Friday 15 May 2020

hair pulling and autism

Hey readers,

One of my problems due to my depression and autism is that I can pull my hair out. I link it to sensory purposes as sometimes I am so numb that I want to feel something or hurt myself. 




I have been knowing to pull and yank my hair when I am very distressed. I have ripped out clumps of hair when I am going through a meltdown or when I am really angry because I don't always have the communication skills to express myself. 

Sometimes, I feel that I need to punish myself because I am not a good parent. I hate myself and worry that I am royally screwing up my children because I have a disability and can not always give them opportunities that other parents can give to their children.

I know it is not the 'normal' way to self-harm that has been popularised over the years. I get so frustrated and hurt myself due to low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy due to my autism.

  I know this is a sad state of affairs but it is true.
I have always struggled with my autism probably because of past responses of parent/carer when I was younger of not being good enough or the adult of my care being in denial and rejecting my diagnosis. Even to this day I still battle with the thoughts frequently.

I have discussed in a vlog before about skin picking but I haven't mentioned hair pulling because I was in a bit of denial. I feel through the autism community is good online in accepting and promoting praise for the disability. 

I feel that if you were to pipe up and say actually sometimes I don't like being autistic, that you might get abuse and people won't like you. I guess I am not yet that strong to always speak out and be honest about how I am feeling. I think it is something with time and with my confidence in blogging writing it will come out.


Cheers for reading X

Wednesday 13 May 2020

50 ways to do self care.

Hey readers,

Sometimes life can be stressful and could result in you not looking after yourself like you should.

 A way to help when life gets on top of us is to practice something positive to do for ourselves to help make sure that you as a person being cared for. 

Below I have gathered 50 ways to do self-care, the activities are a mixed bag and some are free some may require some cash. Others don't take long compared to other activities that can take longer. 

Therefore, there is plenty of choices for you to choose from to help you feel good and making sure that you DO self-care on yourself. 

It is important to look after others but ultimately you need to make sure that you as an individual are in tip-top shape. Enjoy!




1. Bath.

2. Read a book.

3. Go for a walk.

4. Talk to someone.

5. Write a blog post.

6. Have a hot cup of tea.

7. Watch something funny.

8. Have a shower.

9. Bake.

10. Paint your nails.

11. Take a photo.

12. Have asleep.

13. Go to bed.

 14. Write a letter to someone.

15. Colouring in.

16. Explore nature.

17. Read inspirational quotes.

18. Write an action plan for a problem.

19. Burn a candle.

20. Have a cuddle.

21. Treat yourself.

22. Learn something new.

23. Stretch your body.

24. Dance.

25. Stroke an animal.

26. Drink a glass of water.

27. Sort out your emails.

28. Sell something on eBay.

28. Clean.

29. Sort out your drawers.

30. Declutter.

 31. Spend an hour alone.

32. Go to a coffee shop.

33. Visit an art gallery.

34. Choose to have a good day.

35. Be spontaneous.

36. Listen to meditation.

38. Forgive yourself.

39. Get a massage.

40. Get a haircut.

41. Make a playlist of your favourite tracks.

42. Look at cat gifs on the internet.

43. Create a mood board.

44. Do nothing.

45. Practice breathing.

46. Binge watch a box set.

47. Watch a film.

48. Browse Pinterest for inspiration.

49. Squeeze a stress ball.

50. Snuggle under a throw.

Cheers for reading X

Monday 11 May 2020

How to stop procastinating

Hey readers,

Sometimes I am guilty of procrastinating - where I want to put off things and makeup all the excuses under the sun just simple in order to not do the task. 

There may be many reasons why people procrastinate and it can be hard work to change that mindset. So, here is some of my tips that have helped me to get in touch with motivation and get stuff done.



Write it down.

Sometimes, I have so many things I want to do that I simply get overwhelmed and don't know what to do. 

Therefore, I have always found it good to start with writing down all the things I need to do. Then put them in order of importance and follow that list accordingly.

