Thursday, 29 June 2017

Mindful

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

MINDFUL

because as a person I am anxious and neurotic at the best times, I am autistic and always self-conscious about how I communicate whether that be verbal or non-verbal. 

I have a lot of self-doubts and I am on edge a lot as a parent. But this week when I have had really high levels of anxiety, I have embraced and gone with it. 

This is something that I am not very good at because it is scary, generally, with my anxiety I get a LOT of intrusive thoughts. 

It has really been really effective, not all the time but a small-time. For me, that is progress because I am a firm believer in baby steps and anxiety is something I have to live with. 

But this week I felt quite proud of my work, it takes a lot of courage to change especially when you are not feeling 100%.

So, I am going to take this opportunity to big myself up because no one else will. You know what I can get stuck perfectionist ways so it is good to see the positive.

Cheers for reading X

Thursday, 22 June 2017

Heatwave

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

HEATWAVE

Blinking Nora it is hot, and the sweating is something else. I don't know how people can enjoy this weather *ahem, my husband* I don't like humid! 

It turns me into a moany cow, thank goodness for Twitter where I can just tweet my hatred for this weather. Don't get me wrong I like the sun but not with the stickiness.

Shall I discuss children? why not the struggle of bedtime, oh my word how hard is it to get children in bed in this heat.

Thank goodness for the sprinkler on my balcony because that is where they have been most of the week, along with tons of showers.

The nights are the worst in the heat, I'm exhausted and hot, such a fun times to get through the days.

Then there is heat stroke, we didn't even stay in the sun for a short while but they caught it and my this takes the grumpiness on to a new level.
Thank goodness that the weather is changing today, I am so very happy right now about this fact.

Cheers for reading X


Thursday, 15 June 2017

Hayfever

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

HAYFEVER

because I am really suffering badly with hayfever. My sinuses keep getting blocked and causing headaches and dizziness. 

I find it really hard to think or make decisions, I don't know it could potentially just being my odd self.

But I am enjoying the breeze this week (when it happens), it is really refreshing. I particularly one of those people who love watching washing dance about on the line, I don't why but I just find it really calming, simple pleasures and all that!

I am glad to be getting this week over with I have had to do a bit of wrapping, which I don't particularly enjoy and may at one point have hurdled the sellotape across the room because it was really annoying me getting caught up and twisted with the tape.

In other news been really glued to the news with regards to the election, I thought 2016 could not top it for an 'interesting' political time, but wooooo, it is getting fierce now.



Cheers for reading X

Thursday, 8 June 2017

Calm

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

CALM

Because the past two weeks have been really challenging mentally for me and it took its a toll on me.

It is a return to school and no anxiety-induced situations for me this week which makes me feel calm because I haven't used up all my emotions. Therefore allowing my home life to be a bit more calmer, which naturally has a direct impact on my son.

My son, however, returning back to school (who is autistic) has been having a fair few meltdowns, luckily we have purchased ear defenders and have found them to be really helpful.

 I think when my son gets home he is exhausted from all the noise and stimuli so to put them on and drown out everything for a while until he is calmer has been helpful.

I now can not wait to get some adult ones for me for similar reasons as they are quite comforting on the ears and for someone who has sensory issues is an added bonus.

Cheers for reading X

Friday, 26 May 2017

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

GRUMPY

because sometimes life sucks, especially during the week before your period, which affects me emotionally the worst. Seriously, the smallest things are triggers and I get SO irritated, breathe and I may snap, lol!

It doesn't help that I have a stinking cold courtesy of my boys, cheers lads I love you too ;) So I have been accumulating piles of snot rags with this constant stream of snot, when will it end, boohoo! It sucks too because as a mum you are expected to just get on with it regardless if you feel like hell. I mean my arm could be dangling off and I would still have to get up and wipe my son's arse! Parenting sometimes lovely other times well quite frankly it is pants!

I will be honest I spend most of my time mopping at home, in the most comfortest clothes as I am so bloated. But I am entitled to that because I am a woman and that my friends are a fact!

Hope you have had lovely week readers,

Cheers for reading X


Friday, 19 May 2017

Organising

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

ORGANISING
because I have bee sorting out and descaling the amount of rubbish in my home. It gets to the point where there is no space so something has to give. I find this type of activity really relaxing, I feel like a weight has been lifted.

I do love a good sort out and donating things to charity shops because then someone else can get something out of it rather than staying with and gathering dust.

Now the next stage is to not go out and buy more books to replace them, haha, the struggle is real!
In other news, we visited the butterfly farm on Saturday and was lovely to see all the different butterflies even though my eldest struggled with the randomness of butterflies fluttering everywhere, that however, is a whole new story in its self.

