why I hate going to the hairdresser's as an autistic person

Hey readers,

For many people, going to the hairdresser's is a routine task or even an enjoyable treat.

It can be relaxing, social, and part of regular self-care.

But for many autistic people, including myself, the experience can be overwhelming, exhausting, and sometimes genuinely distressing.

The challenge isn’t about being dramatic or picky.

 It’s about how certain environments and experiences interact with the way autistic brains process sensory information, communication, and social expectations. 

Living with Autism Spectrum Disorder means that everyday environments others barely notice can quickly become intense and difficult to manage.

The hairdresser is one of those environments.

The Sensory Overload.

Hair salons are full of sensory input. 

For someone who experiences heightened sensory sensitivity, which is common in autism, this can quickly become overwhelming.

The first thing I notice when I walk in is the noise.

 Hairdryers are blasting hot air, clippers buzzing, scissors snipping, conversations happening all around, music playing, phones ringing, and sometimes multiple people talking at once. 

None of it stops. 

None of it fades into the background.

For someone with typical sensory filtering, these sounds may blend together.

 But autistic sensory processing often works differently.

 Every sound can feel equally important and equally loud. 

My brain tries to process all of it at the same time, which quickly leads to overload.

Then there are the smells. 

Hair products, hairspray, bleach, dye, shampoo, conditioner, cleaning products, and sometimes perfume from staff or customers all mix together in the air. 

The scent can be incredibly strong and linger the entire time.

The lighting can also be harsh.

 Many salons use bright overhead lights so stylists can see clearly.

 But bright lighting can feel intense and uncomfortable for some autistic people, making it difficult to relax.

By the time the haircut has even started, my nervous system is already on edge.

Being Touched by a Stranger.

Another difficult part of the experience is physical contact.

Haircuts involve a lot of touching. 

Someone is standing very close to you, touching your hair, your head, your neck, and sometimes your face. 

They may tilt your head, move it suddenly, or brush hair off your skin.

For people who are sensitive to touch, this can feel extremely uncomfortable.

It’s not that the hairdresser is doing anything wrong. 

They’re doing their job. 

But being touched repeatedly by someone I barely know can make me feel tense the entire time.

Even small things can feel overwhelming, like loose hair falling down my neck, the tickling feeling of cut hair on my skin, or the cold spray of water from a spray bottle.

For someone whose sensory system already feels overloaded, these sensations can push things even further.

The Small Talk Problem.

Another big challenge is the social expectation that comes with haircuts: small talk.

Many hairdressers are trained to be friendly and chatty.

 For lots of customers, this makes the experience pleasant.

 But for autistic people, constant conversation with a stranger can be stressful.

There’s often an unspoken script to these conversations.

“What are you doing today?”

“Any plans for the weekend?”

“Going on holiday anywhere nice?”

These questions might seem harmless, but answering them while trying to manage sensory overload, physical discomfort, and anxiety can feel like juggling too many things at once.

On top of that, there’s the pressure to respond in the “right” way. 

Social cues, tone of voice, and knowing when to speak or stop speaking can take conscious effort for autistic people. 

What feels like casual conversation for one person can feel like a performance for another.

Sometimes I just want quiet. 

But asking for silence can feel awkward or rude.

So instead, I try to keep up the conversation while internally counting down the minutes until the haircut is over.

The Fear of Miscommunication.

Haircuts also involve explaining exactly what you want.

This sounds simple, but it’s surprisingly difficult.

Hair terminology can be vague or confusing.

 Words like “a little shorter,” “tidy it up,” or “take some weight off” can mean different things to different people. 

Even showing pictures doesn’t always guarantee the result you expect.

For autistic people who rely on precise.

 communication, this uncertainty can create anxiety.

What if I explain it wrong?

What if they misunderstand?

What if I end up with a haircut I hate?

Once the cutting starts, there’s also pressure to speak up if something isn’t right. 

But many autistic people struggle with confrontation or correcting others in the moment.

So you sit there hoping everything will turn out okay.

The Loss of Control.

Haircuts also involve a loss of control.

You’re sitting in a chair with a cape wrapped tightly around your neck. 

You can’t easily move. 

Someone else is deciding what to do with your hair, using tools very close to your face.

Even if nothing goes wrong, the situation can feel vulnerable.