 It doesn't matter if I don't do all the things on the list, it is the starting of the tasks that are important. Once I have achieved this I can feel less dread and more inclination to carry on the next day and so on.

Smaller goals.

If you have one big goal a way to move forward is to break it down into more measurable chunks. 

Small steps lead to big things and knowing you have reached levels can spur you on to the end. Rather then simply seeing something big it can be better than to visualise and be inspired to get going on it.

Timetable.

Have a timetable that is split up into smaller times. For example, don't just think about doing all the work in a three-hour block but maybe do one hour in the morning, one hour in the afternoon and one in the evening so it is broken up giving you that break.

It is actually better to do work in smaller chunks throughout the day as your concentration will be better and then in turn production will be much better quality.

Environment.

Sometimes, I go and change my environment to give me that fresh scenery to work in. 

I have worked in the library and been much more productive because of the people around and got more done when there are fewer distractions at home.

Buddy up.

working with someone else can be a real motivator as they kick you up the bum to get work done or the social pressure is much stronger therefore willing to do the work rather than doing on your own and you use all the excuses inside your head. At least with someone else they can encourage you to do the work and challenge you if you are feeling like you have an excuse to step away from it.

Reward.

We all know rewards can be a great way of achieving a goal because it gives that incentive to do that work. 

So, maybe have a reward chart that you can treat yourself to something small such as a hot chocolate or an episode of your favourite programme.

What kind of thing helps you get out of procrastinating?

Cheers for reading X

Sunday 10 May 2020

My Sunday photo 10/05/2020

Friday 8 May 2020

10 signs you are an introvert

Hey readers, 


I am a full-fledged introvert and I have come to accept that which is absolutely fine. You may be asking the question, 'Am I an introvert?' well, I have come up with 10 signs that suggest that you could be an introvert. 


1. Time alone. 

You enjoy spending time alone - even if you are close to people you need time alone to yourself because takes a lot of mental energy to socialise. 

2. Inner monologue


Your inner monologue is hard to switch off and it is like the constant quiet voice in your head working overtime. 

You are a deep thinker and think about situations for a long time or pre-events on how to manage them. 

3. Alone.


You do your best thinking alone by yourself because you get distracted or you can't think clearly when someone else is talking about an idea. 

4. Small talk.


You find small talk really hard to master, it takes so much effort to take about meaningless things. You are much deeper and like to talk about deep stuff. 

5. Crowds.


You often feel alone in a crowd because it is hard to find connections with people, and being around others can make you feel like you ss not dir in an, therefore, feel more isolated when in a crowd. 


6.  Talking in front of people. 


There is nothing scarier than the thought of having to stand up in front of people and talk, the thought of having to be in the spotlight gives you cold sweats of fear. 

7. Cancelled plans. 

 Nothing brings you more joy then called plans because it means you don’t have to be on the edge thinking about the social interaction you have to endure.


8. New Friends.



Making new friends sounds so much hard work to do and be similarly compared to running a marathon. It is already hard enough to deal with keeping social attraction with you people you know already hard work to maintain. It is so much easier to dive into a book instead of having to think of what to say.



9. Acceptance. 


People should stop asking what is wrong because quite frankly you are happy don’t need external factors to influence your mood. I am rather happy being an introvert and don’t care that  I am not the norm, it took a long time but it is ok to be an introvert, there are some very successful introverts in the world such as J.K. Rowling and Einstein.

10. Attention.

I hate birthdays or anything that has to mean you are the focus and everyone is relying on you to engage with them. I much prefer to be in the background minding my own business without the stress of talking; it can be so boring having to talk utter crap just to please people.

What do you think about Introverts? Are you an introvert and do you relate to these signs of introversion? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

Cheers for reading X  


Wednesday 6 May 2020

Regression in adult autism.

