Things not to say to an autistic person.

Hey readers,

As a person with autism, it can be frustrating at times talking to people about my condition as they have these preconceived ideas about what it must be like for me. Here is a list of things that I think don't need to be said to an autistic person like myself.

1.  You don't look autistic?

I got a feeling that a lot of autistic people have had this said to them. It is so frustrating because assume autistic people either sit and rock in a corner somewhere or are Rain Man, which I am neither extreme. Autism is a spectrum condition and it affects people differently and at different times. Not to mention that autism is constantly fluctuates depending on the circumstances and mindset of the person with autism.

2. Rain Man.

Like I said above some people assume you are Rain Man or you can excel in maths or computer studies. Yet again this is not me, I am not really good at either and enjoy fashion, ummm what about then.

3. Girls.

The amount of people who think autism affects only males is shocking. Ok, the thing is with the whole diagnosis is it is a bit outdated let's be honest. 

When we look at the criteria it is hard to see the complexities as its focus on certain characteristics and autism does not always correspond in that way. Because girls get diagnosed a lot later than the male counterparts they have to survive and that is where masking comes in, hence why they say girls are better at it, but that is one of the reasons why. 

Masking is basically mimicking the behaviour that the individual has observed someone do. The downside to this coping mechanism is that it is restrictive behaviour. The autistic person is not able to adjust if something changes because again you haven't learnt that pattern. The changes are you don't know what you are doing just basically blagging in order to try to fit in. I know because I still do it now and fail often.

4. Adults and autism.

A classic assumption is that children, once they reach adulthood magically, do not have autism anymore. People believe that the condition just vanishes overnight and the person when they reach adulthood can somehow function normally. 

However, I can assure you that this is not the case as autism still affects me and many more autistic adults. Autism is a condition that you have for the rest of your life, though you can create coping mechanisms to help manage living in a neurotypical world. 

I think this assumption is down to the fact sadly that there is little information or research was done on adulthood, yet but I feel optimistic that in the future there is more awareness about autistic adults.

5. Empathy.

People assume that a person with autism is cold and has no empathy. Yes, we do struggle with emotions and putting emotions in the wrong context etc. However, there have been times when I have been too empathetic with someone and literally felt their pain go through my body.

6. You can't have relationships. 

Yes, relationships of any variety are hard but I am married still going strong and raising two boys. It can be done with a lot of patience and understanding, it does not come easy and definitely not a smooth ride but if you work at it then it can be obtainable. 

Cheers for reading X

The A to Z of Valentines

Hey readers,

Love is in the air....well it is in the shops with all the Valentines paraphilia everywhere. So, for a little light-hearted read. I thought I would breakdown Valentines with an A to Z of everything you need to know about the love event and how I view Valentine's day, not everyone will agree, but hey ho it is all a bit of fun right.

A - admirer you say?  no change of any admiration around here just my boys waking me at God forseen hour of the day to get up and make breakfast. Let's get this day rolling. 

B - ballons apparently, red and bright and that pop in your face.

C - chocolate is not something I would put my nose up, chocolate for days, chocolate saves lives. Chocolate is love. 

D - dear you look so sexy when you fall to sleep and dribble like that it gets me so excited. Keeping it real is key to a happy and long term relationship.

E - embrace the fact that we don't bother now after 10  years, love is now when husband sprays air freshener when he has had a poo, who needs flowers and cards to waste money on.

F - fourteenth February for some, just standard day may even push the boat and hubby makes me a tea, ooo the luxury.

G - gifts are apparently a thing for Valentines, the only gifts I want is a lie in, please.

H - handsome devil yes you are.

I - I hate you, is so underrated.

J - jokes about the last one.

K - kiss not when you burp in my face.

L - laughing is the key to my heart.

M - morning because it is a normal day in this household.

N - nob I say under my breathe as hubby flicks through the channels while watching one thing and then watching something else.

O - opportunity to give a passive aggressive comment because I like to keep my love real as we know relationships are tough and are not just for one day to make it all magical. 

P - perfect is something unattainable.

Q - questionable is my sanity, who needs love when your mind is intact.

R - roses are so red, I am mad, everything is messed, let me go to bed.

S - sorry I forgot to empty the washing machine, but it is Valentine's day and I still love you.

T - tulips are my preferred flower of the day.

U - unreal for thinking valentines is about love, let's face it all this valentines stuff is commercialism at its finest.

V - My view of my family is perfect. I am so lucky to have all the love I need.

W - work harder to hide the remote, to stop you from flicking through channels, grrr.