Autistic people often rely on routine and predictability to feel comfortable. 

But hair appointments can be unpredictable. 

A stylist might suggest something new, change techniques, or cut more than expected.

That unpredictability can create anxiety long before the appointment even begins.

The Waiting Room Stress.

Even before the haircut starts, there’s the waiting area.

You walk in and immediately face social uncertainty. 

Do you check in?

 Sit down? 

Wait to be called?

 Is someone going to greet you, or are you supposed to approach the desk?

Waiting rooms are also filled with people, noise, mirrors, and movement. 

Watching others get their hair cut can add another layer of sensory and social tension.

Sometimes the hardest part is just sitting there, knowing the experience is about to start.

The Exhaustion Afterwards.

When the haircut is finally finished, many people feel refreshed.

I feel exhausted.

Managing sensory input, social interaction, and anxiety for an extended period takes a huge amount of mental energy. 

By the time I leave, I often feel drained and need time alone to recover.

This kind of exhaustion is common for autistic people after intense environments.

It’s not just about being tired; it’s about needing time for the nervous system to settle again.

What Would Make It Easier?

Despite all of this, haircuts don’t have to be unbearable. 

Small changes can make a huge difference.

Quiet appointments or quieter salons can reduce sensory overload. 

Some hairdressers now offer “silent appointments,” where customers can opt out of small talk entirely.

Clear communication also helps.

 Explaining each step before doing it, asking before touching, and giving the customer time to process instructions can make the experience far less stressful.

Even small things like dimmer lighting, fewer strong scents, or offering sensory-friendly times can make salons more accessible.

For autistic people, it’s rarely the haircut itself that’s the problem.

 It’s everything surrounding it.

Going to the hairdresser's is a simple routine for many people. 

But for autistic individuals, it can be a complex and overwhelming experience filled with sensory challenges, social pressure, and uncertainty.

Understanding these challenges doesn’t just help autistic customers. 

It helps create more inclusive spaces where everyone can feel comfortable.

Because sometimes the difference between a stressful experience and a manageable one comes down to something simple: awareness, patience, and a little bit of flexibility.

Cheers for reading X 

5 things you shouldn't do during a depressive episode

 Hey readers, 

Depressive episodes can affect nearly every part of life.

 Motivation drops, everyday tasks feel overwhelming, and even small decisions can become exhausting. 

When you’re in the middle of a depressive episode, it’s common to fall into habits that seem comforting in the moment but can actually make things harder in the long run.

Depression already distorts the way you see yourself, other people, and the future. 

Because of that, some reactions that feel natural during a low period can unintentionally deepen the struggle.

While everyone’s experience with depression is different, certain patterns tend to make depressive episodes more intense or longer-lasting.

 Recognising these patterns can help you navigate difficult periods with more awareness and self-compassion.

Here are five things to avoid doing during a depressive episode and why they can make recovery more difficult.

1. Don’t Completely Isolate Yourself.

One of the most common responses to depression is withdrawal. 

Social interaction may feel exhausting, overwhelming, or pointless. 

You might feel like you have nothing to say, or that being around other people requires energy you simply don’t have.

Because of this, it can feel easier to avoid everyone entirely.

However, complete isolation can quietly intensify depressive feelings. 

Human beings are social creatures, and even minimal connection can help regulate mood and reduce feelings of loneliness.

Isolation can also reinforce negative thoughts such as:

“Nobody cares about me.”

“I’m a burden.”

“No one would notice if I disappeared.”

When you withdraw completely, fewer opportunities for positive experiences might challenge those thoughts.

This doesn’t mean forcing yourself into large social gatherings or pretending to feel happy. 

Instead, focus on small forms of connection. 

A short message to a friend, a brief phone call, or spending time with someone you trust can help maintain a sense of connection without overwhelming you.

Even quiet companionship like sitting with someone while watching a movie can make a difference.

2. Don’t Make Major Life Decisions.

During a depressive episode, your perception of reality can become skewed by negative thinking patterns.

You might suddenly feel convinced that:

* Your job is meaningless.

* Your relationships are failing.

* Your goals are pointless.

* Your future is hopeless.

Because these feelings can seem very real in the moment, it may feel tempting to make major life changes: quitting your job, ending relationships, moving somewhere new, or abandoning long-term plans.