Hey readers,

Now that I am an adult with autism I have learnt so much more about me and how autism affects me. One of the things that I have noticed is that at times during my life I have regressed in my behaviour. 




Now, when I am talking about regression and autism this is not when a child is 19 months but actually regression that can occur anytime or age of the individual. 

I myself feel that I have regressed several periods during my life. The same can be said about when I progress. I believe that with autism as a disorder on a spectrum it is fluid and constantly shifting with the times. 

Hence why it is hard to fill out forms when asked for what my life is like with autism on a day to day basis. Let's face if you know someone with autism it changes depending on what is happening in that person's life.

An example of my regression going through changes whilst at university from year one to year two caused me great distress. I had less support, less communication with lecturers and that caused great change and uncertainty.

 I struggled with interpreting instructions especially when they were assignments when I had to be creative and think outside the box. One assignment involved in coming up with an adult that hasn't been thought of before. 

Now, this is hard because this was a mandatory module whereby I had to do the subject even though I wasn't that interested in it.

If you don't know already I am a black and white thinker. When I do something that motivates me I get full-on obsessive or in contrast, demotivated and not bothered at all. 

The changes and dealing with university life causes me at the end of the year to result in me wanting to kill myself basically. I fell into clinical depression, my partner had to supervise me because I could not do anything by myself as I was that depressed.

Other times I have smaller regressions, if I do not go into town for a while I literally get sensory overload, All the scripts I have performed and rehearsed I forget. All the social rules have got muddled up and I really struggle. 

Dare I say it I feel more autistic on these days. It is like I have to keep on top and be aware most of the time or I fall backwards. It is exhausting and at times I have just stayed at home for days and not gone out, feeding more on my regression.

Other times I can move forward and progress if I keep working at it. The one blocker that stops me is burnout when I am so exhausted from trying and working at it for long periods of time that I simply need to stop and shut down. My brain has had enough of all this information, it wants a breather and time to just be.

I have only recently learnt that one of the reasons I get so exhausted if I am in a social environment is because I am on hyperfocus, my brain is on alert all the time, anxiety high and I am just not relaxed. Naturally, my body is just going to say stop and have a break to relax.


So, as you can see regression can be short or long term but autism is constantly shifting between progress and regress.

Cheers for reading X

Tuesday 5 May 2020

broken

Get up and go,
but what happens
if there is no go
where do I go,
who can help me
when society is broken.

Monday 4 May 2020

50 activities you can do if your bored at home during lockdown.

Hey readers,

Hands up if your bored in the house? Well here is a list of 50 activities to kill the time while getting through lockdown, your welcome :)



1. Read a book.

2. Try a new recipe.

3. Watch a documentary.

4. Paint with Bob Ross.

5. Tour Ancient Rome.

6. Experience the British Museum.

7. Meditate.

8. Upcycle old clothing.

9. Start a virtual book club.

10. Have a karaoke night.

11. Watch a film.

12. Clear out your wardrobe.

13. Write a letter.

14. Sort out your drawers.

15. Lego.

16. Do a crossword or sukcodo.

17. Do a jigsaw.

18. Make a photo collage video on your phone.

19. Plant some flowers.

20. Start a blog.

21. Start a Youtube Channel.

22. Bake.

23. Learn to knit.

24. Exercise.

25. Learn a language.

26. Clean.

27. Phone your nan.

28. Play a game on your phone.

29. Learn to make cocktails/mocktails.

30. Make Tic Tok videos.

31. Make a bucket list.

32. Update your CV.

33. Write a journal.

34. Wash your make up brushes.

35. Colour in.

36. Watch a new tv series.

37. Have a group chat with friends.

38. Read a magazine online.

39. Make a playlist.

40. DIY.

41. Play a board game.

42. Have a trip to the zoo online.

43. Stream a three performance.

44. A live art class.

45. Follow a hair tutorial.

46. have a bath.

