My Sunday Photo 03/07/2022

My son performed with his class for a performance at Coventry Cathedral on Tuesday. 

How to deal with parental burnout.

Hey readers,

As parents we have all felt tired, it is a natural part of parenthood however parental burnout is slightly different as it can impact your health for long periods and it won't be cured simply by having a good night's sleep (of course that does help) but long term strategies need to be but in place to help you manage parental burnout on a day to day level. 

What is parental burnout?

When we are talking about parental burnout, we are referring to the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion that one feels from the chronic stress of parenting. I think being a parent you take on a lot of responsibility of looking after a child or children and trying your best to meet all the needs that can at times take its tolls on you.  I don't think it is talked about another because there is a lot of guilt and shame attached to feeling parental burnout that you won't open up due to fear of judgement which then makes the situation worse. 

Symptoms of parental burnout - burn in mind different levels can occur so it will depend on the person but this is just a general list of symptoms. 

* Brain fog. 

* Sort tempered. 

* Forgetfulness. 

*  Increased stress levels. 

*  Depression. 

*  Feelings of isolation. 

*  Obsessive-compulsive tendencies. 

* Decreased sex drive. 

* Hormonal imbalances. 

* Tensions and arguments with your spouse. 

* May feel not connected with your child, which can lead to emotional distance.  

How to manage burnout. 

1. Get enough sleep. 

Sleep is so important for your mental health and even as a parent at times it can be hard to always fit sleep in especially if you have a newborn just making a small power nap of 20 minutes can make a big difference to how we feel and regulate your emotions better. 

2. Talk to your partner. 

If you have a partner or close friend talk to them about how you are feeling, it may sound obvious but we don't always take the time to sit down and make effort to actually talk about how we really feel. It can be one of the best forms of support for preventing or alleviating parental burnout. 

3. Set boundaries - learn to easy no.

It is ok to say no and you do not have to say yes to everything. Remember who is the boss you do not have to say yes to everything your kid asks of you. Sometimes you have to stand your ground with your children and setting boundaries is vital for your own development. It's ok to not be popular with your kids all the time, it happens to all parents kids have to learn that carnet gets everything they want. 

4. Get some self-care incorporated into your routine.

The importance of incorporating self-care into your routine is a must for your own well-being. It is not selfish to do something for yourself from time to time and sometimes it can be better in the long run because needs are met. It is also ok to ask for help from people that offer and just making time to do things that you enjoy can really help reduce burnout and make you feel more relaxed in life. 

 

5. Be a good enough parent to lower expectations.

Instead of aiming to the perfect level of parenting aim for being a good enough parent and lower the expectation the weight will soon come off our shoulders. As long as kids are healthy, happy and loved then that's all that counts, it doesn't matter if they have the latest technology or branded clothing or going on a holiday because they have the foundations of a good childhood which is the most important. 

6. Go to your doctor. 

 

If it does all feel like it is getting too much then go further and speak to your GP and get the support you need, don't feel ashamed because they are there to help you. 

Have you ever dealt with parental burnout? What do you think you think of my tips on how to deal with parental burnout? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X 

Autistic Parenting.

Hey readers,

Since my son goes to school and one of the problems I struggle with being an autistic mum is socialising with other parents.

The dreaded waiting at the school gates with the deafening noise makes my head spin. I physically shake and want to stim so badly that I need to control myself in order to mask these problems I deal with.

I know you ask why, why don't I just be me. But it is not just me, it is my son as well. I am part of him and what I do influences him. Maybe not obviously but in the subtle ways with speaking to parents and getting that invite to a friend's birthday. People judge sadly and what I do can include or isolate him, as sad as society is.

The hard thing for me as a parent is to appear shy/enigma in order to not let people see the real me as I am hyperactive/spontaneous, and might not say the right thing. Laugh and be childish and not click with others.

No one ever prepares you for this and how it will influence your son's confidence. Will, I further fuck him up if I am me, should I hide away in order to make my son blend in better. Or should I be authentic as it provides my son with an understanding of disability and difference-making him more accepting of others that are different (not necessarily autistic)? Just one mould fit it appears in this modern culture I feel and that all problems should be hideaway as it still a taboo, to be honest with children without some professional having a fit and pretending that everything is fluffy and cosy in life.

These are the kind of decisions I have to make. I am currently taking a step back from school duties as the anxiety is so high and paranoia is kicking in.

They say life is too short and you should just do what the fear wants you not to do. But to what extent is this not a good idea anymore.

Baby steps are hard for me as it is grey, I am all or nothing and I find it hard once I have an idea in my head to stop myself from committing to it fully. Alternatively, I just shut down and have no interest in participating in the demotivated situation I have to face. All I want to close off, cry my eyes out, and feel is the point in doing it all. Should I have been a parent? do I have that right? and similar thoughts take over my thinking.

Nothing is ever clear, no right or wrong answers which for my autistic brain feels overwhelmed and can trigger a meltdown in order to try and regulate how I feel.

Autism is selfish or is it people don't see I am trying to work my ass off that little bit more as every day is a struggle and I have to make decisions fast.

it is frustrating when people think oh she doesn't look autistic she can walk down the road or she can communicate. When really most of it is planned, scheduled, and played out like a script. Most of the time I am blagging it with the information I hold from past experiences/observing or reading how others deal with this as a parent.

Don't judge me when you see me, I am scared because I don't know what I am doing.

I am not good with emotions, they are messy and I don't do messy.