But depressive thinking often amplifies problems and minimises possibilities. 

Decisions made during intense emotional lows may not reflect how you will feel once the episode passes.

Major decisions are best made from a more stable emotional state, when you have a clearer perspective.

If possible, treat big decisions as something to revisit later. 

Writing them down and giving yourself time- weeks or even months can prevent choices you might regret once your mood improves.

3. Don’t Ignore Basic Self-Care.

Depression can make even simple tasks feel overwhelming. 

Activities like showering, eating properly, cleaning your living space, or going outside may seem pointless or exhausting.

As a result, self-care often slips away during depressive episodes.

Unfortunately, neglecting basic needs can worsen symptoms. 

Poor sleep, irregular meals, dehydration, and lack of movement can all intensify low mood and fatigue.

Self-care during depression doesn’t have to be perfect or elaborate.

 In fact, smaller goals are often more realistic and helpful.

Instead of aiming for a full productive day, focus on small steps such as:

* Drinking a glass of water.

* Eating a simple meal.

* Taking a short walk outside.

* Taking a shower or brushing your teeth.

These actions might seem insignificant, but they help stabilise the body and create small moments of progress.

Depression often thrives in environments where everything feels stagnant.

 Small acts of self-care can interrupt that cycle.

4. Don’t Believe Every Negative Thought.

Depression often comes with a flood of harsh self-criticism and pessimistic thinking. 

You might start believing things like:

“I’m a failure.”

“Nothing will ever get better.”

“Everyone would be better off without me.”

“I’ll always feel like this.”

These thoughts can feel convincing, especially when they appear repeatedly. 

However, depression changes how the brain processes information.

Negative experiences become more noticeable, while positive experiences fade into the background. 

This creates a distorted narrative about who you are and what your life means.

It’s important to remember that thoughts are not always facts.

When negative thoughts appear, try to treat them as mental events rather than absolute truths. 

Some people find it helpful to ask questions like:

“Would I say this to a friend?”

“Is there evidence that contradicts this thought?”

“Could this thought be influenced by my mood right now?”

You don’t need to force yourself to think positively. 

Instead, aim to create a little distance between you and the harsh thoughts depression produces.

5. Don’t Try to Handle Everything Alone.

Many people feel ashamed or embarrassed about struggling with depression. 

They may believe they should be able to handle it privately or “push through” without help.

This pressure to manage everything alone can make the experience much heavier.

Depression is not simply a lack of willpower or resilience. 

 It’s a complex mental health condition influenced by biological, psychological, and environmental factors.

Seeking support doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you’re recognising that human beings are not meant to face difficult experiences entirely on their own.

Support can take many forms:

* Talking with a trusted friend or family member.

* Joining a support group.

* Speaking with a therapist or counsellor.

* Consulting a medical professional about treatment options

Even sharing how you’re feeling with one person can help reduce the sense of isolation that depression often creates.

Moving Through Depressive Episodes With Compassion.

Depressive episodes can make the world feel smaller, heavier, and more hopeless.

 When energy is low and thoughts are negative, it’s easy to slip into patterns that reinforce those feelings.

Avoiding these five behaviours complete isolation, impulsive major decisions, neglecting self-care, believing every negative thought, and trying to handle everything alone can help prevent depressive episodes from becoming even more overwhelming.

But it’s also important to remember that depression often makes even small actions difficult.

Progress during a depressive episode may look very different from progress during healthier periods.

 Sometimes it simply means getting out of bed, answering a message, or stepping outside for a few minutes.

Those small actions still matter.

Depression can create the illusion that nothing you do will make a difference. 

But the small choices you make during difficult periods can slowly shift your experience.

Avoiding certain harmful patterns doesn’t mean you’ll immediately feel better.

 Healing from depression is rarely quick or straightforward.

What matters is giving yourself the patience and support needed to move through the episode safely.

Even when depression tells you otherwise, difficult periods do not last forever and reaching out for help can make the path forward much easier to walk.

Cheers for reading X

What is gentle parenting?

Hey readers,

 

In recent years, there has been a growing interest in a parenting approach that contrasts sharply with traditional, more authoritarian methods.

 This approach is known as gentle parenting. 

Gentle parenting emphasises empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries, aiming to raise children who are not only well-behaved but also emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and secure.