X -  xxx please empty the bin.

Y - yours truly who has to clean your pants up from the bedroom floor. 

Z - zzzz darling, I may kick you in the pack for snoring.

Lots of love to you and don't get too bogged down in the love, just remember to be happy. 

Cheers for reading X 

My Sunday Photo 27/01/2019

Being an autistic mum at school.

Hey readers,

Today I feel defeated once again. Once again I feel like I have let my children down in the fact that I can't perform as good as the other parents. I have decided to say no to going to school assembly because it is too much for me and my autism. 

I will confess that I hate my children's assembly which is held every Friday morning. I have done it for over two years and now I admit defeat. It is getting more crowded with classes and my senses are getting worked up. 

I get sensory overload as a result of being autistic. I get it really bad and sadly attending assembly is just unbearable. I feel rubbish because I wanted to be this perfect parent but I am not. It is making me feel physically sick from being exposed to the bright lights, the noise, the anxiety and the general chaos of kids coming and going. 

It appears I suffer from motion sickness, only recently has been bothering me. Therefore when kids run to take a sit and go past to go back to their class my head is in a spin. Don't get me wrong nothing personal, I think kids are great and much prefer them to adults - simple and you know what you are getting. 

Sadly, I don't mix well and occasional can be found to put my foot in it. I notice now that parents in cliches and chat. It hurts me because I feel rejected and the black sheep. Ok, my husband is here but I full well know next week when I am not he will be one of them. Yes, I am envious that he can jel and be a normal person, where I will always struggle. 

With having a disability that affects my parenting and stops me from doing things I am constantly trying to compensate for this as a way to balance it out. I don't know why because to be honest my kids love me, they understand and we discuss my autism. 

My eldest completely emphasises and never says a bad word. He has potential autism and that is the one good thing in a way is that with my autism I have inside knowledge and can help him in some areas. Just don't expect me to deal with emotions and relationships because that is not my area of expertise. I am practical-minded, I can come up with things to do that can distract him but if it is grey then I fail yet again. 

It is non stop guilt for me not being good enough. I know it is only me and I put this pressure on, maybe I care too much and have high expectations. I just wish I could drop them because I love my children and I am very proud of them with whatever they do. But we all have our limits and I am designed differently to most parents. Maybe one day I will find a way to drop this horrible guilt when I can't do something. 

Cheers for reading X 

7 tips limiting child's screen time

Hey readers,

Do you struggle with trying to manage screen time then here are some ways you can help get a balance? Let's face it technology is important and a big part of our lives but it is about controlling their lives and not dominating it.

1. Meals.

When you have meals a ban on technology is the best, you will be amazed at how they can adapt. It is a good thing to have as a firm rule as this helps and it means more change of you know talking with one another instead of looking at screens.

 I think it is a much more pleasant way to have dinner together. Also, it allows your child to be mindful of eating instead of rushing. Your child can, therefore, enjoy the simple pleasure of eating their food because when they are on screens they are so preoccupied that they are aware of what is happening to the food when they are eating it.

2. Time.

Set about how much you think realistically a child should use a tablet/computer or whatever and make sure you set a timer and also don't get in on the tech they are using. As children are crafty and can turn it off as I myself have learnt in the past.

3. Ban.

Personally, I think not having technology in a child's room is best whether it is TV or whatever. They then don't get distracted and it definitely improves their sleep without wanting to play games or watch all the cartoons or night long. 

If you have technology in the bedtime you can not monitor it or see what the child is doing, having technology-free zones allows you to monitor what the child is doing online.

4. Hobbies.

Try introducing a new hobby for when they are bored like learning a musical instrument or putting stickers in books anything that keeps their mind busy without having to think about technology.

5. Parental controls.

Make sure when they do use the tablet, for example, make sure that there is parental control especially on things like Google Play because children can easily spend a million pounds on your account if they access in one click. The best way to stay safe is to set a password. 

6. Talk to your child.

Discussing the dangers with your child is really beneficial for them to understand what it means and why you respond to technology the way you do. The more child understands the better chance they will comply with you in working together as a family, instead of fighting and arguing over the technology.

7. Age appropriateness.

Being aware of what your child is doing is key in making sure that what they do on the interest is appropriate for their age. 

My child is 7 and he desperately wants to play Fortnite. There is no way I or his dad would let him, as we feel it is not appropriate even though no one dies in the game. We feel it is too graphic and it is not appropriate, it would not benefit at this time in his life and may trigger him quite badly at this age. It is important to do your research and read or talk to others on their experiences with their children.

