Friday, 7 May 2021

why you should never read a parenting book

Hey readers,

As a parent in the earlier days especially when I was a first-time parent I read parenting books because it was all new and scary.

  I hadn't ever experienced what it was like to be a parent before I turned to information that was available for me.

 Of course, the most places a parent turns to is so-called parenting books who think they are helping you provide this available information to help you understand how to parent.

 But do you know what after 9 years of being a parent I can confirm that parenting books are a waste of time and if you are considering checking out parenting books I would suggest ditch them books? 

why you should never read a parenting book


Why do I dislike parenting books? well, there are a few reasons. For one there always seems a rigid formula that you have to follow for all children even though let's face it all children are different. 

One box does not fit all and sadly that is one major reason why parenting books fail. Children and parents have different personalities and they may not work well with one formula. 

I think with parenting books there is so much pressure to be a certain type of parent and if you do fail then that then it could potentially impact your mental health negatively. 

It could be more detrimental with reading books because you sink into feeling not good enough, This is not good for a parent when it should be focused on forming a bond.

 If the parent is not fully in the zone because they feel not good enough how much damage will that do to the parenting that they try to do? 

Not only can reading parent books make you feel inadequate that can put on stress to try to be something that you may not reach because you work differently from what the book tells.

 I for one have felt absolutely rubbish when reading parenting books because I can't meet that standard that they try to portray in the words of the book.

 I felt at times feeling of despair and anger at everyone around me because I couldn't reach this ideal parenting model. It impacted my relationship with my husband as I was feeling bitter and angry with the world. 

I as an autistic person struggle with communication so it caused some rifts between my relationships. It then after a period of time affected me and the way I viewed myself as being a bad mother causing me to have suicidal thoughts.  

I think there is so much pressure with parenting books and the number of different types of parenting books can feel really overwhelming.

 Which one is supported to work? Bear in mind that parenting books will be focused on the zeitgeist at the time on what is trendy. For example, one time it was acceptable to follow weaning with purees the next it was all about baby-led weaning.

The problem with both these ideas is they are extreme ends and that middle is best and mixing it up to suit you and your child's needs. Again it chisels at your self-esteem especially if you are a first-time parent you don't have the confidence to go with the flow.

 I think because it is a new experience you're trying your best to succeed out what is right so you become vulnerable to the parenting guides feeling like that the information they give is gossip and if you don't follow it you're a bad parent. 

As you can see there is that pattern that your mental health is fragile and reading parenting books can contribute to worsening it when you need to grow to help give you the confidence to be the best parent that you can be. 

What are your views on parenting books? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X

 

3 Little Buttons


9 comments:

  1. Books are great to a point but then you get conflicting advice depending on which book you are reading. It can all get very confusing, fast! x

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  2. I love books, but had to limit my reading about parenting because I fell into comparison...
    Wise to be balanced in what we consume!

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  3. I think they're very helpful, but in my first Mother's Group, we decided it was what you aimed for but it didn't really work that way (as there were 12 of us and invariably 9 or so babies would not be 'doing it right' so we decided we couldn't ALL be doing it wrong). Stuck with that since. Wait til you hit the teens!! There aren't enough books to cover it! Ha! #MischiefandMemories

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  4. We can't get enough of books here and think that some parenting ones do have a place on the bookshelf, but others... well.. not so much. I'm not a fan of the parenting books that make you feel like your doing it all wrong if your baby/child isn't doing X, Y and Z in a particular way or order. As you've said, they are all individuals and what works for one, might not work for another in the same way. Thank you for joining us for #mischiefandmemories x

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  5. Totally agree with this - we have had to pretty much throw the parenting rulebook out the window with our daughter as none of it works for her. I feel like we're a lot more attuned to her needs these days :) #mischiefandmemories

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  7. A really interesting read. I think the point that each child is different is the most important focus here and no book can tell you how to raise YOUR child. I never read any parenting books myself and I like to think my little man is doing ok so far!
    #mischiefandmemories

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  8. I read loads of parenting books for my eldest and spent most of the time panicking about trying to get everything right rather than enjoying my time as a mum. Thanks for linking up with #MischiefAndMemories

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  9. There have been some parenting books that I have found useful, but largely when I have picked and chosen the bits that work for us and adapted theory to our practical situation. Thanks for joining us on the #MischiefandMemories linky

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