I like order and structure, I like steps that have a sequence. When it is spontaneous and in no order I am scared and my anxiety reaches new heights.

SO this is what I am currently trying to work my way through and yeah I can do a course and have some rules. But then things change, situation/environmental/age, etc influence the shit I have to deal with. As we all know change is the enemy of an autistic person.

It is all very well having short stints of parenting courses to guild you but for an autistic person we need continuous support and sadly it is always because of the funds and people like to group everything in one category.

I always find it ironic that autistic people like logical order but that disability is so grey and complex it is unreal.

That is it that is one of the many battles I undergo as an autistic parent and we haven't even reached pubescent years.....oh what joy!

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday Photo 26/06/2022

Checking out the local exhibition: Be Yourself; Everyone Else is Already Taken by Daniel Lismore at the Lady Herbert Art Gallery in Coventry.

Reasons to love summer

Hey readers,

We have had a couple of days so naturally can’t help but get excited for the arrival of summer, I am British it is a thing and the fact that it properly me majority wet. That won’t stop me from celebrating all things summer.

1. sunshine. 

2. going to the beach. 

3. Ice cream. 

4. BBQs.

5. The light nights. 

6. Sandals. 

7. Ice cold drinks.

8. Tan lines. 

9. Warm sand. 

10. Looking at the stars. 

11. The sea. 

12. Swimming in the sea. 

13. Road trips.

14. Writing in the sand. 

15. Summer thunderstorms. 

16. Outdoor fun time. 

17. Long walks. 

18. Daisies everywhere. 

19. Sunsets. 

20. Fly a kite.

21. Hang out the washing. 

22. No homework.

23. Picnics. 

24. Eating alfresco. 

25. Blue skies.

26. Open windows. 

27. The summer breeze. 

28. Water fights. 

29. Hot tub. 

30. Go pick your own strawberries. 

31. Wild swimming. 

32. Having a coffee outside. 

33. People watching. 

34. Boost your mood. 

35. Slush puppies. 

36. Flowers in full bloom. 

37. Trees full of greenness. 

38. Don't have to wear a coat. 

39. Lighter meals. 

40. Salads.

 

41. Picky teas.

 

42. Not having to wear socks. 

43. The fact that everything feels more hopeful and better. 

44. Not having to wear loads of layers. 

45. Having more energy.

 

46. More time outdoors in the evening. 

What do you love about the summer? love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X 

5 Ways to get rid of hiccups.

 Hey readers, 

Now and again we have all experienced the annoyance of hiccups. They can be really hard to get rid of so I have found some simple solutions that are effective ways to get rid f hiccups successfully so the next time you have a bout of hiccups you can quickly eliminate them. 

How to get rid of hiccups. 

1. Breathing.

Breathe in and hold your breath 3-to 4 times in a row. Slowly inhale to fill your lungs with air. Hold your breath for 10 seconds, then exhale slowly to release the breath. Repeat 3-4 times, holding your breath for 10 seconds each time.

2. Bite on a lemon or taste some vinegar.

Biting on something bitter like lemon targets the vagus nerve, which runs from the brain to the stomach. This sends signals to the brain, telling it to switch its focus from hiccups to the sharp taste instead. This tip also works if you use vinegar or anything as strong-tasting.

3. Place sugar on the tongue.

Take about half a teaspoon of sugar and keep it at the far end of the back of the tongue, Hold this for two minutes and then swallow the sugar. Applying pressure along with the tongue aids in eliminating the tightness in diaphragm muscles. 

4. Drinking cold water. 

Drink the cold water through a straw. No one knows exactly why it works, but it could be down to controlling your breathing. 

5.  Pressure Points.

Some of the stranger home remedies that say they stop hiccups relate to pressure. In fact, some people have success with acupressure.

Try pulling the tip of your tongue, or gently pressing on your eyeballs, in an effort to stimulate and distract the vagus nerve. Some doctors suggest putting your fingers (carefully and not too far, obviously) in your ears to stop the hiccups. The branches of ... wait for it ... the vagus nerve, reach into the auditory system, too. You could also try gentle apply pressure on both sides of your nose while swallowing.

How to reduce the risks of getting hiccups. 

When eating try to slow down if you eat fast and make sure that you are chewing your food thoroughly as fast eating can cause air to get trapped in the food which may set off the vagus nerve. Making sure small bites and taking frequent sips of water can help reduce the risk of getting hiccups. 

Some scientists believe that hiccups are a way of telling your body to stop if your eating too much, it is important not to pig out because your body needs time to process and break down the food. The extra stomach acid can bring on hiccups. 

Some spices can irritate the lining of the oesophagus and stomach. At the same time, they can also cause acid from the stomach to leak into the oesophagus. The extra acid can bring on hiccups.

Like spices, alcoholic beverages can cause a simultaneous irritation of the oesophagus and the stomach. And over time, excessive drinking can damage the lining of the food pipe. Parties, like the kind some college students attend, where people consume a lot of alcohol as quickly as possible, can lead to acute ingestion.

 The digestive system not only becomes irritated by the alcohol, but big gulps of it cause the oesophagus to expand rapidly, resulting in hiccups. 

Needless to say, the vagus nerve is not a fan of over-imbibing in food or drink.

But most of the time with hiccups they will disappear with time however if they do last longer than 48hours probably best to speak to your GP as this could interfere with eating, breathing, and sleeping.

Are there any methods that I have missed that have helped you with getting rid of hiccups? love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday Photo 19/06/2022

I and the boys checked at spitfire play that was on display yesterday ✈