 But what exactly is gentle parenting, and how does it differ from other parenting 

styles? 

Let’s explore the principles, benefits, and practical applications of gentle parenting.

The Principles of Gentle Parenting.

 1. Empathy and Respect.

 

At the core of gentle parenting is the belief that children deserve the same respect and empathy that adults do. 

This means understanding and validating a child’s feelings and perspectives, even when they are different from our own. 

By acknowledging their emotions and treating them with respect, parents can build a foundation of trust and mutual respect.

 2. Understanding Developmental Stages.

Gentle parenting requires a thorough understanding of child development. Recognising that children go through various stages of cognitive, emotional, and physical growth helps parents set realistic expectations and respond appropriately to their child’s needs and behaviours.

3. Positive Discipline.

Instead of relying on punishment, gentle parenting focuses on positive discipline. 

This means guiding children toward appropriate behaviour through teaching, modelling, and reinforcing positive actions. 

Consequences for misbehaviour are natural and logical rather than punitive, helping children learn from their mistakes without fear or shame.

4. Connection Over Control.

Gentle parenting prioritises building a strong, positive connection between parent and child. 

This connection is based on unconditional love, open communication, and mutual respect. Rather than controlling a child’s behaviour through fear or force, gentle parenting seeks to influence behaviour through a deep, trusting relationship.

Benefits of Gentle Parenting.

 1. Emotional Intelligence.

Children raised with gentle parenting tend to develop higher emotional intelligence. 

They learn to recognise, understand, and manage their own emotions and empathise with others. 

This emotional awareness and regulation can lead to better mental health and stronger relationships in the future.

 2. Self-Discipline.

Gentle parenting encourages self-discipline rather than external control. 

Children learn to make good decisions because they understand the reasons behind them, not because they fear punishment.

 This intrinsic motivation fosters responsibility and independence.

 3. Secure Attachment.

The strong bond formed through gentle parenting promotes secure attachment. 

Children feel safe and valued, knowing they can rely on their parents for support and guidance. 

This secure base encourages exploration and confidence, essential components of healthy development.

 

4. Reduced Behavioural Issues.

Positive discipline and empathetic understanding can lead to fewer behavioural issues. 

Children who feel heard and respected are less likely to act out for attention or in response to frustration. 

When issues do arise, they can be addressed constructively, reducing the likelihood of ongoing problems.

Practical Applications of Gentle Parenting.

 1. Active Listening.

Active listening is a fundamental practice in gentle parenting. 

This means giving your child your full attention, acknowledging their feelings, and reflecting back what you hear to ensure understanding. 

For example, if your child is upset about losing a toy, you might say, “I see you’re really sad because you can’t find your toy. That must be frustrating.”

While gentle parenting is compassionate and understanding, it also involves setting clear and consistent boundaries. 

These boundaries help children feel secure and understand what is expected of them. 

For example, establishing a bedtime routine that includes calming activities and a set bedtime helps children know what to expect and creates a sense of stability.

 3. Natural Consequences.

Allowing natural consequences to occur can be a powerful teaching tool. 

If a child refuses to wear a coat on a chilly day, they might feel cold and realise the importance of wearing warm clothing.

 These experiences teach valuable lessons without the need for punishment.

 4. Problem-Solving Together.

Involving children in problem-solving fosters cooperation and teaches critical thinking skills. 

When conflicts arise, work together to find a solution. 

For example, if siblings are fighting over a toy, you might say, “I see you both want to play with the toy. 

How can we solve this problem so that both of you can enjoy it?”

5. Modelling Behaviour.

Children learn a great deal from observing their parents. 

Modelling calm, respectful, and empathetic behaviour sets a powerful example for children to follow. 

If you want your child to express their emotions in a healthy way, model how you handle your own emotions in challenging situations.

6. Encouragement Over Praise.

While praise focuses on outcomes (“Good job!”), encouragement focuses on effort and process (“I can see you worked really hard on this!”).

 Encouragement helps build intrinsic motivation and a growth mindset, teaching children to value their efforts and persistence.

Challenges and Misconceptions.

1. Perceived Permissiveness.

One common misconception about gentle parenting is that it’s permissive or lacks discipline.

 In reality, gentle parenting involves clear and consistent boundaries but approaches discipline in a respectful and empathetic manner.

