Autism and change.

Hey readers, 

Today I am going to talk about change in autism as I am autistic and it is one of the big things that pisses me off! I may be an adult, I may have had years living with my diagnosis of autism but still, I struggle with change, more so when it is out of the blue and I am not prepared.

Just for the record..... I HATE CHANGE! I know change happens all the time and it is something that from time to time we all have to deal with, but still sucks nonetheless!

Why do I hate to change so much you ask?

Well, one reason is the unpredictability of it... the not knowing it is happening and when it does it is scary for me. I just freeze and lose myself, I don't know to respond and depending on the situation either totally shut down  - where I go within myself and don't talk to anyone and hide away. Or I meltdown and scream and shout and boy can I do that like a badass!

 I like to be in control, I like to know what is happening and I like to plan things, I am a control freak and when I am met with change from the unknown totally throws me. I am confused and lost and I just go blank, I don't know what to do, looking back when I talk to my husband I can see I could do this or that but when I am an emotional wreck I lose or sense of logic. My thoughts just crumble and I don't know what to do. The range of anger fuels my veins and takes over so I don't think straight or I see the change and just total fear about what is happening.

 It doesn't matter how many times change has happened over the years when I am unaware and not in control. Or when someone says they are meant to come at a certain and they are late over two for example recently and don't tell me what is going on then I literally lose my shit.

 I can't concentrate on anything I am shaking, my anxiety is getting bigger and bigger as time goes by, and I am not in control so don't know what is happening.

 I am left to wait so don't know how to plan. I am better when I am aware of situations occurring and when I take time to adapt and process what is happening. I can take the time to talk to someone, I can research, I can plan.

 In contrast, stations that happen immediately with no notification through, out of such and again it goes back t some not being controlled and having no routine. I am also a rigid thinker so when I focus on one thing such as a change I can't think of anything that is happening because it just takes over my brain. It is exhausting along with the meltdown I am wiped out the next day. 

That is why communication is important for an autistic person to know exactly what is happening...if you let them know if something changing then tell them beforehand for example. 

What makes me happy is routine and knowing what to expect because I am in control as I know what to expect and don't have to use all my energy trying to think outside the box.

Cheers for reading X