My Sunday photo 18/08/2019

Maybe

Hey readers,

I have Asperger's Syndrome, a mild form of autism (though to me it is not mild and it is present every day in my life).

Though there are so many areas to discuss autism today I am going to focus on one thing that affects me and causes great distress at the moment.

 That is the word 'maybe', which by the way I hate it and I hate it in relation to a response to a question. It is covered in grey and makes me stressed, especially when it is a response to a question which I want a definite answer (which 90% of the time).

You see as an autistic person I like control, I like to know what is happening. I love routine it comforts me. Sometimes I admit I get too rigid that I get struck and obsessive making my health deteriorate.

 One of the reasons is because I like black and white, I don't like the murky waters of the unknown. I never have, I feel it is innate and my body responds instantly. 

I can remember as a young child-hating change and uncertainty. I had carers who seemed unpredictable which is not great if you have an autistic mind like myself you get very confused as to what is happening. 

 I was on edge not knowing how someone would respond. I had night terrors because of the fear. That is just one example.

Maybe I will, maybe I won't? but why can't I have a yes or a no? Often, I didn't care, either way, I was more focused on the answer to be certain. I don't like guessing games, I like certainty.

I don't know really what is the point to the point of this post, I just wanted to get it off my chest because right now I am dealing with maybe which quite frankly is most infuriating.

Cheers for reading X

27 things you take for granted before you became a mum

Hey readers,

Sometimes as a mum, you don't get much reward (I am not complaining because this is the life I wanted). However, you never really appreciate your life before you have children until you have children.

Here is a list of some of the kind of things you took for granted before you became a mummy.

1) A lie-in.

2) Going shopping by yourself.

3) Being spontaneous.

4) Only responsible for yourself.

5) Not having to read the same book over and over again.

6) Quietness.

7) Pee in peace.

8) Not having to share anything, haha.

9) Having an adult conversation.

10) You never knew what Peppa Pig was.

11) Having a conversation.

12) Not having to read yourself.

13) Hot drink.

14) Not having your clothes smeared in snot.

15) A Goodnight sleep.

16) Being ill and not doing anything.

17) Reading a book.

18) Having a tidy home.

19) Peace of mind.

20) Running errands without every five minutes having a small human ask are we going home yet.

21) Having a shower.

22) Not being late.

23) Having nice furniture.

24) Personal space.

25) Time.

26) Energy.

27) eating in a restaurant.

Cheers for reading X

34 things to do when sad

Hey readers,

I suffer from depression and sometimes it can be easy to get stuck in feeding into the negative thoughts. What I sometimes find helpful is to stop and do something productive. 

So I have written a list of helpful things (also I go to when complete forget everything).

1.  Read a newspaper.

2. Colour in.

3. Meditation.

4. Go for coffee.

5. Practice handwriting.

6. Go to the shop and buy a magazine.

7. Read a book.

8. Clean (wash up, hoover, put clothes away etc).

9. Shower.

10. Take a walk.

11. Doodle.

12. Mind map - blog ideas etc.

13. A hot cup of tea.

14. Wear a chunky jumper.

15. Cook a recipe.

16. Brush hair/plait hair.

17. Watch mindful videos.

18. Watch something funny.

19. Write some poetry.

20. Play with clay - get creative.

21. Take some photos.

22. Paint nails.

23. Sing a song.

24. Dance your heart out.

25. Walkthrough woodlands.

26. Watch the sun setting.

28. Stroke a furry animal.

30. Light a candle.

31. Watch clouds.

32. Deep breathing.

33. Squeeze a stress ball.

34. Write down three positive things in your life.

Is there something you enjoy that is a great distraction? Love to hear your comments in the comment section. 

Cheers for reading X

My Sunday photo 11/08/2019

The struggle is within

Hey readers,

I don't often discuss my parenting issues in relation to my autism, mainly because I am embarrassed and quite frankly ashamed.

I am going to be straight up and honest and say that I struggle with this parenting thing. 

Let's be more specific as I am aware that actually, I am good at some bits. 

Depression would argue but that it is the truth. However, the one area I do struggle with is mainly with my boys and trying to entertain him for long periods. 

I feel guilty if I can't entertain my children but stuck in a dilemma where I can't concentrate on people for long periods of time, it totally exhausted me. 

I am also an introvert so therefore need time alone to store back my energy. I find interacting exhausting as a lot of the time I am thinking beforehand about how to communicate.

 The times when I am not thinking are when I am being impulsive due to anxiety therefore not censoring and not always saying the right. 