Hope you have had a good week,

Cheers for reading X

Friday, 5 May 2017

Relax

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

RELAX

I feel really relaxed this week, I think one of the reasons is because I have been embracing laziness, but in a good way ;)

What I am trying to get at is the fact that sometimes it is hard to relax when you feel like you constantly need to be doing something, otherwise, you feel guilty. 

So, this week I have been trying to forget all about them messy thoughts in my head and just relax. Amazing the difference but, it could also be down to the fact it was a bank holiday, therefore less tired form doing the school run.

 I know strangely it is just one day but, one day less than five in my eyes.

I have enjoyed being outside surrounded by nature and snapping away, it is when I am at my happiest and been loving seeing all the different spring flowers blossoming, particularly the tulip.

Cheers for reading X



Friday, 28 April 2017

Engage

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

ENGAGE

I haven't done a word of the week linky for a while because I just wanted a break from all the linkies. 

But truth be told I miss linking up my blog to linkies because it pushes me to engage socially, which is always a positive for an autistic person like myself.

Also, I have learnt it is my blog and I can choose whether I want to participate or not, I don't always have to do it every week. I have learnt not so strict and irritable.

I am not going lie it helps to link up with my stats and I love numbers so always a bonus for me.
Also, I struggle as I tend to get so overwhelmed with blogs that joining in with linkups helps me learn about new content, good or bad, it is food for thought.

 It can provide inspiration or give different avenues for blog ideas
.
Sometimes, you just got to try and see what works for you, I never stop learning and that is one major thing I love about being a blogger.

Cheers for reading X


Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Half term tiredness

Hey readers,

Today I slept for so long, it was what I body so needed, time to rest my brain and body.  I feel like I need to have a break every now again and shut down to help me compensate for all the pain and work that I put it through.

I think during half-term school holiday I am working harder to socialise and be with others for longer periods of time. Don't get me wrong I adore my children but being autistic it is challenging to spend so long with individuals.

I feel us autistic folk need time to hibernate and re-charge our batteries more than neurotypical people. I think one of the reasons is because I am working that harder to apply social skills that may not necessarily come naturally to me.

Then there is the emotional side where I beat myself up over my shortfalls to a ridiculous amount. One of the reasons because you can’t help but compare yourself to other random people, even though you don’t know through social media.

I always view my autism as a battle, something I have to get up and deal with every single day. On top of that, I have to deal with the internal battle of low self-esteem and dealing myself as a parent.

Most of the time I feel like I am blagging this whole parenting thing and I put so much energy into trying to function like everyone else that I burn myself out, hence the breaks and shutdown.


So, that is one of the many struggles I have as an autistic parent, it is never easy but I am thankful for my blog. It is true what they say that writing things down may not cure my situation but it is a place to clear my mind of the many thoughts that are buzzing around in my head.


Cheers for reading X

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

I, Daniel Blake. (review)

Hey readers,

The other day I watched I, Daniel Blake and thought I would give a review of it, as I personally absolutely loved it and probably be the best movie I will see this year.

I, Daniel Blake - Northern Fiction Alliance

First thing is first, make sure you have plenty of tissue as it is very moving.If you want to find out about social issues then this is the film for you. 

OK, it looks at the absurdity around benefit sanctions. If you don't comply to what is asked of you from the benefits office then basically they can reduce your benefit rate. Some of the requirements are ridiculous. 

The Department of Work and Pensions (DWP) if you are claiming JobSeekers benefit you have to prove that you have actively been looking for work for 35 hours a week. 

Furthermore, you have hard evidence to prove you have done that, in the movie the lady says suggestions such as getting a receipt? Or get a photo of you actually handing in the CV! 

Sometimes ‘the system’ is absurd especially as a high percentage of claimants are poor and needy which makes them vulnerable to being exploited. This is evident when watching this film why I would say this.

If you don't have enough points you don't get qualified for employment support allowance (which is basically the old Income Support) and therefore have to go on Jobseekers Allowance in order to survive. This is exactly what happened to the main character in the film, called Daniel Blake.
He had a heart condition and the doctors explicitly said he cannot work due to his poor health. However, due to the judgements of the so called 'professionals' he did not meet the criteria. It is absurd the treatment met and when Daniel had the strength to fight because you need it to appeal he died without seeing the results.

We can only assume that it was likely down the stress and poor health conditions because he was sanctioned for silly rules. Consequently causing him to sell all his items in his home because he had no other income for heating or food. The stress on top are all definitely had an impact on Daniel’s health.

