How to tell if you are a hipster!

Hey readers,

Today I saw a colouring-in book in Poundland and the theme of the pictures was all about a hipster's lifestyle. I have heard of this term hipster quite a few times over the past couple of years.  So, I thought I would draw together some key characteristics to identify a hipster.

I just thought I would start off with the definition of what a Hipster is: It is someone who follows the trends/fashion that is outside the cultural mainstream.

**Please note it is just a bit fun, nothing serious.**

1) Firstly, I think one of the main identifiable features of a hipster is their beard or mustache. I am not talking about the dirty biker type but you know the clean and groomed variety. The hipster beard/ mustache looks pristine and full of beard oil or mustache wax which is taken care of regularly. A lot of time and effort has gone into making the hipster beard look perfect.

2) The hipster hates anything associated with mainstream, they are on their own level and only enjoy the love of indie film and (that tend to have a small budget in making them) tend to be underground and unheard of.

3) To be a true hipster they don’t like any well-named bands such as Beyoncé but go for the more unusual tastes. They love bands such as Death Cab for Cutie, Radiohead or Archaide of Fire as their chose preference in music.

4) The hipster can be found hanging out with other fellow hipsters in artsy-fartsy coffee shops and post their arty coffee on Instagram. Or unusual places that no other person has heard about.

5) The hipster normally travels by riding a bicycle as their chose preference to travel and look down on people who drive a car.

6) The hipster has a love for old technology and when the hipster is out walking outside they flash their old Walkman whilst listening to their indie music of course. They appreciate graffiti not as a nuisance but art so they are probably walking around looking for some thought-provoking pieces.

6) The hipster craves  ‘vintage’ and they get all their clobber from flea markets or raided from their parents and grandparents wardrobe.

7) The hipster wears spectacles not because of poor vision but for a fashion statement.

8) The hipster tends to be a vegan and more than likely have a specific Instagram account for all their foodie pictures which happen to be taken from their old style camera such as a Fuji X.

9) A hipster is found to have on their YouTube channel videos full of live music.

10) The hipster wears a  lumber jacket, skinny jeans and converse…you know what am talking about, this is a common uniform for a hipster.

11) For a hipster, a tattoo or earring is so very important to their image. The hipster tends to opt for triangles, arrows or some sort of quote on their arms. The earrings that the hipster are one in the nose and big bloody holes. if you're going to be a hipster you need to make an impression!

Cheers for reading X

10 thoughts whilst standing in the queue.

Hey readers,

I am terribly British as I love a good moan and I have a hatred for queues.

So here are some of my thoughts that have entered my mind whilst moving my feet about and admiring the sweet section near the tills in a massive queue.

1) How dare anyone other than I be here. They have a f*cking check.

2) Seriously, I have just lost half an hour of my life when I could be spending that time at home stalking on Facebook.

3) Why did I just not simply use Amazon, FFS!

4) Should I or should I not buy some chocolate when I reach the till.

5) Life sucks.

6) At least while I am here I don't need to bother with housework or anyone nagging at me. I can just get sore feet from standing around doing sweet F.A.

7) Do I really need this stuff, yes, of course, my life depends on having some cheap emoji socks to brighten my mood?

8) I curse my husband, how dare he request me to buy stuff from the shop. He will pay, mwahahahahaha.

9) Why the f*ck is there no signal, I am so not shopping in Sainsbury's anymore, take that!

10) OMG, I can not believe this shop does not have WiFi. Don't you know it is a human right and now I am cut from human existence even though I am surrounded by people? It is SO totally different? I need to know what is going on in the social world, what coffee people are photographing or the brilliant cat gifs that are emerging on the web.

 I think I may need to go to the hospital as my arm feels cut off from not accessing the internet for 20 minutes, I am getting serious bad withdrawals.

Cheers for reading X

10 signs of a mombie

Hey readers,

Even heard of the term mombie or do you think you may be one yourself, well I have 10 telltale tales below. 

1. Caffeine. 

You only function when you have coffee in the morning and let's face it has to be about three cups of stone cold coffee. 

2 Bedtime.

Never has the thought about going to bed been so sexy. It appears that the mombies fantasize about bedtime rather frequently during the day and she doesn't care about getting the latest trendy clothing oh no sleep rules fact. 