Not really rude, just random and repetitive. Kinda overlaps with ADHD/OCD traits I have learned. I don't have ADHD but with Aspergers there many overlapping traits from other conditions that are apparent. I digress (a major trait of mine right there).

I find it hard to entertain as there are many thought processes that occur and that is tiring. 9 times out of 10 after ten minutes of play I am exhausted mentally.

 I need to do nothing and shut down as I have used all my energy up focusing on that one action that takes many different social rules.

I think one area that is really tough for like me as an autistic living in a technological world (though most of the time it is the dream) I do get sucked into the whole idea of perfect parenting with this idea that you have to entertain your children all the time.

I am one of the few or many not many other autistic people have spoken out in actually I do care what people think and I am very aware of me. 

I am not dissing autistic people that don't give a dame, in actual fact, I admire you and wish I was bloody like that, hell it would so liberating. But I have not reached that acceptance of me.

I wish I could just be laid back, but it seems I am a worrier and feel that because I am an autistic parent I need to make up for my inadequacies.

Cheers for reading X

Introverted parents

Hey readers,

Sometimes I worry that I am not good enough parent simply because I am an introvert. 

I accept I am an introvert and there are some really good qualities that come with that type of personality.

When I look back as a child I saw people judge me because I didn't always have a voice or couldn't find the words to say what I needed to say. I believe that this was a mix of my personality and having autism.

 Communication is not my strongest point. However, I remember feeling bad because it kept getting mentioned. You see some points in my childhood I lived in the care system and there really was a lot of loud children that wanted to be heard.

 I was judged because I was not the status quo and then it made me question am I good enough?! I used to think that because I was quiet and philosophical in the sense I liked to reflect and ponder over things. 

People notice loud people, that is fine it takes all sorts to make the world go round. The problem is at such a young age I interpreted the messages that I was not good enough. Being quiet wasn't good, I wouldn't get anywhere in life because I couldn't form friendships. 

To me communication meant opportunity. I still believe that to some extent. Nonetheless, I have come to accept who I am and that world needs both quiet and loud as they both in their own right carry brilliant attributes.

Sadly, there is also a downside, like everything I guess. Sadly, you can't change who you are, I love quiet time and crave time alone where I can just be left alone to think. When I have time alone it gives me the opportunity to not have to think about the socialising which coincidently my husband thrives off it.

I am lucky in the sense I have a supportive husband that understands my needs and that yes it is selfish but selfish can be good, especially when it keeps the family home life calm.

I find social interaction exhausting with my children at times. I am not saying I hate my children most of the time I enjoy it and find it really fun and amusing. However, it can be really mentally draining for me. 

I suppose it doesn't help that I am autistic as well so uses up a lot more energy trying to read the social situation. I feel like I am constantly trying to work out how to respond correctly. Not to mention my eldest is also autistic and has his own needs on top of everything else.

I think it takes a lot more energy for introverted parents like myself as I spend more time processing emotional stuff and probably overthinking things a bit too much too. 

This can be good but also can be exhausted as it takes it out of you, let's face it generally parenting is hard work so there is not much energy left for much more.

One good aspect of being an introverted parent is the fact that it can be a positive role model in the sense that shows that it is ok to have quiet time and do your own thing. 

It can also teach children that not every moment someone wants noise and that sometimes people need space.

Cheers for reading X

Reasons to consider acupuncture

Hey readers,

If you have never come across acupuncture then I found a brilliant definition cited form the NHS website that I have copied and pasted below to give you an understanding of what acupuncture is. 

Acupuncture is a treatment derived from ancient Chinese medicine. Fine needles are inserted into certain sites of the body for therapeutic and preventative purposes. Acupuncture is often seen as a form of complementary or alternative medicine. Western medical acupuncture is the use of acupuncture following a medical diagnosis. Ir involved stimulating sensory nerves under the skin of the muscles of the body. This results in the body producing natural substances, such as pain-relieving endorphins. It's likely that these naturally released substances are responsible for the beneficial effects experienced with acupuncture. A course of acupuncture usually creates longer-lasting pain relief than when a single treatment is used. 

So, why should you consider giving acupuncture a go? 

Don't be scared to try something new, though it may be deemed not a traditional form of medicine in the Western world does not mean to say it does not work.

practicers that perform acupuncture are often found in GPs surgeries and other places. 

They are trained and have the right qualifications to perform the procedure.

 However, if you are unsure then you can check out the qualifications of a practitioner online at The British Acupuncture Society where the database of qualified practitioners found.

Try it. 

