Monday, 20 September 2021

Aspie burnout.

Hey readers,

As someone with autism, I have many a time experienced a phenomenon called burnout.

What does autistic burnout mean? 

To put it simply an autistic burnout is when you are exhausted mentally, physically, or emotionally (sometimes all of it sometimes some of these elements). 

It comes about as an autistic person you are making much more effort to navigate in a neotropical world, sometimes you have to put more focus on trying to get thinks correct and that takes a lot of energy out of you.

 Over time it climates vary decries but there are times when your body and mind need a rest because it gets too much and you simply need a break from constantly second-guessing, remembering how to behave in certain situations that don't come naturally to you.

 Autistic people (myself included) are very good at masking i.e faking it as most things don't come naturally to the autistic person they just learn A LOT.  This like I said is very exhausting work. 

 That is how I feel today, I am shattered beyond belief even after six coffees (that is correct) just this morning.

I think because I am more involved socially with taking my both boys to school. It involves going into two different environments and trying to remember all the social rules when dropping my children off. 

aspie burnout

Then again collecting them is very tiring for me socially. I feel so guilty as I am getting worn out from it all and I just want to shut down and not think about anything but rest. 

I can handle about three hours max at the moment going out and then I am exhausted. I find it hard to focus on conversation, eye contact, dealing with social situations where I don't automatically know what to do. I get very dizzy and lightheaded. 

Particularly yesterday I went to a new place and got overstimulated. It causes friction between me and my partner. He wants to know why, why, why and all I really wish to do is scream or hide wide which I can not do either, doh being an adult sucks!

My eyes find it hard to focus after intense periods of time out where I am constantly working and focusing all my energy on being 'normal '. People don't know when they see me. 

I am constantly consciously aware of my environment and what I am doing. My body aches from all the tension as I am hyper-alert that I should be playing out this role of mother. Not to mention if a child accidentally touches me, it freaks me out inside. God, I feel so lonely and sad.

Today I hate being autistic and when your husband hints that your child may be autistic. As the older, he is getting the more traits there are that could be hinting towards Autism. God, I don't want my children to have Autism. 

OK, there are some positive autistic traits such as we pay attention to detail, loyal, and intelligence but it all comes with a price. I'm scared as sometimes I look at my oldest and he is so like me. I wish it was just him mimicking my behavior.

Cheers for reading X
Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

8 comments:

  1. I feel for you and your situation. I can't say I know how you feel because obviously I don't. I would like to say sending you warm hugs but that wouldn't be good for you. Instead I am sending you positive rays of calm, quiet and tranquil space for you to recuperate.

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  2. I love your honesty, thank you for sharing this very raw post with us. Feeling lonely and sad can be so overwhelming. I agree with Carol, sending you loads of calm, quiet and a moment to receive rest. Sharing your stories with the world is creating a deeper awareness, so, thank you! #KCACOLS

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  3. Ah that sounds really stressful and worrying for you. I'm sure you're a great mum and your son will be lucky to have your personal insight into dealing with autism if he does end up with it. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS.

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  4. This is such a great description! My husband and son are autistic and they can be so challenging and so rewarding all at the same time! I try hard not to let either hit burnout, but sometimes they do regardless of my efforts. Mostly, because I am burned out by helping them not reach it! #KCACOLS

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  5. This is such an interesting post. I have two stepdaughters whom I've witnessed experiencing this very same burnout. It makes so much sense as, so many of the daily challenges you have to deal with are so exhausting. Try not to feel guilty as you are an amazing mum x "Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS."

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  6. wish I had something to say that didn't sound trite so I'll just say that I hope you feel better soon and don't forget that sometimes it's OK to ask for help and give yourself a break

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  7. As ever, such a great insight into how this makes you feel. Thank you #KCACOLS

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  8. Thank you for your honesty Sam. There are upsides and downsides to being 'differently wired', and despite the strengths that can come with being autistic, I think we need to keep in mind that it is a disability, and that it can make life tougher in many ways.
    I'm not autistic myself, but I have quite a few 'neurodivergent' traits, some of which I believe contributed to me ending up with burnout about 5 years ago (plus one time previously, about 11-12 years ago). So to some degree I can relate. Sending hugs and strength xx #KCACOLS

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