed.

He gets threatening towards Sarah because she had a one night stand a whole back causing him to blackmail Sarah.

Sarah has two older children called Louis and Kitty. Kitty is at university and comes to stay over the holidays at Sarah's.

Louis has fallen out with his mum due to his dad's death, blaming Sarah for not driving when the night his dad died.

Sophie at this point has told George about will and his obsessive behaviour. He tells her to vanish for a while to try and make it cool down. However, this only leads the will to lead on to darker plans.

I won't spoil the ending but with the weather turning for the worst with heavy snow and we find out the lengths people will go for the one they get attached too.

I loved Elizabeth Haynes previous work and so naturally was delighted to see another title that I had not read yet. I found the book a real page-turner and engaging. I like the fact that it wasn’t dragged out but there was enough balance for the beginning, middle and end section. Definitely worth a read if you enjoy a good thriller that keeps you guessing.

I give it 5 stars out of five.

Cheers for reading X

7 ways to be happy everyday.

Hey readers,

Sometimes we can forget to find the joy in the simplest of things and life can drag us down.

 But we can do something about that and gain some control back. I have got seven ways that aren't difficult to help find happiness in ordinary stuff. I hope you find this helpful.

1. Time out.

Take the time out of your day to do something that you love doing, whether it be listening to music, reading whatever it is do it make some time to do it! Even if it is just for ten minutes a day it will be worth it in the long term for your wellbeing because you are doing something for you and giving you some time for self-care.

2. Write it down.

 A good habit to take up is to write down something that you are thankful for each day. It doesn't have too big it could be as simple as hearing the birds. This is a way to train your brain to look at the positives in your life and appreciate the small things in life that you have access too. 

3. Outdoors.

Take yourself outside and connect with nature. Go for a walk and just be, take time to notice the environment that you are, look at the different flowers or trees, look up at the sky because we live in a beautiful world and it has a lot to offer.

4. Laugh.

As the saying goes laughter is the best medicine. Laughing produces chemicals in the brain to make you feel good naturally and laughing is also brilliant at offering healing properties as well.

5. Time out.

Take some time out of your day to be mindful and present. All you need to do is it and be and just stop with the business of the world.

 The world goes by so fast that you may miss out and just sitting and slowing down can really be beneficial to your health.

6. Kindness.

Do something for someone else and spread happiness on. Some suggestions are making a hot drink, taking time to listen to the person and what they are saying.

7. Positives.

Write down your feelings and work out how you can help reduce the negative and increase the positive. This allows you to understand and think about how you feel. 

It also gives you some control because you're acting on how your feeling and finding solutions to some problems if you can. 

Have I missed any techniques to help make you feel happy every day? What do you do that helps you find happiness? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday photo 07/06/2020

Little Miss Muffet (A Paraody).

Little Miss Muffet went off in a fuffet,

Swearing and huffing the day away,

Along came a numpty,

Who tried to woe her,

Only to get slapped away.

Mad Girl by Bryony Gordon (book review).

Hey readers,

I love a book that you can lose yourself totally in and can't wait for every opportunity to sit and flick through the pages. 

This book did just that. It is a biography of Bryony Gordon who is a journalist for several years. She writes openly and honestly about her first-hand experience of living with OCD and clinical depression.

As a suffer from both clinical depression and OCD I felt I could really identify with how Bryony expressed her experiences clearly, how out of nowhere something triggered causing the panic and obsession. Almost like someone flicking on a switch.

I feel that this is an honest reflection of OCD. It is also not your typical cleaning OCD but a main focus on the thoughts and how they influence behaviour.

As a mother, I also found the area about motherhood particularly around pregnancy interesting and relatable. 

Especially when it is your first-time pregnancy can be very stressful. The early period of motherhood made me feel very paranoid especially with the debate about whether or not you should or should not take anti-depressants and the effect that it will have on your newborn.

I think it is an interesting observation mentioned in the book about the fact that Bryony comes from a middle-class family that was fairly stable with not a lot of trigger to cause mental illness. It goes to show that money can't pay for everything and that mental health affects all walks of life.  

The only good thinks about being wealthy is getting better care privately. The reason Bryony and her mum chose private over NHS is shockingly poor and a long waiting list to boot. 

Though she chats openly that it doesn't matter as you still have to work hard to get a good therapist that understands you to help with your recovery.

It is a brilliant account of how OCD can feed off you when you are mentally low such as being in an abusive relationship can trigger OCD behaviour.