3. Dishes.

You thought as you sat on the sofa half dead that evening that, sod it! I don't need to wash the dishes this evening because I am too tired. The dishes can be done in the morning. Turns at the following morning you are extremely miffed about the idea of doing the dishes in the morning. *Doh, hand me my cold cofffee*. 

4. Forgetfulness.

Due to suffering from mombie, it appears that you are forgetful 90% of the day. Many times has the mombie walked into a room and just completely forgot what the hell she is doing in here. 

5. Tip.

Looking at your home it is a tip because let's face it mombies are too tired at this point to even give a sh*t what Kim and Aggie would make of it, that is what cupboards are for hiding the mess ;). 

6. Fashion. 

The ultimate conundrum is whether it's worth getting changed or just hang out in your pj's with no bra on all day long looking like Waynette Slob and actually not giving a f*ck.

7. Sleepyhead. 

When a mombie looks in the mirror she will resemble a panda with your dark black circles around your eyes, hell she could fit right in at the zoo.

8. Zone out. 

When you see a mombie she will look vacant in the face as almost as if mentally she is not here and you would be right. Zoning out is an art form that a mombie will have perfected during her time being a mum. 

9. Snooze. 

Mombies where ever possible will seek the opportunity to have some shut eye. One competition a mombie has to face is being stealth mode in trying to not get the child to see the mombie shut her eyes. She loves kids telly for only one reason and that is for her to get the change to have a snooze when the child is not looking. 

10. Emotional.

With a mombie you get exhaustion which causes havoc on the old emotion. One minute the mombie maybe in a jolly mood the next she may be rocking in the corner as she has only realised that it is only 9 am in the sodding morning.

 Also, mombie has a predator 'the husband' who can not be tamed with passive aggressive comments to attack the target with, unless he supplies mombie with a hot coffee then all is forgiven. 

Do you identify with a mombie? love to hear your thoughts below. 

Cheers for  reading X 

Reasons why I love Come Dine With Me

Hey readers,

Can you believe that come dine with me has been on our screens for over  13  years? I for one still one it and it is one of my favourite programmes.

 Come Dine With Me is a programme where five or four contestants compete with one another to get the £1000 reward. each contestant gets a night to host a dinner party at their home. they have to serve a starter, main and pudding. each guest then rates the host on the whole night a number out of ten. the person with the highest score win.

However, this is not just a cooking completion and there so many more reasons to love the show. let me share the reason below.

1. House tour.

 I love it when you see the guest going around people's houses, I am naturally nosey (I blinking love through the keyhole as well for that very reason). I  like seeing how people put their homes together.

2. Narrative.

One of the main elements of the show that makes it so successful is, of course, the legend that is Dave Lamb. He is the abrasive of the show and it is full of beautiful sarcasm and times so well.

3. The contestants.

Well, where do we go with this one, of course, the contestants are great especially hats off to the people that chose who goes on the episode? The variety is really good especially when you know they are going to be a clash. to be fair though it can also be good when getting along. I think the element of surprise is something that helps viewers wanting to come back for more.

4. On-screen drama.

If you have watched come dine with then you ahem to admit it is hilarious when some sort of drama d happens. whether it is a drunk host letting their snake on the table to then poo or the host kicking our the guests because they have had enough it makes great entertainment.

5. Food.

I also like seeing what people come up and seeing it going bear-shaped. Not to mention when you question what the F is that. A couple of my favourites is when a self-confessed barbie wannabe decides to serve a pudding of truffle with the secret ingredients a sausage, I kid you not, lol! Or there was this other person who decided it would be a great idea to layout sushi for her guests on a person layer on the table. the guest would have to take the food off from the naked body, I mean you can't make this sh*t up.

Do you love to watch Come Dine With Me?  love to hear your comments below.

Cheers for reading. X

The A to Z of Valentines

Hey readers,

Love is in the air....well it is in the shops with all the Valentines paraphilia everywhere. So, for a little light-hearted read. I thought I would breakdown Valentines with an A to Z of everything you need to know about the love event and how I view Valentine's day, not everyone will agree, but hey ho it is all a bit of fun right.

A - admirer you say?  no change of any admiration around here just my boys waking me at God forseen hour of the day to get up and make breakfast. Let's get this day rolling. 

