My Sunday photo 10/05/2020

10 signs you are an introvert

Hey readers, 

I am a full-fledged introvert and I have come to accept that which is absolutely fine. You may be asking the question, 'Am I an introvert?' well, I have come up with 10 signs that suggest that you could be an introvert. 

1. Time alone. 

You enjoy spending time alone - even if you are close to people you need time alone to yourself because takes a lot of mental energy to socialise. 

2. Inner monologue. 

Your inner monologue is hard to switch off and it is like the constant quiet voice in your head working overtime. 

You are a deep thinker and think about situations for a long time or pre-events on how to manage them. 

3. Alone.

You do your best thinking alone by yourself because you get distracted or you can't think clearly when someone else is talking about an idea. 

4. Small talk.

You find small talk really hard to master, it takes so much effort to take about meaningless things. You are much deeper and like to talk about deep stuff. 

5. Crowds.

You often feel alone in a crowd because it is hard to find connections with people, and being around others can make you feel like you ss not dir in an, therefore, feel more isolated when in a crowd. 

6.  Talking in front of people. 

There is nothing scarier than the thought of having to stand up in front of people and talk, the thought of having to be in the spotlight gives you cold sweats of fear. 

7. Cancelled plans. 

 Nothing brings you more joy then called plans because it means you don’t have to be on the edge thinking about the social interaction you have to endure.

8. New Friends.

Making new friends sounds so much hard work to do and be similarly compared to running a marathon. It is already hard enough to deal with keeping social attraction with you people you know already hard work to maintain. It is so much easier to dive into a book instead of having to think of what to say.

9. Acceptance. 

People should stop asking what is wrong because quite frankly you are happy don’t need external factors to influence your mood. I am rather happy being an introvert and don’t care that  I am not the norm, it took a long time but it is ok to be an introvert, there are some very successful introverts in the world such as J.K. Rowling and Einstein.

10. Attention.

I hate birthdays or anything that has to mean you are the focus and everyone is relying on you to engage with them. I much prefer to be in the background minding my own business without the stress of talking; it can be so boring having to talk utter crap just to please people.

What do you think about Introverts? Are you an introvert and do you relate to these signs of introversion? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

Cheers for reading X  

Regression in adult autism.

Hey readers,

Now that I am an adult with autism I have learnt so much more about me and how autism affects me. One of the things that I have noticed is that at times during my life I have regressed in my behaviour. 

Now, when I am talking about regression and autism this is not when a child is 19 months but actually regression that can occur anytime or age of the individual. 

I myself feel that I have regressed several periods during my life. The same can be said about when I progress. I believe that with autism as a disorder on a spectrum it is fluid and constantly shifting with the times. 

Hence why it is hard to fill out forms when asked for what my life is like with autism on a day to day basis. Let's face if you know someone with autism it changes depending on what is happening in that person's life.

An example of my regression going through changes whilst at university from year one to year two caused me great distress. I had less support, less communication with lecturers and that caused great change and uncertainty.

 I struggled with interpreting instructions especially when they were assignments when I had to be creative and think outside the box. One assignment involved in coming up with an adult that hasn't been thought of before. 

Now, this is hard because this was a mandatory module whereby I had to do the subject even though I wasn't that interested in it.

If you don't know already I am a black and white thinker. When I do something that motivates me I get full-on obsessive or in contrast, demotivated and not bothered at all. 

The changes and dealing with university life causes me at the end of the year to result in me wanting to kill myself basically. I fell into clinical depression, my partner had to supervise me because I could not do anything by myself as I was that depressed.

Other times I have smaller regressions, if I do not go into town for a while I literally get sensory overload, All the scripts I have performed and rehearsed I forget. All the social rules have got muddled up and I really struggle. 

Dare I say it I feel more autistic on these days. It is like I have to keep on top and be aware most of the time or I fall backwards. It is exhausting and at times I have just stayed at home for days and not gone out, feeding more on my regression.