A lot of people say it works, some say it doesn't but at the end of the day you have to try it to see if it is for you. 

People do not respond all in the same way hence why the different treatment works for some and not others. 

Personal. 

Practitioners view individuals personally and see their situation on an individual case, therefore, they will listen to your needs and wants. 

Feel revitalised. 

 Acupuncture has been described by some to help make them feel more revitalised and in a more relaxed state of mind. 

Addictions.

Accuputre has been successful in helping people with addiction issues such as alcohol and drugs. It has helped some people ease their struggle with withdrawal from their addiction.

Cost. 

Acupuncture is affordable when compared to some other treatment such as talking therapy and can have a significant difference in seeing the benefits which can boost your motivation. 

Insomnia. 

Acupuncture has been known to help people improve their sleep and others who struggle with insomnia. 

Acupuncture can help deal with pain management. It can help relax the mind say if someone is suffering from anxiety can induce deeper sleep and less likely to wake up during the night. 

Energy.

Acupuncture has helped people with pain management, given an increase in endorphins which has lifted peoples mood.

 They say that using acupuncture helps give back the energy flow that may be blocked with some diseases, therefore improving peoples health.

Have you tried acupuncture? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section.

Cheers for reading X 

My Sunday photo 04/08/2019

Anxiety

Hey readers,

As a long-term sufferer from anxiety, I have learned a lot on the way from experiencing anxiety. For one thing, anxiety is the pits!

 At times when feeling anxious, it feels very real especially when your heart is pounding so hard you feel that it may feel out of your body.

Over the years anxiety scared me ironically. I wanted to run away and try to hide from it but if you have ever suffered from anxiety then it will find you and you will be sure made aware of it. If anything running away from the anxiety actually makes it worse in my opinion and the experience I have had of anxiety.

Over the years I have come to one conclusion with anxiety is to accept it for what it is. Ok, it is a regular visitor but it is definitely not a friend because it is not very nice. But accepting it and feeling the feelings is ok, it doesn't make me a failure, which I believed for a very long time.

Accepting the anxiety and knowing that the anxious thoughts are not always true and sometimes my behaviour is just learned from all the years of fear. It is a warped way of protecting myself. 

Now I embrace it, I allow it to come. If I have a panic attack or breakdown in tears I let it come. It is ok and actually, it is so much more manageable than before. 

This mindset has helped. Likewise, with feelings of failure, I know that anxiety is something that may be with me all my life but it doesn't mean I am weak or I give in. I accept it and work with it the best I can at that time.

You have to ride with the anxiety like the waves of the sea. Sometimes I experience anxiety and it can be only a day where I am cribbled with intense dread. 

Other times I go through periods of total exhaustion, tearfulness, panic attacks etc. That is ok. It is ok not to be ok. It is ok not to be superhuman and it is ok to have anxiety. It doesn't make me less of a person. I am not anxiety, anxiety is part of me but there are many more layers to me.

I am still learning about my mental health, it is not easy especially when you are vulnerable and prone to the negativity it can catch you out, anxiety is a bugger like that. 

 But I am with wisdom moving on with anxiety, if it is there it is there but I am not going to run away from it or be scared of it anymore. I think this is one of the most valuable lessons that I have learned in life. I am not superhuman but I can feel and appreciate the feelings. 

They belong to me and I can respond to them anyway I chose. It is my life and the anxiety does not control me, I am the controller of anxiety.

Cheers for reading X

Enough

Don't feel good enough,

Hate me,

Silent tears,

Watching life go on,

Thoughts go back,

Haunting me,

Killing me,

I hope today will pass.

Linger

I'm in a room,

Present,

Then bang I am transported,

Back to the time,

When I was little,

Powerless,

No control,

No voice,

The memories linger on.

Emotions

My Sunday photo 28/07/2019

Book recommendations August 2019 **AD**

Hey readers,

I have been kindly gifted some books to review from Carlton. 

They have an extensive range of fiction and non-fiction books to keep any child entertained. I have some cracking ones that may be of interest to you.  

1. Youtube World Records.

What child doesn't like Youtube and combined with amazing world records this book is a hit. 

My eldest loves facts and non-fiction book so this went down well. Especially as the records are amazing covering human feats right through to nature and machinery this book has it covered to blow your mind.  

What I like about this book is on each page there is a QR code which you can scan on your phone and it will come up with the related to the video of that record, which is great to add to modern books. 

There is no age recommendation as there is something for all and family-friendly content. 

The book cost £16.99 and will be released on 8th August 2019. 