47. Paint your nails.

48. Put some washing on the line (depending on the weather).

49. Couch to 5k.

50. Draw something.

Are there any activities that I have missed that have helped with the boredom of lockdown? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X 

Sunday 3 May 2020

My Sunday Photo 03/05/2020

Friday 1 May 2020

Silly things my mind has told me.

Hey readers,

I have anxiety and depression and one of the problems with these conditions is that I suffer from intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are frightening, they are exhausting (for me).




They feel real and can potentially turn into a cycle where the thoughts can come quickly. They may be thoughts that are fear-induced or down to lack of control. Control is a big trigger for me and my anxiety.

So, now I am going to share with you some of the kind of silly things my brain tries to tell me and trick me into believing.

* Husband is going to call social services because I have the TV on therefore I am not a good parent.

* Such and such a teacher is watching my every move I make, see if I am capable. They are taking notes and discussing me in a negative light with their colleagues. 

* They are taking the piss out of me because I stutter, I am shaking and crying. 

*They are watching me and judging me because I am fat, I can't engage.

* They think I am not a good parent and I shouldn't look after my kids.

* My husband is going to die, he is out and won't come back. He hates me and blames me for everything.


* My husband when out shopping with the boys, I get fearful especially for long periods that they have died in the car. I am petrified and shaking. I am having very dark imagery thoughts about how the bodies are dismantled in the car, the process of imagining them dying in the car.

* A parent in the playground is looking at me, talking about how ugly I am. How rubbish parent I am. How socially awkward I am. How retarded my children are.
The examples I have given are just a handful of examples, that have happened in the last couple of days. 

I wanted to share how horrible the thoughts can be and they are so scary. People assume anxiety is something a bit mandy pandy but it is a struggle. It is a battle every day for me. 

Sometimes I have better days, sometimes I have worse days. But the anxiety is always there ready and waiting.

Cheers for reading X

Wednesday 29 April 2020

9 Kids films to watch during lockdown.

Hey readers,

Looking for some good quality films to watch with the family during the lockdown to kill some boredom? Well, I have selected some corkers that you won't regret checking out. Here are my top 9 movies to watch with the family.





1. Minuscule: Valley of the Lost Ants.

Minuscule: Valley of the Lost Ants (2013) - IMDb



You might not have come across this French animation before as it is not mainstream but seriously it is a funny and amazing production that you must check out.

 It is basically an animation of the adventures of one ladybird and ants competing to get some sugar cubes.

2. Shaun the Sheep Movie.


Shaun the Sheep Movie (2015) - IMDb

From the creators of Wallace and Gromit bring you, Shaun, the sheep (also has his own animated show on CBBC and naturally called Shaun the Sheep). 

The film takes us on Shaun's adventures going in the big city and getting lost with his best pal Bitzer.


3. Magnificent.

Maleficent (film) - Wikipedia



Now I am not a huge Disney film however I do like the odd one or two. Magnificent is one of the Disney films I do like probably because it has a dark twist which I enjoy.

 Both my 6 and 8 year old also enjoyed watching this and they didn't get scared just for the record. 


It is basically inspired by Snow White where we follow the life of a lady called Magnificent in the fairyland gets disturbed by the greedy human who once was best friends as a child with Magnificent. 

The consequences of messing with Magnificent unravel. It is dark but I don't think to see as a problem because you have darkness before seeing sunshine sometimes.

4. The Simpsons Movie.

www.gstatic.com/tv/thumb/v22vodart/166206/p1662...


My family really enjoy The Simpsons cartoon so naturally wanted to check out The Simpsons movie. You won't be disappointed it is just an extended version of the funny life of Homer and his family in Springfield. 


5. A Town Called Panic.

 Panique au village (2009) - IMDb

I notice French are really good at animated films and this one is no exception. It is one of my favourite films and suitable not only for kids but adult too.

  It is a stop motion film involving plastic toys such as Indians and horses and it follows the lives in a paper mache town. I like it because it is really funny as well. 