Other times I can move forward and progress if I keep working at it. The one blocker that stops me is burnout when I am so exhausted from trying and working at it for long periods of time that I simply need to stop and shut down. My brain has had enough of all this information, it wants a breather and time to just be.

I have only recently learnt that one of the reasons I get so exhausted if I am in a social environment is because I am on hyperfocus, my brain is on alert all the time, anxiety high and I am just not relaxed. Naturally, my body is just going to say stop and have a break to relax.

So, as you can see regression can be short or long term but autism is constantly shifting between progress and regress.

Cheers for reading X

broken

Get up and go,

but what happens

if there is no go

where do I go,

who can help me

when society is broken.

50 activities you can do if your bored at home during lockdown.

Hey readers,

Hands up if your bored in the house? Well here is a list of 50 activities to kill the time while getting through lockdown, your welcome :)

1. Read a book.

2. Try a new recipe.

3. Watch a documentary.

4. Paint with Bob Ross.

5. Tour Ancient Rome.

6. Experience the British Museum.

7. Meditate.

8. Upcycle old clothing.

9. Start a virtual book club.

10. Have a karaoke night.

11. Watch a film.

12. Clear out your wardrobe.

13. Write a letter.

14. Sort out your drawers.

15. Lego.

16. Do a crossword or sukcodo.

17. Do a jigsaw.

18. Make a photo collage video on your phone.

19. Plant some flowers.

20. Start a blog.

21. Start a Youtube Channel.

22. Bake.

23. Learn to knit.

24. Exercise.

25. Learn a language.

26. Clean.

27. Phone your nan.

28. Play a game on your phone.

29. Learn to make cocktails/mocktails.

30. Make Tic Tok videos.

31. Make a bucket list.

32. Update your CV.

33. Write a journal.

34. Wash your make up brushes.

35. Colour in.

36. Watch a new tv series.

37. Have a group chat with friends.

38. Read a magazine online.

39. Make a playlist.

40. DIY.

41. Play a board game.

42. Have a trip to the zoo online.

43. Stream a three performance.

44. A live art class.

45. Follow a hair tutorial.

46. have a bath.

47. Paint your nails.

48. Put some washing on the line (depending on the weather).

49. Couch to 5k.

50. Draw something.

Are there any activities that I have missed that have helped with the boredom of lockdown? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X 

My Sunday Photo 03/05/2020

Silly things my mind has told me.

Hey readers,

I have anxiety and depression and one of the problems with these conditions is that I suffer from intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are frightening, they are exhausting (for me).

They feel real and can potentially turn into a cycle where the thoughts can come quickly. They may be thoughts that are fear-induced or down to lack of control. Control is a big trigger for me and my anxiety.

So, now I am going to share with you some of the kind of silly things my brain tries to tell me and trick me into believing.

* Husband is going to call social services because I have the TV on therefore I am not a good parent.

* Such and such a teacher is watching my every move I make, see if I am capable. They are taking notes and discussing me in a negative light with their colleagues. 

* They are taking the piss out of me because I stutter, I am shaking and crying. 

*They are watching me and judging me because I am fat, I can't engage.

* They think I am not a good parent and I shouldn't look after my kids.

* My husband is going to die, he is out and won't come back. He hates me and blames me for everything.

* My husband when out shopping with the boys, I get fearful especially for long periods that they have died in the car. I am petrified and shaking. I am having very dark imagery thoughts about how the bodies are dismantled in the car, the process of imagining them dying in the car.

* A parent in the playground is looking at me, talking about how ugly I am. How rubbish parent I am. How socially awkward I am. How retarded my children are.

The examples I have given are just a handful of examples, that have happened in the last couple of days. 

I wanted to share how horrible the thoughts can be and they are so scary. People assume anxiety is something a bit mandy pandy but it is a struggle. It is a battle every day for me. 

Sometimes I have better days, sometimes I have worse days. But the anxiety is always there ready and waiting.

Cheers for reading X