2. We Love Sonic. 

I used to love Sonic when I was a child so this book brings some happy memories whilst reading it with the kiddos.
  

If you want to know everything there is to Sonic the Hedgehog then this book is for you. 

The book covers each character of the game whether a friend or foe you will get to know who they are. 

Plus not only does the book discuss all things gaming but also includes discussion about Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon and the upcoming movie soon to be released at the cinema. 

Also, the book covers Sonic's tricks and help you learn more about how to improve playing Sonic. 

This book is recommended for 7+.

The book cost £7.99 and will be released on the 8 August 2019. 

3. How To Be A Pro Gamer. 

Gaming is very popular with children and if you're looking for a book to help as a guide to be a pro-gamer then this is the one. 

This book is a step-to-step guide on everything you need to know when it comes to gaming. It explains what you need to play, how to play it and even how to get signed up to a pro team to start your own streaming channel. 

The age recommendation for this book is 11+. 

The book cost £7.99 and will be released on the 8 August 2019. 

4. Roald Dahl's Beastly Brutes & Heroic Human Beans. 

This is both my boy's favourite book as they are fans of Roald Dhal. It is a beautiful book full of the classic illustrations from Quentin Blake. 

The book is all about the famous characters from Roald Dhal's stories, there are the likes of Charlie and Grandpa Joe from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, Matilda and the BFG to name a few.  

The pages contain die-cut pages let the work come alive and it is simple to press out the parts of the page to reveal the characters. It is a fun way to get kids imagination going and bring the characters alive. 

There is also an envelope at the back of the book to keep your cut out characters safe and to continue to use them at a later date. 

The age recommendation for this book is 6+. 

The price of the book is £14.99 and the release day of the book is 8 august 2019. 

5. You Can Code. 

Coding is ever growing with the times of the technology world that we live in and they even learn it at reception age at school. 

A lot of children really enjoy learning about coding so this next book is brilliant information. The pictures are clear on how to go about coding whether it is making your own game or app then this book ticks all the boxes. 

It is clearly written and it is suitable for complete beginners. It is easy to learn with the fun step-to-step guides this will go down a treat. 

The age recommendation is for 9+. 

The book cost £8.99 and the book will be released on the 8 August 2019. 

Cheers for reading X 

This is an AD for Carlton. I was kindly gifted the books discussed above in exchange for a review. All opinions expressed are entirely my own. 

With or without anxiety

Hey readers,

I am struggling with my anxiety at the moment. One moment I feel like I am doing alright with life and then the next thing bang the darkness appears. I swear at times anxiety hates me, it is on 24-hour alert to catch me, especially when I am most venerable. 

It hates the fact that I am doing OK and hates to see me managing and getting on with life. My brain needs anxiety I feel, I can't relax and that is the biggest downfall. 

As I have experienced anxiety for so long where it is not there I worry about worrying if you know what I mean.

I have this inability to relax. I like the adrenaline at times, feeling alert and it almost feels like a way to clarify that I am alive and living.

I have had anxiety for most of my life that when I am not having anxiety I think it is my problem adapting to change. It feels weird to not have the anxiety around.

I am learning to try and let go, allow that anxiety to come and to try not to shy away from it. it is what it is, fear brings it on and that's not healthy either.

 I think being present at the moment with the anxiety is one of my biggest challenges. I can't believe how hard it is to just be and face the anxiety head-on.

 I am on alert, my body is tight, my muscles and mind hurt. Every night I have a splitting headache due to fighting this anxiety.

It feels like I am doing a mental workout, it is exhausting but with being anxiety warrior you can't deny resilience is there. 

Good or bad resilience it is in me and I keep on fighting when at times I just want to hide under a fort, but sadly I need to get up and go, with or without anxiety.

However, that being said I have spent years trying to get rid of this anxiety. Now, I am trying a new approach where I allow it to come, greet it with open arms. 

I don't want to be scared of anxiety anymore. I have autism as well and anxiety is a common trait for a lot of people on the spectrum including me. So, instead of trying to change it, I am going to acknowledge the anxiety.

 Sometimes the anxiety can be good, it might make me think twice about what I am doing. it may be anxiety cause let's face it not all anxiety is bad. 

I think the media portray it with negative connotations but you can use to your advantage.

The main line of this anxiety post is that I am trying to learn to live with the anxiety, accept it for what it is.

I don't put everything I have one then anxiety and know that it is the only sort of me. it doesn't define me and that actually in control of my life.

Cheers for reading X

How to save money as a parent during summer holidays.

