My Sunday Photo 11/11/2018

Hey readers,

My word is:

I don't know why but every year I get worked up about Christmas and I have to get all the presents sorted out. I tend to get very stressed because it is a chance and that stresses me out.

It doesn't help that things have gone wrong and you need to find the money to replace them, sod's law and all that. I wish I had savings but too poor for that. So, you worry about it all. Anyhow that has been sorted and is a huge relief. But the other night I spend writing and rewriting lists as it calms me. I just go into panic mode because I gotta kind of thing outside of the box and try to budget. 

I think because everywhere Christmas is being pushed now after Halloween has been done and dusted. anyhow, I got it all planned and feel back in control.

Cheers for reading X

Restore

Hey readers,

My word or the week is:

as it is the return school and the non-stop letters and now double the number of letters I receive as I have two kids that go to school now.

Of course, I had to mention Halloween. We decorated the home and looks awesome. Both boys went to a Halloween party and loved every minute of it especially when they had to try and eat a doughnut hanging up.

 They got suited and booted as well with their outfits - a witch and a Skelton. There was a disco and my eldest has really gotten into recently dancing so definitely in his element with that.

I am loving the early dark nights. I just feel more relaxed maybe because there are fewer people knocking around haha. I was also impressed with how well the boys managed with the clocks going back.

Cheers for Reading X

Lovely

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

This week has been fun having not the stress of raving our in the morning and relaxing. We went out for the day to Birmingham National sea life centre which the boys loved seeing all the fishes and penguins. Hubby and I were really impressed with how well the day turned out with no meltdowns which are a refreshing change.

We also had picnics and spent time outdoors in parks this week as we could be more flexible with time therefore not having to stress about time and have options to go to different places.

Overall this week has been lovely for my boys and myself as we have all really benefited from some downtime. Although not shew the will be happy next week with being introduced with the getting up early in the morning.

Hope you had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

What now.

I'm frustrated,

angry l,

and not in control.

the dread keeps me awake.

my eyes pinged,

on edge, I stay,

not knowing

but just waiting.

More harm then good.

There are times when I want to walk out the door, run away and vanish.

I don't have the strength and it hurts is not good enough.

I suck at living and sometimes I don't want to be here.

I want to hide away somewhere dark,

 quiet where no one can reach me.

It feels like an ongoing battle which constantly I need to fight.

It tires me out and I feel so alone and feel like I the only one.

This is my reality I have to live day in day out and it is exhausting.

Sometimes, I just want to die because I cause more harm than good.

Frustrated

Hey readers

My word of the week is:

I just had one of them weeks when things have been testing me and make me think what is the whole point of it all really.

I went the other day to a place further afield from where I live so had to get the bus which is stressful for me in its self. When I get to the place this was on a Wednesday morning post 9 am and oh my gosh the place was heaving full of oaps. 

I am not used to this environment so really struggled to navigate and manage the noise.  Typical I picked the busiest day of the week. 

Then I go do a bit shopping for odds and sods and then get to the till and find I have not got my bank card it is at home. I then panic at the to and have a panic attack. So that was frustrating because it took time to go there and come back.

The next thing that annoyed me was instructions and people making them clear meaning that was is expected is not being reached.

Anyway, it's a half-term holiday so we can have a jolly good rest from it all.

I hope you have had a good week.

Cheers for reading X