Even if you don't suffer from OCD it is a fantastic way to help you understand better about the condition and help increase awareness for mental illness. Also how hard it is to find the right help and that if the Doctors dealt with it sooner then it would possibly be not as bad as the thoughts are not been long lasted for years as a way to cope with life stresses.

The best advice  Bryony concludes is cutting back on alcohol/exercise/eating healthy and just making sure that every area of your life is catered for can help reduce the OCD.

Bryony also reflects on her experience of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and the power of thought. 

 How CBT  worked for her and now accepts that slips happen, OCD thoughts will always be there but accepting them as just that but not taking them as the gospel is the biggest progress to live a better more fulfilled life.

A powerful message is that mental illness is not on the same level of importance of physical health. If you had a broken leg you would get it plastered. But mental health is still a taboo that is not talked about and at times shamed upon with stigma or being blasé with comments about being a bit OCD with putting clothing straight. 

It is much more than complex and intrusive than simply having things in a certain way.

Bryony set up a group called mental health mates where strangers meet up in London to walk and talk about mental illness.

There is no demand to change just a place to not feel so alone and isolated. I think it is a brilliant idea and I wish there were more groups around in the UK.

In my personal opinion, I think this is one of the best books I have read of a first account of living with OCD. It is not pretentious or glamorised,  just trying to get the message out that whatever background shit happens. 

It is great to help get the message about what it is really like to live with OCD. I definitely recommend it.

Cheers for reading X

Mummy will you play with me?

Hey readers, 

Them words.... "mummy, will you play with me?" I dread.

I. HATE. PLAY.

Specifically, imaginary play, the thought of it gives me the shudders. Even after 8 years of being a mother, I hate it. I get so on edge thinking will my child ask me. 

Now I suppose one the struggles is I am not good at thinking outside of the box as it were. I am autistic and just coming up with random ideas is a big bloody struggle truth be told. 

I don't enjoy this type of play. I think the worst bit of it all is the guilt that I have created myself inside my own head that I must be good at imaginary play if I want to be a good mother. 

I know it sounds ridiculous but when you have been observed in playing with your children from professionals you get a bit paranoid. 

Now I am good at constructive play such as colouring in, writing on windows with window pens, reading books etc. 

My kids can come to me and talk to me about anything and I will listen and answer, no problems there. 

I just can't deal with doing things without order or structure and this falls back to being autistic. I walked out once a couple of times when I have been to live performances when they are improvising. 

The thought of being on the spot and having to come up with something is really tricky. It's like my mind goes blank the moment I am under pressure, I just can not think of what to do or say at that moment.

So coming back to play I am trying to be accepting of what I can and can not do. Opening up on this platform makes me feel scared of the judgement I guess but I am going to tell my husband as well.

 I'm scared of being open and saying look I struggle, I don't like it and it fills me with dread. There are some days when I am so anxious about it I will stay up so I am too tired the next day to feel anything. 

I think I am more conscious of my own behaviour due to the intensity of staying at home more. It is tough, really tough. I know I am not alone but it is almost a taboo topic saying you hate the imaginary play. 

I think if I was to accept it more it would relax me better and have a better time. 

I know my boys are looked after and are fine. It is just dealing with the intrusive thoughts in my mind. 

Let's focus a little bit of the positives about not playing imaginary play and letting my little darlings be free to play. 

It teaches them to be independent which isn't a bad thing, it means there more creative when they are bored because they are looking for ways to entertain themselves. 

So in the grand schemes of things not that bad really. Just need to be kinder to myself because we are different and we can't all be good at everything right?

Cheers for reading X 

Time

Hey readers,

my word of the week is:

TIME

What I mean to say about this is lack of time due to the fact that it is half term. As lovely as half term is it leaves me lacking time. I feel like I don't have enough of it this week and feel a bit tired. It is exhausting work trying to entertain children whilst trying desperately holding on to your sanity.

I attempt to do a fun activity such as playing with Plasticine, a nice little relaxing activity for my boys. Don't be silly, I have never been so God dame frustrated in my life. I have to supervise to make sure everyone has got an equal amount, the same colours and sit in the middle making sure that it does not kick-off. 

I don't need to say anymore then my patience can run very thin.

This has what most of it has been like, seriously sometimes I question why I bother. Sometimes, it is much to turn the telly on and deal with the crippling guilt of being the 'slummy mummy'.

Roll on Monday where I can breathe and enjoy the silence without thinking that boys are next door planning on taking over the world.

Cheers for reading X