Hey readers,

My boys have split up for summer holiday gulp! So do some planning I thought I would come up some ideas on how to save money during that long holiday of six weeks!

1. Boxes.

Kids love boxes and drawing on them. They are so easy to get from your local supermarket costing nothing and just giving your child some paint or colouring pens. You will guarantee to have lots of fun. 

2. Food shopping.

Meal planning will save you loads of money and if you do struggle with going shopping with children then my advice would be to order online. 

Then you won't have arguing and stress of shopping with kids. Plus the chances of impulse buying are nil and you can do it from the comfort of your home with a cuppa, win-win!

3. Play-Doh.

Make your own playdoh so simple to do and you only need three ingredients (flour, salt, water, vegetable oil) and if you want to go fancy you can add food colouring to give that twist. 

4. Gloop. 

If your feeling brave then making gloop is lots of fun, though I would advise making sure you have a table cloth on the floor so doesn't go everywhere.

 Kids love gloop because of it is messy fun. All you need to is place some cornflour into a tub and gradually add water. You can put colouring as well to make it more vivid. It is brilliant sensory fun and fine motor skills as well.

5. Park. 

You can't go wrong with going to the park and bringing a picnic also makes it a fun day out for all. 

6. Libraries. 

Libraries are brilliant, they are free and so many books to chose from. Going to the library is fab in getting kids into reading. 

They can also take part in the reading challenge during the summer and if completed your child gets a certificate and medal.

7. Boredom Jar. 

A great little activity is to write activities or things to do, such as washing the car or reading a book or watching a film for example on a piece of paper cut them out and put them in a jar. 

When your child complains that they are bored during the summer holiday, tell them to take out a piece of paper and do that activity. 

8. Museums. 

Check out your local museum as they have fun centred children's activities on during the summer. There will be often a free museum somewhere so just google and go to your local free one. 

9. Walks. 

Woodland trust has brilliant information on their website of woodlands near you which make a great family nature walk and get away from the four walls for a bit. 

Though you don't have to go to woodlands for a walk, where I live there are some large feeds that my boys love to raise others around and have a kick about with a football. 

10. Kids Run Free. 

Some places offer a thing called Kids Run free where they offer sessions in local parks for children under 16 years of age. 

It is free and parents can come along and it just encourages kids to run with their peers. It is a great way of burning their energy and your getting out of the house. 

Cheers for reading X 

My Sunday photo 21/07/2019

Final

Hey readers,

My word of the week is: 

This week is the final week of school for both boys which means six weeks of no school. Kinda happy I don't have to deal with the social aspect. I know both boys will be more relaxed and let's hope not too much squabbling before I end up turning into my mother 

My eldest after growing his hair for two and a half years got it cute. So strange seeing it so short and can, see his head haha. He loves it because he really struggles with the sensory aspect of brushing his hair so I am hoping for less screaming in the morning.

My youngest has moved upon his book band which makes me so proud and he has worked so hard with his reading. 

We are planning to do the reading challenge at the library so that should help with continuing with his progress. 

Hope you have had a good week. 

 Cheers for reading X 

Fed is best

Hey readers,

So you probably heard of the news story today regarding midwives been told to respect the decision by the mother if she decides not to breastfeed her baby.

This is such good news to hear because when I could not breastfeed my baby I was devasted and thought that was it I am officially the world's sh*test parent. Even though I tried my hardest I just didn't have the co-ordination due to my spatial awareness difficulties due to being autistic.

I remember going to a breastfeeding group pre-baby and the sheer pressure from the group was scary. I felt like if I didn't do this then I would be such a bad person.

After my eldest was born I tried for two/three days to breastfeed. I was in the hospital for the two days due to complications. Every single time I needed help. I could not do it myself. Even after when I returned home I had my husband do it for me. Again it made me feel like a massive failure and it stopped me bonding with my son. I felt so angry with myself and feel that I was not adequate in being a mum.

I think the guilt of not being able to breastfeed was one of the things that triggered postnatal depression sadly.

Luckily, however, I saw a brilliant midwife who told me to just bottle feed, I was baffled but then I thought well actually yeah why not. She told me she bottle-fed her children and it made me feel so much better knowing that it was OK to formula feed. Having that support was a big deal. Just knowing it was OK to do so and nothing bad was going to happen helped make me feel relief like I have never felt before.

So to hear the changes is such a positive step forward. I am not knocking breastfeeding but I think it is important to be mindful that not every woman can do it and that is OK. As long as the baby is the feed that is much more important.

Cheers for reading X