Monday, 20 September 2021

Aspie burnout.

Hey readers,

As someone with autism, I have many a time experienced a phenomenon called burnout.

What does autistic burnout mean? 

To put it simply an autistic burnout is when you are exhausted mentally, physically, or emotionally (sometimes all of it sometimes some of these elements). 

It comes about as an autistic person you are making much more effort to navigate in a neotropical world, sometimes you have to put more focus on trying to get thinks correct and that takes a lot of energy out of you.

 Over time it climates vary decries but there are times when your body and mind need a rest because it gets too much and you simply need a break from constantly second-guessing, remembering how to behave in certain situations that don't come naturally to you.

 Autistic people (myself included) are very good at masking i.e faking it as most things don't come naturally to the autistic person they just learn A LOT.  This like I said is very exhausting work. 

 That is how I feel today, I am shattered beyond belief even after six coffees (that is correct) just this morning.

I think because I am more involved socially with taking my both boys to school. It involves going into two different environments and trying to remember all the social rules when dropping my children off. 

aspie burnout

Then again collecting them is very tiring for me socially. I feel so guilty as I am getting worn out from it all and I just want to shut down and not think about anything but rest. 

I can handle about three hours max at the moment going out and then I am exhausted. I find it hard to focus on conversation, eye contact, dealing with social situations where I don't automatically know what to do. I get very dizzy and lightheaded. 

Particularly yesterday I went to a new place and got overstimulated. It causes friction between me and my partner. He wants to know why, why, why and all I really wish to do is scream or hide wide which I can not do either, doh being an adult sucks!

My eyes find it hard to focus after intense periods of time out where I am constantly working and focusing all my energy on being 'normal '. People don't know when they see me. 

I am constantly consciously aware of my environment and what I am doing. My body aches from all the tension as I am hyper-alert that I should be playing out this role of mother. Not to mention if a child accidentally touches me, it freaks me out inside. God, I feel so lonely and sad.

Today I hate being autistic and when your husband hints that your child may be autistic. As the older, he is getting the more traits there are that could be hinting towards Autism. God, I don't want my children to have Autism. 

OK, there are some positive autistic traits such as we pay attention to detail, loyal, and intelligence but it all comes with a price. I'm scared as sometimes I look at my oldest and he is so like me. I wish it was just him mimicking my behavior.

Cheers for reading X

1 comments:

  1. I feel for you and your situation. I can't say I know how you feel because obviously I don't. I would like to say sending you warm hugs but that wouldn't be good for you. Instead I am sending you positive rays of calm, quiet and tranquil space for you to recuperate.

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