6. Baby's Day Out. 

www.gstatic.com/tv/thumb/v22vodart/15781/p15781...

Now I know this is an ancient film but still a golden oldie and it is just funny and just a good wholesome family film.

The film takes you on the journey of the baby's adventures whilst three crocks try to steal the baby of a millionaire but it all goes bear-shaped but in a comedy way.  

7. Despicable Me. 


This is a hit with young children and has a really good story to it. It is all about the baddie Gru and how his life is turned upside down when he gets involved with looking after three foster children. Also features Grus minions which are delightful to see appear. 

8. Minions. 

Amazon.co.uk: Watch Minions | Prime Video
Following on from the success of Despicable Me film the minions have there own feature film and both the first and second are top-notch quality that doesn't let you down. 

It heavily follows the lives of Kevin, Bob and Stewart with the film going through the history of where the Minions were originated from and how they met Gru in the 60s when he was a young child. 

9. The Witches.

The Witches Movie Review

This film is an adaption from the book The Witches by Roald Dhal. It is a dark fantasy comedy all about a boy who stumbles onto a group witches convention and tries to stop them as they prepare to abolish all children of the world, even after they turn him into a mouse. 

Have I missed any good family movies on the list? Love to hear what you think in the comment section down below. 

Cheers for reading X 


Monday 27 April 2020

23 signs your a fully fledged adult.

Hey readers,

Do you ever wonder whether you are a fully-fledged adult? 

Before we start exploring let's take a look at what the definition of daunting is:

Adulting (noun) defined by the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks. 

So now you know what an adult means check out my list of 23 signs that predict that you have reached adulthood?




1. You pay your bills on time and know what is coming out every month of your bank account. 

2. You learn that being an adult isn't all that it is cracked up to be and responsibilities suck.

3. You know how to manage money and don't end up skint after a couple of days of getting payment into your bank.

4. You save up for different things that are important such as a new washing machine as opposed to some new shoes which you deem as the least important. 

5. You learn how to tightly manage your money at the end of the month.

6. You daydream about the times when you were young and carefree with no responsibilities, they seem like a distant memory now. 

7. You don't give a s**t what is in the music chart and you look at your children baffled to what the hell they are listening too. 

8. You haven't the foggiest idea who is number one in the music chart and you do not own any modern albums and you know what? that is absolutely fine.

9. You listen to podcasts and enjoy listening to adults have conversations. Sometimes even enjoy discussions on deep stuff such as morals. 

10. You have a backache.

11. You don't mind having nothing to do, in fact, it is something you enjoy.

12. You go to bed at a reasonable time without being asked and sometimes you go to bed early because it is now pleasurable for you.

13. You have to google new trend terms because you have no idea of what this language the yoof speak in. 

14. You can successfully do the laundry all by yourself and keep up with it without letting the laundry container overflow. 

15. You stand up for what you believe in and more confident in yourself and your believes. 

16. You can't be arsed to do all-nighters anymore, who has the time for that? surely sleep is a much better prioritisation?

17. You love your bed, at times even fantasy about it during the day.

18. You don't care really what is cool anymore because you have become accepting of who you are. That is ok to like whatever tickles your pickle rather then like what is popular at the moment. 

19. You enjoy choosing things for your enjoyment such as music, fashion, movies rather than whether everyone else likes them. You do you not what the majority thinks. 

20. Your life didn't turn out the way you wanted it to but that is ok because you learn life is actually not linear but dame right messy.

21. You enjoy the mornings because you get stuff done. Note when I say mornings I mean 4AM with no kids about, haha!

22. You accept feedback without wanting to rip someones head off because they dare to think differently to you.

23. You learn to express yourself clearly.

Do you identify with these 23 characteristics of being an adult? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section down below.

Cheers for reading X

Sunday 26 April 2020

My Sunday Photo 26/04/2020

Friday 24 April 2020

Ways to deal with anger.

