Quiet

It's silent,

Peaceful,

No one makes a peek,

The clock carries on,

Tick tock.

Go with the wind

Sometimes you have to go with the wind,

to learn a lesson,

to grow

and move forward.

Testing

Hey readers,

I would say that my word of the week is:

TESTING

This is because I feel that at times that I have tested myself, pushed outside of my comfort zone. First would be going to a coffee shop by myself and ordering a drink.

 I have had really bad anxiety the past few weeks and regressed with my social anxiety. This has been a positive step forward and though some people may think that this is no biggie for me it is like running the marathon mentally.

I don't know whether it is just my kids or not but by the end of the term they are super tired and need a break. I really struggle to communicate with them when they go full meltdown and I did walk out the home as I just couldn't cope.

 Luckily my husband is also my carer whether that is a good thing or not I don't know. But I needed to escape. It is hard when dealing with children and tiredness at times. So it is nice to have some time along for me to get away from it. It had really helped me for the rest of the week being much more positive and manageable.

Hope you all have a good Easter and don't eat too much chocolate ;)

Cheers for reading X

Change

Hey readers,

My word of the week is

 

 Change

 

 

 

A lot has happened over the past few months that can only be described as testing. At times I really felt that I won not be able to manage but lucky I have had so much support from my husband. Though it has been rocky for all my family we are still hear and shown the world that we can do it.  I know I am not perfect and have disabilities that effect me as a person and a parent but with the correct support we have moved forward. Finally it feels like we have seen a light at the end of the tunnel.Though I have lost things on the way I will always be committed to my children. So I am celebrating a new direction and change  in my  life and feel so much more positive.

Thank you for reading and sorry it is so cryptic but don't want to air my laundry in public as it is very personal.  But this event has had a huge impact mentally and physically this week that it was only right to include it this Week!

Greedy

why you so greedy?

All you do is

Take and want,

One day

You will lose,

And have nothing,

To show.

Cold

Hey readers,
My word of the week is:

Cold

It just seems to be me but in my household I am freezing even when the sunshine is out. Though can't moan too much as it has been beautiful and I have enjoyed getting out and snapping some beautiful sunsets. Which is probably good as hubby is rearranging wires and moving furniture around . The kitchen and living room is chaos. I hate mess and disruption. I dont know how other people copy with it but it leaves me feeling irritated and powerless. I think I am a control freak and like order. I hate it when things are not in order and a mess. Though I have been colouring more as a result to help distress me and take my mind away from the sawdust floor. On a positive note we had a Chinese and oh my word have not had one for a long time but it was amazing and thr added benefit of not having to worry about cooking. 
I have also joined a course to teach me the skills to be mindfu. I can't promise I will be chilled and less anxious . still I am willing to learn anything that might help me be more  relaxed.
Hope you have a good week!
Cheers for reading X

Under my nose

Why I do feel so angry,

At the injustice,

Hearing them speak,

Why can't they be human,

Instead of turning a blind eye.

swollen

My throat hurts

No more pain,

Please leave

My body is done.

Light

The responsibility has gone,

I feel lighter,

Knowing it is out,

 now I weight,

With nothing else,

To do.

Leave me

Don't leave me,

I'm scared

I don't know nothing,

Life to scary,

With no instructions

Autumn

The times are changing,

Everything is moving,

The temperature dips,

Whilst colours evolve.

The craving for home

Is a strong game,

To the shut the door,

Hideaway,

Safe from any danger.

I'm wide awake.

I'm wide awake now,

Looking back over

What happened.

What is the meaning,

Is there more to this

And how do you accept

The fate that lies.

who am I?

Who am I?

I don't know who I am anymore,

I have lost sight,

Of the person who I once was.

Waiting

The waiting is the hardest,

Not knowing,

No answers,

Just holding on.

I have no control,

I am left stranded,

My future is in their hands.

checking

The constant checking,

to find a formula,

that appears to calculate,

my need for answers,

but instead

End up in a tangled up mess.

my heart aches

My heart aches,

I'm reminded of my failures,

My mind is holding on

To not knowing,

I have lost the will,

My energy is low,

I can't think,

I just feel the ache,

Of not being good enough

Waiting, wanting

Waiting for something,

For all the answers,

That overflow

My tiny mind,

Maybe one day

It will come,

Till then

I will be waiting.

where to begin

I don't know where to begin,

I'm just tired,

Keeping my head above,

Is the hardest thing.

waiting

I know the time will come,

until then I wait,

In desperation,

not knowing what to expect,

million thoughts,

lead to one outcome,

still, I am waiting.

My Moment

Is my moment now?

Does all the other stuff matter?

What counts towards my path?

No one can tell me,

The door is open for me

To decide where I walk.