B - ballons apparently, red and bright and that pop in your face.

C - chocolate is not something I would put my nose up, chocolate for days, chocolate saves lives. Chocolate is love. 

D - dear you look so sexy when you fall to sleep and dribble like that it gets me so excited. Keeping it real is key to a happy and long term relationship.

E - embrace the fact that we don't bother now after 10  years, love is now when husband sprays air freshener when he has had a poo, who needs flowers and cards to waste money on.

F - fourteenth February for some, just standard day may even push the boat and hubby makes me a tea, ooo the luxury.

G - gifts are apparently a thing for Valentines, the only gifts I want is a lie in, please.

H - handsome devil yes you are.

I - I hate you, is so underrated.

J - jokes about the last one.

K - kiss not when you burp in my face.

L - laughing is the key to my heart.

M - morning because it is a normal day in this household.

N - nob I say under my breathe as hubby flicks through the channels while watching one thing and then watching something else.

O - opportunity to give a passive aggressive comment because I like to keep my love real as we know relationships are tough and are not just for one day to make it all magical. 

P - perfect is something unattainable.

Q - questionable is my sanity, who needs love when your mind is intact.

R - roses are so red, I am mad, everything is messed, let me go to bed.

S - sorry I forgot to empty the washing machine, but it is Valentine's day and I still love you.

T - tulips are my preferred flower of the day.

U - unreal for thinking valentines is about love, let's face it all this valentines stuff is commercialism at its finest.

V - My view of my family is perfect. I am so lucky to have all the love I need.

W - work harder to hide the remote, to stop you from flicking through channels, grrr.

X -  xxx please empty the bin.

Y - yours truly who has to clean your pants up from the bedroom floor. 

Z - zzzz darling, I may kick you in the pack for snoring.

Lots of love to you and don't get too bogged down in the love, just remember to be happy. 

Cheers for reading X 

Why the 90s was epic!

Hey readers,

Remember the 90s... it feels like ages ago! They were ace, didn't really think much at the time but hindsight is a valuable thing. So, here are some of the things that rocked about the 90s and not just having no responsibility for small humans and doing whatever I felt like. 

Daria was my icon during the 90s. Daria was a cartoon about an American school girl and the focus was on her life at school. She is not popular but different shall we say, she was crippled with low self-esteem and a popular sister. I loved Daria not just for sarcasm which to be fair was tremendously glorious.

MTV channel was the bomb, it was incredible unlike now where it is crap!  Of course, there were some great shows like my darling Daria, who could forget Bevis and Butthead and the amazing and slightly addictive deathmatch. That at the time was what I was hooked on watching, I am not surprised I didn't have square eyes but hey ho, I am still standing!

Of course, the 90s would not be the 90s if you haven't played the wonderful Sonic the Hedgehog on the old Sega Mega drive. I miss the carefree days when all you needed to worry about was when it was your turn to have a go and collect the golden coins.

On telly when I was in the 90s there was a brilliant game show called Supermarket sweep and it involved Dale Winton as the host. The contestants had to answer questions to earn time to dash around the supermarket. Then the contestants had to run around and get as many high-value products into their shopping trolley within the time frame given wins.

I am now officially old because I can say this, if you are a youngster then you may not have heard of a thing called a cassette tape. A cassette tape according to Dictionary.com

Also called cassette tape. a compact case containing a length of magnetic tape that runs between two small reels: used for recording or playback of audio or video in a tape recorder, cassette deck, video camera, or VCR, and for storage of data by some small computer systems.

You can get music already on the tape but you can also record it. In the 90s I spent a large portion of a Sunday afternoon recording the certain songs I liked whilst listening to Radio 1 top 40. It turned into a mixtape of my favorite hits. I put so much work into making them start and stop within the time, such beautiful concentration was made.

Reflecting back from the 90s I vividly remember glaring into a Where's Walley book and trying to find this random man dressed in a red and white striped hat and t-shirt lost in a picture full of themes such as on the beach, it provided hours of entertainment for me.

When I was a youth in the 90s the best place to get clobber was from a store called Tammy Girl with such items as a skirt over trousers or peddle pushers.

After you had been shopping at Tammy Girl the place to hit was the pick n mix in Woolworths where there was so much choice it took a good half an hour to make your selections.

