Nothing to you

I see you,

Looking at me,

Not knowing how

To work me out.

Again I end up

Nothing,

insignificant. 

I go back to hating

myself. 

I go lower,

Hating me,

Dreading, 

Feeling sick. 

I am nothing, 

Less value, 

No one wants.

Enough

Don't feel good enough,

Hate me,

Silent tears,

Watching life go on,

Thoughts go back,

Haunting me,

Killing me,

I hope today will pass.

Linger

I'm in a room,

Present,

Then bang I am transported,

Back to the time,

When I was little,

Powerless,

No control,

No voice,

The memories linger on.

Emotions

Slip in the moment

Twist

I see the light, 

you thought 

you owned me,

turns out

I am smarter than you 

think. 

You forget 

I have a brain,

you try,

twist it around, 

controller, 

not now, 

I have seen the light 

for what you are. 

I am not worthy

I feel I am not worthy, 

I ask myself how,

I ended up here,

Doing this,

When I am clearly 

I am not enough. 

I am a fake!

I am a fraud!

Hide me,

I am not worthy.

The fear

I hear it,

I feel it,

It's coming

To get me,

The fear,

So real,

Haunting my every move. 

I awake with that 

Familiar feeling,

It creeps up, 

Till I am 

Scared to death. 

More harm then good.

There are times when I want to walk out the door, run away and vanish.

I don't have the strength and it hurts is not good enough.

I suck at living and sometimes I don't want to be here.

I want to hide away somewhere dark,

 quiet where no one can reach me.

It feels like an ongoing battle which constantly I need to fight.

It tires me out and I feel so alone and feel like I the only one.

This is my reality I have to live day in day out and it is exhausting.

Sometimes, I just want to die because I cause more harm than good.

Slippy Mess.

Why do I always slip up,

Every step I take,

I gravitate back,

It's hard to get out,

Of this slippery mess,

One day I may overcome.