Regression in adult autism.

Hey readers,

Now that I am an adult with autism I have learnt so much more about me and how autism affects me. One of the things that I have noticed is that at times during my life I have regressed in my behaviour. 

Now, when I am talking about regression and autism this is not when a child is 19 months but actually regression that can occur anytime or age of the individual. 

I myself feel that I have regressed several periods during my life. The same can be said about when I progress. I believe that with autism as a disorder on a spectrum it is fluid and constantly shifting with the times. 

Hence why it is hard to fill out forms when asked for what my life is like with autism on a day to day basis. Let's face if you know someone with autism it changes depending on what is happening in that person's life.

An example of my regression going through changes whilst at university from year one to year two caused me great distress. I had less support, less communication with lecturers and that caused great change and uncertainty.

 I struggled with interpreting instructions especially when they were assignments when I had to be creative and think outside the box. One assignment involved in coming up with an adult that hasn't been thought of before. 

Now, this is hard because this was a mandatory module whereby I had to do the subject even though I wasn't that interested in it.

If you don't know already I am a black and white thinker. When I do something that motivates me I get full-on obsessive or in contrast, demotivated and not bothered at all. 

The changes and dealing with university life causes me at the end of the year to result in me wanting to kill myself basically. I fell into clinical depression, my partner had to supervise me because I could not do anything by myself as I was that depressed.

Other times I have smaller regressions, if I do not go into town for a while I literally get sensory overload, All the scripts I have performed and rehearsed I forget. All the social rules have got muddled up and I really struggle. 

Dare I say it I feel more autistic on these days. It is like I have to keep on top and be aware most of the time or I fall backwards. It is exhausting and at times I have just stayed at home for days and not gone out, feeding more on my regression.

Other times I can move forward and progress if I keep working at it. The one blocker that stops me is burnout when I am so exhausted from trying and working at it for long periods of time that I simply need to stop and shut down. My brain has had enough of all this information, it wants a breather and time to just be.

I have only recently learnt that one of the reasons I get so exhausted if I am in a social environment is because I am on hyperfocus, my brain is on alert all the time, anxiety high and I am just not relaxed. Naturally, my body is just going to say stop and have a break to relax.

So, as you can see regression can be short or long term but autism is constantly shifting between progress and regress.

Cheers for reading X

broken

Get up and go,

but what happens

if there is no go

where do I go,

who can help me

when society is broken.

50 activities you can do if your bored at home during lockdown.

Hey readers,

Hands up if your bored in the house? Well here is a list of 50 activities to kill the time while getting through lockdown, your welcome :)

1. Read a book.

2. Try a new recipe.

3. Watch a documentary.

4. Paint with Bob Ross.

5. Tour Ancient Rome.

6. Experience the British Museum.

7. Meditate.

8. Upcycle old clothing.

9. Start a virtual book club.

10. Have a karaoke night.

11. Watch a film.

12. Clear out your wardrobe.

13. Write a letter.

14. Sort out your drawers.

15. Lego.

16. Do a crossword or sukcodo.

17. Do a jigsaw.

18. Make a photo collage video on your phone.

19. Plant some flowers.

20. Start a blog.

21. Start a Youtube Channel.

22. Bake.

23. Learn to knit.

24. Exercise.

25. Learn a language.

26. Clean.

27. Phone your nan.

28. Play a game on your phone.

29. Learn to make cocktails/mocktails.

30. Make Tic Tok videos.

31. Make a bucket list.

32. Update your CV.

33. Write a journal.

34. Wash your make up brushes.

35. Colour in.

36. Watch a new tv series.

37. Have a group chat with friends.

38. Read a magazine online.

39. Make a playlist.

40. DIY.

41. Play a board game.

42. Have a trip to the zoo online.

43. Stream a three performance.

44. A live art class.

45. Follow a hair tutorial.

46. have a bath.

47. Paint your nails.

48. Put some washing on the line (depending on the weather).

49. Couch to 5k.

50. Draw something.

Are there any activities that I have missed that have helped with the boredom of lockdown? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X 

My Sunday Photo 03/05/2020

Silly things my mind has told me.

Hey readers,

I have anxiety and depression and one of the problems with these conditions is that I suffer from intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are frightening, they are exhausting (for me).

They feel real and can potentially turn into a cycle where the thoughts can come quickly. They may be thoughts that are fear-induced or down to lack of control. Control is a big trigger for me and my anxiety.

So, now I am going to share with you some of the kind of silly things my brain tries to tell me and trick me into believing.

* Husband is going to call social services because I have the TV on therefore I am not a good parent.

* Such and such a teacher is watching my every move I make, see if I am capable. They are taking notes and discussing me in a negative light with their colleagues. 

* They are taking the piss out of me because I stutter, I am shaking and crying. 

*They are watching me and judging me because I am fat, I can't engage.

* They think I am not a good parent and I shouldn't look after my kids.

* My husband is going to die, he is out and won't come back. He hates me and blames me for everything.

* My husband when out shopping with the boys, I get fearful especially for long periods that they have died in the car. I am petrified and shaking. I am having very dark imagery thoughts about how the bodies are dismantled in the car, the process of imagining them dying in the car.

* A parent in the playground is looking at me, talking about how ugly I am. How rubbish parent I am. How socially awkward I am. How retarded my children are.

The examples I have given are just a handful of examples, that have happened in the last couple of days. 

I wanted to share how horrible the thoughts can be and they are so scary. People assume anxiety is something a bit mandy pandy but it is a struggle. It is a battle every day for me. 