What things do you do to help protect your child with screen time?

Cheers for reading X

top 10 reasons to move your body more

Hey readers,

It's January which means we know all about the frequent messages about improving your health. So, why do we need to move more, well let me tell you the benefits of increased activity in your life?

1. Move. 

When you move more you feel so much better physically and mentally to help enhance your quality overall. Hopefully being in better physical health can also have a knock-on effect with general life and the way you respond to it.

2. Doctors. 

Keeping fit can actually reduce the risk of needing to go and see the doctor for help. It produces lowering the risk of developing health conditions such as diabetes and high blood pressure.

3. Reminder. 

 If you set your alarm every 20-30 minutes as a reminder to get up and move more can help your spine and allow it to get stressed by just moving around can be a big help towards your posture.

4. Calories. 

 Of course, when you are moving about it helps speed up your metabolism which then means you are burning more calories which is all good in keeping fit and well.

5. Circulation.  

 When you are moving about it helps you with circulation by working your heart and getting vital nutrients and oxygen to the cells. This then helps the body be more efficient and getting the body to work quicker.

6. Warmth. 

When you are moving more it means you are naturally getting more heat to your body and this is really important during the colder months.

 Using exercise is a great technique if you are struggling with the cold even if it is just moving from one room to the other you are working your body and getting warm by working your muscles. Not only is moving good for circulation but also when you walk more, you sweat more which is a natural way for the body to get rid of nasty toxins from the body meaning a more healthy you.

7. Hormones. 

When you are walking the body is producing the feel-good chemical endorphins that help improve your mood but also it is a natural pain reliever which apparently can help reduce the risk of tiny tears in muscles and tendons. Being more active has helped severe suffer from arthritis as overtime keeping active help with reducing stiffness in the body.

8. Metabolism.

Not only does exercise help with your metabolism it also helps with your immune system making it stronger and reducing the risks of getting a cold or any other gem related illnesses.

9. Sleep. 

Exercise helps you get a better quality night sleep which will also work with again improving your immune system and metabolism making your body be even more efficient.

10.Energy. 

 Regularly excising can help improve your energy levels meaning you have the energy to do more stuff which will again it will make you feel better because you are getting stuff done and will enhance your mood.

Do you do exercise and does it help your health?  Love to hear your thoughts.

Cheers for reading X

Sensory autism wish list.

Hey readers,

I am autistic (if you didn't know, I just put it out there!). One thing that helps me is some sensory depending on what the item is. I find sensory items really beneficial and can be a real comfort especially when I am feeling really anxious. So, here are some products that if I had the money I would definitely buy them, till then I just wish for them.

1. Weighted blankets.

Can't start without mentioning the ever popular their ever so popular weighted blanket. I love the feeling of heavy material (I sleep most nights with a quilt, a throw and two sleeping bags, I sh*t you not). I just feel secure when I feel that entrapment on my body, I feel like I am in my own little bubble, especially when I am going through a meltdown a weighted blanket would benefit me a lot. I picked this one because it looked well made. The fabric looks super soft and comforting.

2. Sensory light explosion prism.

I respond very well to low, soft lighting. I am very hypersensitive to lights so it works for me. I really love this sensory light explosion, it looks amazing and the colours are subtle which I appreciate a lot. I don't like really bright lights as they trigger headaches and make me quite stressed due to the sensory of it. This explosion light is 3D and it also changes colour. This light would be a great distraction especially when I go through obsessive thinking and it could help calm me down when I am anxious.

3. Massage Mat.

Basically, this item is a massage mat with Five 12v motors inside a padded mat. Choose different combinations of speeds with the hand-held controller. I like the idea that you can control the strength and there are different settings depending on performance. Personally, I am not a fan of soft tough so I would 100% be hitting the hardest speed because I respond well to really strong and firm movements.

4. Large liquid filled sensory floor tiles.

Now if you have even been to a soft play then you may have come across these sensory floor tiles. I have been lucky too and love them. I think they are amazing to play with, lovely colour arrangement and just all round great tactile product.

5. Giant bubble tube.

I have wanted a bubble tube for so long now. I think they are stunning with colour movement and so calming. They would really help especially if you had a sensory room (that would be the dream right there). The tube has different soothing colours along with bubbles to relax anyone. It absolutely transfixes me for hours as I love light shows to calm me when I am hypo anxiety and would definitely benefit along with my eldest - which  I could imagine both of us together sitting watching it.

Cheers for reading X