One good thing about the film is the relationship struck up between Daniel and a women called Katie, they met each other at the jobcentre. She was sanctioned and Daniel was horrified when overhearing the argument between Katie and the employee at the jobcentre.

 The reason Katie got sanctioned was she was late for her sign-on (few minutes) because she came from London a few days and was lost, therefore getting a reduced amount of benefit. This is really hard for Katie as she has two children to feed, get school uniform etc. 

She moved away from London to do better for herself because otherwise, she would still be living in a shelter. The fact of the matter is if you want to live in London you have to have money. Therefore, most poor people will move out for the area simply because they cannot afford such high rates of living.

One issue that comes up in the film is the way that DWP treat people on benefits like animals and are seen as statistics rather than individuals. 

Daniel wrote a piece he wanted to share in the appeal but sadly didn't get the change so Katie read it at his funnel. I feel this pretty much sums up the social injustice around DWP and a brilliant ending to sadly more truthful story over fiction.

 ‘I am not a client, a customer, nor a service user. I am not a shirker, a scrounger, a beggar nor a thief.
I am not a national insurance number, nor a blip on a screen. I paid my dues, never a penny short, and was proud to do so.
I don’t tug the forelock but look my neighbour in the eye. I don’t accept or seek charity.
My name is Daniel Blake, I am a man, not a dog. As such I demand my rights. I demand you treat me with respect.
I, Daniel Blake, am a citizen, nothing more, nothing less. Thank you.’

Cheers for reading X

Friday, 10 February 2017

PTA (Parents to Avoid).

Hey readers,

When my son started school I came across the PTA (a parenting teaching association) not to be confused my parents to avoid the acronym
though very tempting!

Basically, what it means is that willing parents join this group to talk and discuss issues regarding school. They involve teachers and some parents which allows them to have a fairer and less biased view to voice opinions etc.

I have found that there is a lot of favouritism involved with parents of the PTA. The children get more mentions in assembly,  the winners of the raffle tend to be mainly the PTA parents or staff and generally it just feels like a cliché where they have the upper hand.

I kind of get irritated by the fact that they sell ice lollies or biscuits after school. I object to this because I feel that it is forced pressure for the parents to buy things, especially when you can't get out the gate without your child clocking the stand. 

Then you have to deal with the constant pestering from your child to buy something. I also find the message of healthy eating that the school try to promote external services a bit pointless when they sell junk food after school.  

It does seem pointless trying to encourage healthy eating when you can't consist with the stuff you do within school.

I have been so skint before that I just didn't have the cash to spare and the guilt/embarrassment of saying out loud to your child you do not have the money is just wrong.

It makes you feel crap as a parent and causing conflict on the way home when no parent can be arsed to deal with that. 

Nothing is more stressful with dealing with an argumentative child when you have to deal with trying to get them home tired in the first place. It just means that the child is grumpier it is double the stress, which is really not needed.

Pierce The Veil nope pierce the veil dont no no no GIF

I hate social pressure and appears that PTA feeds of this.  All they seem to do is try and make money in raffles or whatnot. 

I just don't like the idea that money seems to be the main concern. I don't like that fact that it represents parents and gives some parents more control and possibly influences teachers.

I just don't see the point in PTAs. The goal is to get the fullest co-operation from home to school. I don't want to know if it means stressing over money and the waste of time of having to do mind-numbing boring stuff when I could be at home sitting on my fat arse drinking a brew.

 I suppose it is ok if it is your thing but I just hate the constant pressure. I certainly wouldn't trust PTA, they appear to have too much time on their hands and tend to make us other parents feel lower than them.  This is my experience anyway, could be totally different somewhere else.

 aint nobody got time for that GIF
Cheers for reading X

Friday, 27 January 2017

Star


Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

STAR



Because I got to see my son receive a star of the week during assembly and he was beyond happy.  He was grinning like a Cheshire cat and it was lovely to see, especially after he has been waiting for ages to receive it.  So, now it is upon display and he just loves looking at it and admiring his achievement.

Also, my eldest at the weekend moved up a stage in swimming, which he is super happy about as his special friend moved up there pre-Christmas, therefore getting to be reunited again. 

So, now he can rejoin her and it helps him feel a bit more confident in the group as he knows a familiar face.

In other news, I have been enjoying reading and being able to escape especially as this weather has been grime this week!

Hope you all had a good week.

Cheers for reading X

Friday, 20 January 2017

Over

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:


 OVER


because I have finally taken all my Christmas decorations, yes I know what your thinking whatttttt it is like the second week in January. 