 2. Time and Patience.

Gentle parenting can require more time and patience compared to more authoritarian methods. 

It involves active listening, problem-solving, and emotional coaching, which can be demanding for busy parents. 

However, the long-term benefits often outweigh the initial investment of time and effort.

 3. Cultural and Societal Expectations.

Parents practising gentle parenting may face criticism or pressure from those who adhere to more traditional parenting styles. 

Parents need to stay informed and confident in their approach, seeking support from like-minded communities and resources.

Gentle parenting is a compassionate and respectful approach that prioritises connection, understanding, and positive discipline.

 By fostering emotional intelligence, self-discipline, and secure attachment, gentle parenting helps children thrive both in childhood and later life.

 While it requires patience and a commitment to understanding child development, the benefits for both parents and children make it a worthwhile endeavour.

 Through active listening, setting clear boundaries, and modelling respectful behaviour, parents can nurture their children’s growth in a supportive and loving environment.

Cheers for reading X 

Autism With ADHD Symptoms

Hey readers,

 

Autism and ADHD are two different neurodevelopmental conditions, but they often occur together. 

When someone has both autism and ADHD, their experiences can be more complex because the traits of each condition can overlap, interact, and sometimes appear to contradict each other.

For example, an autistic person may prefer routines and predictability, while a person with ADHD may seek variety and stimulation. 

Someone may enjoy focusing deeply on a favourite interest but struggle to complete everyday tasks.

 They may want social connections but find communication, attention, or emotional regulation challenging.

Understanding the symptoms of autism with ADHD can help individuals, families, and professionals recognise these patterns and find the right support.

What Are Autism and ADHD?

Autism, also known as autism spectrum disorder (ASD), is a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition that affects communication, sensory processing, social interaction, and patterns of behaviour.

 Autistic people may experience the world differently, including differences in how they process sounds, textures, emotions, and social situations.

ADHD, or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, is also a neurodevelopmental condition. 

It affects attention, impulse control, activity levels, organisation, and emotional regulation.

Both conditions begin in childhood, although some people are not diagnosed until their teenage years or adulthood. 

Many people with autism and ADHD develop effective coping strategies over time, but understanding their needs can make life significantly easier.

Can Someone Have Both Autism and ADHD?

Yes. A person can have both autism and ADHD. 

In the past, some professionals viewed these diagnoses as separate, but research and clinical experience now recognise that they can occur together.

People with both conditions may experience traits from each, creating a unique combination of strengths and challenges.

Some common overlapping areas include:

* Difficulty with organisation.

* Problems managing emotions.

* Sensory sensitivities.

* Social challenges.

* Trouble with transitions.

* Difficulty maintaining attention.

* Feeling overwhelmed by everyday demands.

However, having both conditions does not mean every person will experience the same symptoms.

Common Symptoms of Autism With ADHD

1. Difficulty With Focus and Attention.

One of the most noticeable features of ADHD is difficulty regulating attention. 

This does not mean someone cannot concentrate.

 In fact, many people with ADHD experience periods of intense focus, often called hyperfocus.

Someone with autism and ADHD may:

* Become deeply absorbed in a favourite interest.

* Struggle to focus on tasks they find boring.

* Frequently lose track of time.

* Start many projects but struggle to finish them.

* Become distracted by noises, thoughts, or surroundings.

The combination of autism and ADHD can create a pattern where a person is capable of intense concentration but struggles with switching attention when required.

2. Strong Interests and Hyperfocus.

Autistic people often develop deep interests in specific subjects. 

These interests can bring joy, comfort, learning, and expertise.

When ADHD is also present, these interests may sometimes shift quickly. 

A person might spend hours researching one topic before suddenly moving on to another.

Examples may include:

* Collecting detailed information about a favourite subject.

* Spending large amounts of time on hobbies.

* Becoming highly knowledgeable in specific areas.

* Losing track of other responsibilities while focused.

* These interests are not negative. 

They are often important sources of motivation and confidence.

3. Sensory Sensitivities.

Many autistic people experience differences in sensory processing.

 They may be more sensitive or sometimes less sensitive to sounds, lights, smells, textures, or physical sensations.

With ADHD, sensory challenges may also involve seeking stimulation.

Someone with autism and ADHD might:

* Feel overwhelmed by loud environments.