Flip out pencil case was my whole life when I was a child at school. It was amazing and the best piece of stationary that I have ever and I mean EVER owned. If you have not been fortunate to experience a flip out pencil case then you are missing out.

Cheers for reading X

my biggest pet peeves

Hey readers,

This post is going to be a rant about all the little things that niggle me and that wish I could just ban them from happening.

Loud cheers.

My biggest pet peeve ever is when people eat loudly, especially with food like crisps on a bus where I can not escape. Or if I am at the library on a computer writing blog posts and all I can hear is the loudly chomping, it infuriates me beyond belief.

Husband snoring.

When my husband snores so frigging loudly and even if I push him in the back he seems to be unresponsive. It is SO loud and I literally just stare at the ceiling causing my husband under my breathe.

Being late.

I hate being late it sets off my anxiety. I would rather be early and wait then fear of being on the spot and the attention on me. I have social anxiety and it is one of my biggest fears. Ironically my husband is much more laid back then me and happens to 99.9% cutting it fine to get to places.

Slow walkers.

You know them types the people that walk ridiculously slow in front of you and then they have the check to move about when you try to pass them and hurry alone. It is like they have eyes in the pack of their heads or something.

Line cutters.

You know the people that think the rules don't apply to them and feel that they can do as they please and skin in the line regardless of anyone else who has taken ages waiting.

Kids talking over you.

Bloody kids talking over you when you are mid-sentence and then they shout so no one knows what is happening or what to do next as you lose your train of thought.

Car indicators.

Why do we have indicators in cars to show others what they are planning to do on the road not only for car drivers but also pedestrians who want to cross the road say? We may as well get rid of them and live in chaos.

Napkins.

When people take a handful of napkins from an eatery and they intend to use only one. What a waste and why did they need to take a handful why not one.

Dog poop.

You are walking somewhere and you spot a dog having a poo and the owner than with no care in the world not bother to clean up after them, absolutely disgusting and no respect for others at all.

Car park spaces.

When people take up to car spaces when they clearly use one but are just selfish and don't think of others.

Loud noise.

When people purposely whack up the volume of the phone and blast their music on public transport and don't bother to even have headphones. They just don't care for the fact that maybe not everyone wants to listen to your rubbish music.

What pet peeves rile you up the wrong way?

Cheers for reading X

The cheesiest of pick up lines.

Hey readers,

I thought for a laugh I would write a list of the worst pick up lines ever, enjoy!

8 Planets, 1 Universe, 1.735 billion people, and I end up with you.

Call me Shrek because I’m head ogre heels for you.

Do you have 11 protons? Because you’re sodium fine!

“Did you just fart? Because you blow me away!”

It’s handy that I have my library card because I’m totally checking you out.

Do you have a Band-Aid? ‘Cause I scraped my knee falling for you.

please call an ambulance your beauty I'd killing me.

I'm not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.

If you were a vegetable you'd be a cute-cumber.

Are you an interior decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful.

Let me tie your shoes, cause I don't want you falling for anyone else.

Are you an omelette? Because you're making me egg-cited!

Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.

Do you have a pencil? Cause I want to erase your past and write our future.

Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.

"Do you have an ugly boyfriend? No? Want one?"

You must be a banana because I find you a peeling.

On a scale from 1 to 10, you're a 9 and I'm the 1 you need.

You can call me Nemo because I'm never afraid to touch the butt.

I might as well call you 'Google' because you're everything I've been searching for.

Did the sun just come out or did you just smile at me?

Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

Can I follow you? Cause my mom told me to follow my dreams.

I value my breath so it would be nice if you didn't take it away every time you walked past.

I without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces.

Do you want to play house with me?

You can be the front door, and I'll slam you until sunrise.

Hey girl, feel my sweater. Know what it's made of?

Boyfriend material.

You make me wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.

I want you to know something but I'm too scared to tell you in person. So I'll just let the first 3 words of this sentence say it for me.

Is your dad a military general? Because when you walked by, my privates snapped to attention.

If you were a triangle you'd be acute one!

Sorry, it took me so long to message, I was at Whole Foods trying to figure out what you like for breakfast.

What's a smart attractive man like myself doing without your phone number?

What is your favourite pick up line?

Cheers for reading X