But hubby has been poorly and in hospital for a short period meaning, I needed him well. There is no way I am sorting out the sodding tree into different groups.

 I never realised artificial trees were so complicated to do, ugh. Still, the tree is down now, so lovely to have clean and an 'empty' feel to it.

In other news, I had a gift voucher for John Lewis and brought the game silly sausage. If you have never come across this, well done and I envy you. 

It is a toy sausage that has the most annoying American voice and is super loud. Quite simple for my boys to do with five demands; squeeze, hug, dip, twist, poke. 

However, with children, they do not play it nicely or stop the repetitive button pressing as they think it is bloody hilarious. I am glad to get my ears a rest when they are at nursery and school.

Cheers for reading X


Friday, 13 January 2017

Appointments

Hey readers,


My word of the week is:

APPOINTMENTS

Because this week, I do not know why but it has been dominated with appointments; dentist, options, meetings etc.... I am just glad last week I had a bit of spare time to do a few scheduled posts because I definitely knew this week would be exhausting.


I think because hubby is recovering from ill health I have done most of the work it is knackering, It doesn't help that it is a bit gloomy, full of cold and the wetness/cold gets to me. 

Still, at least the children have been energetic as per. So eventually it takes it toll on you. #yawn!
Talking about the entertainment I got sucked in and watched Big Brother as there was sod all on TV. 

I have to say I am not that keen on Angie Best, a bit rude for my liking so boo to her!

Cheers for reading X

Friday, 6 January 2017

Return

Hey readers,

My word of the week is:


RETURN

Because it is the return back to school, nursery and general normality of life. Anyone else struggling with feeling a bit blue, I think it is just a comedown from all the exciting festivities.


Although glad to get some routine back and try and get back to the healthy eating malarkey, which isn't easy after all the goodies entering my mouth the past couple of weeks.

Also, had to deal with the boys sole for a night while the husband was away, jeez hats of to single parents. I am a bad mum, I let my eldest sleep in my bed as he was really struggling with anxiety.

 I was desperate at this point and in the end, sleep wins. However, I got through it and everyone is still alive and well, phew!

Still trying to find suitable places for new toys, that is the biggest challenge of all!

Cheers for reading X

Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Letter to the lady in the resturant 

Hey Lady,

Yes, I see you give me evils, I know what your thinking, how dare I bring my child to the restaurant and the check of it to let it scream blue murder. 

I know your children are perfect sitting there ignoring each other with there electronics. I don't care normally, but when you judge me, I will judge you. 

Your subtle involvement is merely rude and unhelpful. I am a parent of two young children and they are not perfect nor is my parenting. Yes, they make noise but that is there right and sometimes it can get out of hand.

 However, us parents are trying to deal with the situation and stop the horrendous noises. Your judgement really is unhelpful, to say the least.

You see we were travelling back home from a long day visiting relatives and it was a bank holiday. My hubby really wanted an Indian and to be honest he is a bit of foodie. 

I on the other hand much prefer McDonald's with children, at least no one judges you when your child if it decides to have a tantrum.

But why can't we eat in a restaurant, there is no law that says we can't. We are just left to feel rubbish because we are not performing seals.

 I know you would love us to 'control' our child but I am too liberal for that carry-on. Why should I hide behind doors or feel ashamed my child is not perfect, he is three for God's sake and can sit no longer then five minutes if we are lucky. 

But he needs to learn the rules of the game, needs to test his boundaries, more important mummy and daddy need to fucking eat and this is the only place to get food this time of the day.

The tuttering doesn't help anyone and you are not squeaky clean here either. You are four adults getting pissed further and further into the night and making your own ridiculous loud volume. 

Now, this doesn't normally bother me but if you keep looking at me every other second, it bothers me. you made me feel shit and a bad parent. 

I am no one near perfect but for I try, and nothing is worse for someone with social anxiety to feel that they are constantly being judged. 

So next time please think about your actions, you may want instant action but it has left me feeling pretty crappy and desperate to escape, much to the annoyance of my husband.

Next time I am not asking you to be my friend,  all I want is you to try to be a little more understanding, it would make a huge difference.

 It would break down the whole judgement that seems to happen frequently when we go out to adult-type places. 

Giving parents with little self-confidence the encourage to go out with the child. Even if it is just to a restaurant to eat without feeling judged.

Yours sincerely,

The mother with the screaming, overtired and not always have the vocabulary to express himself three years old.

Monday, 2 January 2017

Ftmob - January 2017

Hey readers,
Whilst drawing in a book for pen control with my eldest son, he commented saying that this the bird and (the line) is a wee line as he is a male and has a willy.