* Dislike certain clothing textures.

* Become distracted by background noises.

* Need movement or physical activity to concentrate.

* Seek sensory experiences such as fidgeting or touching objects.

Managing sensory needs can make everyday environments much more comfortable.

4. Emotional Regulation Difficulties.

Both autism and ADHD can affect emotional regulation.

A person may experience emotions more intensely and find it difficult to calm down after becoming upset.

Possible signs include:

* Feeling overwhelmed quickly.

* Frustration when plans change.

* Strong reactions to stress.

* Difficulty explaining emotions.

* Needing time alone to recover.

* Experiencing emotional exhaustion

These reactions are not simply a matter of overreacting.

They may be linked to differences in how the brain processes emotions and stress.

5. Executive Function Challenges.

Executive functions are mental skills that help people organise, plan, remember, and complete tasks.

People with autism and ADHD may struggle with:

* Starting tasks.

* Managing time.

* Prioritising responsibilities.

* Remembering instructions.

* Keeping track of belongings.

* Switching between activities.

A person may understand what needs to be done but still find it extremely difficult to begin or complete the task.

Helpful strategies may include:

* Breaking tasks into smaller steps.

* Using reminders and calendars.

* Creating predictable routines.

* Using visual schedules.

* Reducing unnecessary distractions.

6. Social Communication Differences.

Autism can affect social communication, while ADHD can influence social behaviour through impulsivity or difficulty paying attention.

Someone with both may:

* Interrupt conversations unintentionally.

* Talk extensively about favourite topics.

* Miss subtle social cues.

* Struggle with small talk.

* Find group conversations difficult.

* Forget social plans or messages.

Many people with autism and ADHD want friendships and relationships but may experience challenges understanding social expectations.

7. Need for Routine but Difficulty Maintaining It.

One of the interesting combinations of autism and ADHD is the relationship with routines.

Autistic traits may create a preference for:

* Predictability.

* Planning.

* Familiar environments.

* Repeated routines.

ADHD traits may create challenges with:

* Maintaining routines.

* Remembering schedules.

* Avoiding distractions.

* Completing repetitive tasks.

This can feel frustrating because someone may strongly want structure but struggle to create consistency.

8. Restlessness and Movement.

ADHD commonly involves hyperactivity or a need for movement. 

This may appear as:

* Fidgeting.

* Constant activity.

* Difficulty sitting still.

* Feeling mentally restless.

* Needing stimulation.

For some people, movement actually helps concentration and emotional regulation.

9. Masking and Exhaustion

Some autistic people learn to hide or manage their traits in social situations. 

This is known as masking.

Examples include:

* Copying other people's behaviours.

* Forcing eye contact.

* Rehearsing conversations.

* Hiding sensory discomfort.

When ADHD is also present, maintaining this level of control can become exhausting because of attention difficulties and emotional demands.

Long periods of masking may contribute to stress and burnout.

Strengths of Having Autism and ADHD.

Although autism and ADHD can create challenges, they can also come with valuable strengths.

Many people with both conditions report strengths such as:

* Creativity.

* Strong problem-solving abilities.

* Passion for interests.

* Original thinking.

* Attention to detail.

* High levels of energy and enthusiasm.

* Ability to think differently.

* Strong honesty and loyalty.

The goal is not to remove these differences but to understand them and create environments where people can succeed.

Diagnosis and Support.

If someone believes they may have autism and ADHD, a professional assessment can provide clarity.

 Diagnosis is not about labelling someone negatively; it can help explain experiences and identify useful support.

Support may include:

* Educational adjustments.

* Workplace accommodations.

* Therapy or coaching.

* ADHD medication where appropriate.

* Sensory strategies.

* Organisational tools.

* Support groups.

* Finding the right strategies can make a significant difference to daily life.

Autism with ADHD can create a unique combination of strengths and challenges. 

People with both conditions may experience differences in attention, sensory processing, communication, organisation, and emotional regulation.

Understanding these traits helps move the conversation away from judgement and towards support. 

Many challenges become easier when people have the right tools, understanding, and environment.

Autism and ADHD do not define a person's abilities or potential.

 With appropriate support and self-awareness, people with both conditions can build successful careers, meaningful relationships, and fulfilling lives while embracing the unique way they experience the world.

Cheers for reading X