Sometimes I have better days, sometimes I have worse days. But the anxiety is always there ready and waiting.

Cheers for reading X

9 Kids films to watch during lockdown.

Hey readers,

Looking for some good quality films to watch with the family during the lockdown to kill some boredom? Well, I have selected some corkers that you won't regret checking out. Here are my top 9 movies to watch with the family.

1. Minuscule: Valley of the Lost Ants.

You might not have come across this French animation before as it is not mainstream but seriously it is a funny and amazing production that you must check out.

 It is basically an animation of the adventures of one ladybird and ants competing to get some sugar cubes.

2. Shaun the Sheep Movie.

From the creators of Wallace and Gromit bring you, Shaun, the sheep (also has his own animated show on CBBC and naturally called Shaun the Sheep). 

The film takes us on Shaun's adventures going in the big city and getting lost with his best pal Bitzer.

3. Magnificent.

Now I am not a huge Disney film however I do like the odd one or two. Magnificent is one of the Disney films I do like probably because it has a dark twist which I enjoy.

 Both my 6 and 8 year old also enjoyed watching this and they didn't get scared just for the record. 

It is basically inspired by Snow White where we follow the life of a lady called Magnificent in the fairyland gets disturbed by the greedy human who once was best friends as a child with Magnificent. 

The consequences of messing with Magnificent unravel. It is dark but I don't think to see as a problem because you have darkness before seeing sunshine sometimes.

4. The Simpsons Movie.

My family really enjoy The Simpsons cartoon so naturally wanted to check out The Simpsons movie. You won't be disappointed it is just an extended version of the funny life of Homer and his family in Springfield. 

5. A Town Called Panic.

 

I notice French are really good at animated films and this one is no exception. It is one of my favourite films and suitable not only for kids but adult too.

  It is a stop motion film involving plastic toys such as Indians and horses and it follows the lives in a paper mache town. I like it because it is really funny as well. 

6. Baby's Day Out. 

Now I know this is an ancient film but still a golden oldie and it is just funny and just a good wholesome family film.

The film takes you on the journey of the baby's adventures whilst three crocks try to steal the baby of a millionaire but it all goes bear-shaped but in a comedy way.  

7. Despicable Me. 

This is a hit with young children and has a really good story to it. It is all about the baddie Gru and how his life is turned upside down when he gets involved with looking after three foster children. Also features Grus minions which are delightful to see appear. 

8. Minions. 

Following on from the success of Despicable Me film the minions have there own feature film and both the first and second are top-notch quality that doesn't let you down. 

It heavily follows the lives of Kevin, Bob and Stewart with the film going through the history of where the Minions were originated from and how they met Gru in the 60s when he was a young child. 

9. The Witches.

This film is an adaption from the book The Witches by Roald Dhal. It is a dark fantasy comedy all about a boy who stumbles onto a group witches convention and tries to stop them as they prepare to abolish all children of the world, even after they turn him into a mouse. 

Have I missed any good family movies on the list? Love to hear what you think in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X 

23 signs your a fully fledged adult.

Hey readers,

Do you ever wonder whether you are a fully-fledged adult? 

Before we start exploring let's take a look at what the definition of daunting is:

Adulting (noun) defined by the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks. 

So now you know what an adult means check out my list of 23 signs that predict that you have reached adulthood?

1. You pay your bills on time and know what is coming out every month of your bank account. 

2. You learn that being an adult isn't all that it is cracked up to be and responsibilities suck.

3. You know how to manage money and don't end up skint after a couple of days of getting payment into your bank.

4. You save up for different things that are important such as a new washing machine as opposed to some new shoes which you deem as the least important. 

5. You learn how to tightly manage your money at the end of the month.

6. You daydream about the times when you were young and carefree with no responsibilities, they seem like a distant memory now. 

7. You don't give a s**t what is in the music chart and you look at your children baffled to what the hell they are listening too. 

8. You haven't the foggiest idea who is number one in the music chart and you do not own any modern albums and you know what? that is absolutely fine.

9. You listen to podcasts and enjoy listening to adults have conversations. Sometimes even enjoy discussions on deep stuff such as morals. 

10. You have a backache.

11. You don't mind having nothing to do, in fact, it is something you enjoy.

12. You go to bed at a reasonable time without being asked and sometimes you go to bed early because it is now pleasurable for you.

13. You have to google new trend terms because you have no idea of what this language the yoof speak in. 

14. You can successfully do the laundry all by yourself and keep up with it without letting the laundry container overflow. 

15. You stand up for what you believe in and more confident in yourself and your believes. 

16. You can't be arsed to do all-nighters anymore, who has the time for that? surely sleep is a much better prioritisation?

17. You love your bed, at times even fantasy about it during the day.

18. You don't care really what is cool anymore because you have become accepting of who you are. That is ok to like whatever tickles your pickle rather then like what is popular at the moment. 

19. You enjoy choosing things for your enjoyment such as music, fashion, movies rather than whether everyone else likes them. You do you not what the majority thinks. 

20. Your life didn't turn out the way you wanted it to but that is ok because you learn life is actually not linear but dame right messy.

21. You enjoy the mornings because you get stuff done. Note when I say mornings I mean 4AM with no kids about, haha!

22. You accept feedback without wanting to rip someones head off because they dare to think differently to you.

23. You learn to express yourself clearly.

Do you identify with these 23 characteristics of being an adult? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below.

Cheers for reading X