Early this week in the car the eldest wanting to discuss, "what is love?" which we had to explain the different types of love and what it felt like when you love something or someone.
My eldest was super tired the other day and really upset. "I want to be a woman and have a baby". He was absolutely gutted that he can't have a baby. We also explained that you don't just need a woman to have a baby but also need a man to fertilise the egg.
My youngest over the past month speech/vocabulary has come on leaps and bounds. When it was just me and him shopping he said, "I miss daddy and my older brother", so cute.
My eldest made me laugh, "I wish Christmas was every day". Hubby said, "well emm Christmas can't be every day as it will be very boring and nothing special. Not to mention cost a fortune". My son responded, "Ok daddy, then let's just have it two or three days a week".
Cheers for reading X

Friday, 30 December 2016

Food


​Hey readers,

My word of the week is:

FOOD



Because it has been full of festivity and full of feasts. I have indulgenced in chocolate, cake, sweets and rich food. It has been lovely to let go and just relax the best I can.  

The boys loved having the special treat of having chocolate for breakfast on Christmas day if you can't do it at Christmas when can you do it.


The boys have loved playing with their new toys and we have piles of toys and having them everywhere. I will be honest I am not very good at things not in order but trying to let it pass as it is Christmas. 

So basically Christmas is all about disruption and letting the routines go out of the Weekend. But it has been nice to catch something decent on the telly for once. Loving outnumbered. Though, slightly weird seeing the children all grown up.

Happy new year to you all.

Cheers for reading X 


Friday, 23 December 2016

Christmas

Hey readers,

Obviously, my word of the week is:
I can't believe it is only two more sleeps until the big day. This week we have rung Santa on the old tablet, visited Santa and went on a sleigh ride and decorated some cards to get the boys in the festive mood.

It also is half term and it has been mental, toys everywhere and a lot of, 'play nicely' or 'gently' or simple, 'mummmmmmmmy'. But it has been lovely to watch the boys play together most of the time nicely and on their own a large amount of time in their bedroom. 

I suspect that they are probably planning on taking over the world.
I have finally done all the sodding Christmas wrapping, what a pain in the arse it is. Maybe because I feel like I need to get it or want it all sorted so I can relax because nothing I hate worse is rushing around like a headless chicken.

I just want to wish you a very merry Christmas, whatever happens, I hope it is not too manic but enjoyable too.

Cheers for reading X

Thursday, 22 December 2016

Why, why, why?

Hey readers,

I am sitting here by myself because it is half-term and my eldest has been a terror to put it politely. Sometimes I end of the day feeling so frustrated that I just wished to be let free in a room full of China. 

I am not sure how I am going to cope through the two weeks without the break, I am sure we get through it but at the beginning of the holiday, I dread it.

Why is it I try my best to do something with the sprog and then all he does is pushes mine and hubby's buttons. It fucks me off, I try and it results in fights and mayhem. 

He encourages the youngest to throw pens and then the youngest get boisterous and rips the paper.

 Then pulls of as many Christmas decorations as possible from the Christmas tree on purpose and the eldest thinks the most hilarious thing to do is pull his trousers and pants down, he is laughing his head off and no one is laughing, fml!

Today just feels like my eldest is in a destructive mood and will go out of his way to be a pain in the arse. No matter how much time I give him or get things to do, he is having none of it.

 I don't know whether he is not getting warn out like the days he is at school where he can get overstimulated. Almost like an uneven balance of stimulation.

 Right now I am so pissed off with it all. I am pissed off with myself for getting so emotional about such stuff. 

I know it is a cliche but you do the worst thing and compare yourself to all the perfect parents on the internet. Why can't my children be so chilled like other people's children without turning it into a scene and making me feel totally deflated and a crap parent?


I am sat here writing this close to tears with rage. I have come on adult time out if you will because if I don't then I will literally blow my top off. 

Seriously, today I am just struggling with parenting and knowing where to reach that balance. It doesn't matter how many threats or putting on time out, my son is in that 'mood' where he is just not playing ball.

This may make me sound an awful parent but that the thoughts that cross my mind are why do I bother with all this stress when I may be as well not bother. 

It could so simpler for me to not care, not to be engaging and just stick the TV on 24/7 and be done with it.  At least I wouldn't have to deal with the challenging behaviour.


All I can say is some days being a parent is shit, I know awful but true. I am not perfect and sometimes dread it and can't wake till the end of the day when I have break and my brain gets given a chance to think about anything.

Cheers for reading X