Autumn

The times are changing,

Everything is moving,

The temperature dips,

Whilst colours evolve.

The craving for home

Is a strong game,

To the shut the door,

Hideaway,

Safe from any danger.

heart ache

My heart aches,

I wish I could stop the anger,

The confusion,

I can handle my own disability,

But now my child has it,

I feel angry at myself,

Giving the guilty genes,

Making him feel anxious,

Knowing soon there will be,

A time when he knows,

Others see him differently

And slowly hate himself.

I'm wide awake.

I'm wide awake now,

Looking back over

What happened.

What is the meaning,

Is there more to this

And how do you accept

The fate that lies.

who am I?

Who am I?

I don't know who I am anymore,

I have lost sight,

Of the person who I once was.

Waiting

The waiting is the hardest,

Not knowing,

No answers,

Just holding on.

I have no control,

I am left stranded,

My future is in their hands.

checking

The constant checking,

to find a formula,

that appears to calculate,

my need for answers,

but instead

End up in a tangled up mess.

my heart aches

My heart aches,

I'm reminded of my failures,

My mind is holding on

To not knowing,

I have lost the will,

My energy is low,

I can't think,

I just feel the ache,

Of not being good enough

Waiting, wanting

Waiting for something,

For all the answers,

That overflow

My tiny mind,

Maybe one day

It will come,

Till then

I will be waiting.

where to begin

I don't know where to begin,

I'm just tired,

Keeping my head above,

Is the hardest thing.

waiting

I know the time will come,

until then I wait,

In desperation,

not knowing what to expect,

million thoughts,

lead to one outcome,

still, I am waiting.

My Moment

Is my moment now?

Does all the other stuff matter?

What counts towards my path?

No one can tell me,

The door is open for me

To decide where I walk.

i wonder where

I wonder where I would be,

If I didn't go down that road,

My mind is buzzing,

With all the other options,

But alas I am here,

As it is meant to be.

physical attraction

I bite my lip

because no words

help me

when my mind is blank.

I can knowledge pain

without the words

that is how roll

with this autistic stuff