Hey readers,

Life can be tough and at times you can feel angry and lash out. In this post, I have written about ways to use that angry in a constructive manner so that people don't get hurt but you can deal with the angry positively.


Sometimes having a distraction can help you stop from focusing on the anger. One good tip would be is to count up to 10 or down or if you are super angry 100. This will allow time to cool down as such and give you that break to think.


Do something to use up the rage, maybe go for a run, rip paper or like me clean kitchen floor and get that frustration out of your system. I always better after cleaning up and I have the added bonus of a tidy kitchen, whoop!

I know this can be hard but if you are in a situation that is causing that angry it is better to hold your tongue and walk away in the long term.

 We all have said things in the heat of the moment and when you are angry you can't think straight. That is why it is better to walk away and postpone what you want to say at a later date when you are thinking rational and calm. 

This also reduces the risk of saying something harmful just because at the time you wanted to hurt someone because you yourself were actually hurting. 

Speak to someone
 about how you are feeling. This can help if it is anger that is a long-term problem. I problem shared is a problem halved, especially if is someone that you can trust and may be able to offer some answers to your problems.

 However, sometimes or we want to do is vent and that is ok too because it is better to let it out then keep it bubbling away inside.

Find a solution - maybe not instantly but read on the internet or ask someone for advice on how to deal with your situation that you are in.

When I am angry I am just not in the mood for anything. I simply need to do is go to bed and sleep before making a big decision. 

I feel much calmer after having a rest and it gives me a better think more clearly.

Sometimes, I can not always express myself verbally so I grab a pen and pad and write it down. It feels fantastic after because it is much clearer to see the problem rather than going over and over things in my head.

You know what I love? a good cry and that is all you need to do sometimes is to have that moment to breakdown in my room and get it out of my system. After a cry, I feel tons better and I love calming feeling after.

Hope this helps.

Thank you for reading X


Wednesday 22 April 2020

An open letter to my TV.

Dear TV,

I am writing this open letter to tell you how much I am forever grateful to you and the service you provide for me and my family.

You are the backbone of our home, no joke of a lie especially during these hard times at staying at home during the Corona Virus. 

I don't think I needed anyone quite like you in my life especially now that I am a mother, you are basically another member of my family right now. You bring me so much joy along with my husband and children. 

You are central to our family, I class you as a helping hand. When I am in need you are always around to be available in my hour of need and help keep me calm before I lose my rag.


TV you're so important because without you we would feel lost. You allow me to have that break to do things without the need to think about how I am going to entertain children. 

If I feel my kids need education you still provide with having the subtitles on the box for my little darlings to read, that means they are learning right?!

I can get s**t done such as doing my cleaning like the washing or do the vacuuming without interruption from the kids. 

This may seem like a bad thing for a parent to do but you know what things need to be done or else the Social Services will come knocking on our door asking me why my home such a pigsty.

Not only do you help me in my hour of need but you bring us together as a family. When we watch movies when it's cold outside and we're cuddling on the sofa munching on popcorn. 


During this hard time with the broken world we live in with the Coronavirus, therefore, you have been a useful tool to help escape when life seems pretty stressful. I can wind down, close the curtains forget life for a while, which is much needed right now. 

What is really good about your TV is the variety of shows so that means everyone gets to enjoy your services at some point in time. Your variety is what makes you glorious from serious news updates right through to silly videos on You Been Framed, you got it covered for all of us to enjoy you at some point.

At times life can feel lonely but watching TV and talking to others about shows gives us connectivity where common ground can be met. It can be challenging or funny but the most important thing is it makes us think about the ideas your project which can only be a good thing. 

The TV gives us time as a family to bond which we enjoy watching Dr Who and being together as a family. This is a simple pleasure and probably may end up being a cherished one years later for my sons. 

Therefore, from the bottom of my heart, I love you my little 42-inch tv you will always have a spot in the middle of my living room and be part of my family.

Cheers for reading  x